Doubt
He picked up the phone and dialed 927. It's 8:30 – she's surely there now.
"ADA Robbins," she answered.
"Kathy, I need to see you in my office."
"Ok, I'll be right up."
He turned over the document on his desk and waited for her. She arrived shortly, slightly out of breath from taking the stairs. "What's up?"
"Have a seat. And close the door." He indicated towards a chair for her, but remained standing and crossed his arms. She saw the tense look on his face, and felt her heart sink. She sat down carefully, crossed her legs at the ankles, and folded her hands in her lap. He turned away slightly. "I need to know something, Kathy." He turned back to face her. "I need to know that the person who sits next to me second chair is capable of handling the job. I have some serious concerns about your temper. I also wonder if you are in over your head in major felonies."
Her stomach knotted up, but she kept eye contact with Jack as she said softly, "No, I can do it."
"I figured you could. You have a great deal of talent. God knows I'm not perfect, but I need for you to stay in control. Let me ask you this. When was the last vacation you had?"
"I don't know. Over a year ago."
"Here's the deal. You will wrap up the cases on your calendar, and then you'll take a couple of weeks off, get away from here for a while. When you come back, I'll put you back on the trial calendar, and we'll meet periodically to make sure you're handling them ok. We have a very stressful job. You have to maintain control, Kathy." She nodded, hiding the shaking she felt in her hands. "Arthur does not know about this yet, and he won't – if you keep your end of the deal. This reprimand," he said as he turned over the document, "will go in your file, and that will be as far as it will go. Can you do what I've asked?" She nodded again mutely. "Ok. That will be all." He looked down at his desk as he pulled out his chair and sat down. She rose from her seat and left the office silently.
At the end of the day, she sat in her chair with her back to the door, hoping the rivers of raindrops sliding down the window would hide her reflection in the window. A tap on the doorframe altered her thoughts. She tipped her head to the side to catch a glance of who it was from the edge of her vision. It was Jack. She turned back and quickly wiped her face, trying to erase the evidence before turning around and addressing him. "Hi."
"Am I interrupting?"
"No. Just thinking of something. What's up?"
Jack pulled up a chair in front of her desk. "Your armor is rusting. Want to talk?"
She thought about it for a moment. They hadn't worked together all that long, but with all his years of listening, it might not hurt. She decided to tell him anyway. She leaned forward on her desk, idly adjusting her nameplate before folding her hands. "Qualities that are praised in men will brand a woman as a bitch. I always believed that women could do anything they wanted to, but to succeed in a male-dominated world, they have to be aggressive, assertive. Most of the time, it doesn't bother me, but there are times, that I wonder if I've done the right thing." She stopped, looking down at her hands as she rubbed them together.
"Want some advice?"
"Sure."
"You're right. In this job, you do need to be assertive, and most people are used to women still being the kinder, gentler sex. They don't know what to think about a strong woman. You are a smart attorney, Kathy, and a smart young woman. You have figured out, mostly, what works for you. For what it's worth, I don't think you're a bitch. You have a fire that burns when you sense a wrong, and you are committed to making it right. I think the world needs more like you, not less."
"I've really messed up, though, haven't I?"
"If you prove you can maintain control, no, you haven't."
She looked up and saw the soft sincerity in his eyes and knew he wasn't just trying to make her feel better. "Thank you." A quick flash of a smile played on her face, then faded. She resumed looking at her hands.
"I think I'll leave you to your thoughts." He rose to leave, and leaned over to pat her hands lightly before going.
She stayed quiet for a moment, then opened her lower desk drawer and got out a tea bag and a mug. She headed down the hall to get some hot water, enjoying the silence of the floor this late at night and how it gave her the chance to chase the noise and doubts from her mind.
He picked up the phone and dialed 927. It's 8:30 – she's surely there now.
"ADA Robbins," she answered.
"Kathy, I need to see you in my office."
"Ok, I'll be right up."
He turned over the document on his desk and waited for her. She arrived shortly, slightly out of breath from taking the stairs. "What's up?"
"Have a seat. And close the door." He indicated towards a chair for her, but remained standing and crossed his arms. She saw the tense look on his face, and felt her heart sink. She sat down carefully, crossed her legs at the ankles, and folded her hands in her lap. He turned away slightly. "I need to know something, Kathy." He turned back to face her. "I need to know that the person who sits next to me second chair is capable of handling the job. I have some serious concerns about your temper. I also wonder if you are in over your head in major felonies."
Her stomach knotted up, but she kept eye contact with Jack as she said softly, "No, I can do it."
"I figured you could. You have a great deal of talent. God knows I'm not perfect, but I need for you to stay in control. Let me ask you this. When was the last vacation you had?"
"I don't know. Over a year ago."
"Here's the deal. You will wrap up the cases on your calendar, and then you'll take a couple of weeks off, get away from here for a while. When you come back, I'll put you back on the trial calendar, and we'll meet periodically to make sure you're handling them ok. We have a very stressful job. You have to maintain control, Kathy." She nodded, hiding the shaking she felt in her hands. "Arthur does not know about this yet, and he won't – if you keep your end of the deal. This reprimand," he said as he turned over the document, "will go in your file, and that will be as far as it will go. Can you do what I've asked?" She nodded again mutely. "Ok. That will be all." He looked down at his desk as he pulled out his chair and sat down. She rose from her seat and left the office silently.
At the end of the day, she sat in her chair with her back to the door, hoping the rivers of raindrops sliding down the window would hide her reflection in the window. A tap on the doorframe altered her thoughts. She tipped her head to the side to catch a glance of who it was from the edge of her vision. It was Jack. She turned back and quickly wiped her face, trying to erase the evidence before turning around and addressing him. "Hi."
"Am I interrupting?"
"No. Just thinking of something. What's up?"
Jack pulled up a chair in front of her desk. "Your armor is rusting. Want to talk?"
She thought about it for a moment. They hadn't worked together all that long, but with all his years of listening, it might not hurt. She decided to tell him anyway. She leaned forward on her desk, idly adjusting her nameplate before folding her hands. "Qualities that are praised in men will brand a woman as a bitch. I always believed that women could do anything they wanted to, but to succeed in a male-dominated world, they have to be aggressive, assertive. Most of the time, it doesn't bother me, but there are times, that I wonder if I've done the right thing." She stopped, looking down at her hands as she rubbed them together.
"Want some advice?"
"Sure."
"You're right. In this job, you do need to be assertive, and most people are used to women still being the kinder, gentler sex. They don't know what to think about a strong woman. You are a smart attorney, Kathy, and a smart young woman. You have figured out, mostly, what works for you. For what it's worth, I don't think you're a bitch. You have a fire that burns when you sense a wrong, and you are committed to making it right. I think the world needs more like you, not less."
"I've really messed up, though, haven't I?"
"If you prove you can maintain control, no, you haven't."
She looked up and saw the soft sincerity in his eyes and knew he wasn't just trying to make her feel better. "Thank you." A quick flash of a smile played on her face, then faded. She resumed looking at her hands.
"I think I'll leave you to your thoughts." He rose to leave, and leaned over to pat her hands lightly before going.
She stayed quiet for a moment, then opened her lower desk drawer and got out a tea bag and a mug. She headed down the hall to get some hot water, enjoying the silence of the floor this late at night and how it gave her the chance to chase the noise and doubts from her mind.