Legal Note: N/A *************************************************************************************
Chapter Eleven: Ranma
I didn't mean to say it. I had no reason to say that. It wasn't what I truly felt. At least what I felt consciously inside. I don't believe I hate her deep down. I don't. I mean I can hold a grudge, but not like this. It really hurt her. She was in shock and was beginning to cry. Tears were welting up in her eyes and I felt something that hurt. Was it guilt? It was definitely something that failed to make me feel good. It made me feel like dirt. I went to calm her, and make grievances. She pulled away from me as if I hurt her with my touch.
"So you hate me then?" It hurt her, and it hurt me when she said hate. "Well, I can understand that. I mean I am uncute, a tomboy, horrible cook, can't swim without that technique, and I'm built like a brick. So why would you like me, or even love me? There's no reason to." She was right to say that. It's horrible to hear all of the insults I ever threw at her. I think I sort of understand how she felt hurt by those comments, but I never meant anything really by them. I'm really just not sure.
"Akane. I don't hate you." I said it, but she acted like I never said it.
"Ranma!" She flipped the table over on me and left me there under it. I poked my head out and saw her as she left sobbing. She staggered about hitting the wall and bouncing back from them. She stopped and turned to me, and looked at me, and I was frightened by her look. "Ranma, as far as I'm concern we were never engaged. Better yet, I never met you." She ran away after that. I couldn't move. It seemed to me like suddenly I had no chance at all with her. Without that engagement to draw me to her I have no way to get to her. No way to be with her.
I hate her for doing this to me. Just because I let my defense mechanism go and let a feeling I don't feel slip out of my mouth. I am disappointed with myself. I never should have allowed myself to say that. How did I go from dreaming about spending time with Akane, and just being with her? It wasn't how I wanted anything to go. It's horrible I know. What I told her was horrible. I'm not proud of what I said. Nor am I happy. I can't feel anything right now. I don't know where I am.