A/N: uhm...yeah, this is our first fic, so please be kind... All reviews would be appreciated... Actually Kagemaji is the one who thought this silly thing and I just edited it but I ended up writing 75% of it... This fic contains corniness that you'll end up seeing corns...(corny..) Kagemaji really wanted me to say that. Anyways... this is a warning.
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto (my husband...).
"THE TRUTH BEHIND ALL FAIRY TALES..."
by: Kagemaji & Snowbunny01313
PROLOGUE
Of course, all fairytales do start with a "once upon a time" cause maybe its all for the kicks, but we'll stick to the tradition cause I'm too lazy to set a specific timeline, you get the idea....
Once upon a time, in a far away land, maybe not-so far. A king lived in his shining castle, together with his sexy wife. Now, this is not an ordinary couple, for they were shinobis in disguise and well, they decided to play their part in this story anyway...
The king, a harsh tobacco smoker, who is also known to have claimed his throne through a brawn match, is a lax ruler in the person of Asuma. His sexy wife, Queen Kurenai is a calm collected shinobi with an exquisite taste for fashion and make-up. They have everything their hearts desire except for one, ----a child of their own. It isn't a real problem actually, all they have to do is... uhm...
do what couples do in bed...(ehem)
But, as if on bizarre instinct, they still believe that babies are brought in sacks by storks which are unfortunately extinct...for two reasons: people's lack food and storks are not part of this story...
You get the point.
One night, there were joyous shouts heard in the castle's premises, actually it was more like Asuma's large ego echoing...
Queen Kurenai is pregnant. At last, they've come to their senses.
The next few months spent on the kingdom was full of glee and enthusiasm. Everyone is so excited about the baby. Yes, the baby. One late afternoon, Mr. Gai – the butler, came running to the queen, thrashing the door with a cool taijutsu move in the process.
"YOUR HIGHNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!, I HAVE A TERRIBLE NEWS!!!..." his voice, (or shout) ringing in the large well-furnished room at the tallest tower at the west wing of the castle where the Queen Kurenai lies browsing through "How- To-Be-A-Good-Mother-And-A-Ninja-Queen-In-Disguise.-And-Still –Look-Damn- Good™"
"Speak, Mr. Gai... I am not deaf, calm down..." the queen, although on her ninth month, still retained a calm composure despite the sweaty man in front of her, a broken door, and a nearly broken eardrum.
"I CANNOT LET THIS BE!!!!! IT IS HORRIBLE!!! TERRIFYING!!!" Butler Gai continued not minding the queen who is now showing possibilities of child miscarriage.
A kunai was thrown, missing a few centimeters from the mushroom hair of the taijustsu master, and that shut the butler's mouth...
'Terrible' thought the frustrated queen. Just then, Butler Gai started relating the story about passing by an old beggar woman while training a dwarf in a more err...calm manner.
"The old beggar said that she had a bad dream about you, your highness, she said that your child, which is to be a girl (Kurenai throwing more kunais because of excitement)..ehem , let me finish first...ah, the girl is going to be ugly as a monster, gonna grow to be a rebel, gonna love rock music and serve someone called IlParazzo..." Butler Gai explained, tears streaking downs his eyes.
"Il—whatzit? Well, that wasn't so bad... calm down Butler Gai... you shouldn't believe some wacko" Queen Kurenai overcome with happiness just waved her hand.
"NO MADAM!!! IlParazzo is from this weird anime called Excel toot and he's trying to conquer the world with excessive use of insanity!!! No wacko would ever mention, let alone pronounce his name. This man might even order your own daughter to assassinate the entire Kingdom!!!" retorted Gai, looking like his veins were about to pop.
The queen fell silent and thought deeply.
"I have no idea what you're talking about but if that's the case, let's call the old beggar, ok? Does she have a landline, or cell phone?" the queen still looking all starry..
---------...:"0":...-------------
All the people who heard the news made disbelieving reactions and started making weird conclusions, ah, gossip spread fast. One story says that King Asuma has a monster blood running in his veins and another is that, the king was cursed by some snake-looking bastard.
As if agreeing with the situation, it started snowing badly outside the castle.
"Is it in the genes?" asked Queen Kurenai.
"I think so..." Butler Gai replied.
"But in our family bloodline, no other person is considered a monster until he/she marries a... well, a monster perhaps" blushing for a seemingly stupid answer, King Asuma just scratch the back of his head while sitting on his big chair in the throne room.
