Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and other associated material is the property of Gainax
The third child could feel her; she was there, pressing against him in the dark. Yet at the same time he felt as if her warm grasp was passing through him, it was as if she was fading. Slowly leaving him with his pain and his grief, alone to fend against the harsh realities of the existence he had chosen. Shinji Ikari knew that this was not her fault; he knew it to be his own.
"Asuka?"
There was silence for a time, and then, a response.
"Yes."
"What am I?"
The second child found the phrasing of this question disturbing, though Shinji had said it this way on purpose. The third child found that he could no longer refer to himself as a person, he found that his conscience could not justify "Who am I?" any more.
"Shinji…" Asuka Langley Soryu began with a saddened tone. She buried her head into his chest.
"Asuka…There was a time when I knew the answer to this question, or thought I did. It happened when I left instrumentality behind. I found that I was myself; I said that in the end it was all just common sense. But now I do not know. I am not an angel. I am no longer a man. Perhaps I am a demon. Perhaps now I am an angel of death. A soulless creature. A beast that kills the innocent so that he can give the masses the pain that he lives for. So that all can suffer. Is this my purpose? Did I take heaven from the people of this planet; did I condemn them to hell?"
"Shinji…Instrumentality wasn't heaven. It wasn't real."
"Do you actually believe that heaven ever was? Perhaps instrumentality was the closest thing humanity could have had to peace."
"It does not matter if the peace itself was not real."
"Yes. I believed that once. But now that time seems so far away. But I do recall the feeling that brought me back. It was love; love for you. Do you think me selfish, Asuka?"
"No, of course not."
"But why? I brought suffering to all simply so that I could be with you."
"That's not true Shinji. You gave everyone on this planet another chance."
"Another chance for what?"
"A chance that they might find love; a chance that they could find truth."
"Asuka, I only gave them another chance to suffer. You have not seen what I have seen. Very soon a war will engulf this planet unlike anything this world has ever seen. Except afterwards there will be no instrumentality; no paradise to return to once all has been destroyed."
"You have seen the end then?"
Shinji paused for a time at this question. It was true; he had seen things that were to come, though in reality they were just feelings. Shinji could feel the despair of the world. But, he could not see the end.
"No."
"Then there is still hope," Asuka said.
"Humans are not even strong enough to be at peace with each other, let alone to fight God."
"No. Perhaps not."
Asuka Langley Soryu rose from the position where she lay on the bed to her hands and knees, looking down onto Shinji. She met his troubled stare and held it, and then she continued to speak.
"Maybe you are right, Shinji. Perhaps humans are too weak," Asuka lowered herself down until she was mere centimeters from the face of the third child, "And perhaps that is why God gave us you."
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In truth Toji Suzahara had heard Shinji arrive back home, but he had decided against going to greet his friend. He knew that it was very late and that he probably wanted to see Asuka first. However the real reason was that Toji did not, at any cost, want to leave Hikari Horaki's side. He glanced down at the sleeping Japanese girl cuddled next to him. The brown haired girl had been sleeping in the same room with Nishka since they had moved in, but when she and Kensuke had gone on their trip to Russia she had found herself lonely. Toji knew that his girlfriend was of a high moral standard, and when it came to things like spending the night with a boy, she was for the most part very shy and defensive. But at this moment she was obviously feeling secure enough with him to indulge a bit. And Toji was just fine with that.
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Rei Ayanami stirred as the morning sunlight began to filter through the windows of her room. She lifted the covers from her half dressed form and stood. Almost immediately Damon Robinson let out a sad grown as he reached about for his wife with his eyes shut. When he found that his hands could not locate her, he compromised and simply pulled the comforter back over his body. Rei smiled slightly as she watched this take place, then put on a robe and walked out to the kitchen. No one was up, but that was not uncommon at this hour. However Rei did notice a yellow sticky note on the refrigerator:
Dear Rei, Toji, Damon, and Hikari,
Shinji and I will be out for the day, so don't worry about where we are. We probably won't be back until late.
