Superman - The New Adventures of Lois and Clark

A/N: I've been watching some of the older episodes lately, and I suddenly felt like writing a fanfiction. But since inspiration was lacking, I started collecting ideas. More or less by chance, I ended up with a whole list of possible stories, and I thought, why not just turn the whole thing into an episode guide of the (fictional) fifth season. Complete with some puns in the titles and with comments from the editor. Just a real episode guide. At least this is the way German magazines provide their episode guides - it has a short summary of the story and then some comments on actors or developments therein. I tried to stick to the style of the show in choosing my titles and stories, but of course I don't know if I really managed to. But that's what reviews are for... I'm really looking forward to your comments! And if you have any ideas for a possible sixth season, you're welcome to share them! If I can collect 22 storylines, there'll be another chapter here. And of course I'll credit your contributions! Oh, and as usual: please tell me if you spot any mistakes or clumsy or unidiomatic expressions in my English, OK? Thanks.

Disclaimer: OK, "Superman" belongs to Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel; the TV show "Lois and Clark" was developed by Deborah Joy Levine. Just so you know. And I do not profit in any way whatsoever from this - well, you can't exactly call it a story... This is only a speculation on how the show could have continued. And it's starting right now. Although I mention the names of some real actors here, this is not a real person fic or anything.

Season 5

5.01: Cryptonite Girl

Special guest star: Elisha Cuthbert (Liza)

Clark a.k.a. Superman can't believe it: The young woman he has spotted running in the way of an approaching truck doesn't need his help at all: She has some superpowers herself that are similar to those of Clark. But while Clark is still wondering whether to ask her about it, he breaks down: Apparently there's some Cryptonite around. But the question is: Where does the stuff suddenly come from? Everything Lex Luthor has collected is safe with the STAR Labs. Naturally, Lois and Clark want to find out what's going on. They learn that this young woman, Liza, has a secret alter ago, just like Clark - but she doesn't use it to help others. Instead she offers her service to criminal gangs: Using the alias "C-Gal", she's known in the scene as a burglar, aider and abettor, and even as a contract killer. Lois and Clark do some research to collect evidence against Liza, and in the course of this they make an unbelievable discovery: Liza is not from the Earth, either. She has escaped from Minotauri, an intergalactic colony of convicts, to which she was sentenced on grounds of treason and terrorism against the government of New Crypton. And she has another secret that almost takes the life of Clark...

The start of the new season has guest star Elisha Cuthbert (Kim Bauer from "24") as the adversary of the week.

5.02: Ye Kent That Wee Hero, Right?

Special guest stars: Lane Davies (Tempus), Terry Kiser (H. G. Wells)

Tempus is just not able to stop it: Scarcely has he escaped one more time from custody when he starts again plotting revenge against Superman. This time he uses a time window. Lois, in a moment of inattention, goes through it and promptly ends up in Scotland in the eighteenth century; more precisely, in the year of 1746, the time of the second Jacobite revolution.While Clark is deperately looking for his wife, Lois has to scrape together all her historical knowledge in order to stay away from the great battles - and last but not least she has to behave in a way that is suitable for a woman in the Scottish highlands of that time, which is pretty difficult for her. When H. G. Wells, the time-traveling author, suddenly turns up, Lois feels happy and relieved. But then it happens: A battalion of English soldiers destroys Wells's time machine. Wells and Lois are stranded in time, while the last stand is drawing near...

Readers of Diana Gabaldon's Highland saga will possibly see where the inspiration for this episode came from. Due to the similar concepts it was of course impossible to avoid some similarities between Lois and Gabaldon's heroine Claire Beauchamp. And the trick Lois uses to contact Clark is known to us all from "Back to the Future." Who cares? This is the first of several other reunions with Terry Kiser as H. G. Wells. Unfortunately, we won't see Lane Davies alias Tempus again in this season.

