I think I'll tell you about Kodocha…it's a good manga. I need to dig up the 8th volume, I've only read through 7…it's about these little pre-teens with twisted romantic lives. Damn, I'm 14 and I've never even had a boyfriend. It makes you feel very inadequate. I don't like to think of Snape as ugly. I just don't like to! In my mind he definitely doesn't have facial hair. That goatee he's got in the book illustrations…it's just nasty. I don't remember if the Ugly Lego had facial hair…but damn was it ever ugly. Continue.
James' son killed the Dark Lord at the beginning of his Sixth Year. It's been almost exactly a year now. There was this huge celebration, my Dark Mark disappeared, everyone expected me to be happy. But I wasn't. Pretty soon it'll be the first anniversary. They're going to have this giant party, they wanted me to give a speech but I said no. What was I supposed to say? Harry Potter's just the golden boy now, he can do no wrong. I'm surprised he even has to take N.E.W.T.s to be and Auror and that they don't just give him top marks and send him on his way. Hell, just screw Auror training and send him out into the world. I have to teach him, watch him with his little crowd of admirers, attempt to get him to listen to me. I don't have any authority over them, any of the students. They don't listen to me, I can't teach them. I've been thinking about what I said, about Minerva being pretty. Sometimes she puts on these gorgeous robes and some makeup and puts her hair down and goes out. I don't believe she has a boyfriend, though, because I've never seen one. She always comes over to say hi to me before she leaves. Sweet of her, but patronizing. Like she knows that I'm never going to go anywhere. I don't like bars. Too many drunks. I hate the ones that get loud or violent. My mother never got loud or violent. She just effectively lost about twenty years in emotional maturity. When I drink…I had my first sip of beer when I was fourteen. Lucius Malfoy stole it from the kitchens. He knew what to say to house-elves. He's in Azkaban now, and they're thinking of putting his wife there too though she wasn't officially a Death Eater. They've just got her on house arrest so she can take care of Draco. Stupid gits. Poor Draco's been really angry lately. I'm afraid he might do something rash. Nothing I can do, though. But when I drink, I'm sort of happy for a little while. But not really happy. Sometimes it makes me forget. Sometimes it makes it worse. I like the blackout; it's different than sleep. I have a potion for the hangovers and the next day it's all okay. I could stop. Maybe I should, but then I think that it's one more thing to deal with. Maybe I can't stop. No. Yes. I don't know. I need a drink. The whole goddam WORLD needs a drink. My mother could and should have stopped. If she weren't always out barhopping she would have realized that her hubby was banging her baby boy every Friday when she went out. Every damn Friday she would go, and he would come to me and she never once came home until the next morning. Of course, she was drunk all the time, not just on Fridays. Always had that glass of wine in her hand. Isn't that so romantic? She always drank wine, presumably except on Drunk-off-your-ass Fridays. You know, we're supposed to say Voldemort now that he's gone. An expression of unity or some crap like that. But I KNEW him; I don't want to, I'm still scared inside. On the night Harry Potter said that he came back, Dumbledore told me to start preparing myself for getting the call from the Dark Lord to rejoin. And sometimes I really did feel like going back to the Death Eaters, feeling that acceptance and unity. But then I didn't. I didn't want to go to Azkaban for ten minutes. I had too many horrible memories. That was really all that kept me, and it's a good thing too since the Dark Lord lost.
You know, this story has the worst freaking title in the universe. It's in a song! I didn't just come up with it! I don't even know what it means, it just sounds good! And I like the song. It's by AFI…but I'm not a real fan, I only heard about them when they went major-label. I have four CD's though. Well, three since my dad took one of them away because of swearing.