"So are you saying, I'm the monster?" the queen who resented the statement threw a blazing look at the king. If looks could kill, Asuma would be shreds by now. Getting into the bad side of a skillful jounin let alone, a pregnant queen is uncharted territory, so King Asuma had thought better to shut his mouth and leave the talking to the butler.
"No, i-i-it isn't l-l-like that, oh beautiful queen of ours...Its just that there were rumors that...uh, monsters roam around before and were sealed inside people to stop chaos, these were horrifying creatures of course, unlike you, whi spark in elegance..." Butler Gai, carefully chose the words as not to upset the very annoyed queen. She reminded him of the sand-brat with the suspicious gourd.
"...I think I did marry one..." the pretty queen coolly replied turning her head to her husband.
"EH? Is anything wrong dear?"
"..."
"Why are you looking at me?" Azuma asked oblivious of what the queen just said.
"No It's fine Asuma darling..." Kurenai replied with a fake smile then turning to the butler.
"Is there anything we can do to undo the situation?" the queen asked wearily
"I hope so Madam..." Butler Gai answered gloomily.
The next "one winter's night", an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered the butler a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Although he was repulsed by her haggard appearance he let her in.
"Oi, Oi, Oi! Chotto!" the old woman blurted.
"Why did you let me in? Are you crazy?" The beggar mocked, pointing an accusing finger to the butler.
'What the--?!' "You asked for shelter! You should be thankful you..., you...you..tooot!!!!!!!" Gai exclaims feeling mortified.
"Yah I know that..." she interrupted. "But you're suppose to dismiss me two times, then I'll turn you into a hideous beast. After that I'll cast a powerful spell into this castle and all who live here...but WAIT!!" The old beggar turned to Gai, making a horrible facial expression as her eyes widen, almost popping out of the socket as realization struck her.
"Is this the Beast's castle?!" the beggar asked
"...."
"y'know, the one with no love in his heart? You get me?"
Gai thought for a while.
"Well?" the woman asked impatiently
"uhm....If you're talking about our King Asuma...." Butler Gai started
"Now we're talking... , show me to him, I'm behind schedule." The beggar getting more and more impatient.
"Wait....I think you have it all wrong. I can assure you that our king's heart is filled with lovey dovey stuffs from his wife."
"WHAT!?!?!!... Are you sure THIS is the "BEAST'S" castle..." she screamed, her voice mixed with confusion and impatience
"Uhm, excuse me Butler Gai, but who is our visitor? "Queen Kurenai appeared by the door, interrupting the eruption of the ugly beggar.
"Oh, my queen, she's..." and the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful ninja. Only the butler's jaw dropped in awe.
"Hi my name is Tsunade.. oneofthelegendaryninjas,ofALLtime,Iknowyou'reGLADtomeetme.... may I help you?" she said it before Kurenai could even open her mouth.
Tsunade once again blurted getting ready to get out: "Alright then, here's my calling card. If you need anything just call me, right then, goodbye!"
Suddenly, Asuma's enormous chakra that was stored inside his body erupted by shouting like a thousand roaring beasts saying an ear- shattering...
"WAAAAAAAIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!!!" blowing half of the castle down (this is getting exaggerated...) leaving Tsunade shock to death.(then again..)
For a moment, she then showed signs of life and maintained her poised demeanor.
"Ohkaaaay, what's the problem? Y'know, I'm really late for my appointment...." Tsunade replied in an 'I'm-so-important-so-don't-interrupt- my-schedule' manner.
"Please do something with the appearance of our child..." Kurenai started.
"Ohkaaay, continue..." They all went inside the throne room.
"Gai, our trusted butler came to us with a bad news He said an old beggar woman told him that...."
After 15 minutes of exaggerated storytelling
"Please do something for the sake of our beloved child!" sobbed the queen who was now crying her heart out, after realizing how serious the situation for her whole kingdom was. King Asuma by her side patting her back.
"Ohkaaay, ok then..." Tsunade now made different hand seals while murmuring some incantations pointing to the baby in the womb.
"Alright, I think I did it right, you're baby's gonna be fine now..."
Queen Kurenai looked at her belly and saw a Kanji of "love" surrounded by different patterns.
"Wait a minute" the King looked at the inscriptions carefully.