5.03: Look What I Brought

After Clark has managed to return Lois and H. G. Wells unscathed to the Metropolis of the present, he and Lois actually want to take a few days off and go for a short vacation with their child. But then there are strange things happening in Metropolis, calling for Superman's presence. No one can figure out what those incidents mean; they seem to be unconnected, and yet they all bear the same mark. One evening, Jimmy witnesses something spooky: A mugger transforms into an elderly lady and can escape unnoticed. At first, neither Perry nor Lois and Clark want to believe Jimmy's story, but then Clark remembers an incident that occurred on the journey home from Scotland. He thinks they may accidentally have brought a stowaway - who could have come from anywhere...

This is the first episode where the elderly lady appears. We haven't yet learned her name, but it is clear who is going to be the main adversary during this season.

5.04: Too Much Is Never Enough

Moirag, the elderly lady who traveled through time to Metropolis as a stowaway, is a so-called Metamorphosian. She can take any form she wants at any given time. This peculiarity, which she shamelessly used to her own advantage, made the druids ban her beyond the border of time and space. Unfortunately, Clark, Lois and H. G. Wells crossed this border on their journey back, thus freeing Moirag. And now, standing on solid ground and having a lot of people surronding her, the old greed for more is taking hold of Moirag, and she takes what she wants. But she wants still more with every new robbery or fraud - and even Superman can't see through her perfect "disguise"...

Moirag, the Metamorphosian, will turn up and wreak havoc in Metropolis throughout the season. Although she is not such a superior enemy as Lex Luthor, she still causes Superman quite a headache.

5.05: Clark of the Court Office

A new judge has joined the Metropolis Court of Justice, and he is much stricter than all the others. When he sentences a juvenile to a lifetime prison sentence, even the public prosecutor is fed up: He asks Lois, whom he has known since high school, and Clark to keep an eye on the judge. Of course they can't do anything officially, so the couple makes a plan: Clark disguises himself and gets a job at the court. Now he can watch the judge closely with help from his superpowers - and he makes a startling discovery...

Dean Cain with a blond wig and half-moon glasses is worth the whole episode. A disguise much more effective than the Superman costume.

5.06: Nanny Poppins

Lois and Clark are getting into difficulties. Until now they have just about managed to accomodate work and child, but now it's really getting hard - especially because November is drawing near, and with it the time of depression. Superman is on duty 24/7, and Lois decides to hire a home help, who can, if necessary, have an eye on the child as well. But of course this person must be absolutely trustworthy, for it must be taken into consideration that he or she may someday discover Clark's secret. While Clark is desperately trying to do both his jobs, Lois goes looking for the perfect nanny - and has to learn that this is not easy. Then suddenly Miss Poppins turns up...

The new nanny's name is of course an allusion to the Disney classic "Mary Poppins" starring Julie Andrews and Dick van Dyke. Nanny Poppins (played by "Charmed" veteran Holly Marie Combs) will be a regular on the show from this episode on. Whether we'll ever learn where she comes from and what kind of magic she can do, we cannot say...

5.07: A Kingdom For A Superhero

Moirag is angry: Superman has, though more or less by chance, foiled a coup. More precisely, foiled it when she was only an inch away from her goal. She decides to teach Superman a lesson. She starts transforming into Superman every now and then, walks the streets and then ignores both, greetings and cries for help, in order to wreck his reputation. And soon rumor has it in Metropolis that Superman now merely saves those he wants to save. The Man of Steel is not pleased, but soon there are some people demanding that Superman leave the city. Metropolis needs a real hero, a true savior. The "Daily Planet's" competitor, the "Metropolis Star," tops it all off by starting an organized search for a substitute for Superman. And soon Metropolis is teeming with wannabe heroes...

This episode reminds a little of the earlier episodes "Madame Ex" and "Vatman," where doppelgangers of Lois and Clark, respectively, as well caused quite a fuss. But nevertheless, this episode is worth watching, most of all for the parade of superheroes.

