Day 151
He seems to have fallen into hell.
It's a noisy hell, the constant twittering of human minds, chirping like crickets, driving him mad with their grating. They're on the edge of his current abilities, he's far too weak to use his powers properly yet he's also too weak to control them, which means he is unable to block the scraping, chirping sound out. It grates on him dreadfully.
It's nothing compared to the heat, though. He's been hot before, of course, but this makes the furnace of the noon day suns in the desert seem as nothing. It's as if he's burning up inside, his blood boils, sweat soaks him and his bedding, yet he can't stop shivering. The bullet wound of his left shoulder is the centre of the furnace, it aches and burns and screams at him. Had he been in a more stable frame of mind, he might have given thought to this, as it's the same side, and nearly the same place he injured his brother yesterday. He might consider whether it is some strange form of sympathetic wound, or perhaps it is coincidence, or even fate… but such questions are beyond his fevered imaginings.
He wants to move, to tear off all the bedding and run naked into the sun, or better still into a bath. But he can't, he's been tied down, tied for his own safety.
Somewhere, between the demons of delirium and the hallucinations, he recalls Vash tying his hands down onto the bed, muttering something about fever and infection. Yes; infection, he recalls Vash gazing in horror as he changed his bandages four days ago, gazing at the puss filled crater that was once smooth with healing skin. He really has brought this upon himself.
The room warps and twists around him, dripping in and out of darkness and light. Vash and all reality wavers like smoke upon the wind, sometimes as substantial as a nightmare, other times a mere whisper of a memory.
And all the time Knives faces the noise, the heat, the pain…
The insanity…
He must be deep in fever now, he thinks, as he looks up into the sky so blue, his lean body stretched out upon the grassy plane of Dreamscape.
'You should really take more care of yourself, Knives,' says Rem contemplatively, 'Vash can't do all the work, you know.'
Knives sighs and looks over to her, she's lying besides him, also gazing up into the sky, long black hair haloed around her, a soft smile tugs at the corners of her lips, yet there is sadness in her face, too.
'You don't often visit my dreams,' he remarks, turning to look up into the sky, 'I thought you preferred to spend time with my brother.'
Rem giggles, 'so analytical, Knives, sometimes you should just accept. I like seeing both of you, you know. You're both my little angels.'
'Vash was always your favourite. Your baby.'
'You think? I was always more worried about you, that's why I told Vash to take care of you.'
'I can take care of myself!'
His declaration echoed around them oddly, the sky seemed to grow darker.
Rem frowns, an odd look on her usually sweet face, 'careful, Knives,' she warns, 'only one visitor is aloud at a time. You're lucky Vash is around, or else I wouldn't be here. Do you really want him here that much that you'd banish me?'
Knives looks around sharply, his features twist in anger, 'how do you know about that? How can you know anything about me! You're dead! Not that you cared much when you were alive.'
'This is your head, Knives,' reminds the woman, 'I'm just here to give you a new perspective on things.'
'I don't need a new perspective. I've worked it all out already, I'm right!'
Rem laughs in the face of his ire, 'you're so scientific! That's what I loved best about you, Knives; you were always the voice of reason. But you were so stubborn, worse than Vash, even. Once you had an idea, you never let go.'
'Science is science. It's truth. Why should I deny that?'
'Is it? Even scientists know that what humans perceive they taint with their own perceptions, even scientists know they can be wrong. Give them the proof which says otherwise, and they'll go a different path.'
'Well, I've seen no such proof.'
'Haven't you? Or are you just ignoring what's put in front of you, Knives. You really should listen more!'
He snorts, 'like my brother? I suppose this is where you go on about Love and Peace, yes? Try to brainwash me with all that dreamy, hypocritical philosophy?'
'No,' she replies calmly, 'this is where I remind you that the ticket to the future is always open, as long as you look at it. If you look at the world with a closed mind and eyes then you'll see nothing but darkness. Just ask Vash.'
Knives blinks, 'Vash? But he-'
'Shhhh,' hushes Rem, putting a slender finger to her lips and grinning, 'that's a story only he can tell. I must be going now, just remember to walk your own path, Knives, that's all… walk your own path…'
She fades as she speaks these words, a wind blows up, carrying clouds of geranium petals, and when the fury of flaming petals has finally abated, she is gone completely.
'Damn woman,' he mutters, sitting up, 'I am walking my own path! She never talked common sense!'
Yet even as he says these words, he can not help but smile a little. He does not like Rem any more, how could he after what she did to Vash? But he does not hate her as much as some. Back in the old days, aboard the SEEDS ship, she'd actually been the only human Knives had any tolerance for. He'd even loved her as Vash had, once. When he'd believed her fairy tales and sweet lies.
Truth be told, he wouldn't have found her half as disgusting as most spiders, had it not been for her brainwashing of Vash. Had she not been the one to take his brother away from him.
