Chapter 15 Spaellin Leassunz
A/N: A big thanks to my favorite TV network, whom most of you will recognize. I have enjoyed programs like these, and even learned a little, over many years since I was a child. This chapter is a testimony to the fact that you can NEVER be too old to learn something new.
Also a big thanks to Puter Patty, who reminded me of this little incident with her review of Chapter 5, which she actually wrote just a few short months after this actually happened. It is non-fiction story on a fiction website, remember?
If you got here without visiting my bio page, you don't want to miss Legolas' latest adventure with hats! He is getting quite a kick out of assuming different personas. Maybe he would consider staying here permanently and getting a job as an actor. . . .
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After the incident at Walmart, I decide one of the first things Legolas needs to know if he is going to be staying here in "Modren erth," as he spells it, is something about basic safety. The first thing, of course, will be how to contact me if we are ever separated.
I dig through some of Little Pip's old coloring books and find exactly what we need to start: a coloring book about safety personnel that includes firemen and policemen. I sit down with him at the dining room table and our first lesson begins.
"This guy is a policeman," I explain. "He's like the ones who came to Walmart yesterday, remember?"
"I like heez klothz," Legolas says. "Kin I hav a haet like dat?"
"No. Stick to the subject," I tell him. "I want you to know that if you ever get lost, or need help, or anything like that, you should look for a policeman and he will help you."
He thumbs through the coloring book, stopping about 3 pages in. "Whoe iz dis?" he asks.
Ooops. I've already committed sexual discrimination. "That is a Police Woman," I say. "Males and females can both be members of the police force that protect the public."
"U noe, I thank. . .," he begins thoughtfully.
"Don't even tell me you like her outfit better, because you can't have it either," I interrupt.
"Ohhh. . . . .," he says.
After a pause, he thumbs through the next few pages. We talk about how firemen fight fires but also help people who are hurt, or in trouble, or need help. We talk about policemen capturing the bad guys, about how both professions work together to help protect the people of our "Modren erth," much like the Fellowship worked together to protect the Ringbearer.
We move on to the back of the safety coloring book, to the part where the child is supposed to fill in his or her name and pertinent information like address and phone number. Little Pip has already written down the appropriate numbers and street names, so I give Legolas an index card and give him a chance to copy the information from the coloring book.
"Watch how you spelled Lake in the street name, Legolas," I tell him. "You have the e and the k backwards."
"Ohhh..," he says, chewing on the eraser at the end of the pencil.
"You need to copy it EXACTLY to get it right." He continues copying, chewing now on his bottom lip in concentration.
"That's better. Now, I am going to fix a holder for this card, so you can carry it when we go places. That way if you ever get lost again, you can ask for help to find me."
"Buet I wuz noet loest!" he protests. " I wuz rite dere in frunt of da feeshez da hoel tiem!"
"Ok, fine. Let's just say the next time you and I get separated, you can give this card to a policeman, tell them I am lost, and ask them to find me."
"Okae, dat wurkz fur me," he says with a grin.
"Now, we really need to do something about your spelling," I say, turning to pick up another book. This time it is "The Cat In The Hat Beginner Book Dictionary" by P.D. Eastman. We thumb through it, and while he is fascinated with the caricatures, I soon find that he is paying very little attention to the spelling as he giggles at the pictures. He seems especially tickled at the antics of Aaron the Alligator. Unfortunately, Aaron is acting out words like "dentist" and "entrance," which are hardly what we need to start with.
As we reach the end of the book, apparently not much better than we started out, I glance at the clock. Two minutes until 9 am. "Whoa, I'm gonna be late for work!" I exclaim, jumping out of my chair. Then it dawns on me. I don't have to be here for the next part of Legolas' spelling lessons. Through the miracles of modern television, I have a whole cast of friends who are just dying to assist.
"Legolas!" I call as I head into the den. "Come see what I have for you to watch while I am gone!" I dig around to find the TV remote, and tune in to my very favorite network, PBS-the Public Broadcasting System, home of every kid's favorite TV stars known the world over.