5.08: Riddles

Special guest stars: Michael Landes (Nick O'Malley), Alexondra Lee (Kate Benson)

This is already the third case of sudden loss of sight within one week! The doctors at the Metropolis General Hospital are left clueless. Lois and Clark hear about the matter and want to find out what has caused those strange ailments. A new virus, maybe? But when they want to interview the victims, two Chicago detectives deny them access to them. They introduce themselves as agents of a bureau called "Special Unit 2", and they have recently investigated a similar case in Chicago. They have therefore been authorized by the FBI to head the Metropolis investigation as well, but they remain silent about the case. Moreover, one of them, Nick O'Malley, has a strange aversion to Superman and refuses his help. Fortunately, Lois has more luck with Agent Kate Benson. She learns that Special Unit 2 is responsible for "links", creatures that originate from the famous missing link between animals and human beings. And one of those links is now apparently plying its dangerous trades in Metropolis: A genuine Greek Sphinx, who takes the eyesight of everyone who cannot solve her riddles...

This episode is a crossover with "Special Unit 2". The Sphinx already turned up in this show and has now moved to Metropolis. This episode has some very funny moments to offer, for example Nick's constant hostility towards Superman, whom he thinks to be a link as well. Nick takes some time to understand that not all links are evil. The actor who plays Nick, Michael Landes, used to play Jimmy Olsen during the first "Superman" season, before he was replaced by Justin Whalin.

5.09: Follow The Green Brick Road

Moirag has crafted a new, perfidious plan to get rid of Superman. Employing an old Haitian Voodoo spell, she invokes a magician, who helps her setting a trap for Superman: The Man of Steel is banned into another dimension, which is almost the same as the present. There is only one crucial difference: In this dimension, Clark Kent has never existed. Clark becomes a "John Doe", a man without an identity. His only connection to his old life is Moirag, who can move between the dimensions without any problem. And it is her who tells him how to get back home: He has to follow the long, green brick road. There is only one problem: This road is paved with Cryptonite...

This episode alludes to the fantasy classic "The Wizard of Oz", where the farmer girl Dorothy is transported into another world. Just like Dorothy, Clark has to find his way back to Kansas.

5.10: When You're Good To Mama

Gene Carter is new in Metropolis and gets a job at the "Daily Planet". Soon he and Jimmy have become inseparable friends. Lois and Clark watch their young friend with mixed feelings as he is distancing himself more and more from them, letting the harmonic family life in the house of Carter absorb him. Mrs. Carter, Genes mother, showers Jimmy with affection, and soon she treats him as her own son. When the whole thing is giving Jimmy the creeps, he tries to evade Mrs. Carter's influence. But he has to learn that Mrs. Carter fights like a tigress for her children - and she already regards Jimmy as her child as well. Lois and Clark try to help Jimmy and come across something from the Carters's past that makes them wonder: Ten years ago, Gene's twin brother died in an accident, and since then the Carters have moved once a year - and every time, a boy of Gene's age disappeared from the respective cities...

This episode adopts themes from series such as "Profiler" and "Poltergeist: The Legacy." In the course of this season, Jimmy is gradually becoming a member of Lois and Clark's family.

5.11: Come Back Before Dawn

Strange cases of anemia occur in Metropolis. Fewer and fewer people are in the streets at daytime, whereas the nightclubs are full to the bursting point. More than the average number of bats are living in the caves and trees around the city. And there's word about flawless, beautiful strangers who cast a spell over anyone who crosses their paths... Lois and Clark are sure that something's wrong here. When even Perry starts to behave strangely, the two reporters and Jimmy decide to end this nightmare. And so they set out for the cemetery to collect evidence that vampires simply do not exist...

This episode skillfully combines a whole variety of vampire clichés. Therefore you can find allusions to "Buffy" and "Angel" as well as to classics such as "Dracula" or "Interview With The Vampire."

5.12: So Beaucoup Verschiedene Språkar Extranjeras, a.k.a. Blah, Blah, Blah

Moirag has, in the body of a perfect woman, managed to approach the brilliant brain researcher Dr. Everett Scoburn, who lives in recluse and dedicates all of his time to his experiments. He is on the verge of a sensational breakthrough. His anlyses of the speech center have shown that it is possible to completely forget any language one has ever learned and replace it with another one if one has the means. Moirag wants to get hold of these. When Dr. Scoburn's scientific results suddenly disappear, Lois and Clark become suspicious. They were right to do so, for on the next day, there's a horrible confusion at the "Planet": Perry only talks Spanish, Jimmy can only express himself in Gaelic, and Lois speaks Ancient Egyptian. Clark is not better off, either; he understands everything but cannot talk at all. And to top it all off, Lois and Clark's child decides to learn to talk exactly in this time. His first words: "J'ai faim!"...

