DISCLAIMER: I own nothing here. Please don't sue my sorry butt.
Ch.4
Grissom eased his cell phone out of his coat pocket, and flipped it open.
"Catherine? Yeah. I need you to take charge of shift tonight."
Catherine looked at her phone as if she expected a springing plastic snake to pop out. She got up from her couch, and headed for her calendar to see if her sister was available that night. So much for two full days off.
"You feeling ok?" She had never known Grissom to take time off other than for his operation.
"I've got something I need to take care of."
Catherine heard sobbing in the background.
"How is she? Is she ok?" Catherine prayed the answer was yes.
Grissom was a bit reluctant to answer. He wondered how much Catherine knew that he didn't.
"I hope so." He sighed. "Thanks, Cath." He hung up, and slipped his phone back into his pocket.
"Grissom, I'm so sorry." Sara hid her head against him, unable to look him in the eyes yet.
"Shhh. It's ok. You don't need to be sorry. We do need to talk about this though." He reached down, and gently raised her chin so she was looking at him.
"I know. It's just so many things went wrong all at once, and I thought I could take it." She took a deep breath. "I just can't anymore. I couldn't sleep, so I started having a few beers before bedtime. It seemed to help. That's all it was at first, I swear."
She was still trying to defend herself, and that bothered Grissom. He didn't want her to feel like she was on trial.
"Sara, I'm not blaming you, but we need to get you some help for this. I promise I'll be there for you, but you have to work with me."
"You think I'm an alcoholic?" Sara's mouth nearly dropped open at the accusation. "Grissom, I don't drink all the time. I just have more lately to take the edge off. What, did Brass tell you or something?" She was suddenly angry again.
"Brass? No, what does he have to do with this?" Had she been caught before, and Brass covered for her?
Sara rose slowly, and sat down on the end of her bed.
"Sara, I just need to know why? I want to help fix this. Please let me help you." He looked at her with pleading eyes. He had never wanted anyone to see his point of view more in his entire life.
"Grissom. . ." Sara got up, and went to her nightstand to retrieve a photo from the drawer. The photo was bent, and showed signs of wear around the edges. She handed him the photo, and sat back down. "Catherine knows."
Grissom examined the picture of the little girl carefully. He was confused. His mind was full of questions, but no answers seemed obvious.
"Was she a case of yours?"
"No, Grissom, she was mine. Her name is Lori. She would have been ten this past week." Sara tried to read his expression. Her words seemed to take several minutes to fully sink in. His breathing became shallow, and he kneaded the bridge of his nose furiously.
"Sara, I'm not sure what to say." He got up, walked over to the side of the bed, and knelt down beside her, taking her in his arms. "I'm so sorry, Honey."
Grissom felt like he'd just placed the final piece in a jigsaw puzzle. Suddenly, Sara's reaction to certain cases, her reluctance to be around children, her fierceness towards those who hurt people weaker than themselves all seemed to fit in place. How could she have held this in all these years? How could he not know about this? He had met her in college for the first time. He had befriended her in San Francisco during a case involving bugs where he had become completely impressed with her deductive skills. They had even shared drinks, but it had never occurred to him to inquire about children. Grissom realized his lack of people skills had failed him once again.
"She was such a great kid. She was already starting to read, and could write her name, and mine." Sara trailed off.
Grissom had no point of reference for how to deal with this. He had been the bearer of bad news many times to families, but he was never the one to give them comfort. He did the only thing he knew how. He held her in his arms, gently rocking them both. He wondered who the father had been, but asking such a question now was not an option. It didn't really matter to him now. All he wanted was to protect her from ever feeling such pain again. In truth, he wasn't sure how anyone could do that.
"Sara, I'm so sorry. I'm not sure how to do this."
Sara frowned. What did he mean?
"Grissom, I don't expect you to do anything. I know things have been weird between us. I guess I got the wrong idea. I thought you felt the same way I did."
Grissom winced at the use of the word 'did.' Was he too late? His chest tightened at the thought.
