Chapter 6
Disclaimer and Other info : See Chapter 1
Author's e-mail : sm_peridot@hotmail.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This can't be happening. I'm such an idiot. He's been lying to me all this while and I, once again like an idiot, believed every word he said. Amy didn't know who I was. She was telling me the truth that day.
I'm driving around aimlessly crying uncontrolably. I should find somewhere to go before I end up meeting with an accident.
Somehow I'm here, outside CJ's apartment. I try to pull myself together as she buzzes me in.
"Donna! What happened? You look like hell!" CJ places her arm around me and ushers me into her apartment.
We sit down on her couch.
"Donna, you're freaking me out. Is Josh alright?"
"Oh, he's fine alright. So fine that he was kissing Amy Gardner!!" The words just fly out of my mouth.
"What???!! Donna what are you talking about?!" I tell CJ the whole story in a rant.
"Donna, you're jumping the bone here. Josh will never ever do that. She was probably the one who kissed him in the first place." I can't believe CJ's taking his side!!
"CJ, why would she come to the apartment if she hadn't known I wasn't going to be there?? Josh thought I was leaving work at six thirty and didn't expect me back early. I actually left half an hour earlier than he thought I was going to. CJ, how else would she know I'm not going to be there if he didn't tell her?" I manage to keep myself from crying.
"Donna, talk to Josh. He's probably going out of his mind. There's got to be an explanation. Maybe she was kissing his cheek. A goodbye kiss." How I wish it was.
"No CJ. I know what I saw. They were kissing on the lips." I feel like throwing up as the image of them appear in my head.
"Where were his hands? Was he holding her?"
I think about it a while but I simple can't recall. "I don't know." Visioning them kissing is just making me more and more sick.
"Exactly Donna. You don't know... Donna, you know Josh the best. You should know that he would never in a million years hurt you like this."
"CJ, you of all people should know that every guy is just the same. They are all sick bastards." I am such a fool to put Josh on a pedestal when comparing him to other men. He's no different from the others.
"Donna.I'm sorry.I just can't comprehend that this is possible."
We sit there quietly on the couch for a while.
"I was so silly to think that someone like Josh could be permanently satisfied with someone like me. He needs someone who is as smart as him. Who can discuss and argue with him intelligently. I'm just a college drop out CJ. He's better off with someone like Amy."
"Donna, would you listen to yourself? You are a smart, kind, generous woman. You are a whole lot more than college degrees and law school degrees. What's the matter with you? I've never heard you talk like this. I've never heard you give up on Josh. There's something else isn't there? Otherwise you wouldn't be talking like this."
"If you're wondering why I'm not crying my eyes out, I've done that for about an hour driving around DC." I'm feeling numb right now.
"Donna, you're getting married in two weeks. I think you're just running away from it. What are you afraid of?" Just then we hear the phone ringing.
"It's Josh." CJ says as she looks at the caller ID. There's no way I could talk to him right now.
"Please, please don't tell him I'm here. I'll do anything. Please, I wouldn't be able to handle it." I beg CJ.
**********************************************************************
I drove around for a while and kept calling Donna's cell phone. Naturally, it was turned off. I came back to my place and called Kimmy but she didn't know where Donna was. Kimmy became very upset and hostile with me. I didn't tell her what actually happened but either way, she was really pissed with me.
My next call, CJ. I hope Donna didn't go to CJ's, otherwise I'll be deep fried by CJ as well.
Her phone is ringing for a while now. Pick up! Pleaaaseee pick up!!
"Hello?"
"CJ! It's Josh. CJ..ummm.is Donna there by any chance?"
"Donna? No. Why?"
"Look, if she comes there, please let me know alright? Call me right away. On my cell phone if I'm not at home."
"Okay, sure.." She says.
"Yeah..see ya." I put down the phone before she has a chance to ask anything else.
Argh!! I doubt she'll go to Sam's or Toby's. Even if she did, I'm sure they won't cover for her. They both can't lie for crap when it comes to anything other than work.