That thought sends a brief surge of fury through Knives' body, or what passes as a body in this strange, fevered dream. That damn human! What she had done to Vash, the pain she had caused him, had caused both of them. That was what made him hate her eternally and with a passion of loathing few could match.
Indeed, with the possible exception of Vash, whom Knives had found he loves and hated in equal measure, there was only one other creature within the universe whom he despises more.
As if summoned by these thoughts, He appeared.
Beneath him the grass withers, turning into dark, baked earth, the sky turns a dark, grey, the air becomes hot and dry. There's a disconcerting pressure in the air, the feeling of a storm just about to break.
Knives scowls and twists his body into a defensive posture, his hand reaches for a gun which isn't there, and his teeth clench in rage.
He's much the same as he always appears in dreams like this. Just the same as Knives saw him last, parallel in every way, including height. Despite the fact that Knives is now full grown and should, if this were reality, be a head taller than Steve, he still looks up at him from a child's eye perspective. Steve looms over him like a mountain, a nasty grin smeared across his face, his breath reeking of alcohol.
Knives grimaces, he has never tolerated much more than a small glass of red wine, the stench of booze disgusts him.
'What's the matter monster?' Steve sneers, 'someone put a muzzle and leash on you at last?'
Knives does not dignify him with a reply, he tries to summon his Angel Arm, as he has always done in dreams such as this, but it will not appear.
Oh dear, it seems as if he really is in a nightmare.
Steve steps forward, staggering slightly, his arms reaching forward, grasping, groping, ready to snatch at him, to break him.
Knives moves back further, fear making an appearance in his gut now. Fear and hatred. How he loathes this man, this dreg of humanity, a species already the scum of the universe.
'I've killed you once,' he whispers, 'these encounters only give me the opportunity of repeating the experience.'
'S'pose you enjoy dreams like this, then, eh monster?' says Steve, still viciously grinning.
'Of course not, I get little pleasure from actual killing; I'm not as human as that. I get pleasure of a job well done, that's all. This is just a fevered dream, a repeat performance; it serves no purpose other than to remind me of what trash you spiders are!'
He hopes his words might somehow dissuade Steve, that his denial would push him back into the depths of his psyche. It doesn't work, instead his nemesis looks, oddly enough, puzzled.
'How come you keep bringing me back then?' he asks, 'if I keep causing you pain?'
Now it is Knives turn to be confused, this does not sound like Steve, the Steve that haunts his dreams is never so introspective or doubting, is never anything other than the bullying, abusing lowlife he remembers with such loathing.
'Who are you?' he mutters, mostly to himself, though he can hardly be surprised as, with a sound like ripping cloth, the dream form of Steve tears in two, revealing his brother, Vash.
Vash grins at him goofily, as if this is the kind of thing that happens every day. He's wearing is old SEEDS uniform and, like Knives, has no weapon by his side.
'Hi, Knives!' he says, waving, his easy smile cutting through Knives heart.
'So I'm dreaming about you now, am I?' mutterers Knives, 'that's odd… I don't often dream of you like this…'
Vash gins self consciously and rubs the back of his neck with his hand, a sure sign he's feeling guilty, 'actually,' he says, 'in a way, you're not.'
'Not? What's going on, Vash?'
'You're not dreaming. Sorry about this, Knives, but I'm afraid I'm kinda in your head right about now.'
From the horizon of the dreamscape there is a billowing cloud of red fire, lightening flashes, Knives response shakes the very earth and echoes like thunder in the sky.
'WHAT!'
'Don't get all riled up now!' protests Vash, raising his hands up in a placating manner, he knows how protective Knives is about his mental privacy, 'it's not as bas as it sounds. I'm not all that deeply in, I mean this isn't really me you're talking to, I won't remember a thing! I don't now a thing. Well, obviously I do, I mean I can still tell you what's going on, but-'
'Brother,' rasps Knives carefully, his every word loaded with unspoken threat, 'explain matters from the start. Clearly.'
'Fine,' sighs Vash, 'see, your left shoulder wound, the one that got re-opened when you tried to escape, it became infected. Right now you, which is to say your body, is lying in your bed in a really bad fever. This is all part of a fever dream, see?'
'I'd ascertained as much,' mutterers Knives, 'tell me something I don't know.'
'Well, in this state you're not really controlling your telepathic powers,' explains Vash, or whatever this being is, 'it's effecting me… or rather the outside Vash… anyway, it's also hurting people in the village too, headaches and stuff. So I… uh… Vash, is using his own abilities to keep yours in check, to calm you down. Thing is, even though he isn't probing deeply or anything, some of him, his psyche, has kinda leaked into your mind and combined with your powers and your memories to create… well… me. That explains why you were dreaming of Rem before, by the way.'
'Yes,' says Knives, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, 'it does.'
'You understand then? Good, because I'm having trouble, it's all pretty scary if you ask me! But don't worry, this is still all in your head, I won't remember a thing of this, so there's no reason to go psycho or anything.'