"I do. It just felt too complicated. I'm still your supervisor. I know now that was a cop out. I wasn't sure I could do it."
"You couldn't do it. . ." Sara repeated his words from months before during the interrogation for the Debbie Marlin case. She shook her head.
"Not 'can't' Sara, 'couldn't'. Two very separate words." He reached up to brush the damp hair from her cheek. "I want to try to be there for you. I don't want to lose you, and I can't stand seeing you do this alone."
Sara couldn't believe his words. After so long, and so much pain. She wanted to just let go, and believe in this.
"It's going to take some time." She reached for the picture of Lori that Grissom still held.
"Where is she buried?"
Sara was thrown off by the surprising question.
"Near my old hometown back near Tamales Bay. I send flowers there every year on her birthday and at Christmas."
"You've not been home once since coming to Vegas, have you?" He couldn't believe he'd never noted this before.
"No." Sara felt the shame of the fact hit home. "I couldn't go back. Not yet."
"Maybe it's time you did. Just for a week or two."
"So I won't burn out right?" Sara exhaled. She was tired again.
"To hell with the labs! I don't want to lose you!" Grissom was suddenly more adamant than Sara had seen him in years. He stood up straight. He was serious, and Sara wasn't about to make light of the matter. Passion was not something Grissom displayed freely. To witness it was rare. For it to be because of her was more important than any apology.
"You won't. I'll go." She grabbed his hand, and squeezed it tight.
"I could go with you to the cemetery if you'd like?" He spoke softly, unsure if he had made an improper offer.
"I think I'd better go alone. I know this sounds crazy, but she didn't know you. I want some time alone there."
Grissom nodded, and leaned in to kiss Sara's forehead. It was sweet and unexpected, and it was exactly the gesture she needed.
"Get some rest. Your two weeks starts tonight. I'll cover for you. Do you need anything from the labs?"
"No. I've got all I need." She smiled weakly at him as he headed for the door. "Grissom?"
"Yes?" He turned half in the hall, half in her apartment.
"I. . .thank you." She smiled. He nodded his understanding before closing the door.
Ch.4
Grissom eased his cell phone out of his coat pocket, and flipped it open.
"Catherine? Yeah. I need you to take charge of shift tonight."
Catherine looked at her phone as if she expected a springing plastic snake to pop out. She got up from her couch, and headed for her calendar to see if her sister was available that night. So much for two full days off.
"You feeling ok?" She had never known Grissom to take time off other than for his operation.
"I've got something I need to take care of."
Catherine heard sobbing in the background.
"How is she? Is she ok?" Catherine prayed the answer was yes.
Grissom was a bit reluctant to answer. He wondered how much Catherine knew that he didn't.
"I hope so." He sighed. "Thanks, Cath." He hung up, and slipped his phone back into his pocket.
"Grissom, I'm so sorry." Sara hid her head against him, unable to look him in the eyes yet.
"Shhh. It's ok. You don't need to be sorry. We do need to talk about this though." He reached down, and gently raised her chin so she was looking at him.
"I know. It's just so many things went wrong all at once, and I thought I could take it." She took a deep breath. "I just can't anymore. I couldn't sleep, so I started having a few beers before bedtime. It seemed to help. That's all it was at first, I swear."
She was still trying to defend herself, and that bothered Grissom. He didn't want her to feel like she was on trial.
"Sara, I'm not blaming you, but we need to get you some help for this. I promise I'll be there for you, but you have to work with me."
"You think I'm an alcoholic?" Sara's mouth nearly dropped open at the accusation. "Grissom, I don't drink all the time. I just have more lately to take the edge off. What, did Brass tell you or something?" She was suddenly angry again.
"Brass? No, what does he have to do with this?" Had she been caught before, and Brass covered for her?
Sara rose slowly, and sat down on the end of her bed.
"Sara, I just need to know why? I want to help fix this. Please let me help you." He looked at her with pleading eyes. He had never wanted anyone to see his point of view more in his entire life.