It's odd that CJ didn't call me back. I was sure she would have been able to sense the utter distress in my voice. She's got like a sixth sense or something when it comes to reading people. Plus, I asked her about Donna. I'm sure she would have been really worried about that. Hmmm..CJ is someone who's likely to cover for Donna..I'm going over to CJ's.
~~~~~~~~~~
I'm now knocking at CJ's door rather violently. I used Amy's technique of walking into the building when someone else goes in. It's shocking the lack of security in these places. But I don't care right now, as it's working for my benefit.
CJ opens her door but it's restrained by the door latch.
"Josh, what are you doing here?" CJ pops her head between the open space but still doesn't open the latch. Donna's got to be in there.
"Let me in CJ." CJ looks hesitant but she finally opens the door.
I enter quickly and scan the room. "Where is she? I know she's here."
"Josh, she's in the shower. If she knows I let you in, she'll have a fit." I send a silent prayer now that I know Donna is okay.
"Thank god she's okay." I cover my face with my hand and let out a huge sigh of relief.
"Josh, what the hell happened??!!! Did you kiss Amy Gardner? Coz if you did, so help me god.." CJ whispers loudly.
"No! How could you even think that? She launched one on me before I could even realize what was happening. I had my eyes closed when she was rambling about some crap and when I opened them she was inches from me! CJ, why would I ever kiss Amy? Why would I ever do this to Donna?" I'm loosing it once again.
"Okay. Look, I believe you but you're going to have a hard time convincing Donna. She's going through some sort of inferiority complex. She feels she's not good enough or educated enough for you. I have no idea what brought this about all of a sudden and I have no idea why she's so convinced that you would do something like this."
Donna did mention about feeling inferior to me but I thought I made her get over all that silliness. I'm so amazed she would still feel like that. After all that we've been through, she's got to have lost her mind to believe I could betray her like this.
"CJ, do you have some moisturizer." I turn to see Donna in a large pair of pajamas.
We stare at each other intently. I give her a pleading look and she looks like I've completely betrayed her. Like she can't even look at me again. Our eye contact breaks when Donna turns to look at CJ.
"I'm going to go for a walk." CJ says looking down and walks towards the doorway.
"Look, I've got nothing to say to you. So why don't you just leave."
I've never heard Donna with this tone before. I've never seen her look at me like this before. I don't recognize that pair of eyes. I've never been this terrified in my life. It just dawns upon me that we might not get through this. No! I can't think like that, I just can't!!
I hear the door close which I assume CJ had left. "Donna, I did not kiss her!"
"Yeah, you just tripped onto her lips. I know what I saw Josh!"
"How could you even think that I could do such a thing?!"
"Because you're just like every other guy Josh. There's nothing special about you which is contrary to what I used to think. I never cease to amaze myself of my own stupidity."
Why is she talking like this? Like she has no hope or just plain fed up. I have never previously done anything to her that would make her think like this.
"Donna, Amy came over to lure me into having a relationship with her. She was just going on about being partners in politics. I was fed up so I closed my eyes and leaned on the wall. I wasn't even listening to her and before I knew it she was kissing me. I did not kiss her back. If I recovered from my initial shock I would have shoved her no doubt!"
"I don't want to hear it Josh. I don't want to hear any of it. You would have some explanation or other. I just don't care. Please leave." What's happening to my Donna?
"Donna."
"Go! If not I will!" No, I want her to be safe. I want to know where she is. I have to leave her here.
"Okay. I'll leave for now. But Donna, this is far from over. Think about it a little. Think about us..if you know me at all.." What is she doing?! No, I'm not seeing this!!
Donna is taking of her engagement ring and then places it on the coffee table.
"What are you doing?" I could barely get the words out.
"What does it look like I'm doing? Take it with you on your way out." Donna turns around and enters the guest room as she shuts the door behind her.
When am I going to wake up from this nightmare?! I feel like I've just stepped into the twilight zone. How could this be happening? We were so happy today! She was so happy! She was getting her wedding dress..What the hell happened?? Right, that first class bitch ruined my life!
I don't take the ring but I leave CJ's apartment. The image of Donna's face is just embedded in my mind. She wasn't crying. She didn't look devastated. I cannot decipher that look of hers. She looks like she has given up and has no will left. But why?