Dream-Vash gives a goofy grin at this, though nervousness seems to leak through his every pore.
'Don't worry, brother,' sighs Knives, 'I understand, there's no need to act the fool, I know better.'
'Sure,' says Dream-Vash, then frowns, 'seeing as I'm here, and I won't remember this, can I ask you a question?'
'You can ask, though I can't promise to answer.'
'Why do you dream of Steve, I thought you hated him?'
'You dream of Rem.'
'Yeah but, well, I like her. I love her, in fact. She's shaped my life; I carry on as I do so I can keep dreaming of her. You don't seem to like Steve at all, not that it surprises me.'
Knives considers this statement, 'I suppose I have similar reasons,' he admits at last, 'Steve shaped my view of the world, he showed me what humans really are. I need to dream of him to remind me of that.'
'Doesn't sound very nice,' responds Vash, 'I'd rather dream of Rem, I like my dreams better.'
Knives snorts, 'and look where that has gotten you? Full of bullets, covered in scars, your lifeblood soaking the sands of GunSmoke!'
'Hey, I'm not the one tied to the bed healing from four bullet holes,' Dream-Vash replies, his voice an equal measure of serious and mocking, 'I'm not the one entirely alone. I'm not the one who hurts and drives away those who love him… well, not purposefully, anyway. At least my dreams are-'
He didn't get much further than this for, at that moment, the sky changes colour once more. A wave of energy, a cooling, fresh breeze, rolls across the dreamscape. Knives senses a change in the air, he does not need Dream-Vash to repeat what he soon realises.
'Your fever has broken!' Dream-Vash crows, punching the air joyfully, 'now I… uh, the real me, can get out of your head, so I guess I'll be going in a moment. It's been nice talking to you like this, Knives. Please think about what I've said, OK? And have nicer dreams if you can, I think they'd be better for you. Remember, yo-'
But Dream-Vash gets no further than this, for another, gentle breeze caresses the landscape and his dissipates like smoke, his tentative presence gone from Knives mind.
'Your ticket to the future is always blank,' finishes Knives to himself, 'yes, yes, I know.'
He sighs and sits back down upon the dry earth. It's getting darker; blackness is eating away at the edges of his DreamScape. He knows his body, finally free from fever, is slipping into a deeper sleep, a dreamless sleep. He also knows that, when he awakes, he will have some hard decisions to make.
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Reader's Replies:
Empress Galaxia: Glad I made you smile with my comments and it's always wonderful to have a new reader! I mentioned the Meryl/Millie angle more filly in another Reader's Reply, in the last chapter I think. But to repeat I'll say that yes, they will make an appearance, but not for a while and don't expect them to take too big a role.
Ron The Future Weasel: Whee! Made you wait for this chapter, eh? I'm not entirely sure the Mills and Boon comment fits, but I do think that humour is important within a long grim story, it adds variation in the mood. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story, knowing that makes writing this all worth while!
Agelstryke: As I just said, I do think humour is important in a long fic like this, to add variation. It makes the dark bits stand out more, I think. Getting Knives right can be hard, on the one hand he's quite an… analytical character, on the other he's very emotional. I suppose it's a matter of choosing which emotions he shows. Or that's how I see it anyway, I'm shocked that people keep saying my characters are good, and very happy. It's what I value most in a story, quite often. Truth to characterisation. I hope this chapter (late as it is) lives up to your high expectations!
Aoi: Lol! Yeah, poor Knives has been locked up for a while now! Poor little homicidal maniac! Your friend has a point, I suppose it's more of a matter how long a person can put up with pain… Knives is extremely proud and possibly extremely desperate, which is possibly what allowed him to carry on through all the pain! Also, I think Vash has had more… experience with physical pain, (I should hope so, anyway, with all those scars!) Again, it's Knives' pride and anger which made him do such a stupid thing, I think, he probably hadn't thought it through clearly and I agree, there is a high possibility that he would have died if he hadn't been stopped by Vash but then again… with Knives who knows?
Jaina: Yay! A new reviewer! I do so hope you review this chapter! And yes, no Mary Sue! Which isn't to say there won't be any OC's later on, but I can promise that there shouldn't be any Mary Sues. Or any Poo-Nanny. And yes, as I said before, the Insurance Girls will appear in this, but don't count on it being very soon or for all that long.
ATO: Glad the musing/Action angle is working. After this is might lean more to the musing angel, but you're just going to have to go with me, OK? Thanks!
Silverarm: Thanks for the spelling info! I'll try to correct it in future chapters. It's those kind of mistakes that really demand a Beta Reader to pick them up, I just miss them! And the spell checker is no help… ah well.
Ah, look at all those wonderful reviews! You people make me so happy! I do so hope you liked this one, the next chapter will be short I'm afraid, but it should get longer again. Please let me know what you think! RNR!