"Grissom. . ." Sara got up, and went to her nightstand to retrieve a photo from the drawer. The photo was bent, and showed signs of wear around the edges. She handed him the photo, and sat back down. "Catherine knows."
Grissom examined the picture of the little girl carefully. He was confused. His mind was full of questions, but no answers seemed obvious.
"Was she a case of yours?"
"No, Grissom, she was mine. Her name is Lori. She would have been ten this past week." Sara tried to read his expression. Her words seemed to take several minutes to fully sink in. His breathing became shallow, and he kneaded the bridge of his nose furiously.
"Sara, I'm not sure what to say." He got up, walked over to the side of the bed, and knelt down beside her, taking her in his arms. "I'm so sorry, Honey."
Grissom felt like he'd just placed the final piece in a jigsaw puzzle. Suddenly, Sara's reaction to certain cases, her reluctance to be around children, her fierceness towards those who hurt people weaker than themselves all seemed to fit in place. How could she have held this in all these years? How could he not know about this? He had met her in college for the first time. He had befriended her in San Francisco during a case involving bugs where he had become completely impressed with her deductive skills. They had even shared drinks, but it had never occurred to him to inquire about children. Grissom realized his lack of people skills had failed him once again.
"She was such a great kid. She was already starting to read, and could write her name, and mine." Sara trailed off.
Grissom had no point of reference for how to deal with this. He had been the bearer of bad news many times to families, but he was never the one to give them comfort. He did the only thing he knew how. He held her in his arms, gently rocking them both. He wondered who the father had been, but asking such a question now was not an option. It didn't really matter to him now. All he wanted was to protect her from ever feeling such pain again. In truth, he wasn't sure how anyone could do that.
"Sara, I'm so sorry. I'm not sure how to do this."
Sara frowned. What did he mean?
"Grissom, I don't expect you to do anything. I know things have been weird between us. I guess I got the wrong idea. I thought you felt the same way I did."
Grissom winced at the use of the word 'did.' Was he too late? His chest tightened at the thought.
"I do. It just felt too complicated. I'm still your supervisor. I know now that was a cop out. I wasn't sure I could do it."
"You couldn't do it. . ." Sara repeated his words from months before during the interrogation for the Debbie Marlin case. She shook her head.
"Not 'can't' Sara, 'couldn't'. Two very separate words." He reached up to brush the damp hair from her cheek. "I want to try to be there for you. I don't want to lose you, and I can't stand seeing you do this alone."
Sara couldn't believe his words. After so long, and so much pain. She wanted to just let go, and believe in this.
"It's going to take some time." She reached for the picture of Lori that Grissom still held.
"Where is she buried?"
Sara was thrown off by the surprising question.
"Near my old hometown back near Tamales Bay. I send flowers there every year on her birthday and at Christmas."
"You've not been home once since coming to Vegas, have you?" He couldn't believe he'd never noted this before.
"No." Sara felt the shame of the fact hit home. "I couldn't go back. Not yet."
"Maybe it's time you did. Just for a week or two."
"So I won't burn out right?" Sara exhaled. She was tired again.
"To hell with the labs! I don't want to lose you!" Grissom was suddenly more adamant than Sara had seen him in years. He stood up straight. He was serious, and Sara wasn't about to make light of the matter. Passion was not something Grissom displayed freely. To witness it was rare. For it to be because of her was more important than any apology.
"You won't. I'll go." She grabbed his hand, and squeezed it tight.
"I could go with you to the cemetery if you'd like?" He spoke softly, unsure if he had made an improper offer.
"I think I'd better go alone. I know this sounds crazy, but she didn't know you. I want some time alone there."
Grissom nodded, and leaned in to kiss Sara's forehead. It was sweet and unexpected, and it was exactly the gesture she needed.
"Get some rest. Your two weeks starts tonight. I'll cover for you. Do you need anything from the labs?"
"No. I've got all I need." She smiled weakly at him as he headed for the door. "Grissom?"
"Yes?" He turned half in the hall, half in her apartment.
"I. . .thank you." She smiled. He nodded his understanding before closing the door.