Self-Discovery 101
Act Three:
Love and Lamps lost
By: Fxeni
Author's Note: This chapter was written by Fxeni, the Taru aforementioned in the last chapter. When Kidria, the main author of this story, lost some of the luster and enthusiasm in writing her story and grew discouraged, I offered to write a chapter for her. While it was originally a plan of pure fun, it soon evolved into a plan of self-styled revenge in well. I dedicate this chapter to Kidria (of course) since the main goal was to get back at her.
Kidria stood watching as the men in dresses romped around the room, acting totally unladylike and discouraged at their new décor. Since Celos was out on a mission to seek Chase, Kidria was left alone with only her wits and a very large box of make-up to turn these full grown men into lovely ladies. Fxeni, who was currently sulking into a chair over in the corner so far that the armrests were above his head, was pouting and making sure everybody knew he was unhappy.
"This sucks." He sighed heavily. "The second I saw Takmir and Vunebent in girdles and dresses, I should've closed my eyes, counted to ten, and backed out the door slowly and pretended it was all a bad dream. Seeing those two dressed in that kind of attire is bad enough, but THIS…" he pointed to his own, shimmering green dress. "Is only gonna go away with lots of alcohol and therapy."
Kidria gave him an odd look. "But…you don't drink." She said quizzically.
Fxeni gave a start and jumped right up to Kidria, and despite his efforts to try and get in her face; he only managed to reach her waist, even on his toes.
"Well, it looks like I'M GONNA HAFTA START, DOESN'T IT!?" Spit was flying from his mouth as he shouted.
The rest of the room laughed at the disgruntled Taru as he walked into the back mumbling something about "revenge." Kidria took no notice, however, as she was currently trying to stop a fight between Takmir and Vunebent.
"You look more fit to pick up a Goblin or an Orc for a date than a Mithra, Takmir. My dress defines style!" Vunebent seemed proud of his new attire.
Takmir, not one to be beaten, sneered back. "Aw, gee, sorry, I don't spend as much time in the mirror as you do. The only chick YOU could pick up is your own mother!"
Kidria gave Takmir a nasty look. "Hey!"
Takmir merely shrugged.
Vunebent seemed unfazed as he went on. "Not that you could even get that far, Takmir, but even if you did manage to be acceptable in your dress I think you might need to lose a few hundred pounds. The dress seems to be bursting at the seams!"
"THIS coming from the GUY who stuffed his dresses' bra with TISSUE PAPER so that it wouldn't actually fall OFF?!" Takmir was starting to shout.
Kidria tried her best to stop the two feuding men, but it only got worse from there, and Kidria knew it would soon erupt into a fist fight. In the meantime, the rest of the men in the room looked at the two of them fighting like they were totally insane.
The fighting was only cut short when the door to the room burst open with Celos standing in the doorway. Hands on hips, and an evil grin upon her lips, she seemed very proud of herself.
"I'mmmmm baaaccckkkkk!" she said, and then promptly turned around, grabbed something, and tossed a very confused and very drunk looking Chase into the room.
Chase barely managed to stand up without falling over, and even on his feet he was wobbling. He gazed around the room at the men in dresses staring at him, but he seemed totally unfazed by their looks. He got a displeased look on his face and turned around to Celos.
"Hey….you, you said…there wasss beer here!" His speech was slurred as he talked. "I want beerrr, not really ugly chicks!"
Celos bit her lower lip and tried to look as innocent as possible. "Uhm, beer comes later! Right now we have to get you 'fixed up'!" She grinned at Chase, but noticed he was no longer paying attention and was giving Takmir a very odd look.
The drunk ambled over to the Elvaan in the dress, and looked right in his face. Chase gave a goofy smile and grinned up at Takmir as he talked. "Hey, you…youuureee hot!" he said. "Whatsss your name?"
Takmir looked at Chase like he had just announced his marriage to the queen of the fairies. "Dude, Chase, it's me Takmir. You ok? That look you're giving me is really creeping me out."
Chase paid no attention to Takmir's words, and looked the Elvaan over top to bottom. His grin changed to a confused look as he did so. "Hmmmm…your legsss are a little hairy, but heyyy! We alllll got our problems!" The confusion quickly changed back into the goofy grin, and he continued. "Heyyyy if you want, we can go get a mithkabob sometime! Orrr maybe I could get you somethinggg at a bar? Or maybe we can even skip the pleasantries and find us somplacccee quiet right now?"
