A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed, and I'm terribly sorry about the wait. I was working on 'To Sail Away', my Pirates of the Caribbean story. Oh yeah, if you haven't written an Ella Enchanted fic, pretend you have for the sake of the story please. I made up another character for this chapter so I could have someone write up an ogre-dragon. I'm sorry if I haven't put you in yet, but I'm still pretty new at the university thing. Plus, I need plot development. Oh yes... If any of ya'll want to drop me a quick line, my IM on yahoo is depressingblackness and on AOL, my IM is demonmalice69. And Rush is a real band with real songs and they rock. Yes... I have a small obsession. They write good music and have good lyrics. And they are, in number, three. And they sound like a whole orchestra. If anyone reading this story has heard of them, drop me a line in a review. Anyway.... Forward HO!
"You," continued the voice, "are all very, very stupid. We, at the Ella Enchanted University, feel that is our moral right and obligation to educate you so that you write good fics instead of the trash fics that you are all very fond of writing. The term will begin tomorrow. You will get your schedules the day after tomorrow. If you do not show up at your classes tomorrow, you will all have to polish the scales of the mini-ogre- dragons. Oh yes, thank you Coco Kitty Cat, for the wonderful idea for the minis. You might want to spell your name right next time though. Now then...- ."
"You forgot about the books, Liza," said Juliet.
"Oh yes. The books. I'll get to that after I'm done with the mini rules. Now then.... If you glomp, tackle, drool at or otherwise lust, or act upon your lust for any of the staff or any of the characters, the minis will glomp, tackle and drool on you." She stopped.
"The books," hissed Juliet.
"You will get your books tomorrow. They will be attached to you. They will slow you down considerably. You will not complain, or you will clean up the Centaur pit. If you try to attack any of the staff members who are keeping you from your lust objects, Saroun will kill you. Painfully. Then you will be reincarnated as a beetle, mashed into a concrete surface and reincarnated as yourself again. Now, I defer to Saroun to tell you how you will be killed."
"Torture! Pain!" a gravelly voice yelled excitedly. The fangirls recoiled and looked around for someone to save them. Revenge my Socks squealed.
"Maybe SeeF will get on next!" A scuffle was heard over the loudspeaker and then the voice of Liza screamed,
"SeeF!!! NO!" Then it returned to normal and said, "SeeF will be teaching Ogres are NOT Nice People and are Really Quite Mean and Powerful 101. You will be forced to work and do many papers on that subject. I will see to it that you all fail. Hattie will be teaching How to Properly Torment Your Sister/Step-Sister 101. You will be forced to do many things that you wish not to do. I will laugh at you. Ella will teach How to Be A Proper Heroine With A Proper Romance. You will be forced to curtsey properly. I will snicker unpleasantly and trip you. Ella will not care. Other 'characters' will teach other classes, but I think that that was all I needed to cover right now. If you will excuse me, I have to go torment people. Have a wonderful day." Rose sighed. Why did life have to suck so much? Well... there was a silver lining on every cloud and this cloud had a huge silver lining. After all... Prince Charmont was here. She just had to convince him that Ella wasn't the girl for him. Isilhen Kirielle looked over at Rose pityingly.
"I suppose you're trying to think of a way to get the Prince to love you. Tough luck, but he loves Ella."
"Well you don't know nothing about it!" Rose's face had turned an interesting shade of purple and she was sputtering. It was rather amusing, which explains why Juliet Norrington, who had just dropped in to contradict Rose, was laughing somewhat hysterically at Rose's florid face and defensive posture. When she gained control of herself, she adopted a sarcastic, slightly aloof expression and said dryly,
"Referring to your earlier, grammatically incorrect remark, if she didn't know nothing, then she would be one of the few incredibly lucky people who knew everything. Since she ended up as a student here, I seriously doubt that she knows everything. Isilhen, thank Rose for her lovely compliment. After all... it would be incredibly rude to not thank her." Isilhen nodded her thanks. Rose decided to slip away. "Now, now, Rose dear... Where are you going?" Juliet's voice was now sugary sweet, as if she was holding in a very loud scream. "We certainly can't have you running off by yourself can we? I'll just have to ask SeAf to accompany you." Giving Rose no time to reply, she whistled the opening notes of Bravado, by Rush. It had begun with a strange quirk of Liza's. She had made them listen to all Rush albums in existence. It had been very educational. All of the staff members now knew all Rush songs by heart. Incidentally, the mini's had loved all of the songs, so if you wanted them to come quickly, all you had to do was whistle the first few notes of their favorite songs. All staff members carried around a list of which mini liked which song best.
SeAf appeared promptly, ready and waiting to flatten any fangirl in his tracks. Juliet looked up at the mini. In an interesting paradox, all of the minis at EEU were huge.
"SeAf, would you please escort Miss Black to wherever she wishes to go. Feel free to torment her on the way. Miss Black, I believe that you wanted to go somewhere." Rose twitched slightly and began walking out. Apparently she wasn't walking fast enough for SeAf, because he let loose a tiny burst of flames, aiming for her sparkly pink pants. His aim was slightly off though, because he hit her bright red and neon green striped shirt.
