Summary: Krayon's feeling mischievous and Raenef ends up ... horny? Wackiness ensues. Shounen-ai, Rae/Clipse.
Warning: Random weirdness, shounen-ai (yes, if you are homophobic: GO AWAY!) and slight OOCness.
Disclaimer: I have never owned it before, I don't own it now, I am making no money off this – actually, I'm making no money period – so it would be pointless to sue me.
A/N: I'm trying my hand at comedy, and have no idea how it will work out. Raenef's a little out of character, but there actually is a legitimate reason for that, and Eclipse is well ... meh, I'm too tired to come up with an excuse so I will endure any abuse that comes from it. Also, I apologize in advance for the fact that the first paragraph is all one very long sentence. I suppose it's a little confusing but ... bear with me? And, without further ado:
Of Pancakes and Aphrodisiacs
One dark and stormy night, in a nameless castle somewhere far off in a distant land, when all pathetic mortals had been torn off of each other (effectively squashing the possibility of the accidental death of certain super-genius clerics – much to the dismay of certain red-haired swordswomen and grumpy demon tutors) and bodily hauled off to their beds; lovable demon lords were fast asleep and dreaming strange dreams of talking tomatoes and dark-haired demons, and even short tempered kitchen wenches had retreated from their cooking duties and lesson planning – useless though that may ultimately prove to be – to spend long, sleepless hours contemplating the teensy-weensy problem of being in love with one's master and, subsequently, the thousands of improprieties involved with the rather shameful situation (the cradle-robbing issue not being the least of them), a certain curly-haired fop of a demon lord snuck into the sleeping castle with only one though in his rather empty head: how disturbingly easy it would be to stir up trouble.And so it came to be that events took a very hectic turn in the castle that was residence to the 5th Demon Lord Raenef, and his rather odd assemblage of house guests.
The blond disgrace of the entire demon realm awoke the next morning in an inexplicably good mood. The storm that had plagued them for the past week or so had cleared up sometime during the night and he was greeted with a sight that would have had Eclipse lighting both Erutis and Chris on fire, simply as a means of venting his frustration (since Raenef had become uncharacteristically authoritative and put his foot down, strictly forbidding the annihilation of entire villages at a time; a rather unfair command in Eclipse's opinion, thank you very much).
The sun was bright in the blue sky overhead, and its rays sparkled and glistened off the lush vegetation outside. Birds were chirping merrily on their branches, ecstatically greeting the new day with their melodious voices. (Somewhere, Eclipse was gritting his teeth and suppressing the urge to make them explode, one by one, into charred and smoking piles of feathers and bird entrails with a wave of one elegantly manicured hand.)
Raenef yawned happily and clambered up out of bed, attracted by the unmistakable odor of freshly made food wafting up from the kitchen below. He was almost certain that the smell was that of pancakes, and tripped over his own feet three or four times at least in his mad dash to get to the table. When he did, his vapid brain, filled with thoughts of sweet maple syrup and creamy butter atop of fluffy, golden-brown pancakes – and very little else – did not register the oddity of having a table laid with food and no cook in visible sight. Grinning from ear to ear, our young buffoon of a demon lord dug into the suspicious meal with a mindless, energetic fervor.
The formerly-most-respected-now-most-ridiculed demon in the entire demon realm awoke that very same morning in an understandably bad mood. The storm that had blessed them for the past week or so had cleared up sometime during the night, and Eclipse peered sulkily out his window, only to be greeted with a sight that had him wishing the moronic knight and cleric were around, so that he could light them on fire to relieve some of his frustration, now that Raenef had coldly taken away his usual form of stress therapy. Suddenly, the demon caught the faint scent of some rather delicious smelling ... pancakes? No, that couldn't be right. Eclipse was the only one of their mismatched crew who knew even the slightest thing about cooking (a fact that he was more than willing to kill to keep a secret). The time he had spent around Raenef must finally gotten to his overstressed brain. He was quite obviously ... smelling things.