This is beyond any doubt the most chaotic episode of the season, if not of the whole series. Dean Cain hardly talks, since Clark cannot speak during the whole Babylonian confusion. This is perfect for people who are interested in language. The title is a mixture of English, French, German, Swedish and Spanish and means "So many different foreign languages."

5.13: Clarks Of A Feather

Special guest star: John Shea (Lex Luthor)

The wall separating the two worlds that Lois and Clark know is getting thinner and thinner. Both, Clark and the parallel Clark - who has meanwhile found his Lois with help from H. G. Wells - can feel it, for they can suddenly communicate. And Clark gets the shock of his life when he learns that Lex Luthor is still alive in the other world - over there, however, he's not the billionaire, but a simple newscaster. The two Clarks realize that everyone is in the other world the contrary of what he or she is in his or her own world. Jimmy, for instance, is in one world man Friday and in the other the owner of the "Daily Planet". The other Clark lost his parents at the age of ten and has therefore made all the experiences that Clark had been spared. And in the parallel world, people know that Clark is Superman. If the separating wall was to get even thinner, it could have fatal consequences: Either the two worlds become one; in this case, the memories of the persons from both sides would be combined until a sort of good average would be reached. Or everyone will be able to see their reflection and realize the things that could have been. In both cases the world would learn that Clark is Superman - but in the latter case, everyone else would lose their minds...

Finally we meet John "Lex Luthor" Shea again. Emily Procter (meanwhile known as Calleigh Duquesne from "CSI: Miami") as Lana Lang stars, too. Interesting: Teri Hatcher as the parallel Lois with waist-long hair..

5.14: Edgar Allan's Poetry

During a literary forum that Lois and Clark attend, a raven turns up on the podium and croaks, "Nevermore." What everyone present at first thinks to be a literary joke soon turns out to be the beginning of a series of spooky incidents that are all based on a certain tale or poem by Edgar Allan Poe. And the result in many cases is death. Lois and Clark are looking for a Poe fanatic who makes the imagination of his idol become reality. Surrounded by pits, pendulums, casks, orang utans and ravens, Lois and Clark follow the footsteps of the great poet, hoping to find a trace leading them to the originator of all of this.

This episode is a must particularly for fans of the great American poet. But don't fret, everything is explained. The story is easy to understand even if someone has never heard of Poe.

5.15: The Unbearable Lightness Of Being A Father

This is the last thing Clark needs right now! Nanny Poppins is on vacation, and Perry has given Lois a story that requires her to travel to Canada for a week. This means for Clark that he somehow has to accomodate three things: His work at the "Planet," his duty as Superman - and the full-time job of a single father. Clark would be completely lost without Jimmy's help. And now, of all things, Martha Kent gets ill. So Clark is commuting between Metropolis and Smallville, constantly distracted by new jobs for Superman. Slowly but steadily, he is getting more forgetful and absent-minded - and then his disguise gets in danger of being exposed...

At the end of this episode, the long overdue happens: Jimmy finds out about Clark and Superman.

5.16: Liar, Liar

Clark is desperately trying to find the right moment to tell Lois that Jimmy knows now as well the truth about him. But this is not easy; every time he wants to, something gets in the way. Meanwhile the scientist Gina Moreau has developed a serum that could make the lie detector superfluous: If a suspect gets an injection of this serum, "Pinocchio", it causes a constriction of tissue around the nose, so that conspicuous red marks form. Lois and Clark attend a demonstration of the serum, and it works. But then the serum is stolen - by Gina, according to the surveillance cameras. But Gina has an alibi for the time of the theft. Of course this is Moirag's doing; by means of this serum she wants to find out who knows more about Superman than they say. While Clark is on the way to a volcano about to erupt, she takes Lois and Jimmy hostage and injects them both the serum. And Lois almost faints when Jimmy swears he doesn't know who Superman is - and the serum immediately reacts...