"Well... it was an eyesore anyway," commented a calm Liza who had wandered over to watch the comedy unfold. This Juliet placed in contrast to Rose, who was running around screaming her head off, completely forgetting the nice fireman's lessons. After all... they did tell you to 'Stop, Drop and Roll.'
"You," continued the voice, "are all very, very stupid. We, at the Ella Enchanted University, feel that is our moral right and obligation to educate you so that you write good fics instead of the trash fics that you are all very fond of writing. The term will begin tomorrow. You will get your schedules the day after tomorrow. If you do not show up at your classes tomorrow, you will all have to polish the scales of the mini-ogre- dragons. Oh yes, thank you Coco Kitty Cat, for the wonderful idea for the minis. You might want to spell your name right next time though. Now then...- ."
"You forgot about the books, Liza," said Juliet.
"Oh yes. The books. I'll get to that after I'm done with the mini rules. Now then.... If you glomp, tackle, drool at or otherwise lust, or act upon your lust for any of the staff or any of the characters, the minis will glomp, tackle and drool on you." She stopped.
"The books," hissed Juliet.
"You will get your books tomorrow. They will be attached to you. They will slow you down considerably. You will not complain, or you will clean up the Centaur pit. If you try to attack any of the staff members who are keeping you from your lust objects, Saroun will kill you. Painfully. Then you will be reincarnated as a beetle, mashed into a concrete surface and reincarnated as yourself again. Now, I defer to Saroun to tell you how you will be killed."
"Torture! Pain!" a gravelly voice yelled excitedly. The fangirls recoiled and looked around for someone to save them. Revenge my Socks squealed.
"Maybe SeeF will get on next!" A scuffle was heard over the loudspeaker and then the voice of Liza screamed,
"SeeF!!! NO!" Then it returned to normal and said, "SeeF will be teaching Ogres are NOT Nice People and are Really Quite Mean and Powerful 101. You will be forced to work and do many papers on that subject. I will see to it that you all fail. Hattie will be teaching How to Properly Torment Your Sister/Step-Sister 101. You will be forced to do many things that you wish not to do. I will laugh at you. Ella will teach How to Be A Proper Heroine With A Proper Romance. You will be forced to curtsey properly. I will snicker unpleasantly and trip you. Ella will not care. Other 'characters' will teach other classes, but I think that that was all I needed to cover right now. If you will excuse me, I have to go torment people. Have a wonderful day." Rose sighed. Why did life have to suck so much? Well... there was a silver lining on every cloud and this cloud had a huge silver lining. After all... Prince Charmont was here. She just had to convince him that Ella wasn't the girl for him. Isilhen Kirielle looked over at Rose pityingly.
"I suppose you're trying to think of a way to get the Prince to love you. Tough luck, but he loves Ella."
"Well you don't know nothing about it!" Rose's face had turned an interesting shade of purple and she was sputtering. It was rather amusing, which explains why Juliet Norrington, who had just dropped in to contradict Rose, was laughing somewhat hysterically at Rose's florid face and defensive posture. When she gained control of herself, she adopted a sarcastic, slightly aloof expression and said dryly,
"Referring to your earlier, grammatically incorrect remark, if she didn't know nothing, then she would be one of the few incredibly lucky people who knew everything. Since she ended up as a student here, I seriously doubt that she knows everything. Isilhen, thank Rose for her lovely compliment. After all... it would be incredibly rude to not thank her." Isilhen nodded her thanks. Rose decided to slip away. "Now, now, Rose dear... Where are you going?" Juliet's voice was now sugary sweet, as if she was holding in a very loud scream. "We certainly can't have you running off by yourself can we? I'll just have to ask SeAf to accompany you." Giving Rose no time to reply, she whistled the opening notes of Bravado, by Rush. It had begun with a strange quirk of Liza's. She had made them listen to all Rush albums in existence. It had been very educational. All of the staff members now knew all Rush songs by heart. Incidentally, the mini's had loved all of the songs, so if you wanted them to come quickly, all you had to do was whistle the first few notes of their favorite songs. All staff members carried around a list of which mini liked which song best.
SeAf appeared promptly, ready and waiting to flatten any fangirl in his tracks. Juliet looked up at the mini. In an interesting paradox, all of the minis at EEU were huge.
"SeAf, would you please escort Miss Black to wherever she wishes to go. Feel free to torment her on the way. Miss Black, I believe that you wanted to go somewhere." Rose twitched slightly and began walking out. Apparently she wasn't walking fast enough for SeAf, because he let loose a tiny burst of flames, aiming for her sparkly pink pants. His aim was slightly off though, because he hit her bright red and neon green striped shirt.
"Well... it was an eyesore anyway," commented a calm Liza who had wandered over to watch the comedy unfold. This Juliet placed in contrast to Rose, who was running around screaming her head off, completely forgetting the nice fireman's lessons. After all... they did tell you to 'Stop, Drop and Roll.'