Raven's POV.
It's been a year, and things still haven't really changed that much. Robin still trains every day, Starfire in constantly trying out new food concoctions, Cyborg pays WAY too much attention to his car. I meditate a lot. I have to.
I'm sitting in his room now. It's where I usually mediate, ever since... that day. He never woke up. The doctors said that he should have died when his spine was crushed, especially given the form he was in. He certainly shouldn't have been able to move, much less transform into a T-Rex and save all of us by knocking Slade away.
I had gotten his journal when we were told that he didn't make it. I had to leave then, or I would have destroyed the entire city. Damn emotions and my powers. If it hadn't been for them to begin with, I could have told Beast Boy sooner. I still don't know if he heard me, but I tell him everyday. That's way I meditate in his room. It still feels like him, after all this time. No one has dared suggesting we clear it out. I think they understand.
His journal. The last entry was while he was still amnesiatic. It was his last will and testament. His drawings were distributed between the four of us. They were all dated, and labelled. None of us knew he drew, sculpted... anything. Robin found the shattered fragments of sculptures on the roof. Beast Boy had had a good plan, but Slade was too much to handle alone. I was the one to find his books, but I haven't moved them. The only thing taken from his room had been the drawings.
Yes, I read his journal, and saw I side of him I'd always thought was there. The part of him that I saw at rare moments - the serious side. The side he tried to hide from us - to give us the much needed comic relief guy. The others have gone to his grave, leaving me alone to meditate. Starfire asked me if I wanted to go with them. She knew the answer before she asked, but I appreciated the gesture anyway.
I would go tonight. And probably cry. It will be safer if no one is there with me. I miss him so much.
His grave is set well away from the others in the cemetary. The other titans have left flowers, and Cyborg has left a bowl of tofu. I read the epitaph for the second time in my life. I haven't been here since the funeral. This grave isn't him. I knelt down beside the tombstone, silent for a few minutes. Then it all came pouring forth, all the thoughts erupting from my mouth. "Beast Boy, I'm sorry. I wish that it had been me and not you. I should have told you how I felt long before then, instead of waiting until it was too late. We haven't changed your room any, except to take out the drawings and divide them among us. I meditate there everyday, because I feel close to you there. I love you." Tears slid down my face, and my powers formed a whirling black tornado, not having anything close by to vent on.
I could almost swear he was here now, but that simply can't be. I have to get control of myself, or I'll end up as delusional and alone as I was in the future that Starfire saw. I suck in a breath, slowly, shakily. The tornado of black slows, then fades. My powers are spent for the moment, and I can cry freely. I still feel him faintly, but I suspect I will always be haunted by his feeling.
I stand, watching, as I have been since the blackness engulfed me. I can't live, but I refused to die and leave my friends - refused to leave Raven. I am a spirit now, watching over her, though there is little I can do to interfere in the physical world. I protect her now as I tried to in life.
Life. Something that you take for granted until it has been torn from you. As a specter, a mere shade of myself, I can't even begin to do what I could do in life. You never realize what a joy, an honor it is to touch things. To touch people. I wish that I could reach out and comfort Raven now, when she needs me most, but I can't. Do you know what effect the touch of the dead has on the living? It tears them up from the inside out - drives them completely insane. I know this from personal experience - the first thing I did after becoming what I am now was to hunt down Slade. I intended to kill him - but I couldn't physically hurt him. That's alright, my revenge was better the way it turned out. Robin was certainly surprised when he found Slade covered in his own drool, rocking back and forth in the corner of his latest hideout, muttering incessantly about "Green shattered shapes." He never should have taken me away from Raven. I made him pay. I shake my head, quickly, clearing my thoughts of revenge. That was a year ago, and I let it drop. I would sigh, but I can't. I can't even breathe. Funny how breathing becomes something you miss when you can't do it anymore. Much like touch.
My gaze travels back to Raven. She is still crying, mourning for me. Her whirlwind of darkness disperses - her powers have been spent for now. Tears fall on my grave, near the flowers and tofu that have been left for me. I know she can feel my presence, no matter how faintly. She senses me when she meditates, but doesn't realize that it is because I'm still with her. I will watch over her like this, my own emotions paining me, until she passes on as well. Only then can I be at peace. If I could, I would laugh, but it would be a bitter laugh. What a fate.
Sometimes I wish my memories had faded with my life. Memories. The thing that caused all this to happen, and are the only things that are still distinctly mine. The gods of irony have always governed my life, and now they reign my death as well.
My name was Beast Boy. Remember me.
