Yuka smiled as she basked in the warm sunlight. Summer Recess was
almost over and she intended to make the most out of the time left.
Crossing the street she made her way to the entrance of the public baths.
Entering the front rooms Kubawa-san smiled at her as she made her way to
the woman's locker room. In front of the door stood what the local
residents had affectionately deemed the 'Pervert Patrol.' The two men
nodded to her as she entered and then returned to their job of keeping
perverts, old and young, out. Out at the rim of the bath she scrubbed and
rinsed herself off with cold water.
I wonder how Ranma and the rest deal with public baths? She blushed at the stray thought as an image of Akane's finance engaged in a bath water dripping down his muscles. She giggled. He may be a bit of a jerk but he was cute. She returned to her fantasy as Ranma offered to scrub her back. His powerful hands rubbing up and down her back as they slipped around into a warm embrace as his hands clutched her breasts. Wait a moment...
Yuka looked down at the pair of hands that we now firmly attached to her chest.
Deep breath.
"PERVERT!" She swung her fist at the owner of the aforementioned hands only to find nothing but air. The momentum carried on and she slipped and fell on the slick surface.
As the other women screamed around her she caught a glimpse of a shadow leaping gracefully over the high wall.
Chapter 2: New Threat: Clear Happosai's Name
"What?" Akane Tendo sat with Yuka and Sayuri in Akane's room.
"It was some sort of martial artist pervert," Yuka explained. "One second he was grabbing me and the next he was over the wall."
"But who could be skilled and perverted enough to do such a thing?" Sayuri asked.
"Hmmm..." Akane put a finger to her chin as she pondered the possibilities.
A loud bang is heard from the hall disrupting the informal meeting. The three girls look to Akane's door. The door buckles as a large panda is knocked through the door with an irate pigtailed martial artist on its back.
"Oiyaji! You've been back here only ten minutes and you are already stealing my food!" The two began to have a slugfest in the center of the room heedless of its occupants.
[I haven't had any of Kasumi's food in over a week!] Genma's sign replied as the two broke apart. [I am a growing panda.]
"I can fix that real easy pops...ummm yo Akane. We were um?" Ranma could feel the anger radiating off of his fiancé's body as she glared at him.
"How dare you steal from Saotome-sama! Return his meal at once!" Three mouths hit the floor as a second Akane appeared in the doorway dressed in Chinese silk and wielding a rapier.
Genma, Yuka, and Sayuri shifted their gazes back and forth between the two Akanes. Genma began to back pedal away from the sword bearing Akane as she approached him.
"Kiima! I told you to stay in the room till we could explain to my parents!" Ranma yelled toward the newcomer.
Kiima reluctantly lowered her sword and bowed at the waist formally.
"Sorry, Saotome-sama. I shall return there." Kiima slowly turned and began a proud stride back to the guest room.
"Kiima? Akane...Who is this and why does she look like you?" Yuka inquired after regaining her wits.
"I am Kiima of the Pemph!"
"Ah, hah ha. This is Akane's cousin Kiima Tendo. She is staying with Akane's family for a while. Right Akane?" Ranma speedily supplied while covering Kiima's mouth.
"Oh ah, yes right. This is my cousin Kiima. People always said we could be twins." The tension on Akane's face nearly betrayed her emotions. 'Damn you Kiima making me lie to my friends.'
[Cousin?] The still slack jawed panda asked. [Like Ranko?]
"Right pop, exactly like Ranko. Anyway see you guys later! Come on you two!" Ranma said his quick goodbye as he dragged Kiima and Genma out of the room and closed the door.
"I'll be back in a minute" Yuka and Sayuri simply stared as the youngest Tendo ran out of her room after the fleeing trio.
"That was even odd for Nerima." Yuka nodded her agreement.
Akane closed the door behind her and plodded down the hall to Ranma's room. The sight of Ranma holding back Kiima who was currently in the market for a panda skin rug greeted her as she stepped inside.
"Kiima calm down!"
"I shall filet his hide for this insult! Out of my way Saotome- sama!"
From the floor Genma held up a sign. [I was just making sure they were real.]
"Akane, gimme a hand here!" Ranma didn't bother to look up from his attempts to keep Kiima away from his father.
"Raaaaannnnmaaaa," the fighters stopped their struggle and three pairs of eyes looked up at the girl in the doorframe. Extensive experience with Akane's anger gave Ranma enough time to look over his positioning. He looked up to see Kiima's altered face giving him a blank stare.
"It's not what it looks like!" Ranma's pleas fell on ears filled with rage even as he pulled his hands from Kiima's chest and tried to wave off Akane.
A small bird stopped its song for a moment as a martial artist flew past it on course for the koi pond.
Akane returned to a slightly confused but accepting Yuka and Sayuri.
"Now where were we?" Yuka glanced to the hall while Akane set herself back on her bed.
"Why didn't you ever tell us you had a cousin that looked so much like you?" The pervert was forgotten for the moment.
"Well that is...I haven't seen her in a long time. She's been living in China for almost our whole lives." The story was at least half true Akane supposed. It also seemed to placate her two friends.
"Anyway," Sayuri returned to their original purpose. "Who do you think it could be?"
"I promise I will find out who it was and take care of them."
Meanwhile, as Ranma pulled herself out of the koi pond her parents stood on the porch with Soun, who was surprisingly calm.
"I can explain," were the first words out of her mouth as her father glared and her mother stood with a worried face.
Nerima's female population lived in constant fear. Among them bounded (for no one could recall him ever walking when they did see him) one of, if not the most, perverted old men that anyone had ever seen. The diminutive pervert was almost untouchable due to his supreme skill as Grandmaster of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. Hanging your panties and bras in the window was an invitation to have them snatched away forever.
This was currently the case as a very nice blue lace set vanished from a clothesline.
Happosai landed on the street a block away from the scene and rubbed his new silky darling against his face. As he sat pondering his next destination female screams erupted behind him. Turning to find the source he found himself outside of a public bathhouse. Before he could move, something slammed onto his head and bounded away.
Raising himself from the ground Happosai looked and saw his dreams come true as panties and bras drifted from the bathhouse to his hands. He closed his eyes and thanked the kami who bestowed this gift upon him. The sound of thunder brought him back to reality and he opened his eyes to find himself surrounded by over two-dozen women with a multitude of blunt objects.
Said women looked at the old man wearing a black handkerchief over his head and the undergarments in his hand. The beating was vicious.
Tendo-ken
"...and that is what happened." Ranma finished up his story and stared at his parents. Kasumi returned from shopping and Akane had joined after Yuka and Sayuri left.