~~~~~~~~~~
As expected, I didn't sleep for two nights. Donna didn't show up at work on Sunday but technically she doesn't have to. CJ had joined the President's trip to New York yesterday and so I couldn't get any access to Donna.
I don't know if Donna's going to show up at work today. Before, I would say there's no way Donna would skip work especially on a Monday but now I really don't know.
I'm walking towards my office now..Okay, Donna's here. She's at her desk. I don't know what to do. I can't go on like nothing has happened. She took off her engagement ring for heaven's sake!
"Donna." I state.
She looks up with the same expression she had on two nights ago. "Josh." She responds.
"Can I talk to you in my office?" I know I'm not supposed to bring personal matters into the office but this time it just can't be helped. I'm sure everyone would agree with me. If Donna's not going to talk about it at CJ's place, she's going to have to handle my office.
"About what?" She asks and looks at me skeptically.
"Could you please just come in?" It's still pretty early and not too many people are around. So, any loud voices emerging from my office would probably not cause as much damage.
She gets off her chair and walks into my office as I hold the door open for her.
"What is it Josh? If it's not work related, I've got nothing to say." I feel like I'm dealing with a whole different Donna.
"Tough. I'm going to say it anyway. Donna, we've got our whole life ahead of us! Our wedding, our marriage, our house which we haven't even moved into, our lives together! Do you honestly want to throw it all away for something you have completely misunderstood?!"
"Guess what Josh? Even my dumb college drop-out self understands what's going on. I have not misunderstood anything." She says standing in front of me as I lean slightly against my desk.
"Is this what this is about? You feel we aren't compatible because you don't have a degree? You feel I'd find someone like Amy more attractive and better suited for me? Donna, we've gone over this. How could you even think I'd want anyone but you? You are my whole life Donna.I love.."
"That's not what this is about. This is about you inviting Amy over to YOUR apartment so you two can have a smooch fest while I'm out picking up my wedding dress!!" She's so misguided!
"What??!! I did not nor ever will invite that woman over to OUR place. She just showed up!"
"Yeah right Josh. Coincidently I just happened to be out. Practically the only time we have been apart once we've finished work. How else would she know if you didn't tell her yourself?"
"I don't know!!! Maybe she's been stalking us!!" I rub my face as I wonder about the coincidence as well.
"Yeah, right Josh. Even you could do better than that."
This is how it feels like to have your heart ripped into a billion pieces and stamped all over.
"You have senior staff in ten minutes." I'm still rubbing my forehead and face. I don't see her leave my office but I look up when I hear the door shut.
Why am I being tested like this? Haven't I been through more than enough?!
************************************************************************
I manage to go through the day by being civil to Josh. I barely got any sleep for two whole nights. Josh didn't take the ring. A part of me hoped he wouldn't. A part of me wants to believe him. But I can't let myself do that. I'm not a fool anymore. After all these years of growing up and maturing, I'd be a complete idiot to allow myself to be cheated like that again.
I took off from work without telling Josh. He's at his last meting for the day. I'm going to his apartment to grab my stuff before he returns. But I know I won't be able to bring everything myself so I'm hoping CJ would help me. She's at her apartment now. She went back a little earlier than usual because she has to attend a function tonight.
"CJ, I need your help." I announce as I enter her apartment.
CJ looks all fresh as she clearly just took her shower. She's wearing her sweats and is wiping her hair.
"What is it Donna?" She sits on her couch and I join her.
"You need to help me grab all my stuff from Josh's apartment." I hope she wouldn't mind me asking her when she probably wants to get ready.
"Donna, you are crazy!"
"I know you have to get ready and all.but I promise I'll help you. I'll do your makeup and.."
"It's not that Donna! How could you think of doing that? You have to work this out with Josh. I don't know what has gotten into you. Look, I'm always the first to point the finger at the man but I honestly believe him. And I'm never wrong about these sorts of stuff. How could you not believe him?!" Well, I guess CJ has never gone through what I did.
"How could I believe him? Never again CJ. Never again will I believe a man and his words." I say bitterly.
I feel CJ watching me silently as I look blankly into space.