Moirag is back with this episode. The scientist Gina Moreau is played by "Poltergeist" Legacy member Helen Shaver.

5.17: Bury The Hatchet

Clark writes an article about the Battle of Wounded Knee and therefore does some research at the site of the battle. When he accidentally steps on sacred ground of the Indians, he unintentionally frees the ghost of a shaman who was killed in the battle and has since then not been able to rest in peace. He sets out to find the descendants of those soldiers who back then massacred the Indians. Lois, Clark and Jimmy are now facing the uncomfortable task of finding these descendants before the shaman does, and to convince them that a genuine ghost is seeking to take their lives - for something their ancestors have done...

The Battle of Wounded Knee (December 1890) in South Dakota was the last major conflict between Indians and soldiers. The Sioux were gathered together to be moved to a reservation, and they danced their "Ghost Dance". The soldiers were so scared and alerted that they charged again. It ended in a massacre.

5.18: What Goes Around Comes Around

The movie scene of Metropolis is not amused. A new film critic has apparently adopted the credo of tearing each movie into as many pieces as possible. And he always finds exactly the weakest spot. Actors, directors and producers are upset. And although the reviews are unfair, the critic is protected by the First Amendment to the Constitution. So the director Geoffrey Rhyme turns to Clark Kent to seek for help. And Clark is now facing his strangest task ever: He is supposed to write some damning criticism about a critic, thus beating him at his own game. But instead of retreating, the ominous critic fires back, and a real psychological duel arises between the two top journalists...

Hidden in this episode is some caustic Hollywood satire as well as slight criticism of the First Amendment, which grants absolute freedom of expression to everyone, regardless of the costs. The "psychological duel" of the journalists is a real show - a side-swipe at the doggedness of everyone who wants to be the best.

5.19: Revelation (Part 1 of 2)

Moirag still hasn't recovered from the shock that she was prevented from hearing the truth about Superman from Jimmy in the very last second. But now her advantage is that she has a point to begin with. She starts to observe Jimmy. Jimmy feels so uneasy that he moves in with Lois and Clark for the time being. The three of them seize the opportunity to talk in great detail about Clark's second life as Superman, and Clark realizes again how much he enjoys to have someone to talk to about all of this. But one evening Moirag manages to ambush Jimmy on his way home and to take his place. She carries a little camera, and she has manipulated the next TV station, so that she'll be live on air as soon as she switches the camera on. And when Lois and Clark innocently talk with the supposed Jimmy about "Clark's results", Moirag has the final proof that Clark Kent is Superman. While Clark tells them what he did today as Superman, she switches on the camera, and the evening news on all screens in Metropolis are interrupted by Clark Kent revealing his secret identity...

It happened. The whole of Metropolis knows now about Clark. What will the reactions be like? A very nice thing about this episode are the long conversations between Clark, Lois and Jimmy that show once again how fast this trust between the Kents and their young friend is growing.

5.20: Redemption (Part 2 of 2)

Special guest star: Terry Kiser (H. G. Wells), Tracy Scoggins (Cat Grant)

The whole of Metropolis is flabbergasted: Clark Kent is Superman! Perry White promptly visits Clark, completely baffled, stammering "Dear Elvis in heaven!", wanting to shake his hand. The camera teams set out and besiege the house of the Kents. Lois and Clark don't know what's happening until the real Jimmy finally stumbles into the house and unmasks Moirag. Lois, Clark, Jimmy and Nanny Poppins try to endure the evening. But on the next day there's no way out: Clark has to face the press. Lois and Jimmy try to support him as much as possible. The whole thing gets more difficult when Cat suddenly turns up and tries everything to get her share of the limelight. Some weeks later, things calm down and Clark starts to get used to the thought that his secret is now revealed. But the underworld has learned the news as well, and soon Clark receives the first threats. Clark's family, as well as his friends and colleagues at the "Planet," are suddenly in constant danger of being used as a means of exerting pressure on Clark. Fortunately, H. G. Wells has kept up with the latest developments. Once again he comes from the future in order to help Clark against Moirag and the inhabitants of Metropolis. Together they find that the world is not yet ready to know the truth about the Man of Steel...

