Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Harry Potter; definitely not mine. And no,
Saving Grace is also not mine. It's still very funny though.
~
Saving Malfoy
~
Today was a good day. In fact, today was a really good day. It seemed as if everyone was in a good mood. Not even Malfoy was around to bother me and ruin this moment. It may be impossible, but even Snape seemed unusually alive. Well, so far everything is awesome. All I need now is a buttered roll.
I sat up in my seat at the Gryffindor house table and reached over by Ron to grab one but instead a box of cereal was forced into my hand.
"Bloody hell is this?"
I looked up to be met by the smiling face of my ultimate enemy: Draco Malfoy.
And, in some creepy womanly English accent, he said, "Would you care for some Corn Flakes? They're heavenly!"
Ron and Hermione stood to protect me. "Sod off, Malfoy!" Ron shouted. "Don't get trying anything funny!"
Draco's eyebrows knitted in a furrow. "I was only trying to help." He began to tear. "I love Harry. I love him so much." At this he flung the box of Corn Flakes in the air and sobbed openly.
I watched the box fall to the floor with a soft clatter. I was too stunned to move. Since when did Malfoy act like this? And since when did he love me?
By now he was sitting at our table, arms folded under his head, sobbing away. He mumbled something that we could hear so we all leaned closer. "I only w-w-wanted you to t-try the C-c-corn Flakes! They're just so g-good."
I ran around the table to stand by him. Hermione gave me a strange look, but I ignored her and put my hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. I'll," I paused, wondering if this was only one big hoax, "I'll try the Corn Flakes." He sighed loudly and looked up at me with hope-filled eyes.
"Really?" he whimpered.
Before any of us could do anything, really, Crabbe and Goyle barged over.
"Thank God you found him!" Crabbe sighed. "We've been looking for him everywhere."
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with him? It doesn't look like any magic poisoning I've ever seen." She gave him a critical eye. "Has something happened to him that we should know about?"
Goyle shook his head. "We're not sure either. He went to some muggle populated area this weekend. That may have something to do with it."
My eyes narrowed. "Malfoy, what did you do this weekend? Did you eat something funny? Are you sick?" I couldn't help concern from seeping into my voice. Was I actually concerned for him? I sure couldn't tell.
"Well, I thought it would be lovely fun to try something new. I went to this big building first."
"Where was this building?" Ron asked.
"Where I got the Corn Flakes!" he answered cheerily.
I shook my head. "He must mean a grocery store. Did you buy anything besides the Corn Flakes?"
"I bought a movie! It was a delightful movie!" he sang. "'was lovely, lovely movie!"
I slapped my forehead. "What was the movie about, Draco?"
"Does this have any significance, Harry?" Hermione asked. "What would a movie do to him?"
"Well, there was this lady named Grace," he started, but when I threw my hands in the air he stopped. "What is it, Harry?"
"He's been watching Saving Grace," I concluded.
"And DOES that have any significance, Harry?" Ron asked this time.
I sighed. "Well, it's why he's acting high. It's what the movie was about. It's where he got the idea for the Corn Flakes from too."
"Care for some Corn Flakes?" he asked again, box in hand once more.
I sat down next to him and hugged him. "I'm afraid he's scarred for life."
Crabbe and Goyle immediately rushed to his side. "Master Malfoy, what's happened to you?!" they bawled. Goyle sniffed and asked, "Will he ever be okay again?"
I shook my head woefully. "He might, but over time. He'll either have to eat LOTS of Corn Flakes, or he'll have to watch Saving Grace until he gets tired of it."
"But where would we get that many boxes of cereal?" asked Hermione.
"We can't right now. We'd have to go back to a grocery store, but how would we do that during school? The only other solution is to find his tape. Somebody will have to make him watch it," I resolved, nodding knowingly.
The four others glared at me. "What? Can't Crabbe and Goyle watch it with him?"
They turned away sadly. "We die every time we see him like this."
"And how often is he like 'this'?" Ron asked as a joke.
"Frequently," they said. Ron's eyebrows shot up and he burst into laughter.
"So I guess you want me to stay with him?" I asked.
They all nodded. "That's the general idea," said Hermione. "You're the only other person that's seen the movie."
"And what a lovely, lovely movie it was!" Draco said merrily.
I looked them all over carefully, making sure they were serious. When I realized they were, I resumed Draco's earlier position with my head in my arms. "You've got to be kidding me," I muttered, "a whole night with Malfoy watching Saving Grace? I'll go bloody mad!"
Goyle and Crabbe patted Malfoy and I on the shoulder respectfully and left to the Slytherin table. Hermione and Ron sat back down and continued eating like nothing had ever happened. And I was left sitting next to a giddy Draco, who was still singing joyously about the wonders of Corn Flakes.
I looked up, tears now in my eyes. "Will you shut up?" I asked.
He looked at me a little surprised but continued to giggle. "We'll have a lovely time together, Harry!" he cheered. He flung his arms around me, dropping the cereal again, and kissed me full on the mouth. "A lovely, lovely time!"
I heard Ron gag and Hermione giggle. But in my own head, it was like guns were going off.
I screamed.
~
Author's Notes: That had to be the most pointless thing I've ever written, but I assure you, there will be more. =D I've never really seen Saving Grace, my friend Rachel has though. I was at her house for three days in a row and all I heard them saying was "Would you like some Corn Flakes? They're heavenly!" all in that really cheesy accent. I've actually begun to say it myself. T.T It's addictive. And at one point when we were driving, Rachel and I started talking about Harry Potter. I mentioned Malfoy and couldn't help saying it like, "Potter would you like some Corn Flakes?" So I guess that's how this got started.
Well, I hope you liked that. It sure was fun to write. And yes, there will be some DracoxHarry. I can't resist the urge! Please review and tell me what you think. Should I add something? Want a request? I'll do it all.
