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Chapter Twenty One: No Escaping Now...
Location: On the roof of Third Street School, same day, Monday around 7PM
As Stacey was walking back home, she reflected over everything she had experienced in her past and present. How she never experienced what real friendship was and how a combination of her fear and rejection made her feel isolated from her generation. She looked to her right and saw the Third Street School playground abandon since the kids had already left from school and were inside their homes because of the cold. The sun was already gone and only a fading glow of sunlight in the western horizon was keeping the neighborhood from being submerged into the darkness of night. There may have been a few people passing by walking around the block but she almost felt like a ghost passing through the neighborhood unnoticed. Her mind was swirling with emotions of fear, desperateness, loneliness, and sadness that all clouded her thinking but deep inside her heart despite all the superficial uncertainty she felt a strong, constant feeling of comfort after leaving the nursing home.
The janitors were still cleaning up Third Street for the day, but Stacey managed to sneak her way up on top of the roof. She thought somehow getting an aerial view of the school could help her 'size-up' the school she never really was a part of. She was on top of the cafeteria roof and slowly walked toward the playground and she stood still at the edge...taking everything in. She sat down and held her knees tightly to her chest. Stacey felt the blasting gusting winds on her body, neck, and face that randomly changed direction since she exposed herself to the whimsical attitudes of Mother Nature. She looked at the playground...seeing a world she never thought she would revisit. She could imagine the laughter and cheering of children on the playground that seemed so innocent and ideal, but yet so distant, and foreign because of her experiences. For years, she had experienced the cruelty of teasing, mocking, derogatory insults, fear in a crime rampant neighborhood, violence from other students, and rejection. She had experienced some of the harsh realities of life and going back to those innocent, naive times for her seemed impossible. She felt too 'grownup'...the magic and innocence of childhood seemed inaccessible and the memories of that seemed distant like a dream.
She knew the old man was right...that she had to be brave enough to open her heart once more, and that having friends meant starting at herself, but she wondered, 'Could anyone really enjoy me being around them? I don't know...I guess if I want people to like who I really am, I have to be who I really am and not be SO eager to please or be what people want me to be when they're not even trying to help me....' She looked up at the stars again, and was emotionally rejuvenated remembering the old man's final words before leaving. She took a deep breath and confidently said to herself, "I have nothing to lose here. I've already been rejected in the past, but now....with a new school, new students, and a new neighborhood... I can start over again..." She turned around and faced back toward the door, but then her optimism was shattered at the sight....
She saw Jamal in front of the only door that lead back into the school. Jamal crossed his arms leaning against the doorway, looking at Stacey disgustingly that she never responded to his threats, and he arrogantly looked up at Stacey. Jamal was wearing the same coat as when he met Vince. He scoffed, "Well Stace....funny seeing you up here..."
Stacey was frightened seeing Jamal but was somewhat angry with him since she was tired of being subjected to his threats. She worriedly replied, "Same here..."
Jamal walked up to her saying, "What were you doing here?"
Stacey carefully answered, "Just looking around the school..."
Jamal harshly commented, while looking at the playground, "Yeah, huh...some crazy place ain't it? These dang kids don't know how good they got it...not having to worry about your life back in the da hood." There was an unsettling glance between Stacey and Jamal as they knew how ironic he was by saying that, as if he was innocent of anything, since he threatened her, and insulted her so many times before. Their glance also shared a common feeling of having a history in living in a cruel crime rampant neighborhood; a past they both shared and could never forget, but definitely treated differently since they chose different paths on how to handle it.
Stacey took a deep breath and nervously asked, "What do you want from me Jamal? Really?!? I mean for months you've been torturing me back in Detroit...and now here!" She took a gulp, as her voice was slowly breaking up, "What is it you want from me?!?"
Jamal was fed up and faced Stacey. He angrily replied, "You know what I want! I told you time after damn time girl! I want you to hook me up with your father so I can get a record deal with his company!"
Stacey shook her head in disbelief that he still wanted that after so many months; he seemed so obsessive about it. Stacey asked, "Why?!? You think you're gonna become like Lil' Bow Wow or somethin'? Becoming a music star, or rap star, takes a lot of work....besides my dad's company is really weak now...and you...."