"So you are now my son's servant then?" With Kiima's nod Genma closed his eyes in thought. "If that is the case...I order you to give me a back rub!"
Everyone in the room looked on with little if no sympathy as Genma was flattened into the floor.
"I am Saotome-sama's servant not yours old fool!" The feathers on Kiima's back bristled with anger.
"Oh dear Soun, I do hope this hasn't been too hard on your household. I had hoped that all this would die down soon."
"Actually," Soun laughed. "This hasn't been much trouble at all. Kiima helps Kasumi around the house and with meals so she isn't that bad a guest."
"Unlike some past guests," deadpanned Nabiki casting a glance at the still flattened Genma.
"How can you say that dad?" Akane's face had deepened to a crimson shade as her father began to stand up for Kiima. "She is stuck up, rude, inconsiderate and she is staying in the same room as Ranma!"
"Is this true Soun?" Nadoka asked anxiously. "This woman shares my son's room?"
"Well we had no other real place to put her and she did insist at being close to him so..." Everyone looked as Nadoka dropped her head and began to shake.
"Mom?"
"Auntie?"
"My son is SO MANLY!" The entire household sat frozen as Nadoka began to cry tears of joy and dance before she embraced her husband.
"We will be grandparents soon!" A few moments of nearly strangling her husband were soon followed by Nadoka appearing at her son's side. "Now Ranma remember that while having a mistress is fine you must not neglect your fiancé."
"Nothing like that happened!" Yelled Ranma.
Later on
Genma and Soun sat themselves at the Go board with cold beers at their sides. The two had fallen into a pleasurable pattern in the time that Genma had been living with the Tendos and these brief visits were looked forwards to as an opportunity to reestablish that pattern.
This time, however, Genma's heart did not seem to be in the game, as he had not cheated once in the time they had been playing. As can be expected, he was therefore losing quite badly. While it was fun at first Soun now grew concerned over his old friend's lack of spirit.
"Did you notice it Saotome?"
"Hmm? Notice what Tendo?"
"Akane is being more protective of Ranma nowadays around others women." If Go could not spark some cheer into Genma then planning on ways to unite the schools in their children was Soun's next option. "I believe the two may be ready to admit their feelings for each other."
A smile grew on Genma's face that seemed almost sad for a moment before it became a look of joy that seemed more at home given the topic.
"Is that so Tendo? The two have become closer in the time I have been away?"
"Its another benefit of Kiima staying with us. Is it not said that 'The seeds of love can be found in a bed of jealousy'?"
"Very, true my friend." Genma closed his eyes to absorb the wisdom in his friend's words, unaware that Sound shifted a few pieces on the board in his favor. "Nothing could ruin a night like tonight."
A loud bang in the back yard followed by a large dirt cloud from the impact supplied Fate's answer to that challenge.
"What was that sound, dearest?" Nadoka and Kasumi poked their heads from the kitchen. Nabiki descended the stairs to join the small group of witnesses.
"I didn't hear a crash and the house didn't shake so it isn't Ranma and Akane." The mercenary like girl took a few steps out into the back yard to gain a better view of the object that had landed.
"ouuuuuugh."
"Oh, my, its grandfather Happosai." Mystery solved, the eldest Tendo daughter went to collect the first aid kit from the closet.
"Wonder what happened to gramps?" Soun Tendo turned away from his task of chaining up his Master to answer his middle daughter.
"Never mind that now Nabiki and please get your father's hammer and nails." Turning back to his work Soun locked the chains in place and lifted the prone body into the large crate his old friend had provided.
"Hey what's going on out here?" Called the pigtailed martial artist from the dojo.
"Ranma!" Both Soun and Genma found themselves in rather painful tangles of limbs in the dirt as Happosai left toward a presently male Ranma.
"Let your Master find comfort in your bosom!" A bucket of water produced from hammer space made an attempt to fix Ranma's current gender.
Be it from the recent beating or perhaps lack of effort the Grandmaster of Anything Goes Martial Arts' bucket attack was countered when its target leapt straight up and planted both feet into his attackers back, slamming him into the ground. Stooping down Ranma collected the old pervert from his ditch by the collar of his gi.
"What's the problem now ya old perv?" Happosai's face took up a serious expression as he stared Ranma directly in the eyes. One deep breath later, he burst into tears in Ranma's grip.
"All the pretty ladies are beating me up!" The surrounding crowd took this instant to fall flat on their faces.
"Well if you stopped coping feels and stealing underwear maybe they would leave you alone!" Screamed Ranma.
"But I didn't do anything this time I swear!" Tears in his eyes Happosai gave his unwilling student the most serious expression he could. Mostly he looked like a child who couldn't have a toy he wanted. "Someone is going around peeping on woman's baths and framing me. As my heir, it is your duty to clear my name."
"Yeah right old man, I ain't no heir of yours," Ranma scoffed. "So why should I help you out?"
"Very well," Happosai's hand dug into his gi and pulled out a bra. "Here, take it you thief."
"What the heck are you talking about?"
"Why this is one of Akane's bra's," Happosai held out the undergarment out to the pigtailed boy. "Agree to do this for me and it's yours."
A quick look to Happosai's former students and Nabiki glancing behind him caused Ranma to get a chill up his spine. Turning his head there was Akane staring blankly at him. "A-ka-ne, I um..."
"I am not Akane, Saotome-sama." Kiima slowly walked past her undesired lord towards the house.
"Phew, for a moment I thought that violent chick was going to pound me." Ranma slowly wiped his brow.
"Akane is standing over there," the cursed Phoenix stated calmly entering the house as she pointed to Ranma's left.
"RAAAAANNNNNMMMAAA!" The young woman in question clenched her fists tightly as a red aura sprang to life around her.
"Akane, I didn't see you there. Ah heh heh." Ranma slowly dabbed his forehead again. In mid dab he stopped and looked at what was in his hand.
"Ranma you PERVERT!" A strong right cross, launched Ranma's body straight into the compound wall above the koi pond bra still in hand.
"Its...not...what it....looks..like." Gravity soon took hold and Ranma slowly fell from his indentation in the stone wall flat into the koi pond. When the redhead surfaced one could barely hear the soft murmuring of "uncute."
A bit later after he had pulled himself out of the pond and acquired hot water from the kitchen, Ranma sat in his room. As per Akane's demand and to his relief a divider had been set up that blocked off a section of the room for Kiima to sleep in. The bird woman had steadfastly refused to stray from her lord's side but had also expressed relief at not being so exposed to him. Kiima owned about as much as Ranma did so the room still looked much as it had a week ago when Kiima arrived.