"What now?" an annoyed Tsunade turned towards the king
"The kanji..."
"So??? What's with the symbol? Look, Mr. King, I'm really behind schedule"
"How do we know our child won't turn into a hideous, sand monster and a bloody killer type? I've definitely seen this kanji before written on a head of a weird murderer possessed by a sand demon and raccoon.." It didn't make any sense but for Gai, Kurenai and Asuma, it definitely did.
Looking puzzled, the blonde thought for a while, but since her time is running out, she just gave them her calling card and some insurance papers to fill up. The king, being satisfied with the insurance papers, bade Tsunade goodbye.
Days passed and everything was going fine, even the rumors about King Asuma's blood line were saved from inhuman approaches, mainly by the old women who do nothing but gossip about how they lost their poor husbands to evil monsters. King Asuma sat on his throne smoking his tobacco, not minding whether his lungs would suddenly break from the habit. It was all heaven and everything was going smoothly until...
"KIIIIIIIIING ASUUUUUMAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"
The king naturally fell from his seat, almost choking the large tobacco.
"MY KIIIIIING...!!!!" Butler Gai's face was filled with mixed emotions (not to mention sweat..eww), his face turning a slight shade of pink, then red, then blue...violet...green and red again...then blue...
"WHAT D' F&# % DO YOU F&#%ng BASTARD WANT?????" the King's face was really turning crimson. Smoke emitting from his ears, flames everywhere, he must've swallowed the tobacco.
"My Lord... its time!!!!" Gai was in a painful shade of green...
"Time for what??!!" King Asuma trying to get his comfortable position back in his chair.
Suddenly there were cries heard inside the castle and both men had their eyes popped.
"THE BABY!!!" They both exclaimed and ran to the tallest tower at the west wing.
To be continued......
A/N:
Snowbunny01313: Did you see corns?
Kagemaji: shame on you..
Snowbunny: We really love Beauty and the Beast, it definitely reflects
the both of us, I being beauty...
Kagemaji rips Snowbunny to shreds.
Snowbunny: Anyways, it was fun doing the prologue, Gai is exaggerated and I think Asuma and Kurenai make a great pair.
Kagemaji: Guess who's gonna be the princess, the seven dwarfs, the prince. With a fairy, a mirror, a horse that doesn't walk, more monsters and an evil witch.
Snowbunny: REVIEWS PLEASE...
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto (my husband...).
"THE TRUTH BEHIND ALL FAIRY TALES..."
by: Kagemaji & Snowbunny01313
PROLOGUE
Of course, all fairytales do start with a "once upon a time" cause maybe its all for the kicks, but we'll stick to the tradition cause I'm too lazy to set a specific timeline, you get the idea....
Once upon a time, in a far away land, maybe not-so far. A king lived in his shining castle, together with his sexy wife. Now, this is not an ordinary couple, for they were shinobis in disguise and well, they decided to play their part in this story anyway...
The king, a harsh tobacco smoker, who is also known to have claimed his throne through a brawn match, is a lax ruler in the person of Asuma. His sexy wife, Queen Kurenai is a calm collected shinobi with an exquisite taste for fashion and make-up. They have everything their hearts desire except for one, ----a child of their own. It isn't a real problem actually, all they have to do is... uhm...
do what couples do in bed...(ehem)
But, as if on bizarre instinct, they still believe that babies are brought in sacks by storks which are unfortunately extinct...for two reasons: people's lack food and storks are not part of this story...
You get the point.
One night, there were joyous shouts heard in the castle's premises, actually it was more like Asuma's large ego echoing...
Queen Kurenai is pregnant. At last, they've come to their senses.
The next few months spent on the kingdom was full of glee and enthusiasm. Everyone is so excited about the baby. Yes, the baby. One late afternoon, Mr. Gai – the butler, came running to the queen, thrashing the door with a cool taijutsu move in the process.
"YOUR HIGHNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!, I HAVE A TERRIBLE NEWS!!!..." his voice, (or shout) ringing in the large well-furnished room at the tallest tower at the west wing of the castle where the Queen Kurenai lies browsing through "How- To-Be-A-Good-Mother-And-A-Ninja-Queen-In-Disguise.-And-Still –Look-Damn- Good™"
"Speak, Mr. Gai... I am not deaf, calm down..." the queen, although on her ninth month, still retained a calm composure despite the sweaty man in front of her, a broken door, and a nearly broken eardrum.