The oh-so-familiar tune to my own ears calls him like a siren's song. I have turned it on just in time to catch the very beginning scene. Strains of "Sunny day, chasing the clouds away . . .." echo in my ears.
"Whut iz dis?" asks the Prance, staring at the sight of a group of excited children skipping through the park with a hugely overgrown Yellow Bird in tow.
"It's called Sesame Street," I say, throwing a fat pillow down on the floor in front of the TV. "Why don't you sit and watch while I am at work?"
He never takes his eyes off the screen as he settles down on the pillow on the floor. I hold the remote out to him, then realize that my original intention of showing him how to turn it off when he is done is pretty much shot at this point. He is glued to the screen.
"When this is over, you can watch Mister Rogers' Neighborhood and whatever comes after that, ok?" I might as well be talking to myself, for the Prance has no ears for anything but the One Eyed God speaking in many different tongues before him.
I move to the door, picking up my purse and car keys. Still not getting a response, I try jingling the keys and raising my voice to yell, "I'm going bye bye now, see you at lunch time!"
"Bie bie. . . " he mumbles in robotic repetition, far from issuing the phrase to mean farewell.
Three hours later, I return to find him still staring, this time at the ending sequences of "Teletubbies." Maybe unsupervised TV is not such a good thing, I think to myself. As the commercial break ensues, I use the remote to turn off the power and bring Legolas back to real life.
"Hae!" he growls, perturbed at the interruption.
"Good afternoon, Prance Legolas! How was your day?" I inquire.
"Oh, hae al," he says, coming around from his own little world. "Arnt u goeng tu wurk?"
I blink. Twice. He waits for an answer.
"I did go to work. I've been gone for almost 3 and a half hours. It's time for lunch now."
Now HE is the one who is blinking. He breaks the silence with, "I havta goe tu da bafruum."
While he is gone, I toast some bread slices and coat them with the egg salad spread I made last evening. When he bounces back into the room, we sit down together at the table to eat. Legolas helps himself to a handful of sour cream and onion potato chips, then hands the bag to me.
"I larened a neu soeng tudae," he announces. "Due u waenta here it?"
"Certainly," I reply, expecting some version of a song about one or another of the letters of the alphabet. I secretly hope it will be "C is for Cookie," as I greatly love that one. I watch as he takes a drink of his sweet iced tea and clears his throat. Soon the melodious sound of elven tenor fills my kitchen.
"I em aen aardvard, an I em praoud,
I em aen aardvard, an I em haeppie.
I em an aardvard, an I em tueff an smaert an stroeng
An alwaez rite an itz da wae I'll alwaez bea
Unteel I meat anuthr aardvard dat's beeger dan me!"
I stare in shock. Then I burst out laughing. "The Aardvark Song! Oh, Legolas, I haven't heard that one in years!"
"It eez aelmoest az guud as da Barrel Soeng, doen't u thank?" he asks, chuckling along with me.
"That it is, my dear, that it is. What else did you learn while I was gone?"
"Weel, dere wuz dis storee abot whur da wader goez whin u feenish taekin a baf," he begins. Before long, we have covered how toilets flush, how to drain a bathtub, and had a visit to a water purification plant. He covers it all in one great rush, and I am left to guess what program he saw it all on until he comes to the clincher.
"Dere wuz dis won paert," he says with a shudder," dat maed me skeered."
After water purification and flushing toilets, whatever in the world could have scared a full-grown Prance?
"We goet oen dis trane thang an weent tu da Naburhuud of Maek-Bealeave. Dere wuz dis leedle teenee laedee dere whoe skeered me. She luuked like she culd kaest a spael on u anitiem. She haed a thang she wuld throe kald a Buumaraeng."
"What was her name?" I ask.
"I thank it wuz Laedee Eelane," he says, shivering.
Ohhhh, must have been Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. He does have some unusual neighbors, especially in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. I know some adults who are scared of Lady Elaine Fairchilde. Funny enough, she is somewhat elflike in her ability to get into mischief and trouble.
