Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Lessons
At the end of his fifth year at Hogwarts, Ron
Weasley was attacked by a brain in the Department of Mysteries-- not
really attacked, actually. It was hard to explain. Not many had seen
what happened to him. Harry was the important one, and everyone knew
it. He lived through the ordeal, and that was what mattered-- not
that Sirius was dead or Hermione was sore for weeks after, not that
Ron's head began hurting, and his memories all blurred together.
Harry continued to live, if constant moping could be called a life,
and Snape got nastier than ever, and Neville, somehow, made top marks
in Potions and Defense.
Sixth year was when the word bitten
first came up. It was then Harry began saying that the Ravenclaws
should be careful, because every full moon Ron might actually start
doing homework and taking his own notes. Sixth year was also when Ron
realized he didn't like Harry all that much, anymore. He still
laughed, though, because he was best at laughing and joking and not
taking things at all seriously, and Ron wanted to stay best at
something.
The only one who didn't laugh was Professor Lupin.
He just stood there looking weak and tired and very old. Sometimes he
would absently brush his fingers against a gold ring he wore on a
chain around his neck, and just once he looked angry, truly angry at
Harry. For a few moments, Ron thought he might punish him for his
loud comments, but then Malfoy stood up and declared that Lupin was a
danger to the school and might start attacking students. Everyone
rolled their eyes at him, and everything Harry said was forgotten--
forgotten because it was about Ron, who was wholly forgettable and
because what Harry said didn't matter, just that he lived.
It
was hot out then, a dry sparkling type of heat that smelled of raw
magic and tasted almost like fizzing wizbees. The start of his last
year at Hogwarts was marked by flashes of shapeless lightning off in
the distance and one violent storm that split the whomping willow
down its center, scattering branches all over the grounds and sending
them to float in the still waters of the lake. Occasionally, the
squid would bob to the surface and use a few tentacles to toss them
away. Ron watched it happen from the open window of the charms
classroom and the wavy glass frame of the transfiguration classroom
and the tiny, ground level vent of the potions classroom until one
too many potions blew up under his hands, and Snape told him to leave
and not come back.
Walking slowly down the hallway, Ron
rubbed his arms, once scarred by the remnants of a thousand terrible
thoughts, with the calloused tips of his fingers. The scars were
gone, faded to thin white lines and then covered by the freckles the
sun brought out of hiding, but the thoughts were still there, still
swimming somewhere in the back of his mind and mixing themselves with
endless scrolls he was trying to memorize and the quills he stole
from Hedwig's tail.
The Gryffindors were celebrating their
Quidditch victory-- Harry's victory. No one else did anything,
really. Ron had barely gotten into position in front of the center
hoop when their captain, Harry, caught the snitch, and Malfoy flew
off in a fit silent of outrage.
Ron was a mad too, though he
would never admit to it. It was the Slytherin game, the first game of
the year. He'd been running drills all summer, and for what? Nothing
he did ever made a difference. It was with that thought fixed
unmoving in his mind that he volunteered to go get food from the
kitchens. The growing distance between him and his friends was far
less noticeable when they weren't in the same room, and he saw
nothing to be celebrating. Anyone could beat Malfoy these days.
It
took him fifteen tries tickling the pear to get it to laugh. After
the first five, he was ready to punch a hole through the canvass.
Then he reminded himself that he had nowhere better to be, and the
longer he was held up the longer he could be away from the party
upstairs. Finally, he pictured the look of indignation on Malfoy's
pinched face as he heard Justin's voice announce the end of the game,
and the pear started squirming helplessly beneath his fingers. He had
to hold back a laugh of his own.
"Mister Harry Potter's
Wheezy is here!" A voice screamed, and steeping into the
kitchens, Ron was surprised to be jumped on by an excited mob of
house elves.
"Hello, Dobby," he said, picking out a
familiar face amongst the tangle of knobby limbs.
"You
will be wanting cakes, yes?" Dobby asked, growing more excited
with each word, "and biscuits? And candies? And apples? And
spiced pumpkin seeds?"
"I guess."
"Mister
Harry Potter played ever so well today!"
"Yeah,
sure."
"Yes, yes he is a very good filer,"
said an elf Ron hadn't met before. "Very, very good, isn't
he?"
"Yeah, Harry's good."