"I CANNOT LET THIS BE!!!!! IT IS HORRIBLE!!! TERRIFYING!!!" Butler Gai continued not minding the queen who is now showing possibilities of child miscarriage.
A kunai was thrown, missing a few centimeters from the mushroom hair of the taijustsu master, and that shut the butler's mouth...
'Terrible' thought the frustrated queen. Just then, Butler Gai started relating the story about passing by an old beggar woman while training a dwarf in a more err...calm manner.
"The old beggar said that she had a bad dream about you, your highness, she said that your child, which is to be a girl (Kurenai throwing more kunais because of excitement)..ehem , let me finish first...ah, the girl is going to be ugly as a monster, gonna grow to be a rebel, gonna love rock music and serve someone called IlParazzo..." Butler Gai explained, tears streaking downs his eyes.
"Il—whatzit? Well, that wasn't so bad... calm down Butler Gai... you shouldn't believe some wacko" Queen Kurenai overcome with happiness just waved her hand.
"NO MADAM!!! IlParazzo is from this weird anime called Excel toot and he's trying to conquer the world with excessive use of insanity!!! No wacko would ever mention, let alone pronounce his name. This man might even order your own daughter to assassinate the entire Kingdom!!!" retorted Gai, looking like his veins were about to pop.
The queen fell silent and thought deeply.
"I have no idea what you're talking about but if that's the case, let's call the old beggar, ok? Does she have a landline, or cell phone?" the queen still looking all starry..
---------...:"0":...-------------
All the people who heard the news made disbelieving reactions and started making weird conclusions, ah, gossip spread fast. One story says that King Asuma has a monster blood running in his veins and another is that, the king was cursed by some snake-looking bastard.
As if agreeing with the situation, it started snowing badly outside the castle.
"Is it in the genes?" asked Queen Kurenai.
"I think so..." Butler Gai replied.
"But in our family bloodline, no other person is considered a monster until he/she marries a... well, a monster perhaps" blushing for a seemingly stupid answer, King Asuma just scratch the back of his head while sitting on his big chair in the throne room.
"So are you saying, I'm the monster?" the queen who resented the statement threw a blazing look at the king. If looks could kill, Asuma would be shreds by now. Getting into the bad side of a skillful jounin let alone, a pregnant queen is uncharted territory, so King Asuma had thought better to shut his mouth and leave the talking to the butler.
"No, i-i-it isn't l-l-like that, oh beautiful queen of ours...Its just that there were rumors that...uh, monsters roam around before and were sealed inside people to stop chaos, these were horrifying creatures of course, unlike you, whi spark in elegance..." Butler Gai, carefully chose the words as not to upset the very annoyed queen. She reminded him of the sand-brat with the suspicious gourd.
"...I think I did marry one..." the pretty queen coolly replied turning her head to her husband.
"EH? Is anything wrong dear?"
"..."
"Why are you looking at me?" Azuma asked oblivious of what the queen just said.
"No It's fine Asuma darling..." Kurenai replied with a fake smile then turning to the butler.
"Is there anything we can do to undo the situation?" the queen asked wearily
"I hope so Madam..." Butler Gai answered gloomily.
The next "one winter's night", an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered the butler a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Although he was repulsed by her haggard appearance he let her in.
"Oi, Oi, Oi! Chotto!" the old woman blurted.
"Why did you let me in? Are you crazy?" The beggar mocked, pointing an accusing finger to the butler.
'What the--?!' "You asked for shelter! You should be thankful you..., you...you..tooot!!!!!!!" Gai exclaims feeling mortified.
"Yah I know that..." she interrupted. "But you're suppose to dismiss me two times, then I'll turn you into a hideous beast. After that I'll cast a powerful spell into this castle and all who live here...but WAIT!!" The old beggar turned to Gai, making a horrible facial expression as her eyes widen, almost popping out of the socket as realization struck her.
"Is this the Beast's castle?!" the beggar asked
"...."
"y'know, the one with no love in his heart? You get me?"
Gai thought for a while.
"Well?" the woman asked impatiently
"uhm....If you're talking about our King Asuma...." Butler Gai started
"Now we're talking... , show me to him, I'm behind schedule." The beggar getting more and more impatient.
"Wait....I think you have it all wrong. I can assure you that our king's heart is filled with lovey dovey stuffs from his wife."
