Hullo Peoples, it's merry ol' me again! You won't believe the trouble I've had with this chappie. . .I mean finding the time for one thing. I've been so busy what with this massive storm which took out my internet connection, and then trying to convince Gibbs to leave the poor cat alone. . .*cough* not to mention getting riotously drunk at Will and Liz's wedding. . .wait I shouldn't have mentioned that!

And for another I struggled to talk about my women and keep it below NC-17 or whatever that stupid rating is called. . .

So anyway on with the chapter, which I am afraid (nope wrong word, I'm not afraid of anything) so erm. . .which I am [insert word which means afraid, but doesn't] is quite short, mainly due to the aforementioned (wow look at that long word, just look at it!!) problems.

To My Reviewers: -

Jack Sparrow ~ Hey?! Have you stolen my name?

Raptress ~ Thanks for the idea!! ^_^

Evanjaleene ~ WOW!! That's a reputation an' an half!

Heather ~ Well I don't believe the stupid stuper. . .stupersti. . .stupersiti. . .I don't believe it. You know it's also bad luck to have a seagull land on the deck? Bad luck. . .no tasty luck. . .mmm seagull. . .I think the reason it's bad luck to have a woman on board is because she distracts the crew. . .

Bex ~ I am glad you like my guide. . .I am brilliant, aren't I? Rum? Don't get me started on rum. . .I could go on all day. . .and probably all night too. Mmm rum!! Curses, eh? Well you should certainly watch out fer the Heathen Gods, they seemed pretty pissed at me for some reason?! Confuzzelment. . .what a cool word!! Hey that's me new word. . .CONFUZZELMENT!! ^_^

Bannonluke ~ Learning is fun!! Especially learnin' to be a pirate. (course I didn't have to learn, it all comes naturally to moi!!) You get slapped a lot?! *shakes head* I wouldn't know mate. . .I'm a good boy. . .really!

PhoenixPadfoot89 ~ Believe me it wasn't funny! Bloody women. . .

Queen Flare ~ Have fun wit' your fishing boat! (and all you did was point a pistol at them and they jumped over board?!) see your reputation is starting already! A Lady, huh? Oh well. . .means you can cheat your way outta being hung (if you get caught!!)

The Second Geek ~ Barrel of rum, silky, silky sheets. . .he he thanks very much me matey. Unpredictable, moi? Never! Baaa!! Anyway I like surprises (I'm just a little boy at heart), and erm. . .hats! Tell me what flag you decide on so I don't *accidentally* attack you whilst I be sailing the Caribbean.

Laraeliae Black ~ Glad you like my guide!! ^_^

kingleby ~ Hey, where you bin my matey? Not caught in some dingy prison somewhere I 'ope! Yes Anne Bonny was a good pirate. . .shows what a woman can do, eh? Evil? Pirate.

Wow!! Lot's of reviews. . .but I want MORE MORE MORE. . .*ahem* back to my guide. . .

Next time I won't be replying to ALL my reviews, unless I have somethin' to say, or you ask a question, 'cause as you can see it takes up an awful lot of the chapter. . .but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate you, savvy?

All about them Women. Aye, and about time too. *wink, wink*.

So to start with the term 'Lady of the Night'. Well basically Ladies *cough* (yeah right!!) that come out at night. You know I have often wondered what they do during the day. One of life's little mysteries I suppose.

As I have said previously in my guide, Tortuga is a wonderful place to go. Full of very willing women, and reasonable prices. I mean you get the occasional hysterical clingy ones, who want security, love, they try to change you. . .but no one could change Captain Jack Sparrow! Except maybe. . .wait actually no. . .let's not go into that. . .

So where do you look? Well the pub is a good start, try to avoid the back street ones. They usually carry knifes and have these big scary blokes with them, you'll more then likely end up dead. They are mainly there for protection on the girl, an' if you don't pay up. . .believe if you have a head on your shoulders. . .you'll pay.

If you manage to tumble into Tortuga there are a few places you could try such as 'The Green Apple' and the 'Le chat noir' which is French for something or other.

Okay let's talk kids, or rather NOT! Okay, common enough question. Do you have kids? Well, none that I know of. . .hey. . .having a thought, why don't women ever say that?! So anyway, although you here stories of the famous pirates leaving a mini me in every port. . .it's not worth the hassle, specially if the brats. . .I mean beautiful adorable cherubs. . .catch up wit' you!

*shudder* I've read quite a few fanfics where I have kids, and believe me half an hours pleasure is not worth a life time shackled as a 'dad'. Unless of course you really love the wench *cough* like that could happen.

And for all the women reading this, that's like everyone isn't it? Then becoming one of these desirable women is not hard, it's just a ten tonne of makeup away. Interested? *dodges rotten fruit* okay, okay, so maybe it's not the most glamorous occupation in the world, but someone has to do it, right?

Now one more thing before I piss off and stop annoying y'all, there is one thing you must NOT do, and I mean under no circumstances. Don't beat 'em up. For one thing they probably have got some gorilla of a pet round the corner waiting to string you up from the nearest post, and give you a couple of wooden legs. But for another, it ain't right to beat up a woman. There are many ethical problems deep at the root of this (don't I sound important?). Treat 'em with respect, I mean I know they're whores, but they're still women, so erm. . .yeah. . .don't hit 'em, under ANY circumstances. Unless of course they deserve it.

WHAT WE HAVE LEARNT TODAY: -

*mutters something about seagulls*

RANDOM FACT: -

*mutters something about seagulls*

Okay, wasn't that fun? So next time, it'll either be famous pirates or how to talk like a pirate, depending on how I'm feeling, savvy?