"What else did you see?" I inquire.
"Aaron da Aeligader wuz dere. He wuz waerin a puerpal sute eensted of dat grean won frum da buuk."
I hadn't really planned on it, but now Legolas has been introduced to Barney the Dinosaur, who he thinks is Aaron the Alligator playing dress up. Go figure.
The early afternoon passes, and soon it is time to pick up Little Pip from school. Together they watch another installment of Sesame Street on PBS, and after it is finished, Pip decides playing school with Legolas would be fun. When it is time to set the table for supper, she confides in me.
"Momma, he's hopeless."
"What happened?"
"I worked all afternoon on 'can' and 'you' with him. He can spell them on the paper, but he keeps drawing sheep beside the 'you' words."
"I don't want to know what he draws beside the 'can,' do I?" I ask.
"Nope."
I wonder where he learned slang?
After supper, as I sit down in my rocking chair to contemplate everything that has gone on today, when Little Pip is tucked under the covers, and with Legolas soaking in the bathtub, I hear the familiar sounds of a tenor serenade coming from the bathroom. This time it is another old favorite.
"Ruebber Dueky, ur da won. . ."
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A/N: The Barrel Song comes from "The Hobbit" Chapter 9 Barrels Out of Bounds. Almost as merry as the Aardvark Song, yes indeed.
Many of you have asked about the Keebler Elf Cookies. The Keebler Cookie site with a picture of elf cookies can be found here: http://www.keebler.com/family/cookies/elfudge.jsp
Thanks so much for many years of fun for both young and old to Sesame Street, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, Barney the Dinosaur, Teletubbies, and especially to Lady Elaine Fairchilde. You can access the PBS kids website at: http://pbskids.org/
Ok, Legolas, your turn!
TreeHugger: Hae Trea! Hae Elu! Trea is da Quean of. . . whut wuz dat, al? *uh, she's the Queen of a lot of things. Irena calls her the Prom Queen, let's see, she's the Orc Queen, uhmmm Queen of Lost Arguments, was that it Tree? * Araporn-iznt dat hoew he spaellz it? An I wuz NOET LOEST!!! I wuz in frunt of da feesh laeks da hoel tiem. Eberybuddy noez dat Viagra iz da naem of da maen whoe paez fur Mark Martin'z NASCAR raece kar! Elu, she jest duznt noe whut da haet iz all abot. U godda have a haet at dese raece thangz, tu keap da ruebbr tier peecz out of ur hare. I hav a loet of perty, so I gess I kin bea a perty elfboy fur a loet of peepl at da saem tiem.
Magical Rachel: Congrae. . .Coengr. . . Koengrat. . .*siehs* I shure am haeppie u ar goen tu Sheffield. Dat eez a wunnerful thang. Weel u bea yaellin 'Goe Blaedz!'? Yaes, dere wuz anuthr reafrance, but al sez tael u it iz a vizuel an sea if u fiend it.
The Two Princesses: Woew! I goet a reeveew frum TUU Prancissez at da saem tiem! Bud whut iz soe fuenny abot da wae I taelk? U wuld like elf kuukiez, eben doe dey doen't luuk muech like elfs I doen't thank. Tael ur Moem hae fur me, okae?
Lady Eirte: I em fuul groen at almoest 6 feat tael. Elves ar vary flaxibel u noe. An elf wuld have tu bea in oerder to bea seant aleong on a treep wid a dwaerf an a Raengr dat doen't noe whut dey ar doin haf da tiem.
Java Glxy: My taest in musik iz kwiet varyed, as u kin sea frum dis chaeptr. I hav a feu moer advantuerz tu tael, soe stae tuend!
Arilyn: Dat al eez sumptin aelse! Ebery dae iz a neu advantuer fur me wid her. I donno whut she deed wid hersef beafour I caeem aloeng. I due tu noe ael abot Viagra! He iz da maen whoe paez all da beelz fur Mark Martin's raecin kar teem. Goe Nuembr Seax!
