Thanks to "goofy monkey child", "Spinelli Woods, Esquire", and "lilvickiryan" (I got your first review by alert email but I don't know why it's not showing up on ff.net) for reviewing and sticking with me!  I also appreciate it that all you guys take your time in writing an in-depth review because it helps me to know where you guys are coming from (the reader's perspective.)

Chapter Twenty:  Dealing With The Past Pain

Location:  On The Streets of the Neighborhood, after school has ended next Monday

During that Monday at school, Stacey tried to avoid being with the students as usual.  Spinelli and Stacey both sincerely apologized to each other on Monday, and Stacey accepted it except that being so hurt in the past...she kind of didn't care that she was hurt.  Stacey was able to delete the answering messages that Jimmy gave, since he wanted to inform her parents about the severity of whatever problem she had, but he was never able to get through.  Stacey kept on taking Ashley T's insults, since she was used to insults far greater and harsher back at her old neighborhood, and she just struggled to press on through the day.  Stacey eluded the gang once again so their lives would not be in jeopardy from Jamal's threats despite the gang willing to help her through this.

She was walking down the neighborhood and just felt so secluded from everything.  The cold winds from the amethyst and sapphire sunset sky swirled against her harshly; it reminded her that she was in this world and in this life.  It felt like she was living outside of her body, outside the pulse and excitement of the happiness the kids of Third Street were experiencing.  She had experienced so much pain, betrayal, and cruelty from her peers in the past and she felt like an adult, who experienced a lot in life, trapped in the body of a 10 year old girl.  She didn't care anymore if Jamal found her or not right now because she already felt non-existent.  She passed by the Happy Acres Nursing Home and she heard a soft, fatherly voice call out for her.

The voice called out, "Hey Stacey...why are you so down in the dumps?"

Stacey whipped her head back and forth and saw an elderly man to her right.  It was the same old man that Mikey had talked with last year about Santa.  (Remember the episode, "Yes Mikey, Santa Does Shave".)  Stacey was very suspicious on how the old man knew her name.  Stacey raised an eyebrow, and asked, "Down in the dumps?  I don't know what you are talking about..."  It was obvious that Stacey was feeling bad since she wrapped her coat around her and just leaned back in it for some type of comforting emotional support.

The old man slyly replied, "Talking about?  Your body language is screaming it out loud that you are feeling horrible..."

Stacey noticed her posture and quickly fixed herself up.  She was still cautious and was still at the sidewalk because she knew back in her old neighborhood how 'mentally sick' some people would be, and that they could harm her.  She stiffly said, while looking down, "So okay...maybe I am feeling a bit down..."

The old man fixed his cap, and leaned forward while sitting on the porch bench.  He warmly looked at her and softly questioned, in a bass voice, "A bit down?"

Stacey tried to abstain from looking at the old man, but when her eyes slowly met his...her emotionally guarded self vanished.  She could see and feel in her heart there was sincere, genuine concern and caring from him despite her mind trying to explain and rationalize what these feelings were.  Stacey could see there was grandfatherly look and concern in his eyes that she never thought she would see before, after both of her grandfathers passed away.  There was a warmth between their eyes that the icy, cold weather couldn't eliminate.  She looked down again and slowly approached the porch, she quietly admitted, as if she was ashamed, "Okay....really really down..."

The old man asked, "How come you are alone all the time?  I never see you with any other kids..."

She was shocked to hear that and immediately questioned, "How did you know that?"  Stacey slowly walked up to the outside stairs and sat on them.

The old man casually replied, "Oh...I see all you children walk down around the neighborhood whenever I'm walking to the stores or just sitting here."  He spoke in deep interest, to her, "But....I've hardly seen you with them or with any friends..."

Stacey looked inside herself again and in a downcast spirit, she spoke, "Maybe it's because it's too hard and difficult to make friends..."

The old man was a bit taken back hearing that from such a little girl and he comforted her, "Too difficult?  You seem to be a nice, kind girl...I'm sure you could make friends very easily."

Stacey sighed and commented, "My parents would agree with you also, but I don't think I could stand to be hurt...again."  Stacey could remember back in her old school the times she was ridiculed and teased:  when 40 students in the hallways all threw their chewed gum on her hair, how most of the girls would rip and tear her clothes, how the students would trip her, and how the friends she once thought she knew betrayed her in the end by destroying her schoolwork or pulling a malicious prank on her, and more of these horrific memories flashbacked in her mind.

The old man sincerely questioned, "How so?"

Stacey knew that she had to explain to him the situation she was in for him to understand it.  She gulped, remembering the teasing echoing in her mind, and rush of emotions that gave chest pains.  She spilled out, "I don't know where to start...It's gonna be hard to believe, but...I never had a friend....a real friend."  She scoffed thinking about her years, and continued, "Pathetic isn't it?  It seems like everywhere I go, anybody I turn to for a friend....they end up backstabbing me."