-Asuka Langley Soryu
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Kensuke Aida awoke suddenly to an unfamiliar ceiling. The first thing he noticed was that he had a headache, the second thing he noticed was that Nishka Zalomai was sitting up in the bed beside him.
"Nishka?"
"Good morning," she said with a somewhat "too cheery for the situation" expression on her face.
"Uh, good morning. Hey, where are we?"
"The NERV infirmary."
"Oh."
Kensuke closed his eyes for a brief moment while taking a deep breath.
"We're alive."
"Yes, yes we are."
"I am so happy that you are okay," Kensuke said.
The Russian girl smiled.
"The feeling is mutual."
Kensuke returned her smile.
"Oh," Nishka said, casting her eyes to the ground, "I have some bad news though. The commander told me before you woke up."
"Oh? What is it?"
"You've been designated as the eighth child."
The blonde girl sat back to await the displeasure usually associated with one who is to be forced to go to war.
"THE EIGHTH CHILD! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT NISHKA! THAT'S THE GREATEST NEWS I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!"
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Toji Suzahara reluctantly picked up the ringing phone, causing Hikari Horaki too stir.
"Hello."
"Toji Suzahara?"
It was a voice he did not recognize.
"Yes this is he."
"Mr. Suzahara I have been asked to inform you that as the designated fourth child you are to report to NERV headquarters at 13 hundred hours tomorrow, along with designated ninth child Hikari Horaki. That is all."
The phone went dead as the man hung up. Toji couldn't believe what he had just heard.
"Toji? Hikari said, "Toji, what's wrong?"
Toji knew without a real explanation what the phone call had meant. It meant that he was to pilot eva again, Hikari too. And there were no Wraiths. That meant they were going to war.
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Asuka Langley Soryu sped along the highway in the blue car that had been donated to her by her former guardian. The German girl had put a good deal of the money she had allotted from piloting into it and now it was no longer a danger to its operator and others. However, thoughts of the car did not penetrate into the thoughts of the second child at this time, nor did they enter the mind of the third. Shinji found himself ensnared by his sorrows; drowned by question and remorse. Asuka however had only one thought on her mind. Shinji had asked her once, during the third impact, to save him. He had begged her for a salvation that she had felt incapable of, or perhaps too proud to provide. The German girl would not allow herself to fail him again. This time she would bring him back; this time she would save him.
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Shinji Ikari could feel the car pull to a stop, and he slowly raised his head to gaze out the window. He could plainly see the entirety of Tokyo 3 played out before him. Asuka turned to face him after setting the emergency break.
"Well, here we are…"
The third child nodded.
"Well come on then, lets get out of this thing," Asuka said, motioning for Shinji to follow her lead out of the car, which he did. They had arrived at a grassy hill that overlooked the city. Asuka led Shinji to the pinnacle of one of these hills, and they both sat.
"Peaceful, isn't it," Asuka said.
"Yes. It truly is."
"Shinji there was a time when you, we, fought to protect this city. And because of that, it stands here today, more beautiful and more wonderful than ever."
Asuka paused for a moment to look for a reaction on Shinji's face. There was none. She decided to continue.
"Even though in the end SEELE was just pulling the strings, we still fought for this place. It still exists right now because of what we did to protect it. Just think Shinji, if we hadn't fought the angels this wonderful, peaceful place would have been destroyed. Aren't you happy that it wasn't destroyed, Shinji?"
"Yes, I am. It is truly a beautiful place."
"Well, if what you have seen is true, then war will soon be upon us, if it is not already. But this time the ending is not written. You said yourself that you had no knowledge of how it would end. So that means it is up to you to decide how things will finish."
"I have had this responsibility before, Asuka. And though the end of perfection may have been the right choice for me personally, I am not sure it was meant for everyone else. I fear that I may have deprived them of heaven."
"No Shinji, that isn't true. How could it only be the write choice for you, if I returned as well?"
Shinji knew the answer to this question. He had stumbled upon its conclusion when Koaru had helped him see the truth.