Takmir looked as if he was about to release hell's fury upon Chase, but his look of anger quickly changed into one of enlightenment. He cleared his throat and put on the girliest voice he could think of. "Ok, sweetie, there's a room in the back. You follow me, I got something I wanna show you!"
Takmir started walking off into the back and gestured for Chase to follow, who looked extremely excited. He quickly chased after Takmir, and the entire room watched them go with confused looks. Celos was the only one who looked worried.
"Uh, I think I'll follow those two and make sure Takmir doesn't 'accidentally' end up killing Chase." She quickly jogged after the two into the back, and nearly stepped on Fxeni, who had just come out with something in his hand.
He watched Celos go, and then shook his head. "Takmir and Chase. Holding hands. Sometimes, it's better not to ask." He ambled over to the middle of the room, and cleared his throat for an announcement.
"I thought I would show my appreciation for Kidria and friend's efforts for trying to make us into decent ladies. So, without further ado, I would like to present these." He held up a pair of leopard-skinned thongs into the air and let them dangle there. "These were found in the back, in one of Kidria's drawers. Good to know we are working with a professional."
The entire room turned as one to face Kidria, who was leaning in the corner. Her face went beet red in horror, and she looked around the room innocently. "Those….those aren't mine!"
Marzinquan whistled, and shook his head at Kidria. "She has good taste." Daleth merely shook his head, and Fxeni continued to smile evilly.
Kidria continued to look around the room searching for some solace in each pair of questioning eyes. "I…I don't have anything like that! I'm innocent!" Not able to take any more, she ran into the back clutching her red face in embarrassment and distress, and the entire room watched her go. Fxeni, no longer seeming disgruntled, walked over to Daleth with a happy look on his face. There suddenly came a cry from the back that sounded like Chase, and there was a sound like breaking glass.
"Heyyy! What're you doinggg! I just…just wanted a gooood time!" He burst out of the back into the front room with a horrific look on his face, and Takmir was shortly behind him with a lamp in his hand, wielding it like a mace.
"A good time? A GOOD TIME?! C'mere, 'honey' I'LL SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME!"
Takmir ran after Chase into the street still swinging the Lamp like a mace, and Celos was shortly behind, screaming something about not killing each other.
All the men in the room watched the door silently for a moment before Marzinquan spoke. "We're all gonna be thrown in jail by the end of the day."
Daleth shook his head in disgust and knelt down to Fxeni so that only the two of them could hear. "Uh, was that underwear really Kidria's? Did you actually get it from her drawer?"
Fxeni laughed and shook his head. "No, I got em from Celos' drawer. However, I did get these from Kidria's drawer." He held up a pair of Zebra-striped thongs this time, and Daleth's eyes grew very wide before he laughed.
"Innocent indeed." The two of them fell over laughing, and for a moment, if only for a moment, the two of them forgot that they were still stuck in dresses and makeup.
Taea walked into the room then. "What are you doing?" she demanded. "Flashing yourselves like that! You're lucky Kid's gone; poor girl would be scarred to death! And only Altana knows what Taija would do to you."
Fxeni stopped in mid-laughter as he remembered what Kidria's dear stepmother did last time he 'scarred' her, and he remembered the dress he was wearing now. He grumbled, and the instant Taea turned to go find the aforementioned evil Elvaan girl, Fxeni smirked at Daleth.
"Oh, and I found these in Taea's drawer." Fxeni flung something onto Daleth's face. Daleth peeled it off.
It was a pair of leather, very dominatrix thongs. Complete with a handcuff design stitched in the leather. Daleth felt a trickle of blood come from his nose as he stared at the item in his hand, and Fxeni once more fell down laughing.
Daleth's eyes widen and he tossed the undergarment at Vunebent and rushed to the bathroom. Vunebent dropped the thongs onto the ground.
"Fxeni, why are you going through women's drawers??" he asked. "My sisters', of all people! That's…nasty."
Revenge, Vune. Sweet revenge. The Taru sat down, rather pleased with himself. And if they insist on dragging me elsewhere…well, I'll get back at them all again.
Before Fxeni could fully bathe in the glory of his genius, everyone heard Kidria give a loud shriek. It sounded like 'football'.
Oh shit.
The REAL Author (Kidria) notes: I added a bit to the chapter, just cause I could. =P Football, I'm SO going to get back at you. Regardless, post chap 9 of your story or else!!