Although Moirag is taken back to her time prison by Clark and H. G. Wells, Clark cannot rest. The underworld of Metropolis is at least as big a pain in the ass as Moirag. A completely unexpected thing in this episode is the reappearance of Tracy "Cat" Scoggins, who left the series after the first season.

5.21: The Day Before You Came

Special guest star: John Shea (Lex Luthor)

Lois and Clark's wedding anniversary is drawing near. Clark has extremely much to do and hardly has any time for his wife. Although Lois can understand him, she feels a little neglected. When she spends an evening all alone with her child at the fireplace, she remembers her life the way it was before she met Clark Kent. She recalls all major events in her life - the birth of her sister Lucy, her parents's divorce, her first kiss, the prom, her first apartment on her own, her employment at the "Planet"... but something seems to be missing; the events seem gray and lifeless to her. Lois recalls her past relationships - Patrick Sullvian, Claude, and of course Lex Luthor. But in the end she realizes that her life did not make any real sense until the day she met Clark Kent and fell in love with him. Lois thinks of the dreams and plans she used to have. Everything turned out differently than she had planned, and still her life couldn't be any richer. Clark and her child, her friends, her work - all those memories have nothing gray or lifeless about them...

So shortly before the end of the season, the producers have a surprise in store. This episode may very well be the one with the least action ever produced. It fully relies on Teri Hatcher, who can pull out all the stops here and show her true acting skills. We meet Lex Luthor, Patrick Sullivan (from "When Irish Eyes Are Killing"), Lois's parents, Sam and Ellen, and many more. The backflashes without Clark were digitally reworked, so that they seem paler and with less color; in the scene where Clark appears for the first time, the viewer is practically overwhelmed by the intense colors. Much footage from older episodes was used once again in this one. The title of this episode reminds of the ABBA song of the same name.

5.22: Not Only Angels Fly

Special guest star: Tracy Scoggins (Cat Grant)

Dr. Klein summons Lois and Clark to meet him in order to talk about their child. He has finally managed to analyze Clark's DNA and to isolate the gene that carries some of Superman's powers. This gene is dominant, which means that the child should at least have inherited the superpowers on this particular gene. Now, at eighteen months, there should actually be some of the powers showing in the child. Martha Kent tells Lois and Clark that Clark started floating at the age of fourteen months. Now an exciting time is about to start for Lois and Clark, for they watch their child in every minute they can spare, seeing if anything extraordinary happens. Even Nanny Poppins gets affected. But when Perry hears that something's going on with the child, the problems begin. Perry falsely assumes that the child is ill, and therefore he treats Lois and Clark with utmost care and consideration - what in return causes the Kents to think that Perry has a problem. To top it all off, Cat appears again and wants her old job back. And when old files from Lex Luthor turn up, indicating that there is some "emergency ration" of Cryptonite, Clark can't pretend any longer that Superman is unavailable at present. Together with Jimmy, he looks for Luthor's storage room, while Lois and Perry keep misunderstanding one another and Nanny Poppins is taking care of the child. But in the end it is Jonathan Kent who witnesses the child's first attempt to float - just like he saw his adopted son Clark float back then. And Dr. Klein notices that since the child has only inherited half of Superman's genes, it is immune to Cryptonite. Lois and Clark celebrate in the garden together with their friends while the child, watched over by Nanny Poppins, is peacefully sleeping inside - floating two feet above the mattress.

Now it is official - the child has inherited a part of Clark's powers. The question where the child came from in the first place is still not answered, and neither is the question of who Nanny Poppins really is, but there's hope for the sixth season. All in all this was a finale worthy of the season.

End Note: OK, so this is season five as it may have looked like. I'm really looking forward to your reviews! Just two more things: Firstly: no, I don't speak Swedish. I had to look up the word "language" in a dictionary, and then I had to check in a grammar book how to make a plural. I know now that a plural in Swedish looks different when the noun has an article. Great, isn't it? ggg And the other thing: I always assume that a word that is spelled with a K in German automatically takes a C in English. But "Cryptonite" looks still a little strange to me. Is it, in English, spelled with a K, too? "Kryptonite?" I'd appreciate your help here...