Disclaimer: I don't own anything, the Wachowski Bro's own everything I want to own, the lucky bastards. The song, "I Need a Hero" does not belong to me either. To be honest, I have no idea who it belongs to. All I know is that it is from "Footloose". Please don't hold that against me.
Title: The Matrix: Now Powered by Kazaa!
Rating: PG-13 (you'll see why)
Summary: Um...it's all messed up...Neo is in it. That's what's important.
Author: Punk up the Volume. I am not ashamed to admit it!
A/N: I'm so surprised that out of eight reviews, only one is a flame! Yes, success! Actually, I'm just surprised that I got eight reviews at all. Thanks to all of you who did review, and to those that caught the "Calvin and Hobbes" reference, congratulations! I award you a Matrix Cookie, though it doesn't really exsist anyway, so what's the point?
Artoni: Um, it took me a while to read your review. I though maybe it was a secret code, but then I saw the "I like" part, and I would to say thankyou, I am glad you like.
Mizuhi Sakura: I know, I know. Every morning I look in the mirror and think to myself, "Yes...yes- I am God." I am just kidding of course, but thanks for the setiments Kiah, they were very uplifting.
m31: Thankyou for the not-so-supportive review. I appreciate it. It reminds me that I shouldn't try to please everyone. I do have two words for you though: constructive criticism.
SapphireNight: Thankyou! You noticed the "Buffy" connection. Believe me, it took me a couple of hours to figure out what the heck OMWF is. Actually, no I am not going to use all the songs, but one more will make a cameo, prolly in the next chapter or so. I hope I am not gunned down by Agent Brown, I would much prefer Smith!
Nithke: I love mini pizzas as well! Thanks for noticing the "C & H" reference. I thought it was far to good to pass up.
Divamercury: Glad that you were ROTFLYOA. I was ROTFLMOA when i was writing it.
Amber20: Yay! Two people caught the Buffy song. I was quite surprised. Another song from OMWF will be on in a couple of chapters. Guess which song.
Galenahaiel: Glad you liked it1 Thanks for the review!
T'Lorie: Thanks, I'm happy people like it. I accidentally wrote in agent Johnson instead of Jones because so many scripts have different names for that agent.
QtayIsSpechull: Thanks!
Scene Two [In which we find that Neo has no rythem]
(Enter Neo, a superhacker living in his own filth in an apartment that a college student would be ashamed to call home. Neo is asleep in front of the computer while Wet & Wild Girls is slowly loading)
Computer: Wake up, Neo.
Neo: Wow! I'm awake! That was a neat trick!
Computer: The Matrix has you...
Neo: Who is this? Why is my computer talking? Why is the "t" in potpurri silent?
Computer: Stop asking questions! I am supposed to be cryptic.
Neo: I don't like this game.
Computer: This is not a game! This is serious!
Neo: Oh. Sorry. Am I going crazy?
Computer: No more than normal. Where was I? Oh, yes, follow the white rabbit.
Neo: But I'm allergic.
Computer: Neo...
Neo: I get a rash all over my bu-
Computer: Neo!
Neo: Right, right, sorry.
Computer: Are you wearing fresh underwear, Neo?
Neo: ...Mom?
Computer: No. I was just making sure that you are because you're really going to shit your pants when someone knocks on your door in about five seconds.
Neo: (laughing) Yeah right. What do you kno-
Door: Knock. Knock.
(5 seconds of silence)
Neo: (blushing) I hate it when mysterious strangers on my computer are right.
Door: Knock. Knock. Knock!
Neo: I'm coming.
(Neo pushes his chair away and shuffles to the door in an...ackward manner. He pulls it open to reveal Choi, Du Juor and a number of other degenerates)
Neo: Howdy!
Choi: (twitching) Heya, Neo. (Twitch) Where's my illegal shit?
Neo: In my pan-...hollowed out book. You guys wanna come in? I think I'm gonn make some popcorn and watch "Flipper" on the Hallmark channel.
Choi: N-n-no thanks. We're going to a party where there will be rampant drugs, alcohal, and promiscuous sex. Would you like to come so that we can ignore you and laugh at you?
Neo: I dunno, man. (walks over to the bookcase and pulls out a hollowed out version of "Hop on Pop". He opens it and pulls out a disk marker "Napster 1.0".) My mom might not let me go. (motions to computer)
Computer: I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!!!!
Choi: What do you think Du Juor? Should we bring him with us?
Du Juor: (wrinkles her nose) No. He is sweaty and smells like a toilet.
Neo: Oh, yeah, I have to go change my pants anyway-
Computer: JUST GO!!!!
Neo: (scared as he grabs his coat) Right, shall we go?
Choi: Oh, yeah, and just so you know, some weird guy in suit who kept slurring your name came looking for you today. He said his name was Pete.
Neo: Was he coming to kill me?
Choi: (shrugs) Probably.