~
Saving Malfoy
~
Today was a good day. In fact, today was a really good day. It seemed as if everyone was in a good mood. Not even Malfoy was around to bother me and ruin this moment. It may be impossible, but even Snape seemed unusually alive. Well, so far everything is awesome. All I need now is a buttered roll.
I sat up in my seat at the Gryffindor house table and reached over by Ron to grab one but instead a box of cereal was forced into my hand.
"Bloody hell is this?"
I looked up to be met by the smiling face of my ultimate enemy: Draco Malfoy.
And, in some creepy womanly English accent, he said, "Would you care for some Corn Flakes? They're heavenly!"
Ron and Hermione stood to protect me. "Sod off, Malfoy!" Ron shouted. "Don't get trying anything funny!"
Draco's eyebrows knitted in a furrow. "I was only trying to help." He began to tear. "I love Harry. I love him so much." At this he flung the box of Corn Flakes in the air and sobbed openly.
I watched the box fall to the floor with a soft clatter. I was too stunned to move. Since when did Malfoy act like this? And since when did he love me?
By now he was sitting at our table, arms folded under his head, sobbing away. He mumbled something that we could hear so we all leaned closer. "I only w-w-wanted you to t-try the C-c-corn Flakes! They're just so g-good."
I ran around the table to stand by him. Hermione gave me a strange look, but I ignored her and put my hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. I'll," I paused, wondering if this was only one big hoax, "I'll try the Corn Flakes." He sighed loudly and looked up at me with hope-filled eyes.
"Really?" he whimpered.
Before any of us could do anything, really, Crabbe and Goyle barged over.
"Thank God you found him!" Crabbe sighed. "We've been looking for him everywhere."
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with him? It doesn't look like any magic poisoning I've ever seen." She gave him a critical eye. "Has something happened to him that we should know about?"
Goyle shook his head. "We're not sure either. He went to some muggle populated area this weekend. That may have something to do with it."
My eyes narrowed. "Malfoy, what did you do this weekend? Did you eat something funny? Are you sick?" I couldn't help concern from seeping into my voice. Was I actually concerned for him? I sure couldn't tell.
"Well, I thought it would be lovely fun to try something new. I went to this big building first."
"Where was this building?" Ron asked.
"Where I got the Corn Flakes!" he answered cheerily.
I shook my head. "He must mean a grocery store. Did you buy anything besides the Corn Flakes?"
"I bought a movie! It was a delightful movie!" he sang. "'was lovely, lovely movie!"
I slapped my forehead. "What was the movie about, Draco?"
"Does this have any significance, Harry?" Hermione asked. "What would a movie do to him?"
"Well, there was this lady named Grace," he started, but when I threw my hands in the air he stopped. "What is it, Harry?"
"He's been watching Saving Grace," I concluded.
"And DOES that have any significance, Harry?" Ron asked this time.
I sighed. "Well, it's why he's acting high. It's what the movie was about. It's where he got the idea for the Corn Flakes from too."
"Care for some Corn Flakes?" he asked again, box in hand once more.
I sat down next to him and hugged him. "I'm afraid he's scarred for life."
Crabbe and Goyle immediately rushed to his side. "Master Malfoy, what's happened to you?!" they bawled. Goyle sniffed and asked, "Will he ever be okay again?"
I shook my head woefully. "He might, but over time. He'll either have to eat LOTS of Corn Flakes, or he'll have to watch Saving Grace until he gets tired of it."
"But where would we get that many boxes of cereal?" asked Hermione.
"We can't right now. We'd have to go back to a grocery store, but how would we do that during school? The only other solution is to find his tape. Somebody will have to make him watch it," I resolved, nodding knowingly.
The four others glared at me. "What? Can't Crabbe and Goyle watch it with him?"
They turned away sadly. "We die every time we see him like this."
"And how often is he like 'this'?" Ron asked as a joke.
"Frequently," they said. Ron's eyebrows shot up and he burst into laughter.
"So I guess you want me to stay with him?" I asked.
They all nodded. "That's the general idea," said Hermione. "You're the only other person that's seen the movie."
"And what a lovely, lovely movie it was!" Draco said merrily.
I looked them all over carefully, making sure they were serious. When I realized they were, I resumed Draco's earlier position with my head in my arms. "You've got to be kidding me," I muttered, "a whole night with Malfoy watching Saving Grace? I'll go bloody mad!"
Goyle and Crabbe patted Malfoy and I on the shoulder respectfully and left to the Slytherin table. Hermione and Ron sat back down and continued eating like nothing had ever happened. And I was left sitting next to a giddy Draco, who was still singing joyously about the wonders of Corn Flakes.
I looked up, tears now in my eyes. "Will you shut up?" I asked.
He looked at me a little surprised but continued to giggle. "We'll have a lovely time together, Harry!" he cheered. He flung his arms around me, dropping the cereal again, and kissed me full on the mouth. "A lovely, lovely time!"
I heard Ron gag and Hermione giggle. But in my own head, it was like guns were going off.
I screamed.
~
Author's Notes: That had to be the most pointless thing I've ever written, but I assure you, there will be more. =D I've never really seen Saving Grace, my friend Rachel has though. I was at her house for three days in a row and all I heard them saying was "Would you like some Corn Flakes? They're heavenly!" all in that really cheesy accent. I've actually begun to say it myself. T.T It's addictive. And at one point when we were driving, Rachel and I started talking about Harry Potter. I mentioned Malfoy and couldn't help saying it like, "Potter would you like some Corn Flakes?" So I guess that's how this got started.
Well, I hope you liked that. It sure was fun to write. And yes, there will be some DracoxHarry. I can't resist the urge! Please review and tell me what you think. Should I add something? Want a request? I'll do it all.