Disclaimer: I own nothing.


I'd like to thank all the people who reviewed, heh, i just got one question. Can you see the hinted couples?
I'm not sure how this will end...Any suggestions?
Sorry if my grammar or spelling is off..I didn't exactly finish high school...Well i left at 15...




Chapter 2


Gaara was getting impatient for results, he had spent two weeks leaving death threats to the blonde and was getting nothing back! He would have thought that Naruto would be declaring his undying love for him by now, but no he wasn't, instead he was setting traps which Gaara thankfully kept avoiding. It was like Naruto didn't want his attention, but that was impossible.
Who wouldn't want a crazy stalker? Especially one as attractive and sexy as him.

Perhaps it was the sand. Was Naruto resisting because he didn't like sand. Nah that couldn't be it either since Naruto didn't know he was the stalker, and besides everyone like sand! Why else would they visit beaches?

He took out a now tattered and torn book that he had kept by his side for three weeks since buying it. Perhaps it was time to go on to the next step, he was getting nowhere with just death threats and dead animals.


Chapter 2- Dating

Step 1-Getting a date
Getting a date with your love one is very easy if you go about it in the right way, it is also a good way of revealing who their psychopathic stalker is. If you go about this in the wrong way they will kill you, if you go about it in the right way they will love you forever.

There are two ways of getting a date with your crush,
number one is; Bribing them with something they like and taking them to a place of their choice.

If your loved one tries to kill you, do not worry for their is a second way.

number two; kidnap the people they care about and forcing them on a date by saying you will kill those they care about if you they do not go on a date with you.

There is however a risk in this, if your loved one is stronger than you then you should not go through with this because you'll die. Or if your loved one has no one to care about because you killed them all.

Here is and example of what you could say to your crush when asking for a date:

Hello brother dear

Yes it is I! Will you go on a date with me?

We can have rice balls...
Rice balls you say?...I mean..I am an avenger sworn to kill you! DIE EVIL FIEND!

OR if that fails..

If you will not go out with me i'll kill your loved ones!
You already killed them...My mother..My father..


Sometimes trickery is useful, such as changing yourself into your obsessions crush and asking them out, this may work out for a while but they will find out eventually and so this should only be used if you are extremely desperate.


If all else fails and you never get a first date then try revenge by getting their crush to fall in love with you, try getting close to their crush by pretending you want something of theirs; Ie their demon.

If this works your crush is either self obsessed and thinks you only want his crush for revenge, or if they are kind they will sacrifice themselves for their crushes happiness. Or they will get jealous of you giving someone else other than them attention and want to go on date.


Gaara grinned happily because at last it was time to get down to dating and then.....Sex! He sighed happily as his thoughts drifted off into happy horny Gaara land where naked Naruto's worshipped his hot body.
But he quickly shook of his perverted thoughts before he got too caught up, now wasn't the time for them! He had to ask Naruto for a date!

Impatient for results he appeared in front of Naruto's door in a swirl of sand. Gaara went to ring the doorbell but stopped and started pacing back forth past the door. He wasn't meant to be nervous dammit! Nervous was for normal people and he was an insane murderer not some stupid boring person who didn't enjoy killing or stalking. Pushing down his non existent nerves that Gaara refused to admit were there, he walked up to the door and pressed the doorbell.

Naruto paused from where he had been sowing fur together, he had spent the last few days making a fur hat and gloves, he was preparing for the cold winter he would be spending far from civilisation and his stalker, so what if he had to become a crazy hermit living in the wilderness, as long as he was away from danger he didn't care.

He pulled a kunai from under his pillow, where he had taken to keeping one ever since the death threats had started.
Naruto wasn't scared, no never, he was a fearless ninja after all, he just felt safer with half a store's worth of ninja weapons hidden around his house.

Which included a set of kunai under his pillow, a shurinken in the bath and a katana in a empty ramen cup ( which although it was physically impossible to fit such a large thing in such a small cup he had somehow managed it) and many many traps which sadly had not deterred his stalker, but had given him numerous injuries. Was it his fault he forgot where he set the traps?

Slowly he opened his door raising the kunai just in case it was his stalker, as he saw who was on the other side he sighed in relief although did not move, even if it wasn't his stalker it was still a crazy killer.

Hello Gaara, Naruto said as he narrowed his eyes suspicious of why he was here. He couldn't be his stalker could he? No he had to stop thinking everyone who came to his door was, he had already sent the mailman to the hospital, nearly killed his team-mates and made Konohamaru go home crying.

Ah hello, Gaara replied as he stared at his crush, who in his eyes was looking as sexy as ever, he had dreamed of this day, well actually he had dreamed about sex and pretty much nothing else since hitting puberty.

What do you want? Naruto asked rudely, still not releasing the kunai, Gaara was dangerous and could not be trusted, in fact no one could be trusted; the couple next door, his friends, his teacher, the Hokage. Any of them could be his stalker.

Well i was wondering if you would like to..Gaara was cut off.

