"Ron, wake up!" Mandy hissed.
"Why, what's happened?"
"Nothing, we're just at school."
"Oh."
Ron struggled to his feet.
"Ron, are you all right?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine. Just tired. Where are Harry, Hermione, and Ginny?"
"They left just a minute ago."
They walked out of the train finding the usual chaos.
"Firs' years this way!" He could hear Hagrid calling out. Ron felt a little dizzy. He followed Mandy without a word. He walked numbly into the Great Hall, where he found Hermione and Harry sitting at the Gryffindor table.
"You okay?" Harry asked concernly.
"I miss her."
"Get over her already! Or, do I have to start using a stunning spell?"
"Hermione, a spell can't make me forget her... Unless I pull a Lockhart and [i]obliviate[/i]."
"Now, that's an idea." Harry laughed.
"Hermione, I know you can see the Ravenclaw table behind me. Tell me, who is she sitting with? Is she laughing? Is there a boy talking to her?"
"No, Ron. There's no boy there. And she's laughing but, she looks miserable. She's sitting with Padma Patil."
"Oh, okay."
After dinner, Ron dragged himself to his dorm while Harry and Hermione spent some cuddle time in front of the fire. Ron lied on his bed. What could make this hurt go away? Even a spell that would rid him of all his memories couldn't take away the hurt in his heart. There seemed to be a hole there that nothing could fill.
"Something has to make this feeling go away!" He roared, digging in his trunk. He pulled out a dagger. It was his great grandfather's and he'd always kept it at home but, for some reason he had it here with him.
"This seems to be the only answer." He whispered.
He held the dagger gingerly in his hands, staring at the sharp blade and handle. He lied down on his bed, the dagger over his heart. He pressed it against his chest, and felt it cut his skin. Suprisingly, it didn't hurt, it was nothing compared to the pain Mandy had left him with.
For some reason, Ron couldn't push the blade in deeper. He refused to be a coward and kill himself. What would his mum think? How would Ginny, Harry, and Hermione feel? He couldn't kill himself.
Ron threw the bloody dagger under his bed. He pulled a shirt over his head and trudged down the stairs.
"RON! WHAT DID YOU DO?" Hermione shouted, staring at the blood stain on his shirt.
"Nothing. Can you fix it, I don't want to go to the nurse."
"Ron, you didn't try to kill yourself, did you?" Hermione said tears in her eyes.
"You're a moron." Harry said staring as the blood stain grew.
"Hermione, just fix it." Ron said lifting his shirt.
"That a deep cut! What were you thinking?" Hermione said, crying. Harry just stared, his eyes wide and glassy.
"JUST FIX IT!" Ron bellowed.
Hermione ripped out her wand, and muttered a simple spell that sealed Ron's skin and left no mark.
"Thank you." Ron said.
Hermione lept from her seat, wrapping her arms around Ron. This hug was what Ron had wanted for years but now that it had come, it meant nothing.
"Ron, what the bloody hell were you thinking?" Harry bellowed, the realization of Ron's possible death in his mind.
"I was thinking that feeling nothing was better than feeling his hurt all the time. You don't understand! I can't think of anything else! I can't sleep, I can't eat! She's Goddam poison to me! I need her! I won't give the thought of her up, I won't!"
Tears ran down Hermione's cheeks continually, "Is she the only thing that matters to you? Does your family mean anything to you? Do your friends mean nothing? Do Harry and I mean something?"
"You do. That's why you're not going to find my body in the dormitory. That's why I'm standing in front of you."
"Ron it's mean a month-"
"Three weeks, two days, fifteen hours and three minutes." Ron said, exasperated.
"Maybe you should talk to her, mate." Harry said.
"Don't you think if I could bring myself to it, I would?"
"Try harder." Harry demanded.
"Maybe I'm trying too hard." Ron said simply.
"Or not trying at all." Harry said in a low voice.
"You're right." Ron said.
"What?" Harry said in shock.
"I don't want to forget her. She means too much to me. I love her, and the reason I had her was the same reason I lost her."
"You should talk to her! If she knew you tried to kill yourself-!" Hermione whispered.
"She's not going to know that. Not now, not ever!" Ron said, his voice shaking.
"You should tell her!" Hermione barked.
"I don't want her to be with me out of pitty or fear. I want her to love me because of who I am. Listen, I'm going back to bed. I promise, I'm not going to try anything stupid again. Just don't tell anyone, okay?"
