AN: I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry I haven't updated in so long!
dodges flying cows, ducks, and other barnyard animals I've just been
swamped with school, honest! ducks a sheep also, I was trying out for
drama club, so that took up a lot of free time. ducks a hamster woah, who
threw THAT one? Anyway, here is the new chapter bows as a rooster flies
overhead It consists of just one extra-long entry. I was gonna do more,
but thought I better update it before I got mobbed. I hope you all enjoy
it, it was much anticipated by all..... three..... of you. I promise I will try
and update more often now that summer is starting! is knocked unconscious
by a cow to the back of the head
Entry 19 This is the first time in a long time I have been able to sit down and write. A LOT has happened. First, Gandalf figured the way out (said some malarkey about trusting your nose, pfft), then we come to this MONSTROUS room. Like, I'm talking echoey, can't-see-the-ceiling, almost-feel-as-if- you're-outside, has-to-be-supported-by-ten-foot-thick-pillars kinda huge. I've never seen anything like it. Apparently the others hadn't either, they were all very impressed. Well, all was going very nicely with us trudging through this never-ending hall when all of a sudden the blasted dwarf gives this sort of wailing sob and runs off into a side room. Business of everyone screaming in whispers after him to get back here or there will be suspicious specks in the meatloaf tonight, and when we come into the room behind him, he's kneeling in front of this block of stone, SOBBING. sheesh, a dwarf who cries at stone. Now THAT's sad. Anyway, this room is filled, as all the others are, with dead bodies of various species. Gandalf picks this book up off this dead dwarf (it may be just me, but there is something seriously wrong with that. Not just hygienically, but the thought of what strange thoughts would cause someone to randomly rob a dead carcass of its favourite bedtime story) and reads out of it. It was more than slightly disturbing (the book, not Gandalf's display of disregard to cleanliness, although that was too). It was all about this bunch of dwarves who live in this big hall and then got overrun by orcs. Very gripping, but c'mon, who would write about some fantastical rubbage like that. Wait....
While Gandalf was reading, I was lingering by this rather large and attention-drawing hole. Anyway, I just happened to have some rocks on me (it's always nice to have a handy dandy rock or two lying about), so I chucked one down to see how deep the thing actually was. Bad move. There was this surprisingly large banging sound, and all of a sudden I realise everyone's staring at me. Augh, I HATE it when they do that. After a suspiciously long amount of time, the banging stopped, but Gandalf sure replaced it. He started screaming at me about how he's seen dead cows with more intelligence than me. That was very hurtful, man. And it's not very nice to have an all powerful, spell-casting wizard ticked at you, because "unfortunate" things can begin to happen.
Anyhow, he got over it (after a painful episode where Stridy-poo and Legolas had to physically restrain him) and sat sulking in the corner. We all settled down for an uncomfortable night (if it actually WAS night, one never can tell in these pitch dark holes) on the ground. Leaving out the business of tossing and turning and not getting a wink of sleep, it was an uneventful nightish-time. The morning (loosely speaking of course) was much the opposite, however. We were all awoken (merely a term of course, because as I said before, none of us were sleeping) by a loudish banging noise outside the door. This seemed to alarm the other fellows quite a good deal, but of course I remained quite cool and collected. That was until the doors flung open and I laid eyes on some of the ugliest chumps I ever struck. They quite reminded me of Lotho Sackville-Baggins as a matter of fact. Well, it was quite obvious from the start they were not in genial mood, and had not come round merely for breakfast. It seems they were intent on ripping us to shreds and doing a buccan wing dance on the remains. Not a pleasant thing. Of course, these intentions did not go over well with the rest of us, and we showed them in short order that we weren't going to stand any rot of that sort. Well, it wasn't long before they brought in some back up. A largish blighter of outstanding size and ugliness, carrying a weighty looking club. It didn't take long for us to see his intentions did not differ from those of the aforementioned chumps. We all gave it our best, hacking away at the chumps and dodging the untrained efforts to jellify us by the largish blighter. It was not long however before that priceless ass Frodo botched things up. He went and got himself run through by a large harpoon lobbed by the immense blighter. This did not go over well with the rest of us -as per when the chumps revealed their intentions of shredding us- and we promptly did away with the blighter with a swift arrow to the gob, marvellously shot by Legolas, in which he was aided by us (me and Merry that is, but mostly me) in a terrific display of cunning and sword work. Well, it turned out that Frodo was not quite as full of holes as we had thought, and happened to be wearing some uncomfortably cold- looking mail which was apparently some of the best. As reinforcements for the opposite side had begun rolling in, we high-tailed it out of there. We ran and ran and ran and ran and ran for a while, all the time with the reinforcements running even faster and closing in all around us. There was considerably more of them than last time, and fairly soon we were completely surrounded. This would probably have started to get ugly, if not a strange rumbling and red light appeared at the end of the hall, scaring all the blighted reinforcements away. This was good. Source of rumbling and red light, however, apparently not so good. So, of course, we had to run some more, until we came out in another enormous cavern, except in this one, what was slightly more noticeable was that it apparently had no floor. Then we had to run some more down some stairs that were considerably to small for human (not to mention hobbit) feet. Then we had to jump across a largish gap. Well, Legolas, Gandalf, and Boromir jumped. Merry, Sam and I were hurled across like sacks of potatoes. Now, you may be wondering, why wasn't Frodo thrown across like another sack of potatoes, and who threw Stridey-poo across since he didn't jump? Allow me to solve the mystery. At this juncture, the source of the rumbling and red light who had been in hot pursuit, drew considerably closer in the time it took for us to get across that gap. He set some goodish size pebbles tumbling down from the roof, and one of them smashed the stairs to has directly above where Stridey-poo and Frodo were standing, leaving them on a precarious pinnacle (ooh, an alliteration! Cheers!).