Spar...Train.. Fight each other to the death again?...Or perhaps you want to go on a killing spree with me? Or maybe get our demons to mate with each other and make some strange Racoon-Fox thing? What do you want? Naruto looked around just in case his stalker was watching him at that very moment, he could be in the bushes down below, no, no one was that stupid. Naruto really didn't have time to talk he was too busy being paranoid and preparing for his new life as a hermit.

Gaara was thinking a little to hard about the last idea Naruto had mentioned, it sounded fun to him. Perhaps after a couple of dates they could get their demons to mate, in a animalistic hot sweaty....Dammit it wasn't the time for those sort of thoughts.

I was wondering you would like to go on a date with me, Gaara said confidently as he pushed down his raging hormones, he was sure Naruto would fall at his feet begging for a date with him.

No way in hell! Naruto exclaimed, not only did he find the idea downright weird, but he couldn't leave the house at all, the stalker could jump out and kill him or ravage him, neither sounded like too much fun.

We could go for ramen.. Gaara trailed off, if Naruto wouldn't go out with him because he was good-looking then bribery would have to do.

Naruto wondered curiously, his stomach rumbling just at the thought, all paranoid delusions that weren't really delusions leaving his head.

All you can eat ramen, Gaara grinned inwardly, he knew that Naruto would go out with him if only for the ramen. Ah ramen, he had thought about a Naruto covered ramen and found the idea very appealing and tasty.

Okay! But no funny stuff, Naruto agreed, his inner conscious screaming at him for falling for such an obvious trick. But he didn't care, all he could think about was ramen, lots and lots of ramen. Dammit why did he have to be such a sucker for ramen!? He would have gone on a date with Sasuke if they had ramen.

I'll pick you up in five hours? Gaara asked extremely pleased with himself, although he was sure he was forgetting something.

Naruto nodded waving his hand absently his mind on other matters such as his stomach, closing the door he went over to the cupboard to see if there was any instant ramen left.
However he did not notice that as soon as he opened the cabinet door a log came crashing down from the ceiling hitting him over the head.



Gaara was happy, no he was more than happy, happy was being drenched in a rain of blood, happy was having perverted daydreams. Gaara was euphoric, floating on cloud nine. Well actually he wasn't on cloud nine, he was on Naruto's roof where he had been camping out so he could get closer to his crush. He even had a tent and a stove.
Gaara was thankful that he had the courage to ask his love for a date...Except he had forgotten something, he had forgotten to tell Naruto that he was his stalker, he shrugged, oh well, he could tell him that on their date.

Deciding to prepare for his date now he took out his trusty book that he had started calling his holy text in his head.

Step 2- The first date.

Congratulations you have successfully got a first date with your obsession. But your not in the clear yet, there are still many pitfalls that could occur if you don't prepare well enough.

You must first do two things that always impress; bring a gift and dress well. Dressing well is always a sure way of getting your date to notice you, wear black, red, or cloaks, be proud of the fact your a psycho by dressing like one!

Gaara stopped reading as he shrugged his shoulders.
He looked down at his clothes, he didn't actually have any other clothes except the ones he was wearing, but to him they looked smart and never got dirty due to the sand that covered his body.
It was the upside to having sand everywhere, the downside was also having sand _everywhere_, it got into the most uncomfortable places.
And why would Naruto care about the clothes when they would spend most of the night without them?
And then all day and all night and all day, why they would never need to wear clothes again if he had his way!

As for the gift, well he already had an idea. Already knowing what gift he had and what clothes he was going to where he continued reading.

Try practising what your going to say on your date on a sidekick or a clone, if they find what your saying appealing then your good to go, if they fall in love with you its even better! Because if your date is bad you have someone to go home to.
Here are some of the things you could do:

Try impressing your date by telling them how many people you've killed, how fast you can do it, or how slow. People like to know these things.

Ask questions even if you already know what their going to say because you've stalked them for years on end. It shows your interested in them.

Compliment them, their personality, their looks. For example: Your eyes are the colour of blood. Your hair is sharp like the kunai i used to kill our parents. Your skin is as pale as a corpse's. Your anger towards me is such a turn on.
This will either make their ego swell or make their anger swell, either of which is good, because we all know that the hate is just another form of denial, they really do love you so don't be put off.

Discuss things that interest your date or you, silence is a bad thing so try and get rid of them by starting the conversation up or laughing evilly, both work well. Things to discuss could be; How many ways there are to kill a person, what blood really tastes like, how tiring it can be to be an S-class criminal.

But if all else fails there are two things you can do, use your sharingan to hypnotise them into not trying to kill or maim you. Or if you don't have it then a recipe is available on page fifty of this book.
It is not alcoholic or a drug, it will not lower a person's inhibitions. We may be murderous maniacs but we do have some morals.
It is however a love potion which lasts a few hours, enough time to have a date and make an impression.
You should however, never ever try this out on yourself or your sidekick, it can do serious damage to your working relationship.

Gaara finished reading and decided to go about making his present, he needed to make it quickly so he could time to practise what he was going to say and make the love recipe. But where on earth was he going to get some of these ingredients for the recipe he didn't know...Some of them he couldn't even pronounce let alone know what they were.
He was sure he could make it up as he went along, he knew everything about love after all! He was a smooth lady killer, literally.