His roommate now sat on the other side of the screen partition rummaging through a few items of clothing she had brought with her. Ranma sat and pondered on what had happened to Happosai. One pervert was bad enough but two could mean even more headaches for him. So it was in his best interest to get rid of at least one of them. While he hated to admit it Happosai was most likely the harder of the two to get rid of, so that left this new one.
"Are you going to help him then Saotome-sama?" Akane's voice came over from behind the screen. While Nerima's residents were used to the odd things that occurred, the Tendos had decided that they did not want to have to explain the presence of a winged woman from a mythical Chinese race. As such Kiima had been force to keep to Akane's form. Over the week Ranma had begun to be able to tell the two apart slightly by movements and accents in their voices.
"Help the old pervert? Not in this life." Ranma remarked as he picked up a small bag that lay next to him. "I'm going to take out this other pervert because I know that eventually it will lead to problems for me if I don't."
"I shall accompany you then. How do landlings stand to wear garments that press against their backs like this?" Came Kiima's slightly annoyed voice.
"What do you..Ack!" Ranma covered his hands with his eyes and turned away as Kiima stepped from behind the screen clad only in panties and fidgeting with one of Akane's bras.
"Hmm?" Kiima looked up at Ranma.
"Don't do that!" Ranma screamed.
"Do what Saotome-sama?" Kiima finally slipped on her bra and placed her hands on her hips.
"Walk around half naked," explained Ranma eyes still closed. "If Akane comes in..."
"You have seen me as such before though, I do not see a problem," Kiima finished putting on her Chinese style dress. The dress was silk in material and could be considered more formal then normal. The sky blue with gold trim sat well, but somehow didn't seem to 'fit' well, on Kiima's 'borrowed' body. It was as if the dress were made for someone else but happened to fit Akane.
Moving to the kitchen the pigtailed martial artist asked Kasumi where Akane was as she prepared dinner.
"I think she mentioned something about helping her friend Yuka with something," supplied Kasumi. "Why did you need something from her?"
"Nah, figured she would want in on this pervert hunt, and its much easier to keep an eye on her if she comes with me rather then set out on her own later." Kasumi sighed.
"Yes Akane can be a handful." The smile on her face grew as she handed two bentos to Ranma. "Have fun Ranma-kun."
"We'll be back for dinner."
Already on the hunt for this mysterious new pervert that threatened her friends, Akane Tendo walked the streets of Nerima clad in her yellow gi and headband. According to information Nabiki had provided the pervert had been making very predictable rounds from each of the public baths.
"I'll show that jerk," Akane mentally prepped herself. "I don't need help to deal with creeps like this I'm a martial artist too. Bet I can take care of myself better then that damn old woman."
Thoughts of the bird woman who had invaded the sanctity of her home made Akane's blood boil. She had, in only a week, managed to turn Akane's whole family against her. Well maybe not against her but still they hadn't taken her side and kicked her out.
Being so caught up in her home situation she nearly didn't hear the indignant cries of the women in the bath house or notice the shadowy figure that suddenly made itself known by landing two inches from Akane's face.
"YAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Close by, Ranma and Kiima were walking about on a similar quest. Kiima casting glances up at Ranma who strolled atop the canal fences.
"Is that some form of training that you do Saotome-sama?" Her curiosity finally prompting her to speak.
"Huh? Oh this?" Shrugging his shoulders, "I guess so, The Saotome School is primarily a aerial school of combat. A lot of what I do requires speed, balance, and fluidity. Staying up here lets me practice all three together."
"I see." Her curiosity sated Kiima turned back to the scanning of the street. To look closer though one could see a new question was on her mind.
"Since coming here I don't have to worry so much about having to make up lost time for training," Ranma linked his hands behind his head and stretched out his back as he spoke. "With Ryoga and Mousse around I get lots of challenges to improve. Not to mention the odd prince or crazed martial artist who turn up."
Had he looked he would have seen the Saotome foot-in-mouth disease begin to bear fruit as Kiima's borrowed face began to slightly heat up.
"So are you saying," the bird woman began, "that the people of Phoenix Mountain were nothing more then training dummies?"
While it may not of really been her, it was Akane's voice that Kiima was using and Ranma had had a lot of experience with that tone. Usually just before he was given a quick trip skyward.
"No I didn't mean that!" Ranma's instincts took over his mouth. "Its not that you guys can't fight its just that you don't train as hard as we martial artists do so its understandable that you couldn't beat us." Never a good thing.
"So we are weak because we do not have your training is that it?" A cool edge settled into Kiima's voice.
"Well um yeah. I mean if you trained like I do for a bit you'd probably see a big difference in the two styles." Ranma congratulated himself for diffusing the situation without getting malleted.
"I accept your offer then Sensei." Ranma didn't have time to reply as a female scream came from the bathhouse around the corner
"Akane!" The Jusenkyo cursed duo sped off towards the origin of the scream. Ranma leapt to the ground as he rounded the corner to find a scene that he was not entirely expecting.
Akane was attacking an opponent that simply refused to be hit. A punch was avoided with a graceful leap, the follow up kick was ducked and then the figure propelled him upwards taking her leg with him. Akane let out a gasp of air as her rear found purchase on the sidewalk.
"Akane are you ok?" Taking up a defensive position between Akane and her attacker. Kiima flanked his right side hand on her sword.
Now that he had stopped Ranma took in his opponent. That he was in fact a he came easily enough to Ranma, the rest of him was hard to place though. His clothes looked a bit worn in some places mostly near the joints. The boots he wore looked hand made from animal hide while his pants and shirt were composed of think cloth colored brown and green respectively. A slightly long face seemed a sharp contrast with his Asian features though he was not bad looking. Ranma did a double take as he took note of the stylized headband. Positioned on each side of his opponent's head were what looked to be antlers.
"I'm fine Ranma I can handle this." Fire burned in the gi clad Tendo as she rose to her feet.
"Ranma?" The young man relaxed his stance slightly at the mention of the name.
"Saotome Ranma of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, and who are you?" neither his stance nor his muscles relaxed when he spoke.
The figure seemed to pay no attention to Ranma's declaration. In fact after a moment he abandoned his stance and began to dig in a small pouch that hung from his belt. The other three looked back and forth between him and each other as they attempted to piece together what was going on.
"Ranma...Ranma...let me see. Black hair, pigtail, Saotome. Yep that's him!" In a flash the antlered fighter drew and launched a projectile at Ranma. A quick darting of the hand and Ranma found himself holding a sealed scroll.