Puter Patty: *hiedz nerf guen behiend bak* al sez she iz glaed u an Irena wear not dere at Waelmaert tu. She sez dat is a woers nitemaer dan da steenkie smaelly maen geddin me! *blueshez agin at da thot fo da loeng shaenk shoew*
gershwin: Deed u git a bruise faellin oef ur chaer lik dat? al sed we bedder noet trie a feesh laek, beakaz we hav foer katz een da houez whoe wuld eet dem. I LUV Charelstin She Kraeb Suup, egspesially da stuef dat comz in da leedle cuep dat u poar een beafour u eat it. *that is sherry, for all of you who don't know about the richness and warmth of She Crab Soup, emphasis on warmth especially after you pour in the sherry*
Katherine: Due U perfer me wid Araporn or Marry Suew? I kiend of leke bean a batchalor misef.
SarWolf Snape: Stae klose tu da othr peepl u goe tu Waelmaert wid soe u doen't loose dem. Peepl teand tu git loest ez hear on Modren erth.
JastaElf: *swuunz* She kalled me Hunibuen!! Duz Ada noe ani yung aktorz dat luuk like me? An u ar rite, Ada, wemin due taek a whiles! Sumtiemz al iz soe sloe I donno if we ar ever goena git feenishd wid. . .ah. . .stueff. Yeaeh, stuff. Nuember tu oen dat leist of thaeng I wuld noet due muest be: Doen't bea en a huerry whin al sez it is tiem tu due "stuef."
Seaweed: Dose ar da pertiest uendrwaer! I never had a pare like dem beafour. U noe whin u ware leagginz all da tiem, everybuddy kin sea ur paentie lienz if u ware uendrwaer. Mite az weel ware dem on da ouetsied if u ax me. Game-li, BWWAHHHAAAAHHAHA! Harez a hueg fu u *huegz*
Loopy4_1: My aparence? Weel, I feal frum abot 6 feat uep at da moovee theeter. All da dokturz een towen noe al, kuz all dere kidz ar een her plaez at da theeter, an I sea dem all da tiem.
Princess ArWen of sMirkwood: Won dae u weel ketchup to us hear, an weel sea dis noet I hoep. I em glaed u joyend us!
Newmoon: *asuemz fuul elvin worrier poesture* U doent waent tu meass wid da hare. Whut iz a tite leddle @$$? *al whispers in Legolas' ear* *Legolas blueshez*
laure: weel, mebbe a Naezgool. Bud oenly a leedle biet. Den I wuld cael al an Ada tu saev me, tea hea!
Sake: I luv tu wach da feesh! Noew al noez tu luuk fore me dere whin she gitz loest en Waelmaert. Hear iz my salepone thang nuember: 555-1234. . . noe wade, itz 555-4567. . . noe, dat iz noet rite, itz. . . . oh, nebermiend.
Stimpy, formerly Joy Took: I mite culd uze won of dose thangz on al! Dat eez a guud ideea. I weel taek da won she haz fur da doeggie neckz tiem we goe. al haz 2 akshun feegurez of me, but I kinnot plae wid misef, she woent laet me.
Ithinkineedanewname: Dey maek feeshuz dat beeg? Da wonz I saaew wear onlee dis beeg * hoeldz up a teiny biet of aer beatwean heez feengrz.* I wuz noet in ani truble, an I WUZ NOET LOEST, I tale u! al sez tael u Thaenkz.
IRENA: I THOT OF U WILE YEAS DEER WUZ WACHIN DA VEEKTOREEA'S SEEKRIT SHOEW!! Due u hav eni weengz like dat? Mebbe u culd fiend sum laeft ober frum Haelowean at Waelmaert, an ware dem jest fur me? Pleeze? Com oen baebee, Ona tu a'amin! *groewlez*
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Well, there you go. Just one more day in the life of our favorite elf. Send Legolas your messages quick, call your friends and tell them Chapter 15 is up, because Chapter 16 is ready and waiting just for Legolas to respond personally to each of you! I have SO many things to tell you about his time in "Mordren Erth!" Look for another posting in just a few days, ok?