To cut a long story slightly shorter, the "precarious pinnacle" chose that moment to crumble. Only by a large amount of skill on Frodo's part, and, I grudgingly admit, a small amount of intelligence on Stridey-poos part, were the two spared a rather nasty drop. They shifted their weight so that the "precarious pinnacle" crumbled forward towards the edge we were standing on, enabling them to hurl themselves across to safety. Of course, then we had to run some more, down some more ridiculously steep stairs, and across another ridiculously narrow bridge. I really love these group outings (for those of you who don't know, that was sarcasm). It was only after the rest of us SENSIBLE people –and Stridey-poo- were across that we noticed the ass Gandalf had been left behind. He was now tete-a-tete with the fire blighter, saying something I couldn't hear. He mustn't have followed the rules of polite conversation very well, because the demon-type seemed a little peeved. Business of advancing menacingly, cracking large fiery whip. I should have known Gandalf had it under control however, because as soon as the demon-type set toenail on the bridge, it gave way from under him (the section containing Gandalf remaining perfectly intact, I might add), sending him plunging into the depths. Gandalf was turning away with a rather irritating look of self-satisfaction on his face when the demon-type, in a last act of revenge, used his whip to pull Gandalf off the bridge. There was a dramatic moment in which Gandalf grabbed the bridge and tried to pull himself up, then looked at us, said "fly you fools", and let go. Cha, he would have to make a big melodramatic exit. Of course, drama queen Frodo didn't help any either, letting out a long, dramatic, overdrawn "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Geez, these people need to get a little more serious.
Then Stridey-Poo herded us all out the back door, as the orcs were trickling in again. We got outside and every started crying. I didn't though. Truly. No joke. Those wet splotches on the page are from when Merry stole my diary and read it, and they are his tears of remorse. Not mine. Anyway, we're in a rather difficult position at the moment, as Gandalf, being our guide, had not found it fit to provide the rest of us with the game plan. Of course, he hadn't known at the time the game plan was made that he was going to be bumped off at some point in the proceedings. Life's full of things like that isn't it? It's like when..... or..... okay, maybe not. Maybe I should go make some helpful suggestions to Stridey-poo as to our course of action, as apparently HE is now our guide. I'm trying very hard not to be resentful here.
REVIEW ANSWERS FOR CHAPTER 1
From Raven: Yes, I think we most definitely should but Pip might beat us to it!
From Arwen Baggins: In answer to both your emails: Thanks for pointing that out to me. And, I hate to burst your factually correct bubble, but I don't have any sources. I kinda just wing it. So, just for you, I changed it to "entry" instead of a date. Actually, I did it for me cuz I'm too bloody lazy to change it (Dang, I love those things) Anyhow, sorry if this causes you to like me less. I just really hate looking stuff up. I write when I'm in the mood, and then I'm only in it for about half an hour, so I like to get in what I can.
From Reasonably Crazy: Thank you so much for those wonderful comments, they were much appreciated I have aprox. 3 people who review me, and most of those consist either of criticism or "please update soon". And, I'm not quite sure what the INT in the middle of all those coughs was, but, sure thing! And I did check out your fics, and enjoyed them immensely! You're a very funny person and of course, all these compliments and thanks I'm giving you have nothing to do with the fact that I want you to keep reading and reviewing. I would never stoop so low.