"What's this?" Turning it over in his hand Ranma located a wax seal with the imprint of a curled dragon on it. Shrugging he broke the seal and began to read.
To Ranma Saotome,
I hope that this letter finds you well. Word of your battle on Phoenix Mountain has reached us here at the Musk Citadel and I congratulate you on your victory over the Phoenix King Saffron. With this letter I send a small gift, the young messenger who bears this letter is named (here the ink looks a bit thicker then the rest and the lettering less fluent the rest of the letter) Parsley and is in need of training in the world outside of our lands. He is instructed to serve you as his liege lord until such time as his training is complete.
Once more I wish you good fortune in your deeds.
Herb Prince of the Musk Dynasty
"Herb too?" Ranma groaned and handed the scroll back to Kiima and Akane who had been looking on in confused silence. As they read on Ranma turned to address kneeling Parsley.
"Umm...Parsley right?" He gave nod of conformation as Ranma's second new 'servant' stood up and looked straight at Ranma. "Its not that don't appreciate the fact that Herb trusts us with one of his men but uh..." Ranma absently scratched the back of his head and looked skyward hoping for some wandering Kami to grant him some luck. "We don't really need a servant right girls?"
Turning to the girls standing behind him Ranma blanched at the sight that greeted him. Both sets of eyes gave off almost identical flames as they peered over the scroll at the pigtailed youth.
"Wow," came a soft whisper. "Since I came to Japan I have seen a lot of girls but never two that looked exactly alike." Without hesitation the Musk warrior reached out with both hands and grabbed one of each of the girls' breasts. "You even feel the same."
The expression of indignant female wrath was seen from twelve blocks in every direction.
Tendo-dojo
"So Ranma-kun...care to explain this one?" asked Nabiki as she gave a rather smug look at her family's resident chaos engine.
"S'not my fault." Upon the trio's return with the unconscious Musk warrior Ranma had immediately been commanded by Akane to take care of his 'mess' before stomping up to her room mumbling about how perverts were infesting the area. Kiima remained in the room silently, but one look at her eyes as they rested on the young beast man revealed a smoldering anger just waiting for release. Ranma simply laid Parsley on the back porch and requested that Kasumi bring a damp towel. Kasumi soon returned with the cloth and settled next to her newest houseguest. The sound of a knife could be heard from the kitchen as Nadoka continued dinner preparations while Kasumi tended to the new guest.
"Thank you Kasumi."
"You are welcome Ranma-kun," Kasumi replied as she gently wiped the cloth over Parsley's forehead. "So who is your new friend?"
"Well according to this letter from Herb, his name is Parsley." He tossed the scroll he had received over to Nabiki. "He was sent here to learn about life outside his home so Herb sent him to me."
"Oh my, how long will he be staying?" Kasumi inquired of her future in-law as she rewetted the towel. A new guest would mean new grocery lists and a different menu then what she was used to doing.
"According to this," Nabiki replied while looking over the letter. "He is here til his training is complete. Whatever that means." The middle Tendo daughter put the letter down and rested her chin in her hands. Another guest was another mouth to feed. She mentally began reassessing her monthly budget for the added guest. Assuming with Kiima and this new guy staying here the food bill would be roughly a little less then it had been when Ranma's parents lived with them. At least then Nadoka had helped pay for the groceries, this time she would have to come up with new ways to earn more from her businesses. Ranma could almost feel his interest rates rising.
While this was going on the cause of these life style changes was slowly regaining consciousness. Genma and Soun looked up from their game of Go.
"Uggggg. So...that is what it is like to be hit by a girl." Parsley raised a hand to his much-abused head and slowly rose to a sitting position. It was then that he noticed that next to him was seated yet another female well within arm's and hand's reach. A fact he planned to take advantage of.
"Nuh uh, not again!" Parsley's ears once more rang as the martial artist on his other side brought his fist down hard onto the top of his head.
"ITE! Why did you do that for?" The antlered warrior yelled as he rubbed his sore cranium.
"Quiet Musk trash, do not raise your voice to Saotome-sama!" Kiima's icy laced voice made Parsley and Ranma shiver. Only Parsley though, was unfortunate enough to be caught in her piercing gaze. His mind took a moment to catch up to his ears as he processed the name she had used.
"Oh right!" The young man quickly rose to one knee and crossed his arms over his chest bowing his head. "Please accept me into your service my Lord. I swear to be loyal to you."
"Absolutely NOT!" Before Ranma could answer, Soun Tendo's demon head assault erupted from the doorway. "Ranma, I cannot afford to have another freeloading houseguest!"
"It's not my fault!" Frustrated the black haired youth in question lept to his feet and yelled back to the ones present in the room. "It's not like I ASKED Herb and Saffron to set me up with their people!"
"But it's your fault that they are here though, ne Ranma?" Nabiki's almost mocking voice flitted across Ranma's ears.
"What?" Ranma slowly turned his head to the source of his frustration.
"Well, both of their 'bosses' are friends of yours right?" To this Ranma gave a reluctant nod, "Then therefore they are your fault no matter what you say."
"Well, when you put it that way...."
"Therefore it only makes sense that you be the one to pay for the expenses that come up for them living here." Nabiki put on her best cheshire cat grin as she mentally began to calculate the total amounts that would soon be lining her family's bank account.
Ranma's thoughts began to crack and splinter as he too began seeing the amount of yen soon to be leaving his pockets.
"Ummmm," attention turned to the newest guest of the Tendo home. "Why should he have to pay at all? Saotome-sama and I could just conquer this house and make it our new castle couldn't we?"
The reactions around the room were almost comical to see as even Kasumi raised an eyebrow at Parsley's suggestion. Nabiki coughed into her fist.
"You don't get out much do you?"
"I leave the palace all the time!" He said as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Prince Herb insists."
"I think that I am beginning to understand why you were sent here," Nabiki turned her smile to Ranma. "Apparently your friend sent him to get him out of his hair."
"Hey! What are you..."
"YOU!" All eyes turned to the back porch to the very angry, if diminutive, grand master of the Anything Goes school. "You're the one who made all the pretty ladies angry at me!"
All eyes turned to Parsley who sat and stared at the shriveled gnome before him.
"Spring of Drowned Mummy?" Happosai's head began to turn red with rage.
"I am not a mummy! I am the Grand-Master of Anything Goes Martial Arts and you have made me very mad! Take this!" With that the old man reached into his clothes and pulled out a bomb. The bomb was true to its target and landed in the young Musk's lap. Unfortunately for Happosai in his rush to punish Parsley he had tossed one of his bombs with a longer fuse then normal. It was one of the ones he normally kept on hand when he needed to get far away from the center of the blast.