It's been a year, and things still haven't really changed that much. Robin still trains every day, Starfire in constantly trying out new food concoctions, Cyborg pays WAY too much attention to his car. I meditate a lot. I have to.
I'm sitting in his room now. It's where I usually mediate, ever since... that day. He never woke up. The doctors said that he should have died when his spine was crushed, especially given the form he was in. He certainly shouldn't have been able to move, much less transform into a T-Rex and save all of us by knocking Slade away.
I had gotten his journal when we were told that he didn't make it. I had to leave then, or I would have destroyed the entire city. Damn emotions and my powers. If it hadn't been for them to begin with, I could have told Beast Boy sooner. I still don't know if he heard me, but I tell him everyday. That's way I meditate in his room. It still feels like him, after all this time. No one has dared suggesting we clear it out. I think they understand.
His journal. The last entry was while he was still amnesiatic. It was his last will and testament. His drawings were distributed between the four of us. They were all dated, and labelled. None of us knew he drew, sculpted... anything. Robin found the shattered fragments of sculptures on the roof. Beast Boy had had a good plan, but Slade was too much to handle alone. I was the one to find his books, but I haven't moved them. The only thing taken from his room had been the drawings.
Yes, I read his journal, and saw I side of him I'd always thought was there. The part of him that I saw at rare moments - the serious side. The side he tried to hide from us - to give us the much needed comic relief guy. The others have gone to his grave, leaving me alone to meditate. Starfire asked me if I wanted to go with them. She knew the answer before she asked, but I appreciated the gesture anyway.
I would go tonight. And probably cry. It will be safer if no one is there with me. I miss him so much.
His grave is set well away from the others in the cemetary. The other titans have left flowers, and Cyborg has left a bowl of tofu. I read the epitaph for the second time in my life. I haven't been here since the funeral. This grave isn't him. I knelt down beside the tombstone, silent for a few minutes. Then it all came pouring forth, all the thoughts erupting from my mouth. "Beast Boy, I'm sorry. I wish that it had been me and not you. I should have told you how I felt long before then, instead of waiting until it was too late. We haven't changed your room any, except to take out the drawings and divide them among us. I meditate there everyday, because I feel close to you there. I love you." Tears slid down my face, and my powers formed a whirling black tornado, not having anything close by to vent on.
I could almost swear he was here now, but that simply can't be. I have to get control of myself, or I'll end up as delusional and alone as I was in the future that Starfire saw. I suck in a breath, slowly, shakily. The tornado of black slows, then fades. My powers are spent for the moment, and I can cry freely. I still feel him faintly, but I suspect I will always be haunted by his feeling.
I stand, watching, as I have been since the blackness engulfed me. I can't live, but I refused to die and leave my friends - refused to leave Raven. I am a spirit now, watching over her, though there is little I can do to interfere in the physical world. I protect her now as I tried to in life.
Life. Something that you take for granted until it has been torn from you. As a specter, a mere shade of myself, I can't even begin to do what I could do in life. You never realize what a joy, an honor it is to touch things. To touch people. I wish that I could reach out and comfort Raven now, when she needs me most, but I can't. Do you know what effect the touch of the dead has on the living? It tears them up from the inside out - drives them completely insane. I know this from personal experience - the first thing I did after becoming what I am now was to hunt down Slade. I intended to kill him - but I couldn't physically hurt him. That's alright, my revenge was better the way it turned out. Robin was certainly surprised when he found Slade covered in his own drool, rocking back and forth in the corner of his latest hideout, muttering incessantly about "Green shattered shapes." He never should have taken me away from Raven. I made him pay. I shake my head, quickly, clearing my thoughts of revenge. That was a year ago, and I let it drop. I would sigh, but I can't. I can't even breathe. Funny how breathing becomes something you miss when you can't do it anymore. Much like touch.
My gaze travels back to Raven. She is still crying, mourning for me. Her whirlwind of darkness disperses - her powers have been spent for now. Tears fall on my grave, near the flowers and tofu that have been left for me. I know she can feel my presence, no matter how faintly. She senses me when she meditates, but doesn't realize that it is because I'm still with her. I will watch over her like this, my own emotions paining me, until she passes on as well. Only then can I be at peace. If I could, I would laugh, but it would be a bitter laugh. What a fate.
Sometimes I wish my memories had faded with my life. Memories. The thing that caused all this to happen, and are the only things that are still distinctly mine. The gods of irony have always governed my life, and now they reign my death as well.
My name was Beast Boy. Remember me.