And I know how you feel about computers. All of the computers in my house recently crashed (not simultaneously, but within a year), causing me to lose much-valued information. I've often wanted to put an axe through my computer, but my parents wouldn't let me. They said if I did they'd ship me off to Tibet to be a slave until I paid it off. Oh well, I can always hope.
Entry 19 This is the first time in a long time I have been able to sit down and write. A LOT has happened. First, Gandalf figured the way out (said some malarkey about trusting your nose, pfft), then we come to this MONSTROUS room. Like, I'm talking echoey, can't-see-the-ceiling, almost-feel-as-if- you're-outside, has-to-be-supported-by-ten-foot-thick-pillars kinda huge. I've never seen anything like it. Apparently the others hadn't either, they were all very impressed. Well, all was going very nicely with us trudging through this never-ending hall when all of a sudden the blasted dwarf gives this sort of wailing sob and runs off into a side room. Business of everyone screaming in whispers after him to get back here or there will be suspicious specks in the meatloaf tonight, and when we come into the room behind him, he's kneeling in front of this block of stone, SOBBING. sheesh, a dwarf who cries at stone. Now THAT's sad. Anyway, this room is filled, as all the others are, with dead bodies of various species. Gandalf picks this book up off this dead dwarf (it may be just me, but there is something seriously wrong with that. Not just hygienically, but the thought of what strange thoughts would cause someone to randomly rob a dead carcass of its favourite bedtime story) and reads out of it. It was more than slightly disturbing (the book, not Gandalf's display of disregard to cleanliness, although that was too). It was all about this bunch of dwarves who live in this big hall and then got overrun by orcs. Very gripping, but c'mon, who would write about some fantastical rubbage like that. Wait....
While Gandalf was reading, I was lingering by this rather large and attention-drawing hole. Anyway, I just happened to have some rocks on me (it's always nice to have a handy dandy rock or two lying about), so I chucked one down to see how deep the thing actually was. Bad move. There was this surprisingly large banging sound, and all of a sudden I realise everyone's staring at me. Augh, I HATE it when they do that. After a suspiciously long amount of time, the banging stopped, but Gandalf sure replaced it. He started screaming at me about how he's seen dead cows with more intelligence than me. That was very hurtful, man. And it's not very nice to have an all powerful, spell-casting wizard ticked at you, because "unfortunate" things can begin to happen.
Anyhow, he got over it (after a painful episode where Stridy-poo and Legolas had to physically restrain him) and sat sulking in the corner. We all settled down for an uncomfortable night (if it actually WAS night, one never can tell in these pitch dark holes) on the ground. Leaving out the business of tossing and turning and not getting a wink of sleep, it was an uneventful nightish-time. The morning (loosely speaking of course) was much the opposite, however. We were all awoken (merely a term of course, because as I said before, none of us were sleeping) by a loudish banging noise outside the door. This seemed to alarm the other fellows quite a good deal, but of course I remained quite cool and collected. That was until the doors flung open and I laid eyes on some of the ugliest chumps I ever struck. They quite reminded me of Lotho Sackville-Baggins as a matter of fact. Well, it was quite obvious from the start they were not in genial mood, and had not come round merely for breakfast. It seems they were intent on ripping us to shreds and doing a buccan wing dance on the remains. Not a pleasant thing. Of course, these intentions did not go over well with the rest of us, and we showed them in short order that we weren't going to stand any rot of that sort. Well, it wasn't long before they brought in some back up. A largish blighter of outstanding size and ugliness, carrying a weighty looking club. It didn't take long for us to see his intentions did not differ from those of the aforementioned chumps. We all gave it our best, hacking away at the chumps and dodging the untrained efforts to jellify us by the largish blighter. It was not long however before that priceless ass Frodo botched things up. He went and got himself run through by a large harpoon lobbed by the immense blighter. This did not go over well with the rest of us -as per when the chumps revealed their intentions of shredding us- and we promptly did away with the blighter with a swift arrow to the gob, marvellously shot by Legolas, in which he was aided by us (me and Merry that is, but mostly me) in a terrific display of cunning and sword work. Well, it turned out that Frodo was not quite as full of holes as we had thought, and happened to be wearing some uncomfortably cold- looking mail which was apparently some of the best. As reinforcements for the opposite side had begun rolling in, we high-tailed it out of there. We ran and ran and ran and ran and ran for a while, all the time with the reinforcements running even faster and closing in all around us. There was considerably more of them than last time, and fairly soon we were completely surrounded. This would probably have started to get ugly, if not a strange rumbling and red light appeared at the end of the hall, scaring all the blighted reinforcements away. This was good. Source of rumbling and red light, however, apparently not so good. So, of course, we had to run some more, until we came out in another enormous cavern, except in this one, what was slightly more noticeable was that it apparently had no floor. Then we had to run some more down some stairs that were considerably to small for human (not to mention hobbit) feet. Then we had to jump across a largish gap. Well, Legolas, Gandalf, and Boromir jumped. Merry, Sam and I were hurled across like sacks of potatoes. Now, you may be wondering, why wasn't Frodo thrown across like another sack of potatoes, and who threw Stridey-poo across since he didn't jump? Allow me to solve the mystery. At this juncture, the source of the rumbling and red light who had been in hot pursuit, drew considerably closer in the time it took for us to get across that gap. He set some goodish size pebbles tumbling down from the roof, and one of them smashed the stairs to has directly above where Stridey-poo and Frodo were standing, leaving them on a precarious pinnacle (ooh, an alliteration! Cheers!).