"He is
kind and generous and brave," said Dobby, rocking back and forth
on his heels. "And he gives us clothes. Doesn't he, Wheezy?"
Ron looked down at the robe he picked up from a heap on the
floor, to find that Harry's head boy pin sitting just above the
Gryffindor crest. "Uh huh," he mumbled, taking the pin off
and shoving it in his pocket. If the elves were so excited about
serving Harry Potter, he didn't understand why they hadn't been
bothered to clean the seventh year boy's dorm for over a month.
"You must be wanting to get his treats back to him,
yes?"
"Right now, I just want to sit down,"
Ron said, falling unceremoniously into one of the wooden chairs at
the small corner table.
He jumped and nearly toppled over
onto the floor when Dobby rapped on his knuckles with a rubber
spatula. "Bad Wheezy!
"Argg! What was that for?"
"You is being lazy."
"So?" he
asked with a shrug.
"Master gives you work to do and you
is-- you is s-s-sitting down!" Dobby hit him again.
"Stop
that!"
"Bad Wheezy!" exclaimed Winky, trying
to shake him out of his chair. "Get up! Get Up! Get up!"
"My name is Ron!" He screamed, but to that, the
bustling elves didn't seem to take any notice.
He did get up
out of the chair after a few moments, and he left Harry's feast
sitting on the table when he walked back into the hall.
The
moon was huge and orange when it first rose. On the nights it was
full, it would sit low over the mountains, like one of Hagrid's giant
pumpkins for hours before struggling further upwards and disappearing
amongst the thick grey clouds.
Summer passed quickly in a
swirl of sharp sunlight and pale blue skies. Out on the grounds, the
trees were undressing their leaves onto the grass, leaving jagged
patchwork quilts of yellow and red, standing out sharply against the
green.
As the lingering heat faded from the air and
autumn settled in, Ron found himself, for the first time, on a
different schedule than Harry. Early in the morning, he would walk
alone to Care of Magical Creatures, while fog hung thick just above
the lake, and the thinning vapors rolled out over the grass, never
quite reaching the castle. Once, he spotted a family of unicorns on
the edge of the forbidden forest. He stood still for a few minutes,
just watching as they drilled their horns into the softened ground in
search of truffles, and the morning mists collected in the cuffs and
folds of his too-big trousers.
He was the only Gryffindor in
the class. The others had far more important things to learn, and
failing out of advanced potions left a hole in his schedule that
needed to be filled. It was only him, Crabbe, Goyle and a few
Hufflepuffs, whose names he could never remember.
Hagrid sat
on a large wooden crate with the word 'caution' painted in bold
letters on each side and ran thick fingers through his dew-spotted
beard as he tried to explain that fire crabs weren't crabs at all and
that, for all their claw and stingers, manticores still had their
place in the world-- that they still deserved to exist.
After
each class, Hagrid would tell Ron how glad he was that he stayed--
how proud he was that, even with the war coming, one of the
Gryffindors still cared that animals would need to be protected just
as much as humans. Ron could never bring himself to tell him the
truth.
Sometimes, he felt his legs would ache if they weren't
kept constantly moving, even if he never got anywhere in the end. His
prefect patrols became another way for him to stretch out when the
dorm and the common room began to feel far too small. He felt as if
he would keep growing and growing until soon there would be no space
left for him anymore, like a tree with nowhere for its roots to
spread. Other times, he felt tiny, as insignificant as a blade of
grass.
"I don't know why you couldn't just have Ron do
it." He heard Harry scream one night, walking through the
hallways.
"You are the one most deserving, Harry,"
a voice-- Dumbledore's voice replied. "You should have been made
prefect youe fifth year, not Mr. Weasley. Soon you will see this as
the honor it is."
"I don't want to be head boy. All
it is, is too much bloody work and I have more important things--"
"Have your nightmares returned?" Dumbledore asked,
sounding concerned. "Have you seen anything?"
"No,
I don't dream any more, not in pictures-- just black. I hear things,
sometimes, just rain or talking. I don't like it. I think I'd rather
see Voldemort than nothing. He's still out there. I know he is, and
you're just keeping me blind to him."
"We are
keeping him blind to you, Harry."
"There's no
difference!" Harry screamed, and Ron peeked around the doorway
of the classroom they were in to see him rip the head boy pin from
his robes and throw it onto the ground before stalking off out the
door without noticing him standing there.