Jamal slapped Stacey's right cheek, and shouted, "Don't give me that damn excuse about what happened between us! You're the one who bounced away from me! REMEMBER?!?"
Stacey had a rush of fear from the slapping blow and a stinging pain that spread throughout her cheek, but inside her heart, started beating with inner strength and courage. She proudly said, "Any girl would have! After I knew you were using me, just to get to my dad! You really knew how to play me...you knew I had no one who cared about me at school and you made yourself into this caring hero guy to 'save' me." She looked down in a combination of embarrassment and self-loathing, and said, "You really knew how to play my emotions like that....you knew how alone I felt...and you used it boy!" She took a deep sigh remembering how she had defended him so many times, and began, "You don't know how many times I had to defend and lie about you! How I had to lie about you and your gang to the police and everyone else!" Jamal was turning more and more corrupt as he hung out with a ruthless older teenage gang…that was notorious for arson, drug trades, alley fights, and numerous other crimes Stacey didn't even want to think about. Stacey defended Jamal because of a combination of being desperate for companionship and fear (because of his short-temper that surpassed even Spinelli's.) She continued, "About all of you burning the abandon warehouse near I-75, how you and your gang broke into an apartment on Woodward…."
Jamal cockily replied, "Good job boo...good job...coming with that one out of your butt." He added, "If you don't help me out, you know I can beat the heck out of your hommies and will keep on doin' it until you help me out....just like back in the da hood. Remember that?"
Stacey walked away and commented, "They're not my friends Jamal..." and rolled her eyes knowing how she wish they were but she didn't want to involve them in her troubles, and continued, while heading toward the door, "...besides it's not like you'll achieve anythin' if you do get to them...anyways..." She tried to open the door but it was locked and she faced Jamal somewhat terrified but yet she didn't show it.
Jamal angrily confessed, "Your right Stace, what am I gonna get if I do?" He methodically walked up closer and closer to Stacey, and she backed up little by little, as they both headed toward the sloping roof. In an instant, he drew out from his left pocket from his right hand a five inch knife blade and pointed it at Stacey as he carefully walked closer and closer. He sneered, "Yeah, even if I beat the crap out of 'em...I still won't get that record deal..."
Stacey eyes bulged out seeing the knife and her heart rate quickened. She was not completely surprised that he had a weapon on him since he was part of a ruthless gang back in Detroit, but that he would draw it out on her and so openly in public. She backed up in terrified fear until her calves hit the sloping roof and she could see the giant outdoor clock on her left and the kindergarten play area to her right. She choked up saying, "WHAT?!? You'd really do that to me?!?" She sensed that some how Jamal could 'smell' and relish her fear since he was downwind from her. She pulled her coat tightly around her as her arms were crossed over her chest trying to comfort herself, but it was useless...
Jamal was finally face-to-face with Stacey and he answered, in a sly disgusted tone while gently scratching the uppermost skin surface of her neck with his knife, "More like, baby, how could you do that to me? It was simple boo, you just had to tell your dad about me...and things would have been alright."
Stacey took the slowest gulp on the back of her throat that seemed to take forever. She tried to control her breathing despite the shivering cold that rushed underneath her coat and seeped over her neck and the rushing adrenaline from her fear.
He went on, biting his tongue seemingly trying to 'inspect' her neck and chin with his knife, "Be straight with me Stace...do you really think anybody is gonna like you? Really, huh?" Stacey didn't say a word and her eyes started to 'water up.' He finished, "You thought movin' out here in the middle of this cow town state that you would find friends? It's gonna be no different Stace...you should of just went with 'the flow' back home, and stop followin' your stupid pride, that's how things work in da hood, if ya wanna survive!"
Stacey coldly answered while trying to remain still, "It's not my pride...it's doing what's right Jamal...even if I have to go against everyone..." A lone tear ran down the side of her left cheek as she remembered how doing the right thing meant dealing with teasing, loneliness, and especially rejection since she didn't go along 'with the flow.'