"We won't." Harry said.
"Why, what's happened?"
"Nothing, we're just at school."
"Oh."
Ron struggled to his feet.
"Ron, are you all right?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine. Just tired. Where are Harry, Hermione, and Ginny?"
"They left just a minute ago."
They walked out of the train finding the usual chaos.
"Firs' years this way!" He could hear Hagrid calling out. Ron felt a little dizzy. He followed Mandy without a word. He walked numbly into the Great Hall, where he found Hermione and Harry sitting at the Gryffindor table.
"You okay?" Harry asked concernly.
"I miss her."
"Get over her already! Or, do I have to start using a stunning spell?"
"Hermione, a spell can't make me forget her... Unless I pull a Lockhart and [i]obliviate[/i]."
"Now, that's an idea." Harry laughed.
"Hermione, I know you can see the Ravenclaw table behind me. Tell me, who is she sitting with? Is she laughing? Is there a boy talking to her?"
"No, Ron. There's no boy there. And she's laughing but, she looks miserable. She's sitting with Padma Patil."
"Oh, okay."
After dinner, Ron dragged himself to his dorm while Harry and Hermione spent some cuddle time in front of the fire. Ron lied on his bed. What could make this hurt go away? Even a spell that would rid him of all his memories couldn't take away the hurt in his heart. There seemed to be a hole there that nothing could fill.
"Something has to make this feeling go away!" He roared, digging in his trunk. He pulled out a dagger. It was his great grandfather's and he'd always kept it at home but, for some reason he had it here with him.
"This seems to be the only answer." He whispered.
He held the dagger gingerly in his hands, staring at the sharp blade and handle. He lied down on his bed, the dagger over his heart. He pressed it against his chest, and felt it cut his skin. Suprisingly, it didn't hurt, it was nothing compared to the pain Mandy had left him with.
For some reason, Ron couldn't push the blade in deeper. He refused to be a coward and kill himself. What would his mum think? How would Ginny, Harry, and Hermione feel? He couldn't kill himself.
Ron threw the bloody dagger under his bed. He pulled a shirt over his head and trudged down the stairs.
"RON! WHAT DID YOU DO?" Hermione shouted, staring at the blood stain on his shirt.
"Nothing. Can you fix it, I don't want to go to the nurse."
"Ron, you didn't try to kill yourself, did you?" Hermione said tears in her eyes.
"You're a moron." Harry said staring as the blood stain grew.
"Hermione, just fix it." Ron said lifting his shirt.
"That a deep cut! What were you thinking?" Hermione said, crying. Harry just stared, his eyes wide and glassy.
"JUST FIX IT!" Ron bellowed.
Hermione ripped out her wand, and muttered a simple spell that sealed Ron's skin and left no mark.
"Thank you." Ron said.
Hermione lept from her seat, wrapping her arms around Ron. This hug was what Ron had wanted for years but now that it had come, it meant nothing.
"Ron, what the bloody hell were you thinking?" Harry bellowed, the realization of Ron's possible death in his mind.
"I was thinking that feeling nothing was better than feeling his hurt all the time. You don't understand! I can't think of anything else! I can't sleep, I can't eat! She's Goddam poison to me! I need her! I won't give the thought of her up, I won't!"
Tears ran down Hermione's cheeks continually, "Is she the only thing that matters to you? Does your family mean anything to you? Do your friends mean nothing? Do Harry and I mean something?"
"You do. That's why you're not going to find my body in the dormitory. That's why I'm standing in front of you."
"Ron it's mean a month-"
"Three weeks, two days, fifteen hours and three minutes." Ron said, exasperated.
"Maybe you should talk to her, mate." Harry said.
"Don't you think if I could bring myself to it, I would?"
"Try harder." Harry demanded.
"Maybe I'm trying too hard." Ron said simply.
"Or not trying at all." Harry said in a low voice.
"You're right." Ron said.
"What?" Harry said in shock.
"I don't want to forget her. She means too much to me. I love her, and the reason I had her was the same reason I lost her."
"You should talk to her! If she knew you tried to kill yourself-!" Hermione whispered.
"She's not going to know that. Not now, not ever!" Ron said, his voice shaking.
"You should tell her!" Hermione barked.
"I don't want her to be with me out of pitty or fear. I want her to love me because of who I am. Listen, I'm going back to bed. I promise, I'm not going to try anything stupid again. Just don't tell anyone, okay?"
"We won't." Harry said.