A/N: A big thanks to my favorite TV network, whom most of you will recognize. I have enjoyed programs like these, and even learned a little, over many years since I was a child. This chapter is a testimony to the fact that you can NEVER be too old to learn something new.
Also a big thanks to Puter Patty, who reminded me of this little incident with her review of Chapter 5, which she actually wrote just a few short months after this actually happened. It is non-fiction story on a fiction website, remember?
If you got here without visiting my bio page, you don't want to miss Legolas' latest adventure with hats! He is getting quite a kick out of assuming different personas. Maybe he would consider staying here permanently and getting a job as an actor. . . .
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After the incident at Walmart, I decide one of the first things Legolas needs to know if he is going to be staying here in "Modren erth," as he spells it, is something about basic safety. The first thing, of course, will be how to contact me if we are ever separated.
I dig through some of Little Pip's old coloring books and find exactly what we need to start: a coloring book about safety personnel that includes firemen and policemen. I sit down with him at the dining room table and our first lesson begins.
"This guy is a policeman," I explain. "He's like the ones who came to Walmart yesterday, remember?"
"I like heez klothz," Legolas says. "Kin I hav a haet like dat?"
"No. Stick to the subject," I tell him. "I want you to know that if you ever get lost, or need help, or anything like that, you should look for a policeman and he will help you."
He thumbs through the coloring book, stopping about 3 pages in. "Whoe iz dis?" he asks.
Ooops. I've already committed sexual discrimination. "That is a Police Woman," I say. "Males and females can both be members of the police force that protect the public."
"U noe, I thank. . .," he begins thoughtfully.
"Don't even tell me you like her outfit better, because you can't have it either," I interrupt.
"Ohhh. . . . .," he says.
After a pause, he thumbs through the next few pages. We talk about how firemen fight fires but also help people who are hurt, or in trouble, or need help. We talk about policemen capturing the bad guys, about how both professions work together to help protect the people of our "Modren erth," much like the Fellowship worked together to protect the Ringbearer.
We move on to the back of the safety coloring book, to the part where the child is supposed to fill in his or her name and pertinent information like address and phone number. Little Pip has already written down the appropriate numbers and street names, so I give Legolas an index card and give him a chance to copy the information from the coloring book.
"Watch how you spelled Lake in the street name, Legolas," I tell him. "You have the e and the k backwards."
"Ohhh..," he says, chewing on the eraser at the end of the pencil.
"You need to copy it EXACTLY to get it right." He continues copying, chewing now on his bottom lip in concentration.
"That's better. Now, I am going to fix a holder for this card, so you can carry it when we go places. That way if you ever get lost again, you can ask for help to find me."
"Buet I wuz noet loest!" he protests. " I wuz rite dere in frunt of da feeshez da hoel tiem!"
"Ok, fine. Let's just say the next time you and I get separated, you can give this card to a policeman, tell them I am lost, and ask them to find me."
"Okae, dat wurkz fur me," he says with a grin.
"Now, we really need to do something about your spelling," I say, turning to pick up another book. This time it is "The Cat In The Hat Beginner Book Dictionary" by P.D. Eastman. We thumb through it, and while he is fascinated with the caricatures, I soon find that he is paying very little attention to the spelling as he giggles at the pictures. He seems especially tickled at the antics of Aaron the Alligator. Unfortunately, Aaron is acting out words like "dentist" and "entrance," which are hardly what we need to start with.
As we reach the end of the book, apparently not much better than we started out, I glance at the clock. Two minutes until 9 am. "Whoa, I'm gonna be late for work!" I exclaim, jumping out of my chair. Then it dawns on me. I don't have to be here for the next part of Legolas' spelling lessons. Through the miracles of modern television, I have a whole cast of friends who are just dying to assist.
"Legolas!" I call as I head into the den. "Come see what I have for you to watch while I am gone!" I dig around to find the TV remote, and tune in to my very favorite network, PBS-the Public Broadcasting System, home of every kid's favorite TV stars known the world over.