"This isn't about Josh, is it? What are you afraid of Donna? Are you preventing heartbreak in the future by doing this? Are you afraid he'll leave you in the future for a more educated woman?"
"No, I was never afraid of that. But that came back and bit me in the ass."
"Donna, be logical. Josh Lyman has many, many faults god knows, but he would never ever betray anyone he loves, let alone the one he loves the most! You know him Donna. He stuck by you all this while through think and thin. Through your whole rape ordeal..he was there every step of the way no matter how hard and impossible it got."
"CJ, I SAW him kissing Amy. I felt..I felt worse than when I was raped when I saw that!" The words just come out of my mouth.
"You don't mean that, Donna. Give me one good reason you would not believe that Amy was the one who came over and caught him off guard?"
"Oh, I will. How would Amy know I was out when she came by? How could she possibly know unless Josh told her? Josh and I go home together practically every night! This is like the one and only time I came home later than him and it so happens that she's there?! Plus, Josh thought I was going to the boutique at 6.30 but my plans changed and I went there at six. I didn't tell him that, CJ. He expected me back later and that's why he took the opportunity to invite Amy Gardner over to our place!!" I say all that in one breath I think.
CJ keeps quiet with her mouth open a little.
"There's got to be some other explanation, Donna. Is there any other way Amy could have known you were out?" Now, CJ's finding a way to justify the situation.
"No, CJ." I simply state.
"Donna, I smell something really fishy here. Please, for my sake, for everything that we have been through together..we've got to figure this out." She's not giving up, is she? For a feminist she's putting a lot of faith in a man.
"What do you want me to do?" I ask like there's nothing I could do to make this situation any better.
"Think hard. Is there any way Amy could have found out that you were going out that day? It's too much of a coincidence. Did you mention it to anyone?"
"No, just the Bonnie and Ginger." I hardly think they would ever have anything to do with this.
"Okay. Did you think anyone was watching you or following you? Anything out of the ordinary at all? Even the slightest insignificant thing that caught your attention when you were leaving the office or on your way to the boutique?" I give CJ the benefit of the doubt just for her sake and think about what she was asking me.
TBC......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This can't be happening. I'm such an idiot. He's been lying to me all this while and I, once again like an idiot, believed every word he said. Amy didn't know who I was. She was telling me the truth that day.
I'm driving around aimlessly crying uncontrolably. I should find somewhere to go before I end up meeting with an accident.
Somehow I'm here, outside CJ's apartment. I try to pull myself together as she buzzes me in.
"Donna! What happened? You look like hell!" CJ places her arm around me and ushers me into her apartment.
We sit down on her couch.
"Donna, you're freaking me out. Is Josh alright?"
"Oh, he's fine alright. So fine that he was kissing Amy Gardner!!" The words just fly out of my mouth.
"What???!! Donna what are you talking about?!" I tell CJ the whole story in a rant.
"Donna, you're jumping the bone here. Josh will never ever do that. She was probably the one who kissed him in the first place." I can't believe CJ's taking his side!!
"CJ, why would she come to the apartment if she hadn't known I wasn't going to be there?? Josh thought I was leaving work at six thirty and didn't expect me back early. I actually left half an hour earlier than he thought I was going to. CJ, how else would she know I'm not going to be there if he didn't tell her?" I manage to keep myself from crying.
"Donna, talk to Josh. He's probably going out of his mind. There's got to be an explanation. Maybe she was kissing his cheek. A goodbye kiss." How I wish it was.
"No CJ. I know what I saw. They were kissing on the lips." I feel like throwing up as the image of them appear in my head.
"Where were his hands? Was he holding her?"
I think about it a while but I simple can't recall. "I don't know." Visioning them kissing is just making me more and more sick.
"Exactly Donna. You don't know... Donna, you know Josh the best. You should know that he would never in a million years hurt you like this."
"CJ, you of all people should know that every guy is just the same. They are all sick bastards." I am such a fool to put Josh on a pedestal when comparing him to other men. He's no different from the others.
"Donna.I'm sorry.I just can't comprehend that this is possible."
We sit there quietly on the couch for a while.
