The End: Chapter III
by Kate
She looked up at me, her eyes filled with wonder and disbelief. Eyes that would all too soon be closed to me forever. And I knew, that I would not, could not allow myself to spend one more day as her friend, coworker, and nothing more. I don't know when it was that I first realized that this woman was meant to belong to me, and I to her. I can't remember a time when I haven't looked at her with love, longing, and at least some sense of possession. Every woman that has passed through my life since I met Mac so many years ago has been measured against her. She has been the standard. I should have seen that. She was right in front of me for all those years, and I didn't even think to reach out and take her. Until it was too late. Well, I wasn't going to let that mistake continue. If three months was all the time that we had left, then I would ensure that we spent those months together.
Sarah, I love you. Although I can't imagine that you don't know this, I think its important for you to hear. I love you and I will never stop loving you. Now, we have both committed a terrible crime against ourselves, our futures. By denying ourselves each other, we have wasted years of our lives. Years that could have been spent together. We were childish, petty, stupid. Now those years are gone, and we can no longer look to the future to make them up. We will never have the life, the family that we deserved. But we can have something. I believe it is worth it to try, even for some small fraction of the happiness that we could have had. We still have three months, Sarah. Let's not waste them. Sarah, tell me that you will marry me.
She looked up at me in astonishment. It was impossible for me to discern her reaction. Quickly I went over my words, wondering if I had said something wrong, if I had offended her with my analysis of past actions. I didn't think of myself as an expert on making marriage proposals. Perhaps it had been too much like a closing statement. Or maybe I was so used to giving orders and being obeyed that I had forgotten to be romantic. I grinned semi-apologetically and very nervously, as I amended my argument with a,
At that, she lost control. Laughing was mixed with tears as she simultaneously began to giggle and cry. All of the emotions that had been held inside her suddenly broke free as she sat before me. Joy and despair alternately lit and clouded her face, presenting a striking contradiction. I gazed at her, simply admiring her beauty and her strength as I had never felt free to before. I knew her answer now. Words were not necessary. Her expression said it all. And yet, after she had calmed somewhat, the words came. Words that filled me with a warmth and peace that I'd been lacking all my life.
she sniffed, then smiled as she made one attempt after another to begin her sentence, I...I want more than anything to be your wife, to fall asleep every night and wake up every morning next to you, to be yours. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. But...I don't know if this is what's best for you. I'm, I'm afraid of how deeply this could hurt you. I'm going to die. Maybe we'd get married, and our lives would be perfect, and we'd be happier than we've ever imagined. But then. Harm, you would have to watch me die. Every day would bring me closer to the end, and you'd have to be right there with me. If you marry me, if you free yourself to love me, it will only cause you pain. You'll not only be losing your best friend, you'll be losing your wife. You'll be losing a part of yourself. And I'm not sure if I can do that, if I can take that from you.
Sarah. Its too late. You are already a part of me. I'm in love with you. You are more precious to me than anything in this world. I would give anything to keep you alive. And it kills me that there's nothing I can do. I know that its going to hurt worse than anything to lose you. But its useless to try to keep me from that pain. I can't just turn back the clock and make my feelings for you less intense than they are. I wouldn't even if I could. This pain that you're trying to shield me from, its mine, rightfully. And I'm willing to take it. What I'm not willing to take is the pain that would come from not being with you, from not being a part of this, from being forced to watch from outside. I refuse. Marry me, Sarah. I want to be right there with you. If you have to die, and I wish to God you didn't, then you will die in my arms, wearing my ring.
She looked...well, she looked shocked. I was a little a shocked too, at the depth my emotions, the strength and truth of my words. She sat there before me, beautiful, mortal. And I knew that every word had been true, that I wanted, I needed to be with her for this. I could only hope that she felt the same.
One word, one tiny little two syllable word. It amazed me to find that this one word was the key to the door that had separated us for years, that the barrier between us had been broken so quickly, so suddenly. I realized with a start that the woman in front of me was mine, that I was free to look into her eyes, to tell her all that I had ever felt for her, to take her in my arms...
I still held her hands in my own. I pulled her to me, gathered her in my arms, secure and peaceful in the knowledge that I didn't have to let her go after a suitable amount of time. She was mine to hold...until the day that she would be taken from me. Shaking, I held her, filled with joy to have her, overflowing with despair of losing her. I didn't want to think about the future, about the day when she would die and a part of me with her. And yet, I knew that I had to. I had to mentally prepare myself for that day. It had to be real to me, I had to be ready. Otherwise, I knew that her death would hit me with all of the force of a train, and trembling, I would be thrust into a darkness to deep to escape. It was so frustrating, so sickening, to think of how much time we had wasted, and how little time we had left. But the past was gone; I could only make sure that our short future together would be as beautiful as my Sarah deserved. As beautiful as she was.