The oh-so-familiar tune to my own ears calls him like a siren's song. I have turned it on just in time to catch the very beginning scene. Strains of "Sunny day, chasing the clouds away . . .." echo in my ears.
"Whut iz dis?" asks the Prance, staring at the sight of a group of excited children skipping through the park with a hugely overgrown Yellow Bird in tow.
"It's called Sesame Street," I say, throwing a fat pillow down on the floor in front of the TV. "Why don't you sit and watch while I am at work?"
He never takes his eyes off the screen as he settles down on the pillow on the floor. I hold the remote out to him, then realize that my original intention of showing him how to turn it off when he is done is pretty much shot at this point. He is glued to the screen.
"When this is over, you can watch Mister Rogers' Neighborhood and whatever comes after that, ok?" I might as well be talking to myself, for the Prance has no ears for anything but the One Eyed God speaking in many different tongues before him.
I move to the door, picking up my purse and car keys. Still not getting a response, I try jingling the keys and raising my voice to yell, "I'm going bye bye now, see you at lunch time!"
"Bie bie. . . " he mumbles in robotic repetition, far from issuing the phrase to mean farewell.
Three hours later, I return to find him still staring, this time at the ending sequences of "Teletubbies." Maybe unsupervised TV is not such a good thing, I think to myself. As the commercial break ensues, I use the remote to turn off the power and bring Legolas back to real life.
"Hae!" he growls, perturbed at the interruption.
"Good afternoon, Prance Legolas! How was your day?" I inquire.
"Oh, hae al," he says, coming around from his own little world. "Arnt u goeng tu wurk?"
I blink. Twice. He waits for an answer.
"I did go to work. I've been gone for almost 3 and a half hours. It's time for lunch now."
Now HE is the one who is blinking. He breaks the silence with, "I havta goe tu da bafruum."
While he is gone, I toast some bread slices and coat them with the egg salad spread I made last evening. When he bounces back into the room, we sit down together at the table to eat. Legolas helps himself to a handful of sour cream and onion potato chips, then hands the bag to me.
"I larened a neu soeng tudae," he announces. "Due u waenta here it?"
"Certainly," I reply, expecting some version of a song about one or another of the letters of the alphabet. I secretly hope it will be "C is for Cookie," as I greatly love that one. I watch as he takes a drink of his sweet iced tea and clears his throat. Soon the melodious sound of elven tenor fills my kitchen.
"I em aen aardvard, an I em praoud,
I em aen aardvard, an I em haeppie.
I em an aardvard, an I em tueff an smaert an stroeng
An alwaez rite an itz da wae I'll alwaez bea
Unteel I meat anuthr aardvard dat's beeger dan me!"
I stare in shock. Then I burst out laughing. "The Aardvark Song! Oh, Legolas, I haven't heard that one in years!"
"It eez aelmoest az guud as da Barrel Soeng, doen't u thank?" he asks, chuckling along with me.
"That it is, my dear, that it is. What else did you learn while I was gone?"
"Weel, dere wuz dis storee abot whur da wader goez whin u feenish taekin a baf," he begins. Before long, we have covered how toilets flush, how to drain a bathtub, and had a visit to a water purification plant. He covers it all in one great rush, and I am left to guess what program he saw it all on until he comes to the clincher.
"Dere wuz dis won paert," he says with a shudder," dat maed me skeered."
After water purification and flushing toilets, whatever in the world could have scared a full-grown Prance?
"We goet oen dis trane thang an weent tu da Naburhuud of Maek-Bealeave. Dere wuz dis leedle teenee laedee dere whoe skeered me. She luuked like she culd kaest a spael on u anitiem. She haed a thang she wuld throe kald a Buumaraeng."
"What was her name?" I ask.
"I thank it wuz Laedee Eelane," he says, shivering.
Ohhhh, must have been Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. He does have some unusual neighbors, especially in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. I know some adults who are scared of Lady Elaine Fairchilde. Funny enough, she is somewhat elflike in her ability to get into mischief and trouble.