Raenef paused midway through a bite of pancake and stared vacantly at the delicious piece of food. He was sure that Eclipse was an excellent cook, but wondered if the weather hadn't done something funny to his brain. He must have put something odd in the pancakes though, because Raenef was beginning to feel peculiar – not a bad peculiar, mind you, but still rather ... odd.
Eclipse got out of bed and made his way to the dining room slowly. Curiosity may have managed to compel him to even move at all, but weather like this had always seemed to make the demon feel rather sluggish. He relished the thought of having to patiently wade through another lesson with his air-headed lord even less than usual. He wasn't sure if his self-control would hold in his current mood, and he did not surmise that – good mood though he may be in – Raenef would appreciate being molested by his tutor. (We have come to the conclusion that Eclipse really isn't as intelligent as first impressions would indicate.)
When he finally reached the elaborately decorated dinning room and hauled himself through the magnificently large and annoyingly heavy carved, mahogany doors, Eclipse stopped dead at the sight before his slightly baffled eyes. Raenef was sitting in his chair at the head of the table, staring in a bemused sort of way at the piles of half-eaten food in front of him. It didn't take long for Eclipse to come to two rather simple conclusions. One: he himself had never cooked the meal in front of the blond boy at the table, and Two: neither Chris, Erutis or Raenef had cooked it either. Though reluctant to admit it, Eclipse had to concede (though grudgingly, I must add) that the meal didn't look remotely inedible, and none of those three were capable of that caliber of food. In point of fact, none of those three were capable of the Mac 'n Cheese caliber of food ... but we digress. The point here is that Eclipse's spider sense was tingling, in a major way.
"My lord, don't touch any of that food," he declared, panicking. He knew it was a little late for the statement; the crumbs littering severable empty plates could attest to that. But he didn't know quite what to do under the circumstances. He just seriously hoped that whatever was in the mysterious food wasn't fatal – because if it was ... oh, there would be hell to pay.
Raenef slowly raised his head from his puzzled contemplation of breakfast to stare at Eclipse with smoldering eyes. His gaze, though slightly bleary, was undoubtedly focused, and Eclipse felt himself wanting to fidget under the fiery look. He didn't, of course, since demons do not, under any circumstances fidget, and although Raenef might not care overly much when it came to such matters, Eclipse was going to cling to thisfinal shred of dignity if it was the last thing he did, damn it! But there was something unrecognizable behind his eyes, and the dark-haired demon found it to be a trifle ... disconcerting.
Then the boy began to talk.
"Eclipse," Raenef breathed. His voice was soft and husky and Eclipse felt shivers go down his spine at the tone his demon lord used. Wait ... his demon lord? Eclipse silently cursed Freud and his damned slips, then shoved back the urge to kill certain, annoying, sex-obsessed therapists. That would have to be dealt with another time. Right now, there were other matters to address.
"You know, I've always wanted you." The blond continued in that same, sexy tone. Eclipse stared, wide-eyed, as Raenef arose catlike from the table and made his way over to where the older demon stood with his mouth agape like some sort of ridiculous fish. Raenef watched him with amusement before beginning to talk again.
"I was always so scared of what you would think of me if you knew. But today, I don't feel that. I want you so badly that it hurts, and it's blocking out every other feeling. I'm not stopping until I get what I want."
By now Raenef had stopped right in front of his tutor. Their bodies were pressed together, mouths only a breath apart. Raenef's breath was ragged, and brushed tantalizingly overhis lips. Eclipse's breath, on the other hand, wasn't coming out at all. He seemed to have momentarily forgotten the extremely complicated act of breathing.
What the hell was in that foo-
And then sudden realization hit.
"Raenef, wait! I know what's wrong with you and you can't do this! You may regret it la – mmmph!"
Eclipse was effectively silenced when Raenef rather forcefully locked their lips together in a passionate kiss.
Fin.
A/N: Well, there goes my fist humorous fic. I experimented with a slightly different style, and I want to know the truth about whether it completely sucked or not. So, in other words ... REVIEW! Oh, and I know that all of what Raenef was saying was unbearably corny, but I meant it to be that way. If it's too annoying, let me know.