Title: Frogspawn and its Side Effects
Author: Kitty Chou
Category: Drama, humor, romance, death
Pairing: Harry/Snape
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don't own them, I make no money off them, and I promise to clean them up when I'm done.
Authors Note: Thanks to everyone who gave me feedback! And special thanks to Kafers who is my British dictionary!
Summary: A botched potion results in the unexpected.
Chapter Two: "A Frog Called Professor"
It took Harry about ten minutes to grasp that his Potions professor was now a frog. He wasn't even sure why it was so hard for him to comprehend, especially considering that his Transfigurations Professor regularly became a tabby cat. The fact that he'd obviously done it didn't really strike a chord in him either...after all he'd once blown up his aunt and during one particularly trying duel during a DA meeting, turned Hermione into a bucktoothed beaver.
He suspected she never quite forgave him for that.
Harry wondered if it was the fact that Snape was talking to him that bothered him so much, as he'd never come across an animal, wizard or otherwise, who ever had. Well, except for snakes of course, but that was an entirely different matter altogether.
"While I'm sure the inner workings of your plebian mind are utterly fascinating, Mr. Potter," Snape commented snidely in his little croaky voice. "This is a matter of some urgency. Take me to see the Headmaster, at once!"
He refrained from asking whether or not Snape knew the sound of a frog hitting a stone wall.
-----
Ironically the current password to Dumbledore's office, of which Snape reluctantly informed him, was, "chocolate frog". It was all Harry could do not to laugh. Being slightly panicked helped.
He knocked on the door softly after having gone up the winding stair, Snape clutched in his hand. In his non-knocking hand of course, though Harry could freely admit, it was tempting.
"Professor Dumbledore, sir?" he called, fidgeting slightly.
The door opened on its own and Dumbledore smiled at him merrily from behind his desk, getting up. "Ah, Harry, my boy. To what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?"
"Well you see-" Snape interrupted him.
"Headmaster! Look what the boy has done to me! This cannot go unpunished, I demand retribution!" he croaked furiously, squirming in Harry's hand. That wasn't fair, Harry thought, it wasn't as if he had meant to turn the greasy git into a frog...
Dumbledore got up from his desk, coming over to them and leaned over, smiling at Snape. "I see you have a new friend! Or is this a relation of Mr. Longbottom's dear Trevor?"
Snape gawked at him in horror before croaking furiously again, bulging eyes, well...bulgy. "Albus, this is no time for jokes! This is a very serious matter."
But Dumbledore just continued smiling at him before turning back to Harry, motioning him into the room. "He is an agitated little fellow, isn't he? I once had a horny toad that would work himself into a frantic state. My great aunt Mildred would always tell me, 'Ernie, the way to any creature's heart is through its stomach. Lemon drops are always the cure!' Pity she could never remember my name."
He promptly picked one up from a dish on the desk and popped it into Snape's open mouth.
Harry stared at him in slack jawed shock, wondering if the Headmaster had finally lost his marbles as Snape sputtered and spat out the lemon drop, tongue lolling out of his mouth in disgust. "You mean... You can't hear him, sir?"
Dumbledore's bushy white eyebrows rose. "Hear him, my boy? Of course I can hear him."
"But...it's Professor Snape, sir! Weren't you listening?" he asked, eyes wide. Snape, for his part, continued shouting at the man in his small croaking voice.
"Professor Snape?" The Headmaster looked down at him from over his half moon spectacles. "What am I supposed to be listening to, Harry?"
"The frog, sir! Professor Snape is the frog!" He held up Snape to prove his point, the Potions Master ranting and raving at Dumbledore from his little frog form.
The old man looked amused and he bent over, peering at Snape closely. "Severus? Is that you, my dear boy? Whatever did you do to yourself?"
Snape seethed with anger. One might even say he was...hopping mad, if they didn't mind losing their right arm soon after. "Yes, of course it's me you doddering old fool! Haven't you been listening? It's the boy who's done this to me!"
"Now, now, Severus. There's no need to get testy. Would you like another lemon drop?" Snape paled, or would have if he could, cringing away from him. Dumbledore smiled genially. "No? Well if you're sure." He popped one into his own mouth, looking thoughtfully at Harry. "Am I to understand that you can hear what Professor Snape is saying, Harry?"
He blinked at him in surprise. "Yes, sir. Can't you?"
Dumbledore shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not. As they say, 'it's all Greek to me'." He went back around his desk, seating himself and folding his hands upon it. "Do you know how this happened, Harry?"
Harry hesitated a moment, before sighing, relating the events of the past hour or so.
-----
Afterward, Dumbledore sat in quiet contemplation, sucking thoughtfully on his fourth lemon drop. He'd, of course, tried transfiguring Snape back into a man, but as it was not a spell which had turned him in the first place, it had no effect on his newly amphibian form.
"And you're sure, Severus, that you know of no counter potion for this?" the Headmaster asked him, for the third time, Harry noted.
"Senile old fool...if I knew of a blasted counter potion I would have used it!" Snape grumbled from the desk, looking disdainfully at a lizard paperweight, which was studying him curiously.
"He's sure, sir," Harry translated for the old wizard.