"I was so silly to think that someone like Josh could be permanently satisfied with someone like me. He needs someone who is as smart as him. Who can discuss and argue with him intelligently. I'm just a college drop out CJ. He's better off with someone like Amy."
"Donna, would you listen to yourself? You are a smart, kind, generous woman. You are a whole lot more than college degrees and law school degrees. What's the matter with you? I've never heard you talk like this. I've never heard you give up on Josh. There's something else isn't there? Otherwise you wouldn't be talking like this."
"If you're wondering why I'm not crying my eyes out, I've done that for about an hour driving around DC." I'm feeling numb right now.
"Donna, you're getting married in two weeks. I think you're just running away from it. What are you afraid of?" Just then we hear the phone ringing.
"It's Josh." CJ says as she looks at the caller ID. There's no way I could talk to him right now.
"Please, please don't tell him I'm here. I'll do anything. Please, I wouldn't be able to handle it." I beg CJ.
**********************************************************************
I drove around for a while and kept calling Donna's cell phone. Naturally, it was turned off. I came back to my place and called Kimmy but she didn't know where Donna was. Kimmy became very upset and hostile with me. I didn't tell her what actually happened but either way, she was really pissed with me.
My next call, CJ. I hope Donna didn't go to CJ's, otherwise I'll be deep fried by CJ as well.
Her phone is ringing for a while now. Pick up! Pleaaaseee pick up!!
"Hello?"
"CJ! It's Josh. CJ..ummm.is Donna there by any chance?"
"Donna? No. Why?"
"Look, if she comes there, please let me know alright? Call me right away. On my cell phone if I'm not at home."
"Okay, sure.." She says.
"Yeah..see ya." I put down the phone before she has a chance to ask anything else.
Argh!! I doubt she'll go to Sam's or Toby's. Even if she did, I'm sure they won't cover for her. They both can't lie for crap when it comes to anything other than work.
It's odd that CJ didn't call me back. I was sure she would have been able to sense the utter distress in my voice. She's got like a sixth sense or something when it comes to reading people. Plus, I asked her about Donna. I'm sure she would have been really worried about that. Hmmm..CJ is someone who's likely to cover for Donna..I'm going over to CJ's.
~~~~~~~~~~
I'm now knocking at CJ's door rather violently. I used Amy's technique of walking into the building when someone else goes in. It's shocking the lack of security in these places. But I don't care right now, as it's working for my benefit.
CJ opens her door but it's restrained by the door latch.
"Josh, what are you doing here?" CJ pops her head between the open space but still doesn't open the latch. Donna's got to be in there.
"Let me in CJ." CJ looks hesitant but she finally opens the door.
I enter quickly and scan the room. "Where is she? I know she's here."
"Josh, she's in the shower. If she knows I let you in, she'll have a fit." I send a silent prayer now that I know Donna is okay.
"Thank god she's okay." I cover my face with my hand and let out a huge sigh of relief.
"Josh, what the hell happened??!!! Did you kiss Amy Gardner? Coz if you did, so help me god.." CJ whispers loudly.
"No! How could you even think that? She launched one on me before I could even realize what was happening. I had my eyes closed when she was rambling about some crap and when I opened them she was inches from me! CJ, why would I ever kiss Amy? Why would I ever do this to Donna?" I'm loosing it once again.
"Okay. Look, I believe you but you're going to have a hard time convincing Donna. She's going through some sort of inferiority complex. She feels she's not good enough or educated enough for you. I have no idea what brought this about all of a sudden and I have no idea why she's so convinced that you would do something like this."
Donna did mention about feeling inferior to me but I thought I made her get over all that silliness. I'm so amazed she would still feel like that. After all that we've been through, she's got to have lost her mind to believe I could betray her like this.
"CJ, do you have some moisturizer." I turn to see Donna in a large pair of pajamas.
We stare at each other intently. I give her a pleading look and she looks like I've completely betrayed her. Like she can't even look at me again. Our eye contact breaks when Donna turns to look at CJ.
"I'm going to go for a walk." CJ says looking down and walks towards the doorway.
"Look, I've got nothing to say to you. So why don't you just leave."