"Here Ranma-sama, all I have belongs to you," as a dutiful vassal should Parsley knelt and presented the bomb he was 'given' to Ranma.
What followed was a very rushed game of hot potato. Ranma tossed the bomb to his father who tossed it to Akane. Akane passed it to Kiima who quickly dropped it back on Genma. Juggling it between hands a moment later was Soun who placed it in Parseley's hands who dutifully returned it to his lord who was promptly tossed out the door just before it exploded.
A slightly charred female Ranma reentered the room to find Happosai bounding after a nimble Parsley while Kiima and Akane engaged in a deadlocked argument over Akane's disposal of the bomb. Kasumi sat to the side consoling her father who sat and watched the damage growing in his home, while Nabiki and Genma huddled on opposite corners of the room avoiding the chaos.
"Kasumi-chan, I've finished...dinner...for...you?" Nadoka, Saotome knew of her son's chaotic life, she had seen it first hand, which was one reason why her son kept his distance from his family home.
Yet ironically enough it was these words that brought peace to the Tendo household. The offering of food by Nadoka had four immediate reactions: Happosai and Parsley abandoned their fight to sit at the table in the blink of an eye, Kiima and Akane downgraded their screaming match to simple glares to avoid upsetting Ranma's mother, Ranma abandoned his imitation of charcoal to grab a section of the table to join in, and Nabiki and Genma, seeing that fighting had stopped moved to their respective points at the table.
Later that Evening
"Saotome-sama, you are not going to consent to that barbarian's presence are you?" Kiima's opinion on Parsley was quite clear to Ranma.
"This is all your fault Ranma so you had better deal with it!" Akane's too.
"Well what do you want me to do?" Ranma, however, was at wit's end. As far as he knew Herb owed him a debt, at least in Herb's eyes, and this was Herb's way of beginning to make amends. If Ranma refused Parsley Herb may try to send Mint or Lime which would be even less appealing.
"Son, you must take a stand and tell this boy that he absolutely cannot.."
"He stays." All eyes turned and then looked down as the grandmaster of the school spoke, cutting off Soun's comment.
"Eh?" The collective confusion of the room was summed up in one easy to pronounce syllable.
"Why do you care you old goat?" Happosai simply crossed his arms and gave a smug look at his young student.
"Because, I like him. He has good moves, youthful energy and shows proper respect for his elders." Everyone simply stared at him as he bowed his head in a serious manner. Behind him the door slid open.
"Master Happosai, I brought some more for your collection." There stood Parsley arms filled with all different types of lingerie.
"So that's it," Ranma's tone was very deliberate as the calm words forced their way through his building rage.
"You only want him to stay..." Kiima's emotions were also apparent from her voice.
"So he can steal panties for you!" Akane's rage was not so contained, mostly due to the fact that she noticed several of her panties in Parsley's pile.
I wonder how Ranma and the rest deal with public baths? She blushed at the stray thought as an image of Akane's finance engaged in a bath water dripping down his muscles. She giggled. He may be a bit of a jerk but he was cute. She returned to her fantasy as Ranma offered to scrub her back. His powerful hands rubbing up and down her back as they slipped around into a warm embrace as his hands clutched her breasts. Wait a moment...
Yuka looked down at the pair of hands that we now firmly attached to her chest.
Deep breath.
"PERVERT!" She swung her fist at the owner of the aforementioned hands only to find nothing but air. The momentum carried on and she slipped and fell on the slick surface.
As the other women screamed around her she caught a glimpse of a shadow leaping gracefully over the high wall.
Chapter 2: New Threat: Clear Happosai's Name
"What?" Akane Tendo sat with Yuka and Sayuri in Akane's room.
"It was some sort of martial artist pervert," Yuka explained. "One second he was grabbing me and the next he was over the wall."
"But who could be skilled and perverted enough to do such a thing?" Sayuri asked.
"Hmmm..." Akane put a finger to her chin as she pondered the possibilities.
A loud bang is heard from the hall disrupting the informal meeting. The three girls look to Akane's door. The door buckles as a large panda is knocked through the door with an irate pigtailed martial artist on its back.
"Oiyaji! You've been back here only ten minutes and you are already stealing my food!" The two began to have a slugfest in the center of the room heedless of its occupants.
[I haven't had any of Kasumi's food in over a week!] Genma's sign replied as the two broke apart. [I am a growing panda.]
"I can fix that real easy pops...ummm yo Akane. We were um?" Ranma could feel the anger radiating off of his fiancé's body as she glared at him.
"How dare you steal from Saotome-sama! Return his meal at once!" Three mouths hit the floor as a second Akane appeared in the doorway dressed in Chinese silk and wielding a rapier.
Genma, Yuka, and Sayuri shifted their gazes back and forth between the two Akanes. Genma began to back pedal away from the sword bearing Akane as she approached him.
"Kiima! I told you to stay in the room till we could explain to my parents!" Ranma yelled toward the newcomer.
Kiima reluctantly lowered her sword and bowed at the waist formally.
"Sorry, Saotome-sama. I shall return there." Kiima slowly turned and began a proud stride back to the guest room.
"Kiima? Akane...Who is this and why does she look like you?" Yuka inquired after regaining her wits.
"I am Kiima of the Pemph!"
"Ah, hah ha. This is Akane's cousin Kiima Tendo. She is staying with Akane's family for a while. Right Akane?" Ranma speedily supplied while covering Kiima's mouth.
"Oh ah, yes right. This is my cousin Kiima. People always said we could be twins." The tension on Akane's face nearly betrayed her emotions. 'Damn you Kiima making me lie to my friends.'
[Cousin?] The still slack jawed panda asked. [Like Ranko?]
"Right pop, exactly like Ranko. Anyway see you guys later! Come on you two!" Ranma said his quick goodbye as he dragged Kiima and Genma out of the room and closed the door.
"I'll be back in a minute" Yuka and Sayuri simply stared as the youngest Tendo ran out of her room after the fleeing trio.
"That was even odd for Nerima." Yuka nodded her agreement.
Akane closed the door behind her and plodded down the hall to Ranma's room. The sight of Ranma holding back Kiima who was currently in the market for a panda skin rug greeted her as she stepped inside.
"Kiima calm down!"
"I shall filet his hide for this insult! Out of my way Saotome- sama!"
From the floor Genma held up a sign. [I was just making sure they were real.]
"Akane, gimme a hand here!" Ranma didn't bother to look up from his attempts to keep Kiima away from his father.
