Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or Josh Gracin. Please don't sue. Review?

Summary: Chapter 3, since people actually gave me good reviews. Basically the aftermath of Wyatt's suicide attempt. This chapter is a little less dark than the second one. Wyatt starts to embrace his power and accept that he doesn't want to die. Chris helps him.

I Want To Live

Sometimes I feel like I need to shake myself to wake myself
I feel like I'm just sleep walking through my life
It's like I'm swimming in an ocean of emotion
But still somehow slowly going on the inside
I don't like who I'm becoming
I know I gotta do something
Before my life passes right by

Wyatt Halliwell lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It had been a week since his attempt at taking his own life. His father, Leo, had decided not to put him into therapy or some sort of stupid councilling thing. That was good because he didn't need it. Death wasn't an option. Still, Wyatt couldn't help but admit that he felt empty inside, like something was missing. Maybe it was because Leo had decided not to stay with them. He hated his father but knew that it would have felt better to have him near. Chris had wanted Leo to be near too. But then, Chris still loved the bastard. Wyatt rolled over on his side. He had to do something or he would spend the entire summer just staring at the walls of his room. Predictably, Chris came running in at the exact moment he was thinking that.

"Wyatt! Hey, guess what! Grandpa said that we could go to that carnival that's in town. It'll be so cool. We can ride rides and eat corn dogs-what's wrong, Wy? Don't you care about the carnival?" Chris was yammering about some carnival in his annoying 14-year old voice.

Wyatt sighed. He didn't want to disappoint Chris anymore. It couldn't hurt to go a carnival, especially if it made his little brother happy. The twice-blessed witch plastered a fake smile on his face. "I do care about the carnival. It sounds great. We can get ice cream. I'll even buy." This caused an annoying squeal from Chris. Wyatt got up, pushing the covers off of him. "Let me get dressed. Are we going now or tonight?"

Chris laughed. "Both! We can go now, and come back at night to watch the lights. I'm really glad you wanna go Wyatt. I thought you'd just stay up here all depressed and stuff."

Wyatt smiled, for real this time. "No. Chris, I don't know if you could understand why I did what I did, but I don't want to die anymore. I want to live."

I wanna cry like the rain, dry like the rain
Shine like the sun on a beautiful morning
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringing
Fight with the devil and go down swinging
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone
Take everything that this world has to give
I wanna live

Chris nodded and ran to Wyatt and hugged him, as hard as his small frame would allow. "I'm glad. I don't want you to die, Wy. You're the greatest person I know. Powerful, good, just a great person. You're my big brother. If you died, I would have to join you sooner or later."

Wyatt pulled Chris back and shook him fiercly. "No! Don't you ever die Christopher! I won't have it. If you die, I'll fix it. I won't let anything hurt you. Ever. Do you understand?"

Chris looked a little pale. "I-I…yes. I won't die. I promise. If I do, it'll be for you. Remember that."

Wyatt clenched his fists, trying not to yell at his little brother again. He attempted to relax. "Let's just go to that carnival. I don't want to think about the future. Or the past for that matter. Let's just focus on the present."

Chris nodded. "Okay. Grandpa's waiting. He'll be so glad that you decided to come."

Goody, Wyatt thought to himself, a day of trying to make Grandpa Victor happy. This was going to be great fun. He made Chris leave so he could put on clothes that were really clothes. He slept in only a t-shirt and boxers. Wyatt fished through the clothes in his dresser drawer. Everything had been unpacked and he had all of his old clothes. They were clean and folded neatly. Unlike Chris, Wyatt didn't leave clothes all over the floor. Wyatt wouldn't have minded sharing a room with Chris if he didn't leave clothes all over the floor. Wyatt eventually chose a black t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. He would have went with all black but Grandpa Victor and Chris would probably have considered that as a sign of his continuing depression. Wyatt knew that he wasn't depressed anymore, but he still felt…wrong. Empty somehow. Like there was nothing but ice left where warmth used to be.

Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard
To guard my heart 'till I hardly feel anything at all
I've spent my whole live building up this ivory tower
Now that I'm in it I keep wishing it would fall
So I could feel the ground beneath me
Really taste this air I'm breathing
And know that I'm alive

Wyatt orbed down to the foyer after combing his should-length blonde curls. Chris yelled in an annoying voice that had been plaguing Wyatt for several days, "Wy! Great! We can go now. I saved up some of my money. Maybe we can buy stuff. What do you say, Wy?"

"That's…great. I have money too, but I'm not going to waste it like you do. I might play a game or two, but just for fun."

Chris was just too damn happy for Wyatt's liking. He always was, even when he saw the bigger picture he still managed to find some good. That's the difference between him and me. He's always so good and humble. And…innocent. I'm not. I never will be. Maybe I should just do what the Powers That Be wanted me to do. Be evil. Be a demon. Wyatt thought once again of his powers, how they resembled demonic powers more than witch powers. Lately, he had also developed fire-throwing but hadn't told anyone. He had had that power for nearly a month and no one was any the wiser. He was afraid to tell them. Fire-throwing was an upper lever demonic power. When his Aunt Phoebe had become Queen of the Underworld that was her main power. And now Wyatt had it. Did that mean that he was destined to be the new King of the Underworld? The new Source?

"Yoohoo! Wyatt? Are you in there? We're leaving now!" Chris was frantically waving his hand in front of Wyatt's face. Wyatt batted it away. "I'm fine! Stop…going like this!" Wyatt waved his hand in front of Chris's face to demonstrate. "Really, we can go now. Stop being an annoying little bastard, already!" Chris was shocked. Wyatt never yelled at him. He might get annoyed but he never yelled or called him bastard. Chris hated that word. The kids at school had insulted him with it all the time because Chris was illegitimate. His mom and dad had been divorced when Chris was conceived and no one seemed to let him forget. Wyatt wished now that he hadn't said that to Chris. He didn't even know why he had said it. He had suddenly felt pissed off at Chris, for something so minor. God, I am a monster. A horrible person. Good people don't talk to their brothers that way. "Sorry I called you that, Chrissy. I didn't mean it. I was just thinking and you interrupted. Forgive me." Chris nodded, being the trusting young man that he was, and having no reason to not forgive his older brother.

Wyatt wished that he had that kind of trust still left in him. Chris hadn't known Gideon well enough to trust him. Wyatt had, and he had paid for it. Not physically, but mentally. It was almost as if Gideon had his revenge. Why had Gideon killed Piper? Wyatt wondered if Gideon had really meant to kill him or if putting the Charmed Ones out of comission was his only goal.

 
Something deep inside keeps saying life is like a vapor
It's gone in just a twinkling of an eye

The older Halliwell brother climbed into the car, Victor's car. Wyatt was 16 and had his license but Victor wouldn't buy him a car. Said he didn't need it. Wyatt actually agreed with him. He didn't need a car, or even really want one. Orbing was much faster, even though using it for minor transportation bordered on personal gain. Lately though, Wyatt wasn't too worried about personal gain. He wondered if that were another sign of his being evil. No. I will NOT be evil. I won't.  No matter what, I won't let my goodness fade so fast. Wyatt sat in the backseat, allowing Chris to have the front with his beloved Grandpa Victor. Victor turned on the car, a song on the radio blaring through.

Country music. Some singer who was once a contestant on a reality show. Singing about how he really wants to live. Wyatt felt tears well up in the corners of his eyes. Everything good in life fades away so fast. I won't have time to live. I want to live, but I don't know how. I don't know what to do to make the monster I've become go away. I hate what I've become. He wiped the tears away. No. He would live this day, even if he never had another one like it. He would enjoy the carnival with Chris and his Grandpa. He would have time to cry later, but for now he just wanted to live.

I wanna cry like the rain, dry like the rain
Shine like the sun on a beautiful morning
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringing
Fight with the devil and go down swinging
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone
Take everything that this world has to give
I wanna take every breath I can get
I wanna live.

END OF CHAPTER 3

Review please? Should I write another chapter? Oh, and I promise I'll have chapter 6 of Almost Paradise done soon.