"What else did you see?" I inquire.
"Aaron da Aeligader wuz dere. He wuz waerin a puerpal sute eensted of dat grean won frum da buuk."
I hadn't really planned on it, but now Legolas has been introduced to Barney the Dinosaur, who he thinks is Aaron the Alligator playing dress up. Go figure.
The early afternoon passes, and soon it is time to pick up Little Pip from school. Together they watch another installment of Sesame Street on PBS, and after it is finished, Pip decides playing school with Legolas would be fun. When it is time to set the table for supper, she confides in me.
"Momma, he's hopeless."
"What happened?"
"I worked all afternoon on 'can' and 'you' with him. He can spell them on the paper, but he keeps drawing sheep beside the 'you' words."
"I don't want to know what he draws beside the 'can,' do I?" I ask.
"Nope."
I wonder where he learned slang?
After supper, as I sit down in my rocking chair to contemplate everything that has gone on today, when Little Pip is tucked under the covers, and with Legolas soaking in the bathtub, I hear the familiar sounds of a tenor serenade coming from the bathroom. This time it is another old favorite.
"Ruebber Dueky, ur da won. . ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: The Barrel Song comes from "The Hobbit" Chapter 9 Barrels Out of Bounds. Almost as merry as the Aardvark Song, yes indeed.
Many of you have asked about the Keebler Elf Cookies. The Keebler Cookie site with a picture of elf cookies can be found here: http://www.keebler.com/family/cookies/elfudge.jsp
Thanks so much for many years of fun for both young and old to Sesame Street, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, Barney the Dinosaur, Teletubbies, and especially to Lady Elaine Fairchilde. You can access the PBS kids website at: http://pbskids.org/
Ok, Legolas, your turn!
TreeHugger: Hae Trea! Hae Elu! Trea is da Quean of. . . whut wuz dat, al? *uh, she's the Queen of a lot of things. Irena calls her the Prom Queen, let's see, she's the Orc Queen, uhmmm Queen of Lost Arguments, was that it Tree? * Araporn-iznt dat hoew he spaellz it? An I wuz NOET LOEST!!! I wuz in frunt of da feesh laeks da hoel tiem. Eberybuddy noez dat Viagra iz da naem of da maen whoe paez fur Mark Martin'z NASCAR raece kar! Elu, she jest duznt noe whut da haet iz all abot. U godda have a haet at dese raece thangz, tu keap da ruebbr tier peecz out of ur hare. I hav a loet of perty, so I gess I kin bea a perty elfboy fur a loet of peepl at da saem tiem.
Magical Rachel: Congrae. . .Coengr. . . Koengrat. . .*siehs* I shure am haeppie u ar goen tu Sheffield. Dat eez a wunnerful thang. Weel u bea yaellin 'Goe Blaedz!'? Yaes, dere wuz anuthr reafrance, but al sez tael u it iz a vizuel an sea if u fiend it.
The Two Princesses: Woew! I goet a reeveew frum TUU Prancissez at da saem tiem! Bud whut iz soe fuenny abot da wae I taelk? U wuld like elf kuukiez, eben doe dey doen't luuk muech like elfs I doen't thank. Tael ur Moem hae fur me, okae?
Lady Eirte: I em fuul groen at almoest 6 feat tael. Elves ar vary flaxibel u noe. An elf wuld have tu bea in oerder to bea seant aleong on a treep wid a dwaerf an a Raengr dat doen't noe whut dey ar doin haf da tiem.
Java Glxy: My taest in musik iz kwiet varyed, as u kin sea frum dis chaeptr. I hav a feu moer advantuerz tu tael, soe stae tuend!
Arilyn: Dat al eez sumptin aelse! Ebery dae iz a neu advantuer fur me wid her. I donno whut she deed wid hersef beafour I caeem aloeng. I due tu noe ael abot Viagra! He iz da maen whoe paez all da beelz fur Mark Martin's raecin kar teem. Goe Nuembr Seax!