"It was the desire for love. The ultimate human acceptance. An acceptance beyond reason and rationality. Love is an acceptance that does not require understanding. This is what God meant for the people of this world. However, we cannot enjoy the bliss that is love without first knowing its opposites: pain and suffering. Because the human heart feels pain so easily, many are led to believe that life is pain. This torment continually pulls people from each other; everyday they grow farther from the truth."
"But you know that is not entirely true Shinji. People still manage to love each other. And perhaps the ones who cannot find this love are able to rest easy in heaven; to bask in the eternal love of God after a lifetime of searching. Shinji…"
Asuka Langley Soryu looked deeply into the eyes of the third child.
"…was it worth it, to suffer through such a horrible life as you lived, so that we could be together now?"
"Yes. Yes it was. I would have suffered through anything for you."
Shinji Ikari said this knowing full well that he did not believe in heaven. He knew that if humans were to find bliss, then it would have to take place here on earth.
Asuka smiled.
"Is this existence not heaven in and of itself?"
At this question Shinji found himself deep in thought. "Mother…" She had told him that as long as people had the will to live, that anywhere could be heaven. And he knew that if this was heaven, just he and Asuka in this peaceful place, then that would be enough for him.
"Yes. Perhaps it is. But not everyone will be able to know this happiness."
"And why is that?"
"Because they will die. They will be killed in the battle to come. Some of them by me. Some already have."
"Shinji…you didn't have a choice."
"Does that make it right?"
"No. I suppose not. But sometimes you have to look at the greater good."
"No good can come from death."
"But perhaps peace can."
"Peace?"
"Yes. If this is truly a war between two gods, then peace will result at the end."
"No. If the God created by man wins then that would only bring the completion of instrumentality. There would be no peace, only an escape from the problem."
"Then the other god must win, the god for which you fight."
"The god for which I fight…"
Shinji wished to fight for no one but Asuka. He had not chosen to fight for God. He simply considered it a coincidence that they wished for the same goal. Or was that it at all? He was not sure. Shinji knew that he was no longer human. His part in the third impact had changed him. He now possessed abilities that even the Angels had not had.
"I don't fight for God," Shinji said.
Asuka said nothing. Instead she leaned over and began to unbutton Shinji's shirt. The third child did nothing to stop her. When she had finished, she pulled the shirt to the side, revealing his chest where a dark cross shaped scar could easily be seen.
"Shinji, how did you get this scar?"
"I,…I don't know. It appeared after I made my choice."
"Your choice?"
"Yes. I decided to fight for humanity. To save the future. Once I understood the things that had happened to me, and the reason that I returned from the third impact."
"For love?"
"Yes."
Asuka leaned in closer to Shinji's face.
"Are you still willing to fight for love?"
Shinji nodded, and with that Asuka brought her lips upon his own. Shinji could suddenly remember all that was good in the world, the reasons for which he had made his choice were clearly presented to him again. He brought his hand up to the side of her face in the same way she had once done to him. Her skin was soft and pure; it was wonderful. He had felt as if he was so far away from her when he had been in Russia, as if she had been lost to him forever, but now her warmth seemed to ensnare him completely. Shinji had lost sight of how wonderful this warmth felt. Shinji began to feel again, and soon he was returning her kiss. Her taste pervaded his senses as he pulled her closer, until she was lying upon him in the grass. After several moments more, the German girl slowly pulled away, though it was not a great distance away. Her mouth was still open and mere centimeters from that of the third child. She waited for Shinji's eyes to open again, which they soon did.
"Shinji, I love you more than life itself."
She watched as tears slowly began to form in the eyes of the man beneath her. Shinji listened as Asuka continued.
"It does not matter to me what you did, who you had to kill, or what you must do. Just know that I believe that this life is worth living because you are in it, and I am willing to fight to protect it. I am willing to die protecting it if it means that you could be happy. I want to be alongside you, no matter what. I do not care if is in love, or war, or peace. As long as you are with me I am happy; as long as you are with me, this place will be my heaven. I know how you feel about what others have made you become, but if you must kill to protect this heaven, then just know that it does not matter to me; I will love you no matter what."