Author's note: These characters do not belong to me, but to NBC.
Not Until I Tell Her
Josh peered into the emergency room where a life he cherished was at stake.
"Donnatella hang in there. Don't give up," he hoped.
Josh couldn't take the worry he was feeling and had to move around. He just couldn't do nothing. He never did nothing. He loved the feeling of being part of something, never in the quiet. The quiet usually brought him back to the horrible shooting and his time in the hospital, holding on for dear life.
Donna was there every step of the way. He never saw her there standing, waiting, but could feel her presence with him, everyone's presence. He knew that no matter what he had to be Donna's lifeline. The presence she felt every step of the way. Not the photographer, but Josh, her boss, friend and confident. He loved how they would bug each other and had each other's back. It was there way of life. He had grown to know that wherever he was, whatever he was doing she'd always be there. He felt the exact same way.
By the time he had gotten back from walking the halls, a doctor who was working on her had appeared. His pace quickened.
"Doc, how is she?" he asked.
"There are some complications, one of her lungs has collapsed again so we have to find the whole and fix it agin," he doctor replied wearingly.
"Will she pull through?" Josh asked tormented. "Do we have much hope?"
"I have to get back in there, they're calling me," the doctor pressed Josh's shoulder, "It'll be okay, we're doing all we can. Keep yourself preoccupied, it's going to take a while."
"Okay," he sighed.
Josh went back to his seat and thought about the e-mails she wrote him while she was in Gaza. He didn't realize until she was gone, how much she meant to him. Not being able to talk to her, see her smile or hear her laugh made him eagerly wait for her return. Work didn't seem much the same for a while and when he found out about this his life was in turmoil. When he thought about his relationship with Amy it was never quite this way. There was always something missing between them.
He and Donna just seemed to fit. They fed off each other's vibe. It felt natural and never awkward.
Why didn't I realize this before. Have I hidden my feelings for her so far down that losing her is bringing it to surface. Realizing this now is killing me inside right now. I never knew I loved her so much. I could lose her. No, she'll make it. She has to. She can't leave without knowing. It can't end like this.
He put his face into his hands and hoped, waiting..
No, she can't, not yet God, not until I tell her…
He walked to the surgery door and looked inside..he slowly raised his trembling hand up to the glass and held it there.