Ron turned to walk
away himself, but was stopped by a hand placed, firmly on his
shoulder. "I trust this will find its way back to its proper
owner," Dumbledore said, placing the pin in his hand. Ron nodded
and put it in his pocket before walking off.
Not wanting to
go back and face a fuming Harry just yet, Ron made his way towards
the kitchens.
"Wheezy is not doing as Miss Hermione told
him to," said a disappointed looking Winky, the moment he came
through the portrait hole.
"No, I'm not."
She
tried to push the handle of a mop into his hands, but he refused to
take it.
"Oh, Wheezy is bad," said another elf.
"Miss Hermione tells him to patrol the dungeons, and he doesn't.
Wheezy must listen! Wheezy must do as he is being told!"
"If
Hermione wants someone to patrol the dungeons," he said. "She
can do it herself, or she can get Harry to. He's the head boy, after
all, and it's not like he's done anything so far this year."
"Mister Harry Potter must learn his Occlumency,"
Dobby said.
Ron shrugged. "Whatever."
"It
is very important. He is needing to be protecting himself if he is
attacked by a--."
"By a what?!" Ron snapped,
leaning against the counter, "By someone elses mind? Oh yes,
Harry's the only one who might need that!"
Dobby slammed
a cupboard door shut just below him, nearly catching his fingers.
"Bad Wheezy!"
He shoved his hands into the safety
of his pockets and found his fingers brushing Harry's pin. His mouth
suddenly went very dry. "Winky," He said. "Can you get me
a pumpkin juice?"
"Wheezy, you is being worse than
Dobby," she snapped. "You must be patrolling the
Slytherins."
"Just a glass of water then?"
"You must be stopping their pranks."
"Oh,
come on. What's the worst Malfoy can do?"
Dobby's eyes
seemed to get just a bit larger. "Wheezy must be stopping--"
"Ron!" he screamed at Winky and at Dobby and at all
the other elves, who had gathered around, finally taking notice. "My
name is Ron. Ron Weasley. Not Wheezy. And I'm a person, not a house
elf. I don't have to mop the floor, and I don't have to slam my hands
in a cupboard for being disobedient. I don't have to listen to you,
Dobby, and I most certainly don't have to run around serving Mister
Harry Potter!"
"Wheezy is being--" Dobby
began.
"No," Ron stammered. "I is-- I am—I .
. ."
"You is being wrong," he finished, but
Ron was used to being wrong by then, and he didn't say anything as he
walked out.
The rains and mists found
their way into the tiny cracks and crevices of the castle walls, and
when the temperature dropped below freezing, and the water turned to
ice, the stones began to sing with the dull ache of unrelenting cold.
Winter came then with snow and sleet and hail the size of snitches.
There was a stretch of three weeks that the weather became so
violent, no one was allowed outside, and Ron found himself desperate
for the feel of fresh air in his lungs and on his skin.
He
would open the tower windows, sometimes, but his dorm-mates always
closed them immediately and gave him odd looks. That year, he was
glad to be going home to the Burrow for winter holiday without Harry
or Hermione or Ginny, but when he got there, he found the upstairs
rooms were caving in and packed tight with snow.
He spent his
Christmas sitting on the kitchen floor with his back resting against
the oven to keep warm, while his father cast weak heating charms, and
his mother fretted over how withdrawn he was becoming. By the time he
had to return to school, he was thankful that no one there worried
after him.
Sleeping became difficult. The strong winds kept
him awake long into the night, and when he did manage to drift off,
he would dream of winning the final Quidditch game for Gryffindor, or
traveling far away, or finding treasure buried in caves beneath the
stone floor of the kitchen. Sometimes, he would dream of saving the
world, and he could never quite understand why he woke up shaking and
cold from sweat-- why he began to envy the blindness Harry complained
of.
In the common room, Ron busied himself plucking up
cushions from the overstuffed lounge chairs and putting them in one
of the sacks Dobby had given him.
"Ron?" Hermione
asked, looking up from a large book. "What on earth are you
doing?
"Laundry," he said.
She curiously
raised an eyebrow at him. "Why?"
"Because,"
he shrugged.
She didn't appear overly amused with his answer.
"Because, why?"
"Needs to get done."
"Leave it for the house elves."
"No."
"Don't you have more important things to be doing?"
