III. Hogwarts Happenings!
Although this chapter has absolutely no reference whatsoever to pixies, who cares? We're certainly not going to miss them, now will we? I didn't think so. I did promise you I would get some information about myself in here. But this isn't necessarily about me...it's about HOGWARTS HAPPENINGS!
Take Professor Severus Snape, for instance. That large nose of his? Plastic surgery gone wrong. (Actually called Magic Surgery in the wizarding world) I swear it! I was talking to him one day...
*Me, the fabulous Lockhart: "I recently got a magic-botox injection in my chin. It's worked wonders! All they did was point their wand at my chin, and look at me now! Fabulous, no?"
*Severus Snape: "No."
*Me, the fabulous Lockhart: "Whatever! Have you ever though of getting Magic/Plastic surgery? That nose of yours..."
*Severus Snape: "No."
And then the old chap walked away from me! Imagine that! So, as you can see, I have it on good authority that Severus Snape has indeed gotten Magic/Plastic surgery. Gone wrong, of course. And have you heard the latest on that Trelawney woman-*
Pixies have inhabited the Forbidden Forest of Hogwarts for a very long time. They tend to nest in the trees and prey on Bowtruckles. (For more on Bowtruckles, see my book "Boredom with Bowtruckles", in stores soon!) Pixies bear live young in horrid, putrid, black eggs. When the eggs hatch, more pixies inhabit the area. Like we need more pixies anyway!
The sorts of pranks pixies like to use include: Hanging little schoolchildren on chandeliers, taking famous wizards' wands away, hitting people with books, and just randomly causing mayhem whenever they are not locked in a cage.
Which brings me to the section in this chapter called: "Lockhart's Lessons!" Here's the first:
LOCKHART'S LESSONS!
Lesson #1
When dealing with pixies, it is best to lock them in a cage. It is also quite useful, I have learned, to know the right spell. For instance, NEVER use the spell "Pesky pixies Peskanomi!" It didn't work for me, and it most
certainly will not work for you!
See? Whenever I learn a lesson, you learn a lesson! It's a simple as that. But now, we must learn exactly what spells will work when dealing with pesky pixies. I'm sure I can think of more adjectives to describe pixies...
Putrid
Provoking
Poor
See?! I can use a thesaurus! I have learned something in my life! *ahem* Forget I said that.
Anyway, on to the next chapter, which is all about Defending Yourself! I sure am looking forward to that one!
*EDITOR'S NOTE: I had to cut off Lockhart at that point. What he was about to reveal about Sybil Trelawney...let's just say it might possibly ruin her career as a Seer. Besides, this is a book about pesky pixies and the ponderings he has had about them! Not about his lilac hats!*
***PLEASE REVIEW! THAT'S ALL I AM GOING TO SAY! CHAPTER FOUR UP SOON!***
Although this chapter has absolutely no reference whatsoever to pixies, who cares? We're certainly not going to miss them, now will we? I didn't think so. I did promise you I would get some information about myself in here. But this isn't necessarily about me...it's about HOGWARTS HAPPENINGS!
Take Professor Severus Snape, for instance. That large nose of his? Plastic surgery gone wrong. (Actually called Magic Surgery in the wizarding world) I swear it! I was talking to him one day...
*Me, the fabulous Lockhart: "I recently got a magic-botox injection in my chin. It's worked wonders! All they did was point their wand at my chin, and look at me now! Fabulous, no?"
*Severus Snape: "No."
*Me, the fabulous Lockhart: "Whatever! Have you ever though of getting Magic/Plastic surgery? That nose of yours..."
*Severus Snape: "No."
And then the old chap walked away from me! Imagine that! So, as you can see, I have it on good authority that Severus Snape has indeed gotten Magic/Plastic surgery. Gone wrong, of course. And have you heard the latest on that Trelawney woman-*
Pixies have inhabited the Forbidden Forest of Hogwarts for a very long time. They tend to nest in the trees and prey on Bowtruckles. (For more on Bowtruckles, see my book "Boredom with Bowtruckles", in stores soon!) Pixies bear live young in horrid, putrid, black eggs. When the eggs hatch, more pixies inhabit the area. Like we need more pixies anyway!
The sorts of pranks pixies like to use include: Hanging little schoolchildren on chandeliers, taking famous wizards' wands away, hitting people with books, and just randomly causing mayhem whenever they are not locked in a cage.
Which brings me to the section in this chapter called: "Lockhart's Lessons!" Here's the first:
LOCKHART'S LESSONS!
Lesson #1
When dealing with pixies, it is best to lock them in a cage. It is also quite useful, I have learned, to know the right spell. For instance, NEVER use the spell "Pesky pixies Peskanomi!" It didn't work for me, and it most
certainly will not work for you!
See? Whenever I learn a lesson, you learn a lesson! It's a simple as that. But now, we must learn exactly what spells will work when dealing with pesky pixies. I'm sure I can think of more adjectives to describe pixies...
Putrid
Provoking
Poor
See?! I can use a thesaurus! I have learned something in my life! *ahem* Forget I said that.
Anyway, on to the next chapter, which is all about Defending Yourself! I sure am looking forward to that one!
*EDITOR'S NOTE: I had to cut off Lockhart at that point. What he was about to reveal about Sybil Trelawney...let's just say it might possibly ruin her career as a Seer. Besides, this is a book about pesky pixies and the ponderings he has had about them! Not about his lilac hats!*
***PLEASE REVIEW! THAT'S ALL I AM GOING TO SAY! CHAPTER FOUR UP SOON!***