Jamal, rubbed the smooth side of the blade against her neck, and scoffed, "Ya wanna do things on ya own? Stand up on your own? ...fine, girl.....deal with THIS on your own...." He forcefully pushed Stacey on the sloping roof and her back was slammed against the impenetrable, hard ice-covered roof; she slid down and screamed. She managed to turn her body around and grab onto the roof gutters. She panted in shock over her situation and in exhaustion since only her forearms had managed to grab hold of the gutters, but she knew that they weren't strong enough to take her weight. She looked downward in ominous fright, since 2 stories down below was the tough, brutal icy surface of the blacktop that could cause her to break several bones in her body....or even more scary, cause her death if she landed the wrong way. She looked to the left to see what Jamal was doing and called out, "WHY?!?"
Jamal plainly answered, as he put his knife away, "Ya didn't help me...so why should I help you?" Stacey screamed for help but nobody was nearby, and everyone in school had left already. Jamal chuckled, "Stace that ain't gonna help! Just like back home I told ya I needed help with that record deal and only you could have done it...but ya didn't! Go on and shout all you want girl, nobody is here and nobody cares...just like back in Detroit!" Jamal walked slowly back to the door to leave the scene.
Stacey's nails dug into the ice-rock frozen filth in the gutters to do whatever she could to hold on. She grunted and tried to pull herself up, but every time she tried to, the ice would smash and wedge underneath her nails causing excruciating pain as if her nails were being ripped off from her fingers. She heard the moaning of the gutters from the stress of the weight and she gasped hearing the gutter on her right collapse and make a metallic-slapping sound onto the ground below. The echoing of that wobbling, sheet metal gutter on the ground, rang inside her head reminding her of increasingly possible fate. Although fear was consuming her body and mind, her heart felt an inner depth of courage and she shouted back at Jamal, "I can't believe you would do this....leave me here, TO DIE!"
Jamal sighed harshly and evilly concluded, "You're good being dead off anyways, you're not gonna help me out anyways...." He gathered a big spit ball in his mouth and spat with launching speed on Stacey's left cheek in bitter, detesting disgust over everything he had been with her. The spit ball splattered on her left cheek and ran down to join her earlier 'tear trail.' He ended their conversation with this, knowing how alone and saddened she was for so many years, "....and no one's gonna notice you being dead anyways..." He ran toward the door and left the scene.
Stacey screamed throughout the neighborhood, projecting her fear and everything inside of her being, "SOMEBODY! ANYBODY!! PLEASE!!!" She screamed and hollered for 10 straight minutes but the cold temperatures forced everyone inside, the strong winds distorted her voice, and darkness already covered the neighborhood, and on top of that she was hidden from view from the homes across from Third Street since the Gym and Cafeteria blocked it. Her muscles were weak from her struggle to survive, and the cold temperatures had plunged the neighborhood into the lower 10s (Fahrenheit) and it seemed as if her fingers were frozen onto the filthy, gutter water. That insensitive, cold, harsh wind reminded her of her solitude not only in her present situation, but how she felt like that in life. As time passed she became weaker and weaker, and the unforgiving cold had now sunk deeper inside. She began crying over the overwhelming feeling of being in need and alone, but no one was there to hear her. The tears she cried made her all the more colder as the wind chills blew against them causing her skin to sting in pain as those tears continued to carry memories of her pain on her face that came from an endless source of inner, heart wrenching agony.
She confessed to herself whispering, "Will anyone notice me? Anyone at all?" She begins to break down feeling more alone than ever before since she feels like she is dying alone and that no one will notice her. She added, "Maybe I pushed everyone away.... I don't know anymore..... It's just that it's so hard to know who really cares..." The icy coldness of rejection and loneliness felt like someone had pressed an ice block against her heart. A deep, inescapable, soul wrenching coldness that was far, far more penetrating than when somebody would place an ice cube on another's neck. She was weeping to herself saying, "Will anyone hear me??"
The arctic, blasting winds and her powerful, surging emotions had pierced into every part of her consciousness. She was becoming more desensitized to her physical condition: with the throbbing of her elbows that were trying to hold up her weight while slipping off at the same time, the sharp stinging pain of her fingers from her nails, and the frostbite beginning to set in. She was lost in her somber thoughts and the fate that waited for her below...and her voice and life that were never heard. Her hopes of being rescued were vanished after 5 more minutes, and her mind drifted closer and closer to a pessimistic realization of that fate below that waited for her. Her heart continued to break again and again, reflecting how she never experienced friendship and that now, she would never have the chance to know, what it could be or what it was all about...
To Be Continued…