She asked. "You should be studying, and you haven't been
patrolling outside the prefect's bathroom like I told you to. I think
Malfoy's stealing all the towels."
For all they said he
was clueless, sometimes Ron thought Hermione and Harry could do with
a bit of common sense. "Malfoy's rich." He said. "Why
would he need to steal towels?"
"Oh, never mind.
There's no explaining things to you, Ron."
"Good.
Fine." He said, dragging the bag towards the portrait hole. "I
is going to the laundry room."
"Will be."
"What?"
"You will be going to the
laundry room," she corrected. "Honestly, you're not going
to be able to get a job at the ministry if you keep speaking like
that."
"Who says I want to work for the ministry?"
"Well, that's where your father works. I just thought--"
"Never mind."
"Make sure to stop by
the prefect's bathroom," she called after him, and he waited for
her to finish before letting the portrait swing shut behind him.
The laundry rooms were thick with steam and the strong smell
of soap, but they were a good bit colder than the rest of the castle.
On the floor, by a vent a few of the house elves were sleeping
huddled together to keep out the cold, and using a few familiar
looking towels as blankets. He stifled a laugh.
"Wheezy,
you must be giving us the robes, now," said Dobby. "We is
not doing the pillows until tonight."
Ron held the bag
out to him, dropping it when something caught his eye. "I
remember this," he said walking over to a large mirror only half
covered by a bed sheet.
"It is being just a mirror,
Wheezy," said Winky, who had pulled up behind Dobby. "It is
just reflecting."
"No-- no, it's not just a mirror
it shows what you wish for-- I think— what you want most . . ."
He pulled the sheet aside so they could have a better view. "What
do you see in it?"
"I is seeing Winky," she
said, "and Dobby and Wheezy, who is not doing laundry as he
should be."
"I is seeing myself," Dobby said,
"and socks."
Ron wondered if that was because Dobby
wanted socks or because they were in a laundry room, and there was a
large pile of socks sitting just behind him. He stepped closer to the
mirror, studying his reflection. "Funny," he said. "I
used to-- but I just see me-- now. I thought it showed . . ."
"There is no whishing, Wheezy," Winky said,
grabbing his hand and leading him away. "There is work. There is
what you must be doing. There is no wishing." She gently shook
the netted bag he had given her and something fell out the bottom,
not any article of clothing but a pin-- Harry's head boy pin. She
picked it up and gave it to him with a nod. He held it in his hands
and studied it only for a moment before shoving it in his pocket
again.
"No wishing?" he asked.
"No,"
she repeated. "We is not being allowed that."
Unwittingly, and indeed against his every intention, Ron
had achieved what Hermione, for all her brilliance, never could. The
house elves were treating him as one of them-- as an equal. Maybe it
was because his ears were too big, and his nose was too long, and his
clothes looked like they had been stolen from a rubbish pile, rather
than gifted. Or maybe, it was because Hermione's natural inclination
had always been to boss people around, and the elves recognized it,
no mater how polite she tried to be. Whatever it was, Ron told
himself that these strange meetings were a secret to be kept out of
embarrassment and nothing more.
By the end of the year it was
harder for him to get into the kitchens-- harder to think of funny
things and harder to force a smile when people slapped him on the
back and told him how amazing it was that Hermione published her
first report on werewolf rights and Harry was already being scouted
by professional Quidditch teams.
Spring was filled with soft
rains and unnaturally bright flowers growing under the light of an
unnaturally bright sun. That same light poured in through the
widening cracks of the castle walls and cast strange, undulating
patterns and shadows along the hallways. For many, it was the
beginning of a hope that he-who-must-not-be-named might truly be
gone. Harry didn't believe it, but even he allowed himself relax a
bit.
The final Quidditch game was played by Slytherin and
Ravenclaw, and all the Gryffindors watched, cheering as Malfoy got
thoroughly trounced by a muggle-born second year and then as he took
a rather large fall and was levitated off to the infirmary in a
stretcher. No one was too surprised.
The final points were
tallied, and Gryffindor was announced the winner of the cup, and Ron
was stunned when Harry pulled him into a rough hug-- stunned that
Harry was hugging him and stunned by how much it hurt, a sharp stab
like a needle digging into his chest, and he tried to wiggle out of
it, as Harry smiled and told him how brilliant he'd been.