The old man concerned, said, "You must be exaggerating...a nice girl like yourself...without any friends?"

Stacey's eyes were scanning around her environment, sadly reflecting, she admitted, "I wish...  Every friend I ever made and opened myself up to, left me to be with a cool crowd and betrayed me so they could join in it...they hurt me back....in just....unthinkable ways.  Before I knew it, I kind of became the loner of the school and I was receiving most of the jokes, mean pranks, teasing, all of that..."  She held on to her arms and moving her hands up and down to ward off the cold sensations of the weather and loneliness.  She took a deep breath, thinking over about the half of her life, she continued, "Every time I tried to convince myself, that it was just that one person, but it becomes harder and harder to open myself up.  I don't know...it just seems like an endless cycle.  The constant teasing, having no brothers or sisters at home, no one at school who just wants to be near me...(her voice shakes)....it feels like 24 hours a day...7 days a week...  I'm the outsider left out in the cold while the rest of the kids seem to be having fun from the inside......I just hate this!  I wish I wasn't such a sap feeling alone!  But somehow my sadness and loneliness gets the best of me...again...and I fall again...desperately looking for friends...only to be hurt.... again...."  She looked down on the stairs feeling guilty as if she was messed or screwed up for not having any friends.

The old man consoled, calling her softly, "Stacey....Stacey..."  Stacey was hunched up trying to keep the cold out and somehow keep her emotions from pouring out of her.  Her throat was dry; she never felt so alone and left out from life.  She wondered if she was making too much of this, if she was just some emotional weakling, because it was just about making friends, right?  Nothing that serious in life, right?  She sighed trying to clear her mind but then she heard the old man's kind voice.  She looked at him...her body language and eyes were pouring out emotions that indicated she was hoping and yearning for something uplifting...and type of hope...

The old man sympathetically began, "Stacey, sometimes we don't know why we experience persecution from others in our lives...", he was a little worried giving her this advice but he slowly said, "...but you have to continue pressing on....and that means making friends."

Stacey gasped and started breathing heavily as the hurt surged all over her mind and heart, "But...it's just so hard...so unbearable.... to get hurt all over again..."  Stacey's eyes were melting in her teary pool of her eyes that exposed, just a small glimpse, of the raw, unvisited emotions that she kept so well hidden and that weighed down her soul for so many years...

The old man could feel the hurt in her voice and the suffering through her eyes, but he courageously said in a heart-felt voice, explained, "It's a risk you have to take...because if you don't take one, how can you expect to have those good friends?  Or more importantly, how are people to see and experience your kindness and enjoy the presence of your wonderful personality that I have just seen in the past hour?  There's nothing wrong with you Stacey...  You have so much more to offer than what you give yourself credit for, in fact, your kindness to them can heal them...     If you open your heart and reveal your already natural kindness, the friends will be coming to you..."

Stacey just froze up as the winds blew through her hair and entered her slightly opened mouth.  Her breath was taken away hearing the old man say that, and she deeply thought, 'Do I...actually me....could people actually like me?'

The old man continued, with a small smile trying to cheer her up, "No matter how badly kids may want to be...cool or popular... deep inside their hearts they actually want to belong also.  But what really lasts, what people remember, and what attracts them is kindness, Stacey.  It's just that you kept that hidden because of some bad experiences...if you show them your kindness, sooner than you think you'll find the true, genuine friends you seek.  But now, you'll know what to look for if they really are genuine...just don't sell yourself short by letting your emotions get to you, because someone as nice as you...deserves much better..."

It was dawning in her mind that the old man was right about so many things and it seemed to pin down her emotional condition.  Stacey looked inside herself taking a deep breath knowing that she had to open her scarred heart and emotions that were tormented and beaten by so many betrayals, but this time she would use her experiences to her advantage...but building the confidence and courage was going to take some time...

The old man could see Stacey deeply thinking and knew what she was thinking.  He added, but with a familiar tone, "It'll be difficult to take those first few steps....but you'll see that it was much more worth it at the end, more than you could ever imagine.  Don't worry Stacey, God will bless you and He knows you're hurt.  He'll give you the strength and comfort."

Stacey's mind stopped thinking and she turned her head to face the old man, because he sounded like one of her grandfather's voice.  When she looked, the old man mysteriously vanished.  She didn't hear him enter into the nursing home or walk anywhere else on the porch.  She froze up wondering if she was crazy or if the old man was there in the first place because he seemed to have disappeared.  She got up from the stairs and walked back toward the sidewalk and bravely looked up, trying to keep her head up above everything....and she looked into the starry, clear night.  The billions of stars that twinkled and shined had radiated an indescribable harmony despite the harsh, cruel blowing of the winter winds.  Although the wind chills were causing her skin to tingle and slightly burn, her mind and heart was enchanted looking up above.  She continued to look up and smiled happily as she felt a relieving wave of comfort as she walked down the sidewalk leaving the Happy Acres Nursing Home...

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To Be Continued…