I've never heard Donna with this tone before. I've never seen her look at me like this before. I don't recognize that pair of eyes. I've never been this terrified in my life. It just dawns upon me that we might not get through this. No! I can't think like that, I just can't!!
I hear the door close which I assume CJ had left. "Donna, I did not kiss her!"
"Yeah, you just tripped onto her lips. I know what I saw Josh!"
"How could you even think that I could do such a thing?!"
"Because you're just like every other guy Josh. There's nothing special about you which is contrary to what I used to think. I never cease to amaze myself of my own stupidity."
Why is she talking like this? Like she has no hope or just plain fed up. I have never previously done anything to her that would make her think like this.
"Donna, Amy came over to lure me into having a relationship with her. She was just going on about being partners in politics. I was fed up so I closed my eyes and leaned on the wall. I wasn't even listening to her and before I knew it she was kissing me. I did not kiss her back. If I recovered from my initial shock I would have shoved her no doubt!"
"I don't want to hear it Josh. I don't want to hear any of it. You would have some explanation or other. I just don't care. Please leave." What's happening to my Donna?
"Donna."
"Go! If not I will!" No, I want her to be safe. I want to know where she is. I have to leave her here.
"Okay. I'll leave for now. But Donna, this is far from over. Think about it a little. Think about us..if you know me at all.." What is she doing?! No, I'm not seeing this!!
Donna is taking of her engagement ring and then places it on the coffee table.
"What are you doing?" I could barely get the words out.
"What does it look like I'm doing? Take it with you on your way out." Donna turns around and enters the guest room as she shuts the door behind her.
When am I going to wake up from this nightmare?! I feel like I've just stepped into the twilight zone. How could this be happening? We were so happy today! She was so happy! She was getting her wedding dress..What the hell happened?? Right, that first class bitch ruined my life!
I don't take the ring but I leave CJ's apartment. The image of Donna's face is just embedded in my mind. She wasn't crying. She didn't look devastated. I cannot decipher that look of hers. She looks like she has given up and has no will left. But why?
~~~~~~~~~~
As expected, I didn't sleep for two nights. Donna didn't show up at work on Sunday but technically she doesn't have to. CJ had joined the President's trip to New York yesterday and so I couldn't get any access to Donna.
I don't know if Donna's going to show up at work today. Before, I would say there's no way Donna would skip work especially on a Monday but now I really don't know.
I'm walking towards my office now..Okay, Donna's here. She's at her desk. I don't know what to do. I can't go on like nothing has happened. She took off her engagement ring for heaven's sake!
"Donna." I state.
She looks up with the same expression she had on two nights ago. "Josh." She responds.
"Can I talk to you in my office?" I know I'm not supposed to bring personal matters into the office but this time it just can't be helped. I'm sure everyone would agree with me. If Donna's not going to talk about it at CJ's place, she's going to have to handle my office.
"About what?" She asks and looks at me skeptically.
"Could you please just come in?" It's still pretty early and not too many people are around. So, any loud voices emerging from my office would probably not cause as much damage.
She gets off her chair and walks into my office as I hold the door open for her.
"What is it Josh? If it's not work related, I've got nothing to say." I feel like I'm dealing with a whole different Donna.
"Tough. I'm going to say it anyway. Donna, we've got our whole life ahead of us! Our wedding, our marriage, our house which we haven't even moved into, our lives together! Do you honestly want to throw it all away for something you have completely misunderstood?!"
"Guess what Josh? Even my dumb college drop-out self understands what's going on. I have not misunderstood anything." She says standing in front of me as I lean slightly against my desk.
"Is this what this is about? You feel we aren't compatible because you don't have a degree? You feel I'd find someone like Amy more attractive and better suited for me? Donna, we've gone over this. How could you even think I'd want anyone but you? You are my whole life Donna.I love.."
"That's not what this is about. This is about you inviting Amy over to YOUR apartment so you two can have a smooch fest while I'm out picking up my wedding dress!!" She's so misguided!
"What??!! I did not nor ever will invite that woman over to OUR place. She just showed up!"