"Raaaaannnnmaaaa," the fighters stopped their struggle and three pairs of eyes looked up at the girl in the doorframe. Extensive experience with Akane's anger gave Ranma enough time to look over his positioning. He looked up to see Kiima's altered face giving him a blank stare.
"It's not what it looks like!" Ranma's pleas fell on ears filled with rage even as he pulled his hands from Kiima's chest and tried to wave off Akane.
A small bird stopped its song for a moment as a martial artist flew past it on course for the koi pond.
Akane returned to a slightly confused but accepting Yuka and Sayuri.
"Now where were we?" Yuka glanced to the hall while Akane set herself back on her bed.
"Why didn't you ever tell us you had a cousin that looked so much like you?" The pervert was forgotten for the moment.
"Well that is...I haven't seen her in a long time. She's been living in China for almost our whole lives." The story was at least half true Akane supposed. It also seemed to placate her two friends.
"Anyway," Sayuri returned to their original purpose. "Who do you think it could be?"
"I promise I will find out who it was and take care of them."
Meanwhile, as Ranma pulled herself out of the koi pond her parents stood on the porch with Soun, who was surprisingly calm.
"I can explain," were the first words out of her mouth as her father glared and her mother stood with a worried face.
Nerima's female population lived in constant fear. Among them bounded (for no one could recall him ever walking when they did see him) one of, if not the most, perverted old men that anyone had ever seen. The diminutive pervert was almost untouchable due to his supreme skill as Grandmaster of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. Hanging your panties and bras in the window was an invitation to have them snatched away forever.
This was currently the case as a very nice blue lace set vanished from a clothesline.
Happosai landed on the street a block away from the scene and rubbed his new silky darling against his face. As he sat pondering his next destination female screams erupted behind him. Turning to find the source he found himself outside of a public bathhouse. Before he could move, something slammed onto his head and bounded away.
Raising himself from the ground Happosai looked and saw his dreams come true as panties and bras drifted from the bathhouse to his hands. He closed his eyes and thanked the kami who bestowed this gift upon him. The sound of thunder brought him back to reality and he opened his eyes to find himself surrounded by over two-dozen women with a multitude of blunt objects.
Said women looked at the old man wearing a black handkerchief over his head and the undergarments in his hand. The beating was vicious.
Tendo-ken
"...and that is what happened." Ranma finished up his story and stared at his parents. Kasumi returned from shopping and Akane had joined after Yuka and Sayuri left.
"So you are now my son's servant then?" With Kiima's nod Genma closed his eyes in thought. "If that is the case...I order you to give me a back rub!"
Everyone in the room looked on with little if no sympathy as Genma was flattened into the floor.
"I am Saotome-sama's servant not yours old fool!" The feathers on Kiima's back bristled with anger.
"Oh dear Soun, I do hope this hasn't been too hard on your household. I had hoped that all this would die down soon."
"Actually," Soun laughed. "This hasn't been much trouble at all. Kiima helps Kasumi around the house and with meals so she isn't that bad a guest."
"Unlike some past guests," deadpanned Nabiki casting a glance at the still flattened Genma.
"How can you say that dad?" Akane's face had deepened to a crimson shade as her father began to stand up for Kiima. "She is stuck up, rude, inconsiderate and she is staying in the same room as Ranma!"
"Is this true Soun?" Nadoka asked anxiously. "This woman shares my son's room?"
"Well we had no other real place to put her and she did insist at being close to him so..." Everyone looked as Nadoka dropped her head and began to shake.
"Mom?"
"Auntie?"
"My son is SO MANLY!" The entire household sat frozen as Nadoka began to cry tears of joy and dance before she embraced her husband.
"We will be grandparents soon!" A few moments of nearly strangling her husband were soon followed by Nadoka appearing at her son's side. "Now Ranma remember that while having a mistress is fine you must not neglect your fiancé."
"Nothing like that happened!" Yelled Ranma.
Later on
Genma and Soun sat themselves at the Go board with cold beers at their sides. The two had fallen into a pleasurable pattern in the time that Genma had been living with the Tendos and these brief visits were looked forwards to as an opportunity to reestablish that pattern.
This time, however, Genma's heart did not seem to be in the game, as he had not cheated once in the time they had been playing. As can be expected, he was therefore losing quite badly. While it was fun at first Soun now grew concerned over his old friend's lack of spirit.
"Did you notice it Saotome?"
"Hmm? Notice what Tendo?"
"Akane is being more protective of Ranma nowadays around others women." If Go could not spark some cheer into Genma then planning on ways to unite the schools in their children was Soun's next option. "I believe the two may be ready to admit their feelings for each other."
A smile grew on Genma's face that seemed almost sad for a moment before it became a look of joy that seemed more at home given the topic.
"Is that so Tendo? The two have become closer in the time I have been away?"
"Its another benefit of Kiima staying with us. Is it not said that 'The seeds of love can be found in a bed of jealousy'?"
"Very, true my friend." Genma closed his eyes to absorb the wisdom in his friend's words, unaware that Sound shifted a few pieces on the board in his favor. "Nothing could ruin a night like tonight."
A loud bang in the back yard followed by a large dirt cloud from the impact supplied Fate's answer to that challenge.
"What was that sound, dearest?" Nadoka and Kasumi poked their heads from the kitchen. Nabiki descended the stairs to join the small group of witnesses.
"I didn't hear a crash and the house didn't shake so it isn't Ranma and Akane." The mercenary like girl took a few steps out into the back yard to gain a better view of the object that had landed.
"ouuuuuugh."
"Oh, my, its grandfather Happosai." Mystery solved, the eldest Tendo daughter went to collect the first aid kit from the closet.
"Wonder what happened to gramps?" Soun Tendo turned away from his task of chaining up his Master to answer his middle daughter.
"Never mind that now Nabiki and please get your father's hammer and nails." Turning back to his work Soun locked the chains in place and lifted the prone body into the large crate his old friend had provided.
"Hey what's going on out here?" Called the pigtailed martial artist from the dojo.
"Ranma!" Both Soun and Genma found themselves in rather painful tangles of limbs in the dirt as Happosai left toward a presently male Ranma.
"Let your Master find comfort in your bosom!" A bucket of water produced from hammer space made an attempt to fix Ranma's current gender.
Be it from the recent beating or perhaps lack of effort the Grandmaster of Anything Goes Martial Arts' bucket attack was countered when its target leapt straight up and planted both feet into his attackers back, slamming him into the ground. Stooping down Ranma collected the old pervert from his ditch by the collar of his gi.
"What's the problem now ya old perv?" Happosai's face took up a serious expression as he stared Ranma directly in the eyes. One deep breath later, he burst into tears in Ranma's grip.