To cut a long story slightly shorter, the "precarious pinnacle" chose that moment to crumble. Only by a large amount of skill on Frodo's part, and, I grudgingly admit, a small amount of intelligence on Stridey-poos part, were the two spared a rather nasty drop. They shifted their weight so that the "precarious pinnacle" crumbled forward towards the edge we were standing on, enabling them to hurl themselves across to safety. Of course, then we had to run some more, down some more ridiculously steep stairs, and across another ridiculously narrow bridge. I really love these group outings (for those of you who don't know, that was sarcasm). It was only after the rest of us SENSIBLE people –and Stridey-poo- were across that we noticed the ass Gandalf had been left behind. He was now tete-a-tete with the fire blighter, saying something I couldn't hear. He mustn't have followed the rules of polite conversation very well, because the demon-type seemed a little peeved. Business of advancing menacingly, cracking large fiery whip. I should have known Gandalf had it under control however, because as soon as the demon-type set toenail on the bridge, it gave way from under him (the section containing Gandalf remaining perfectly intact, I might add), sending him plunging into the depths. Gandalf was turning away with a rather irritating look of self-satisfaction on his face when the demon-type, in a last act of revenge, used his whip to pull Gandalf off the bridge. There was a dramatic moment in which Gandalf grabbed the bridge and tried to pull himself up, then looked at us, said "fly you fools", and let go. Cha, he would have to make a big melodramatic exit. Of course, drama queen Frodo didn't help any either, letting out a long, dramatic, overdrawn "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Geez, these people need to get a little more serious.
Then Stridey-Poo herded us all out the back door, as the orcs were trickling in again. We got outside and every started crying. I didn't though. Truly. No joke. Those wet splotches on the page are from when Merry stole my diary and read it, and they are his tears of remorse. Not mine. Anyway, we're in a rather difficult position at the moment, as Gandalf, being our guide, had not found it fit to provide the rest of us with the game plan. Of course, he hadn't known at the time the game plan was made that he was going to be bumped off at some point in the proceedings. Life's full of things like that isn't it? It's like when..... or..... okay, maybe not. Maybe I should go make some helpful suggestions to Stridey-poo as to our course of action, as apparently HE is now our guide. I'm trying very hard not to be resentful here.
REVIEW ANSWERS FOR CHAPTER 1
From Raven: Yes, I think we most definitely should but Pip might beat us to it!
From Arwen Baggins: In answer to both your emails: Thanks for pointing that out to me. And, I hate to burst your factually correct bubble, but I don't have any sources. I kinda just wing it. So, just for you, I changed it to "entry" instead of a date. Actually, I did it for me cuz I'm too bloody lazy to change it (Dang, I love those things) Anyhow, sorry if this causes you to like me less. I just really hate looking stuff up. I write when I'm in the mood, and then I'm only in it for about half an hour, so I like to get in what I can.
From Reasonably Crazy: Thank you so much for those wonderful comments, they were much appreciated I have aprox. 3 people who review me, and most of those consist either of criticism or "please update soon". And, I'm not quite sure what the INT in the middle of all those coughs was, but, sure thing! And I did check out your fics, and enjoyed them immensely! You're a very funny person and of course, all these compliments and thanks I'm giving you have nothing to do with the fact that I want you to keep reading and reviewing. I would never stoop so low.
And I know how you feel about computers. All of the computers in my house recently crashed (not simultaneously, but within a year), causing me to lose much-valued information. I've often wanted to put an axe through my computer, but my parents wouldn't let me. They said if I did they'd ship me off to Tibet to be a slave until I paid it off. Oh well, I can always hope.