I need to start doing reviewer thank-yous again. Why? Cuz. Okay….did I ever get around to thanking hybridphoenix? I have a creepy feeling that I never did thank you, so belated thank you! Thank you LinZE, once again…and thank you Lise! I was thinking of having Dumbledore come to visit Sevvie already, but your review was the impetus (big words are fun) that I needed to put it in there! Hope y'all like my rendering of Dumbledore…
Minerva had forgotten to tell me that Dumbledore was coming to visit. Therefore, I was shocked to say the least when he burst into my room and gave me a hug. I was sitting in my bed, staring at the wall again and thinking, when Dumbledore scares the hell out of me by grabbing me with all of his bony old man strength. I, for one, do not like being hugged by men. Well, I don't like being hugged by anyone except Minerva, but….I don't need to explain myself here.
"Dammit, Albus, could you get the hell off of me? And what the hell are you doing here?" He looked hurt, and I can't blame him. "I'm sorry, Albus, it's just…."
"It's fine, Severus. Didn't Minerva tell you I was coming to visit you today?"
"She neglected to mention it, Albus." He laughed.
"Then I can understand your surprise….and I'm sorry that I couldn't contain my emotions. I was just so happy to see you, Severus."
"And why is that?"
"You look great, Severus. I really mean it. You look much healthier."
"That's probably because they force-feed me here." He laughed nervously.
"Albus, I've got to ask you something, and I want to answer truthfully. What does everyone at Hogwarts know…about…this?" He smiled again. He's too damn happy for someone visiting a mental patient.
"I told everyone in the school that you had been very stressed lately and took some time off to clear your head. No one has any reason to not believe this."
"What did you tell the faculty?"
"The same."
"Thank god. Thank you, Albus. If it had gotten out….."
"I understand." Why does anyone think it's ever appropriate to say that?
"Albus….it goes without saying that you do not, in fact, understand. In fact, you can't even begin to comprehend my situation."
"I wasn't thinking, Severus. I'm sorry I said that, I didn't mean it. I don't understand….but if you want me to, I'm all ears, any time." I snorted. God, I love that snort. It's so useful.
"Oh, you don't want to understand, trust me…why are you really here, Albus? Because it's your duty as Headmaster? Because you feel guilty that I tried to off myself on your watch? Or just because I make you feel better about yourself? When you look at me, Headmaster, I can see that you're always thinking about how you'd never let yourself go like I did. Well, Albus, maybe you wouldn't have done what I did, but I sincerely doubt it. You don't know half of the things that have happened to me, Dumbledore. You couldn't even imagine them if you tried. And you don't want to try, Albus. You sure as hell don't want to try." Speeches like that are profoundly exhausting, so I fell back against the headboard of my bed and closed my eyes. Albus sighed and put his head in his hands. I suddenly felt like a total prick.
"Severus…I like you, Severus. I didn't always like you, I'll admit it. You weren't one of my favorite students. When you joined the Death Eaters, I realized the error of my ways. Ever since you've came back to school, I've tried to make up for past mistakes…I've tried to treat you well, I've tried to be your friend. Every time you've done harm to yourself, I've winced inside because I 'm constantly wondering…what could I have done? I just want you to be happy, Severus, and I honestly care about your continued welfare…I have faith in you, Severus. I'm one more person who cares about you. Sometimes I think of you like my son, Severus…my son, who I deeply care about. I don't know if that offends you, but it's true." He was exhausted too. We stared at each other for a while. As usual, I didn't know what to think. After some pondering, I came to terms with my emotions at the time.
"Albus…I'm sorry. I just haven't realized…I just couldn't see……if you want to think of me as your son, I'm happy about that. Go right ahead. You'd be…a better father than any I've ever had…." Can you guess what happened next? Come on, think about it, it'll come to you…I started crying, mainly because I couldn't believe I'd told Dumbledore about my awful/scarring family history. Well, I hadn't really…..I wasn't sobbing, mind you, just crying silently and rubbing my eyes a lot. Albus put his arm around my shoulders.
"It's all right, Severus. You'll get through this. I swear, you will." I stopped crying, and he stepped back. "How are you being treated?"
"They're going to get me started on Muggle drugs…and there's going to be therapy, too."
"Good….." He grinned again. "You might not feel it right now, but you seem much better to me. Do you feel better?"
"I suppose I do. That doesn't mean very much, but….I don't know."
"The Slytherins miss you, Severus."
"So I've been told."
"They're constantly asking me when you're going to come back….when do you plan to check out?"
"In three days."
"All right."
"Albus, have you been talking to Draco?"
"Yes, I have been. Often. I'm not making the same mistake I made with you, Severus."
"Don't be too hard on yourself, Albus. I was troubled before I came to Hogwarts."
"That doesn't excuse it…but at any rate, Draco seems to be doing all right. He'll be a fine Auror."
"And Potter…how did that all turn out?"
"The committee refused Harry."
"Good."
"Severus…this is my fault, too. I allowed Harry's ego to swell after he defeated Voldemort. I had too much faith in him."
"He always had a large ego, Albus. It just became more prominent after he defeated Voldemort."
"It doesn't matter, Severus. What matters is his current attitude."
"His current attitude is atrocious."
"I hate to say it, but…I must agree." He smiled sadly. "Looks like we finally agree on something, Severus."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, I don't know. I've got to run, Severus. I'm looking forward to your return to Hogwarts." He hugged me again—this time it wasn't as creepy—and left. I now officially have "good" relationships with three people—Minerva, Draco, and Albus. You really only need three people, right?