Puter Patty: *hiedz nerf guen behiend bak* al sez she iz glaed u an Irena wear not dere at Waelmaert tu. She sez dat is a woers nitemaer dan da steenkie smaelly maen geddin me! *blueshez agin at da thot fo da loeng shaenk shoew*
gershwin: Deed u git a bruise faellin oef ur chaer lik dat? al sed we bedder noet trie a feesh laek, beakaz we hav foer katz een da houez whoe wuld eet dem. I LUV Charelstin She Kraeb Suup, egspesially da stuef dat comz in da leedle cuep dat u poar een beafour u eat it. *that is sherry, for all of you who don't know about the richness and warmth of She Crab Soup, emphasis on warmth especially after you pour in the sherry*
Katherine: Due U perfer me wid Araporn or Marry Suew? I kiend of leke bean a batchalor misef.
SarWolf Snape: Stae klose tu da othr peepl u goe tu Waelmaert wid soe u doen't loose dem. Peepl teand tu git loest ez hear on Modren erth.
JastaElf: *swuunz* She kalled me Hunibuen!! Duz Ada noe ani yung aktorz dat luuk like me? An u ar rite, Ada, wemin due taek a whiles! Sumtiemz al iz soe sloe I donno if we ar ever goena git feenishd wid. . .ah. . .stueff. Yeaeh, stuff. Nuember tu oen dat leist of thaeng I wuld noet due muest be: Doen't bea en a huerry whin al sez it is tiem tu due "stuef."
Seaweed: Dose ar da pertiest uendrwaer! I never had a pare like dem beafour. U noe whin u ware leagginz all da tiem, everybuddy kin sea ur paentie lienz if u ware uendrwaer. Mite az weel ware dem on da ouetsied if u ax me. Game-li, BWWAHHHAAAAHHAHA! Harez a hueg fu u *huegz*
Loopy4_1: My aparence? Weel, I feal frum abot 6 feat uep at da moovee theeter. All da dokturz een towen noe al, kuz all dere kidz ar een her plaez at da theeter, an I sea dem all da tiem.
Princess ArWen of sMirkwood: Won dae u weel ketchup to us hear, an weel sea dis noet I hoep. I em glaed u joyend us!
Newmoon: *asuemz fuul elvin worrier poesture* U doent waent tu meass wid da hare. Whut iz a tite leddle @$$? *al whispers in Legolas' ear* *Legolas blueshez*
laure: weel, mebbe a Naezgool. Bud oenly a leedle biet. Den I wuld cael al an Ada tu saev me, tea hea!
Sake: I luv tu wach da feesh! Noew al noez tu luuk fore me dere whin she gitz loest en Waelmaert. Hear iz my salepone thang nuember: 555-1234. . . noe wade, itz 555-4567. . . noe, dat iz noet rite, itz. . . . oh, nebermiend.
Stimpy, formerly Joy Took: I mite culd uze won of dose thangz on al! Dat eez a guud ideea. I weel taek da won she haz fur da doeggie neckz tiem we goe. al haz 2 akshun feegurez of me, but I kinnot plae wid misef, she woent laet me.
Ithinkineedanewname: Dey maek feeshuz dat beeg? Da wonz I saaew wear onlee dis beeg * hoeldz up a teiny biet of aer beatwean heez feengrz.* I wuz noet in ani truble, an I WUZ NOET LOEST, I tale u! al sez tael u Thaenkz.
IRENA: I THOT OF U WILE YEAS DEER WUZ WACHIN DA VEEKTOREEA'S SEEKRIT SHOEW!! Due u hav eni weengz like dat? Mebbe u culd fiend sum laeft ober frum Haelowean at Waelmaert, an ware dem jest fur me? Pleeze? Com oen baebee, Ona tu a'amin! *groewlez*
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Well, there you go. Just one more day in the life of our favorite elf. Send Legolas your messages quick, call your friends and tell them Chapter 15 is up, because Chapter 16 is ready and waiting just for Legolas to respond personally to each of you! I have SO many things to tell you about his time in "Mordren Erth!" Look for another posting in just a few days, ok?