"All the pretty ladies are beating me up!" The surrounding crowd took this instant to fall flat on their faces.
"Well if you stopped coping feels and stealing underwear maybe they would leave you alone!" Screamed Ranma.
"But I didn't do anything this time I swear!" Tears in his eyes Happosai gave his unwilling student the most serious expression he could. Mostly he looked like a child who couldn't have a toy he wanted. "Someone is going around peeping on woman's baths and framing me. As my heir, it is your duty to clear my name."
"Yeah right old man, I ain't no heir of yours," Ranma scoffed. "So why should I help you out?"
"Very well," Happosai's hand dug into his gi and pulled out a bra. "Here, take it you thief."
"What the heck are you talking about?"
"Why this is one of Akane's bra's," Happosai held out the undergarment out to the pigtailed boy. "Agree to do this for me and it's yours."
A quick look to Happosai's former students and Nabiki glancing behind him caused Ranma to get a chill up his spine. Turning his head there was Akane staring blankly at him. "A-ka-ne, I um..."
"I am not Akane, Saotome-sama." Kiima slowly walked past her undesired lord towards the house.
"Phew, for a moment I thought that violent chick was going to pound me." Ranma slowly wiped his brow.
"Akane is standing over there," the cursed Phoenix stated calmly entering the house as she pointed to Ranma's left.
"RAAAAANNNNNMMMAAA!" The young woman in question clenched her fists tightly as a red aura sprang to life around her.
"Akane, I didn't see you there. Ah heh heh." Ranma slowly dabbed his forehead again. In mid dab he stopped and looked at what was in his hand.
"Ranma you PERVERT!" A strong right cross, launched Ranma's body straight into the compound wall above the koi pond bra still in hand.
"Its...not...what it....looks..like." Gravity soon took hold and Ranma slowly fell from his indentation in the stone wall flat into the koi pond. When the redhead surfaced one could barely hear the soft murmuring of "uncute."
A bit later after he had pulled himself out of the pond and acquired hot water from the kitchen, Ranma sat in his room. As per Akane's demand and to his relief a divider had been set up that blocked off a section of the room for Kiima to sleep in. The bird woman had steadfastly refused to stray from her lord's side but had also expressed relief at not being so exposed to him. Kiima owned about as much as Ranma did so the room still looked much as it had a week ago when Kiima arrived.
His roommate now sat on the other side of the screen partition rummaging through a few items of clothing she had brought with her. Ranma sat and pondered on what had happened to Happosai. One pervert was bad enough but two could mean even more headaches for him. So it was in his best interest to get rid of at least one of them. While he hated to admit it Happosai was most likely the harder of the two to get rid of, so that left this new one.
"Are you going to help him then Saotome-sama?" Akane's voice came over from behind the screen. While Nerima's residents were used to the odd things that occurred, the Tendos had decided that they did not want to have to explain the presence of a winged woman from a mythical Chinese race. As such Kiima had been force to keep to Akane's form. Over the week Ranma had begun to be able to tell the two apart slightly by movements and accents in their voices.
"Help the old pervert? Not in this life." Ranma remarked as he picked up a small bag that lay next to him. "I'm going to take out this other pervert because I know that eventually it will lead to problems for me if I don't."
"I shall accompany you then. How do landlings stand to wear garments that press against their backs like this?" Came Kiima's slightly annoyed voice.
"What do you..Ack!" Ranma covered his hands with his eyes and turned away as Kiima stepped from behind the screen clad only in panties and fidgeting with one of Akane's bras.
"Hmm?" Kiima looked up at Ranma.
"Don't do that!" Ranma screamed.
"Do what Saotome-sama?" Kiima finally slipped on her bra and placed her hands on her hips.
"Walk around half naked," explained Ranma eyes still closed. "If Akane comes in..."
"You have seen me as such before though, I do not see a problem," Kiima finished putting on her Chinese style dress. The dress was silk in material and could be considered more formal then normal. The sky blue with gold trim sat well, but somehow didn't seem to 'fit' well, on Kiima's 'borrowed' body. It was as if the dress were made for someone else but happened to fit Akane.
Moving to the kitchen the pigtailed martial artist asked Kasumi where Akane was as she prepared dinner.
"I think she mentioned something about helping her friend Yuka with something," supplied Kasumi. "Why did you need something from her?"
"Nah, figured she would want in on this pervert hunt, and its much easier to keep an eye on her if she comes with me rather then set out on her own later." Kasumi sighed.
"Yes Akane can be a handful." The smile on her face grew as she handed two bentos to Ranma. "Have fun Ranma-kun."
"We'll be back for dinner."
Already on the hunt for this mysterious new pervert that threatened her friends, Akane Tendo walked the streets of Nerima clad in her yellow gi and headband. According to information Nabiki had provided the pervert had been making very predictable rounds from each of the public baths.
"I'll show that jerk," Akane mentally prepped herself. "I don't need help to deal with creeps like this I'm a martial artist too. Bet I can take care of myself better then that damn old woman."
Thoughts of the bird woman who had invaded the sanctity of her home made Akane's blood boil. She had, in only a week, managed to turn Akane's whole family against her. Well maybe not against her but still they hadn't taken her side and kicked her out.
Being so caught up in her home situation she nearly didn't hear the indignant cries of the women in the bath house or notice the shadowy figure that suddenly made itself known by landing two inches from Akane's face.
"YAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Close by, Ranma and Kiima were walking about on a similar quest. Kiima casting glances up at Ranma who strolled atop the canal fences.
"Is that some form of training that you do Saotome-sama?" Her curiosity finally prompting her to speak.
"Huh? Oh this?" Shrugging his shoulders, "I guess so, The Saotome School is primarily a aerial school of combat. A lot of what I do requires speed, balance, and fluidity. Staying up here lets me practice all three together."
"I see." Her curiosity sated Kiima turned back to the scanning of the street. To look closer though one could see a new question was on her mind.
"Since coming here I don't have to worry so much about having to make up lost time for training," Ranma linked his hands behind his head and stretched out his back as he spoke. "With Ryoga and Mousse around I get lots of challenges to improve. Not to mention the odd prince or crazed martial artist who turn up."
Had he looked he would have seen the Saotome foot-in-mouth disease begin to bear fruit as Kiima's borrowed face began to slightly heat up.
"So are you saying," the bird woman began, "that the people of Phoenix Mountain were nothing more then training dummies?"
While it may not of really been her, it was Akane's voice that Kiima was using and Ranma had had a lot of experience with that tone. Usually just before he was given a quick trip skyward.
