II. All About Me (and pixies of course!)
They're fierce....they're brutal...they're worse than they look...they're...
PIXIES!!!!
The pixie. Classified as XXX by the Ministry of Magic, but in my personal opinion, that should be changed. To something along the lines of XXXXXXX. Definitely.
Taken from "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them," by Newt Scamander, a pixie is described as:
"The pixie is mostly found in Cornwall, England. Electric blue in colour, up to eight inches in height and very mischievous, the pixie delights in tricks and practical jokes of all descriptions. Although wingless, it can fly and has been known to seize unwary humans by the ears and deposit them
at the tops of tall trees and buildings. Pixies produce high-pitched
jabbering unintelligible only to other pixies. They bear live young."
Although, honestly, that book isn't nearly as fantastic and famous as mine. Why on earth did they put the word "fantastic" in the title anyway? Anywho, it must be said that I of course can speak pixieish. I am one of the only wizards to have ever learned the strange and exotic language of the pixies.* For instance, if a pixie were to mumble, "Fuchawannakowalla," I would immediately know that that means, "I want some cake!" See? It is simple! But only the smartest of wizards, namely me, will ever be able to understand pixieish.
I, from firsthand experience and all, know that pixies are devilish little creatures. I almost succumbed to one of the little prankster's jokes, but of course I was able to rouse myself in order to defend myself...and my pride!
And soon you, too, will learn the art of defending yourself from the horrendous and vile little villains that pixies are. To learn more about pixies, go to the next chapter. But, really, who cares?
You must learn about me! I am certainly not as vile as the pixies. For example, when I was at Hogwarts, I was named "Most Likely to Succeed." Or was it "Most Likely to Not Succeed?"
See? I cannot even remember all of my awards, because I have closets full of them! This is a very important tidbit about me that no one else knows. The thing about the closet full of awards, I mean.
But, we must move on! My editor says that I am not allowed to talk about myself – only the subject, which is pixies. But do not worry, my dear fans! I will sneak loads of facts about me, I promise you that!
*Editor's Note: It must be remarked upon that "pixieish" is not really a language. Unless you count it as a language that Lockhart made up. But according to Ministry of Magic records, "pixieish" does not exist anywhere outside of Lockhart's head.
***SO PEOPLE, WHAT DO YOU THINK? PLEASE REVIEW BY PRESSING THAT BUTTON BELOW! IF YOU DON'T, THEN I WILL HAVE TO HARASS YOU BY SCREAMING PIXIEISH AT YOU! AND TRUST ME, YOU DON'T WANT THAT! Thanks!***
They're fierce....they're brutal...they're worse than they look...they're...
PIXIES!!!!
The pixie. Classified as XXX by the Ministry of Magic, but in my personal opinion, that should be changed. To something along the lines of XXXXXXX. Definitely.
Taken from "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them," by Newt Scamander, a pixie is described as:
"The pixie is mostly found in Cornwall, England. Electric blue in colour, up to eight inches in height and very mischievous, the pixie delights in tricks and practical jokes of all descriptions. Although wingless, it can fly and has been known to seize unwary humans by the ears and deposit them
at the tops of tall trees and buildings. Pixies produce high-pitched
jabbering unintelligible only to other pixies. They bear live young."
Although, honestly, that book isn't nearly as fantastic and famous as mine. Why on earth did they put the word "fantastic" in the title anyway? Anywho, it must be said that I of course can speak pixieish. I am one of the only wizards to have ever learned the strange and exotic language of the pixies.* For instance, if a pixie were to mumble, "Fuchawannakowalla," I would immediately know that that means, "I want some cake!" See? It is simple! But only the smartest of wizards, namely me, will ever be able to understand pixieish.
I, from firsthand experience and all, know that pixies are devilish little creatures. I almost succumbed to one of the little prankster's jokes, but of course I was able to rouse myself in order to defend myself...and my pride!
And soon you, too, will learn the art of defending yourself from the horrendous and vile little villains that pixies are. To learn more about pixies, go to the next chapter. But, really, who cares?
You must learn about me! I am certainly not as vile as the pixies. For example, when I was at Hogwarts, I was named "Most Likely to Succeed." Or was it "Most Likely to Not Succeed?"
See? I cannot even remember all of my awards, because I have closets full of them! This is a very important tidbit about me that no one else knows. The thing about the closet full of awards, I mean.
But, we must move on! My editor says that I am not allowed to talk about myself – only the subject, which is pixies. But do not worry, my dear fans! I will sneak loads of facts about me, I promise you that!
*Editor's Note: It must be remarked upon that "pixieish" is not really a language. Unless you count it as a language that Lockhart made up. But according to Ministry of Magic records, "pixieish" does not exist anywhere outside of Lockhart's head.
***SO PEOPLE, WHAT DO YOU THINK? PLEASE REVIEW BY PRESSING THAT BUTTON BELOW! IF YOU DON'T, THEN I WILL HAVE TO HARASS YOU BY SCREAMING PIXIEISH AT YOU! AND TRUST ME, YOU DON'T WANT THAT! Thanks!***