Neo: Hmmm. Probably from the IRS.
Later at the Club...
(Neo is standing up against a wall, looking furtive, while Choi and Du Juor laugh at him from across the room)
Neo's Brain: Why is the "t" in potpourri silent?
Trinity: Hello, Neo.
Neo's Brain: It's a hot chick! Quick, think of something suave and cool to say!
Neo: I can fit sixteen oreo's in my mouth at one time.
Neo's Brain: No one can help you now.
Trinity: That's...great, but I'm here because you're in danger, Neo.
Neo: Is it hard to walk in all that leather?
Trinity: Focus, Neo.
Neo: How do you know my name?
Trinity: You have an ad in the newspaper.
(Trinity pulls out the daily paper and opens it to an ad reading: Need illegal software? Call Neo at 555-1234, no questions asked!)
Neo: Oh yeah...
Trinity: Like I said, you're in danger, Neo.
Neo: In danger of what?
Trinity: I can't tell you.
Neo: Why not?
Trinity: You have the intellect of a junebug, that's why. (presses herseld up against Neo's side and whispers in his ear) You're looking for him.
Neo: ...God?
Trinity: No, just listen for Christ's sake! You have the attention span of a three year old boy!
Neo: Hey, ever thrown rocks at cops?
Trinity: What? No, I've shot plenty of them...but that's not the point! Do you know the question? The one that plagues you?
Neo: (whispering)...what is Kazaa?
Trinity: No! What is the Matrix!
Neo: I think we learned about that in Trigonomity or Algebra, but that was the year I got Sega. I don't really remember alot from that time except how to get to the secret level on "Power Rangers"- Hey, you know, you're really pressed up close against me.
Trinity: ...uh, it's cold in here.
Neo: And you're holding my hand.
Trinity: Right, um, never know when you could hit a patch of ice, you know...
Neo: Indoors.
Trinity: Or a slick floor.
Neo: How do you know I don't have a girl friend?
Trinity: Because after work today, you stopped at the 7-11, bought a six pack of Fruit Punch and a box of Count Chocula. You don't have a girlfriend.
Neo: What do you want?
Trinity: What do I want? (suddenly she hears a few guitar chords and starts shaking her head) No! No! Not again!
Neo: Huh? What do you need?
Trinity: What do I need? I need... [ a hero! I'm holding out for a hero until the end of the night!]
(Rolling her eyes, Trinity steps up onto a table where two innocent bystanders are sitting.)
Trinity: [He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light. He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon, and he's gotta be larger than life.]
Neo: Wow.
(Trinity busts about a bunch of Britney Spears-esque moves including thrusts, pivots and highkicks. Behind her, the two innocent bystanders become her backup singers, echoing her moves exactly)
Trinity: [Somewhere after midnight, in my wildest fantasy. Somewhere just beyond my reach, there's someone reaching back for me]
(Trinity jumps off the table and into Neo's arms. Surprised, he drops her, but she jumps up and drapes her arms around him)
Trinity: [Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat. It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet]
(Shrugging, Neo tries to bust a move but falls flat on his butt. He has no rythem. He is rythmatically impaired)
Innocent Bystander #1: [She needs a hero!]
Innocent Bystander #2: [She's holding out for a hero until the morning light!] Together: [But he's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast!]
Trinity: [And he's gotta be fresh from a fight]
Innocent Bystander #2: [Up where the mountains meet the heavens above]
Innocent Bystander #1: [Out where the lightening splits the sea]
Together: (doing a few backflips and '80's dance moves) [She could swear that there's someone out there]
Trinity: [Watching me!]
Choi and Du Juor: [Through the wind and the chill and the rain]
Choi: [And the storm and the flood]
Du Juor: [She can feel his approach]
Trinity: [Like fire in my blood]
Innocent Bystanders and Du Juor: [She needs a he-]
(The music is cut off when Trinity's cell phone rings. She smiles apologetically at the singing crowd and answers it)
Trinity: Hello.
Morpheus: Could we move this along a little?
Trinity: Sorry. (hangs up) Where was I?
Neo: You need a hero.
Trinity: Oh, right. [I need a hero!]
Choi: [She needs a hero!]
Innocent Bystanders 1 & 2: [But he's gotta be strong-]
(phone rings again)
Trinity: (aggravated) What?
Morpheus: Did you not hear me before?
Trinity: I'm kind of in the middle of something.
Morpheus: Well, hurry up.
Trinity: Fine! (hangs up)
Neo's Brain: Hey, you have a chance now! Many you can finally get some!
Trinity: I have to go.
Neo's Brain: Damn.
Neo: Damn.
Trinity: Watch out, Neo. I'll see you later.
Neo: Damn.
A/N: Another chapter, another wonderful performance by Trinity. Don't worry, others are going to catch in on the fun. Next chapter, Neo gets slightly unhinged at work. Remember to review.