"Well then...I'm afraid you're stuck, for the time being. Harry, as you have been given detentions for the next week, you will spend them researching for a cure with Professor Snape."
Harry blinked. "Me, sir?"
"Why yes, my boy. After all, it would seem you are the only one who understands what Professor Snape is saying, making it essential that you aid him and care for him until he has been restored."
"Care for me?!" Snape demanded furiously, just as Harry exclaimed something of a similar nature, canceling the need to translate.
Dumbledore looked amused, but nodded seriously. "Harry, what you've done, unintentional or otherwise, is your responsibility and you must accept the consequences, including making sure your Professor comes to no harm in his vulnerable state."
"But, sir-"
"What about my classes, Headmaster? You don't intend to have substitutions until this thing is through? Once the Dark Lord hears of my absence, he will grow suspicious," Snape said seriously. Harry translated.
"I have considered this, Severus. Do you have any Polyjuice Potion in your stores?" he asked, looking down at the frog as if they were having a normal conversation. Snape didn't and Dumbledore sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Then I'm afraid I'll have no choice..."
Harry felt an air of trepidation as he turned to one of the portraits on the wall, tensing slightly. No choice but to what?
"Gillespie," he began, looking at a wizened witch with frizzy pink hair. "Would you find Nymphadora for me, please? Tell her it's urgent."
"No," Snape gasped, horrified and would have gone pale again, had he been able.
Harry tried really hard not to laugh. He really truly did. "T-Tonks?! You're going to have Tonks stand in for Snape?" he burst out, laughing until his face turned almost purple, gasping for breath.
Dumbledore hid a smile in a way that it still shone through his eyes. "Professor Snape, Harry," he reminded. "And yes, Nymphadora is the only person capable of keeping Professor Snape's current...condition a secret from the school and the enemy."
The thought of Snape with bright pink hair sent Harry into another round of raucous laughter, tears now streaming down his face.
Snape looked livid.
-----
"Can't believe I have to do this..." Harry grumbled as he finally trudged up to Gryffindor tower a few hours later, Snape in hand again. He'd had to stay while Tonks rearranged her features into that of the Potions Master, a rather hilarious debacle.
"Mr. Potter, if you think I am in any way pleased with the outcome of these events, you are most assuredly mistaken," Snape muttered darkly.
Harry glowered, but didn't say anything more. It was completely unfair that he was going to have to carry Snape everywhere he went until he was cured. Completely! Why couldn't Dumbledore or Hagrid or anyone else do it! Sure, they couldn't understand him, but that was a bonus as far as Harry was concerned!
Sighing tiredly, he gave the password to the Fat Lady and climbed through the portrait hole, almost smashing Snape into the wall. On accident, of course.
"Mr. Potter! While in the past seventeen years you may not have achieved enough mastery over your body not to go running into walls, I hope you will not be too troubled to please show some effort for once!" Snape said grouchily and Harry wondered how he managed to stay such a prat even at this hour of the morning.
"Sorry, Professor..." he mumbled sleepily.
"Professor?" Hermione questioned from the fireplace, looking up from her textbook.
Harry jumped in surprise, hand tightening around Snape who croaked in pain. "Hermione! What are you doing up?"
"Reading, obviously and waiting for you to get back." Her brow furrowed slightly. "Who were you talking to? You said 'Professor'," she added, just in case he tried to deny it. "And...where did you get that frog?" She got up, coming over to peer at Snape. Sometimes Hermione was too clever and too curious for her own good.
"Oh! This...this is a gift! From...Professor Snape! That's his name! Professor! I was, um...talking to him! You know...to sound less crazy than if I was talking to myself!" Harry said quickly, laughing nervously. Dumbledore had stressed the importance of keeping Snape a secret, even to his friends.
Snape made a sound of disgust. "Potter, an infant could lie better than you."
"A...gift?" Hermione repeated, looking at Harry like he'd grown another head. "Snape gave you a gift?"
Harry bristled slightly. "That's what I said isn't it? It's supposed to...teach me something about something! As a part of my detention! You know...like homework!"
Immediately Hermione's disposition changed as he said the magic word. Homework. "Oh really? How fascinating, but you can't remember what you're supposed to be learning from it? That's terribly irresponsible of you, Harry." She frowned disapprovingly.
"I know, Herm..." he said sheepishly, mentally smirking at Snape. An infant, huh? "I guess it got so late that I just forgot, you know? I'm really tired..." He yawned to prove his point. "I'll go back and ask Snape in the morning what it's for again. He'll have to tell me if he wants to criticize me every step of the way!"
They both laughed at that and Snape rather noticeably didn't comment, remaining still in Harry's sweaty hand.
After a moment, Hermione smiled at him. "Would you like me to help you set up an enclosure for him?"
Harry shook his head, yawning again. "Nah, thanks... Maybe in the morning, I'm too tired to breath right now." He headed up the stairs on the boy's side, waving back at her. "Night, Herm!"
She waved back, returning to her book. "Night, Harry." She laughed. "Night, Professor! Welcome to Gryffindor!"
--TBC--
Chapter Two! Huzzah! Now to start on Chapter -gasp- Three! Review me! It helps to inspire, I swear! Plus, comment whore, remember?