"WHAT!?!?!!... Are you sure THIS is the "BEAST'S" castle..." she screamed, her voice mixed with confusion and impatience
"Uhm, excuse me Butler Gai, but who is our visitor? "Queen Kurenai appeared by the door, interrupting the eruption of the ugly beggar.
"Oh, my queen, she's..." and the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful ninja. Only the butler's jaw dropped in awe.
"Hi my name is Tsunade.. oneofthelegendaryninjas,ofALLtime,Iknowyou'reGLADtomeetme.... may I help you?" she said it before Kurenai could even open her mouth.
Tsunade once again blurted getting ready to get out: "Alright then, here's my calling card. If you need anything just call me, right then, goodbye!"
Suddenly, Asuma's enormous chakra that was stored inside his body erupted by shouting like a thousand roaring beasts saying an ear- shattering...
"WAAAAAAAIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!!!" blowing half of the castle down (this is getting exaggerated...) leaving Tsunade shock to death.(then again..)
For a moment, she then showed signs of life and maintained her poised demeanor.
"Ohkaaaay, what's the problem? Y'know, I'm really late for my appointment...." Tsunade replied in an 'I'm-so-important-so-don't-interrupt- my-schedule' manner.
"Please do something with the appearance of our child..." Kurenai started.
"Ohkaaay, continue..." They all went inside the throne room.
"Gai, our trusted butler came to us with a bad news He said an old beggar woman told him that...."
After 15 minutes of exaggerated storytelling
"Please do something for the sake of our beloved child!" sobbed the queen who was now crying her heart out, after realizing how serious the situation for her whole kingdom was. King Asuma by her side patting her back.
"Ohkaaay, ok then..." Tsunade now made different hand seals while murmuring some incantations pointing to the baby in the womb.
"Alright, I think I did it right, you're baby's gonna be fine now..."
Queen Kurenai looked at her belly and saw a Kanji of "love" surrounded by different patterns.
"Wait a minute" the King looked at the inscriptions carefully.
"What now?" an annoyed Tsunade turned towards the king
"The kanji..."
"So??? What's with the symbol? Look, Mr. King, I'm really behind schedule"
"How do we know our child won't turn into a hideous, sand monster and a bloody killer type? I've definitely seen this kanji before written on a head of a weird murderer possessed by a sand demon and raccoon.." It didn't make any sense but for Gai, Kurenai and Asuma, it definitely did.
Looking puzzled, the blonde thought for a while, but since her time is running out, she just gave them her calling card and some insurance papers to fill up. The king, being satisfied with the insurance papers, bade Tsunade goodbye.
Days passed and everything was going fine, even the rumors about King Asuma's blood line were saved from inhuman approaches, mainly by the old women who do nothing but gossip about how they lost their poor husbands to evil monsters. King Asuma sat on his throne smoking his tobacco, not minding whether his lungs would suddenly break from the habit. It was all heaven and everything was going smoothly until...
"KIIIIIIIIING ASUUUUUMAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"
The king naturally fell from his seat, almost choking the large tobacco.
"MY KIIIIIING...!!!!" Butler Gai's face was filled with mixed emotions (not to mention sweat..eww), his face turning a slight shade of pink, then red, then blue...violet...green and red again...then blue...
"WHAT D' F&# % DO YOU F&#%ng BASTARD WANT?????" the King's face was really turning crimson. Smoke emitting from his ears, flames everywhere, he must've swallowed the tobacco.
"My Lord... its time!!!!" Gai was in a painful shade of green...
"Time for what??!!" King Asuma trying to get his comfortable position back in his chair.
Suddenly there were cries heard inside the castle and both men had their eyes popped.
"THE BABY!!!" They both exclaimed and ran to the tallest tower at the west wing.
To be continued......
A/N:
Snowbunny01313: Did you see corns?
Kagemaji: shame on you..
Snowbunny: We really love Beauty and the Beast, it definitely reflects
the both of us, I being beauty...
Kagemaji rips Snowbunny to shreds.
Snowbunny: Anyways, it was fun doing the prologue, Gai is exaggerated and I think Asuma and Kurenai make a great pair.
Kagemaji: Guess who's gonna be the princess, the seven dwarfs, the prince. With a fairy, a mirror, a horse that doesn't walk, more monsters and an evil witch.
Snowbunny: REVIEWS PLEASE...