He
agreed, again, to get the food for their celebration. He didn't need
to say anything to Dobby or Winky this time. They knew why he was
there, and he wiped of the counter while he was waiting for them to
get all the treats ready. When he left and Dobby said, "Bye,
Wheezy," he never thought to correct him.
"Ronald!"
he heard called as he walked up the stairs, arms full of sweet
smelling packages, and it took him a few seconds to recognize it as
his name. "Ronald, you dropped this." Looking behind him,
he saw Luna Lovegood waving the dust rag he unwitting brought with
him from the kitchens as if it were pennant and not just some scrap
of an old shirt. She was still wearing her giant eagle hat from the
game, and he noticed that she added a charmed snake to writhe
pathetically in its talons.
"Oh-uh, thanks," he
said, setting the food down one stair up.
She held the rag
directly in front of her face and went cross-eyed to examine it.
"What is it?"
"Nothing."
"Well
it's obviously not nothing," she said. "You just haven't
given it a proper name.
"It's a--"
"Shhh."
She pressed a finger over his lips. "Not out loud. It will lose
meaning if you share it too much, even with me."
"It's
a dust rag, Luna," he said brushing her finger away. "I got
it from the house elves."
"We need them, the elves,
I mean, dust rags too, I suppose. We need them, but we refuse to
recognize it, because that would make them far too strong."
"Okay." He shrugged, not wanting to waste anymore
time now that all the Gryffindor's were waiting for him.
"So
we boss them around until they lose all sense of the future-- and
then they begin talking the way they do. And we don't let them have
proper clothes or proper homes or free reign over their own talents
because the truth is they don't need us at all. Only, no one seems to
realize--"
"Hermione wants them to get paid,"
he cut her off, turning back around to start picking up the food, but
she grabbed him by the shoulder and held him in place.
"Maybe
that's not enough," she whispered. "They say you have the
most marvelous ears."
The size of Ron's ears was
highlighted by the haircut his mother gave him while he was home for
spring holiday. He had been self conscious about it lately, that and
the fact that, his latest growth spurt made his trousers so short
they barely managed to skim the tops of his shoes. He raised his
hands to cover his ears, but Luna quickly snatched them away. "Do
they talk to you?" he asked.
She smiled. "Not like
they talk to you. They're not supposed to, actually-- not like that.
They even have rules against it. I wonder why you're the exception."
"I don't know." He said, but she didn't seem to
notice.
"You would hear so much, if only you would
listen."
"To what?"
She looked down at
her hands and began folding the dust rag, as if it were a fancy
handkerchief. "They think they need us," she whispered,
"but they don't. It's the other way around."
"So?"
"They're so afraid, Ronald, so afraid of freedom, that
they don't have any idea how powerful they really are."
"So
what?" he shrugged. "They're only house elves."
"No,
you don't--"
"Listen," He said. "This is
being-- this is--I have to be getting to Harry's party. They need me
to bring the snacks."
"Yes," she said. "They
do." Once his hands were full again, she put the folded rag in
his front pocket and gently flicked the head boy pin that was
dangling just below with her fingernails. He looked down at it,
puzzled, but she only smiled. "They need you."
And
as he continued up the stairs and she started down, he could hear her
humming a familiar tune, and it meant something— he knew it meat
something, and he stood still for a few seconds trying to remember
the words. But they never came, and he had to keep walking. He was
needed.
Ron still couldn't be sure what happened
in the department of mysteries. He didn't know if it could be called
an attack, if in some way, it was invited. Even through all his
apathy and resignation he still could have wanted, needed something
for when he felt like he didn't belong in his own head. Or he may
have had the desire to prove that he too could be tested and not lose
himself like Harry almost had. Or maybe, something in him always knew
that Harry would be the one to save the world, and Hermione would be
the one to show him how, and he would be the one to make a
sacrifice.
He could feel it sometimes, when he wasn't trying
to think of anything in particular. He could feel little pieces of
who he was slipping away, and it was easy, so damnably easy, to let
them. He couldn't rush in to fight head on the way Harry always had
(he wasn't that sure of himself) and he couldn't research thoroughly
and come up with any clever plans like Hermione always had (he wasn't
that smart or that hopeful). But there were other ways.
He
went home to the Burrow after leaving school and leaving his friends
to their glorious futures. He went straight to his room, still creaky
and wet and stained by water, and he began to mop.
The End
Thanks for reading