"Yeah right Josh. Coincidently I just happened to be out. Practically the only time we have been apart once we've finished work. How else would she know if you didn't tell her yourself?"
"I don't know!!! Maybe she's been stalking us!!" I rub my face as I wonder about the coincidence as well.
"Yeah, right Josh. Even you could do better than that."
This is how it feels like to have your heart ripped into a billion pieces and stamped all over.
"You have senior staff in ten minutes." I'm still rubbing my forehead and face. I don't see her leave my office but I look up when I hear the door shut.
Why am I being tested like this? Haven't I been through more than enough?!
************************************************************************
I manage to go through the day by being civil to Josh. I barely got any sleep for two whole nights. Josh didn't take the ring. A part of me hoped he wouldn't. A part of me wants to believe him. But I can't let myself do that. I'm not a fool anymore. After all these years of growing up and maturing, I'd be a complete idiot to allow myself to be cheated like that again.
I took off from work without telling Josh. He's at his last meting for the day. I'm going to his apartment to grab my stuff before he returns. But I know I won't be able to bring everything myself so I'm hoping CJ would help me. She's at her apartment now. She went back a little earlier than usual because she has to attend a function tonight.
"CJ, I need your help." I announce as I enter her apartment.
CJ looks all fresh as she clearly just took her shower. She's wearing her sweats and is wiping her hair.
"What is it Donna?" She sits on her couch and I join her.
"You need to help me grab all my stuff from Josh's apartment." I hope she wouldn't mind me asking her when she probably wants to get ready.
"Donna, you are crazy!"
"I know you have to get ready and all.but I promise I'll help you. I'll do your makeup and.."
"It's not that Donna! How could you think of doing that? You have to work this out with Josh. I don't know what has gotten into you. Look, I'm always the first to point the finger at the man but I honestly believe him. And I'm never wrong about these sorts of stuff. How could you not believe him?!" Well, I guess CJ has never gone through what I did.
"How could I believe him? Never again CJ. Never again will I believe a man and his words." I say bitterly.
I feel CJ watching me silently as I look blankly into space.
"This isn't about Josh, is it? What are you afraid of Donna? Are you preventing heartbreak in the future by doing this? Are you afraid he'll leave you in the future for a more educated woman?"
"No, I was never afraid of that. But that came back and bit me in the ass."
"Donna, be logical. Josh Lyman has many, many faults god knows, but he would never ever betray anyone he loves, let alone the one he loves the most! You know him Donna. He stuck by you all this while through think and thin. Through your whole rape ordeal..he was there every step of the way no matter how hard and impossible it got."
"CJ, I SAW him kissing Amy. I felt..I felt worse than when I was raped when I saw that!" The words just come out of my mouth.
"You don't mean that, Donna. Give me one good reason you would not believe that Amy was the one who came over and caught him off guard?"
"Oh, I will. How would Amy know I was out when she came by? How could she possibly know unless Josh told her? Josh and I go home together practically every night! This is like the one and only time I came home later than him and it so happens that she's there?! Plus, Josh thought I was going to the boutique at 6.30 but my plans changed and I went there at six. I didn't tell him that, CJ. He expected me back later and that's why he took the opportunity to invite Amy Gardner over to our place!!" I say all that in one breath I think.
CJ keeps quiet with her mouth open a little.
"There's got to be some other explanation, Donna. Is there any other way Amy could have known you were out?" Now, CJ's finding a way to justify the situation.
"No, CJ." I simply state.
"Donna, I smell something really fishy here. Please, for my sake, for everything that we have been through together..we've got to figure this out." She's not giving up, is she? For a feminist she's putting a lot of faith in a man.
"What do you want me to do?" I ask like there's nothing I could do to make this situation any better.
"Think hard. Is there any way Amy could have found out that you were going out that day? It's too much of a coincidence. Did you mention it to anyone?"
"No, just the Bonnie and Ginger." I hardly think they would ever have anything to do with this.
"Okay. Did you think anyone was watching you or following you? Anything out of the ordinary at all? Even the slightest insignificant thing that caught your attention when you were leaving the office or on your way to the boutique?" I give CJ the benefit of the doubt just for her sake and think about what she was asking me.
TBC......