"No I didn't mean that!" Ranma's instincts took over his mouth. "Its not that you guys can't fight its just that you don't train as hard as we martial artists do so its understandable that you couldn't beat us." Never a good thing.
"So we are weak because we do not have your training is that it?" A cool edge settled into Kiima's voice.
"Well um yeah. I mean if you trained like I do for a bit you'd probably see a big difference in the two styles." Ranma congratulated himself for diffusing the situation without getting malleted.
"I accept your offer then Sensei." Ranma didn't have time to reply as a female scream came from the bathhouse around the corner
"Akane!" The Jusenkyo cursed duo sped off towards the origin of the scream. Ranma leapt to the ground as he rounded the corner to find a scene that he was not entirely expecting.
Akane was attacking an opponent that simply refused to be hit. A punch was avoided with a graceful leap, the follow up kick was ducked and then the figure propelled him upwards taking her leg with him. Akane let out a gasp of air as her rear found purchase on the sidewalk.
"Akane are you ok?" Taking up a defensive position between Akane and her attacker. Kiima flanked his right side hand on her sword.
Now that he had stopped Ranma took in his opponent. That he was in fact a he came easily enough to Ranma, the rest of him was hard to place though. His clothes looked a bit worn in some places mostly near the joints. The boots he wore looked hand made from animal hide while his pants and shirt were composed of think cloth colored brown and green respectively. A slightly long face seemed a sharp contrast with his Asian features though he was not bad looking. Ranma did a double take as he took note of the stylized headband. Positioned on each side of his opponent's head were what looked to be antlers.
"I'm fine Ranma I can handle this." Fire burned in the gi clad Tendo as she rose to her feet.
"Ranma?" The young man relaxed his stance slightly at the mention of the name.
"Saotome Ranma of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, and who are you?" neither his stance nor his muscles relaxed when he spoke.
The figure seemed to pay no attention to Ranma's declaration. In fact after a moment he abandoned his stance and began to dig in a small pouch that hung from his belt. The other three looked back and forth between him and each other as they attempted to piece together what was going on.
"Ranma...Ranma...let me see. Black hair, pigtail, Saotome. Yep that's him!" In a flash the antlered fighter drew and launched a projectile at Ranma. A quick darting of the hand and Ranma found himself holding a sealed scroll.
"What's this?" Turning it over in his hand Ranma located a wax seal with the imprint of a curled dragon on it. Shrugging he broke the seal and began to read.
To Ranma Saotome,
I hope that this letter finds you well. Word of your battle on Phoenix Mountain has reached us here at the Musk Citadel and I congratulate you on your victory over the Phoenix King Saffron. With this letter I send a small gift, the young messenger who bears this letter is named (here the ink looks a bit thicker then the rest and the lettering less fluent the rest of the letter) Parsley and is in need of training in the world outside of our lands. He is instructed to serve you as his liege lord until such time as his training is complete.
Once more I wish you good fortune in your deeds.
Herb Prince of the Musk Dynasty
"Herb too?" Ranma groaned and handed the scroll back to Kiima and Akane who had been looking on in confused silence. As they read on Ranma turned to address kneeling Parsley.
"Umm...Parsley right?" He gave nod of conformation as Ranma's second new 'servant' stood up and looked straight at Ranma. "Its not that don't appreciate the fact that Herb trusts us with one of his men but uh..." Ranma absently scratched the back of his head and looked skyward hoping for some wandering Kami to grant him some luck. "We don't really need a servant right girls?"
Turning to the girls standing behind him Ranma blanched at the sight that greeted him. Both sets of eyes gave off almost identical flames as they peered over the scroll at the pigtailed youth.
"Wow," came a soft whisper. "Since I came to Japan I have seen a lot of girls but never two that looked exactly alike." Without hesitation the Musk warrior reached out with both hands and grabbed one of each of the girls' breasts. "You even feel the same."
The expression of indignant female wrath was seen from twelve blocks in every direction.
Tendo-dojo
"So Ranma-kun...care to explain this one?" asked Nabiki as she gave a rather smug look at her family's resident chaos engine.
"S'not my fault." Upon the trio's return with the unconscious Musk warrior Ranma had immediately been commanded by Akane to take care of his 'mess' before stomping up to her room mumbling about how perverts were infesting the area. Kiima remained in the room silently, but one look at her eyes as they rested on the young beast man revealed a smoldering anger just waiting for release. Ranma simply laid Parsley on the back porch and requested that Kasumi bring a damp towel. Kasumi soon returned with the cloth and settled next to her newest houseguest. The sound of a knife could be heard from the kitchen as Nadoka continued dinner preparations while Kasumi tended to the new guest.
"Thank you Kasumi."
"You are welcome Ranma-kun," Kasumi replied as she gently wiped the cloth over Parsley's forehead. "So who is your new friend?"
"Well according to this letter from Herb, his name is Parsley." He tossed the scroll he had received over to Nabiki. "He was sent here to learn about life outside his home so Herb sent him to me."
"Oh my, how long will he be staying?" Kasumi inquired of her future in-law as she rewetted the towel. A new guest would mean new grocery lists and a different menu then what she was used to doing.
"According to this," Nabiki replied while looking over the letter. "He is here til his training is complete. Whatever that means." The middle Tendo daughter put the letter down and rested her chin in her hands. Another guest was another mouth to feed. She mentally began reassessing her monthly budget for the added guest. Assuming with Kiima and this new guy staying here the food bill would be roughly a little less then it had been when Ranma's parents lived with them. At least then Nadoka had helped pay for the groceries, this time she would have to come up with new ways to earn more from her businesses. Ranma could almost feel his interest rates rising.
While this was going on the cause of these life style changes was slowly regaining consciousness. Genma and Soun looked up from their game of Go.
"Uggggg. So...that is what it is like to be hit by a girl." Parsley raised a hand to his much-abused head and slowly rose to a sitting position. It was then that he noticed that next to him was seated yet another female well within arm's and hand's reach. A fact he planned to take advantage of.
"Nuh uh, not again!" Parsley's ears once more rang as the martial artist on his other side brought his fist down hard onto the top of his head.
"ITE! Why did you do that for?" The antlered warrior yelled as he rubbed his sore cranium.
"Quiet Musk trash, do not raise your voice to Saotome-sama!" Kiima's icy laced voice made Parsley and Ranma shiver. Only Parsley though, was unfortunate enough to be caught in her piercing gaze. His mind took a moment to catch up to his ears as he processed the name she had used.
"Oh right!" The young man quickly rose to one knee and crossed his arms over his chest bowing his head. "Please accept me into your service my Lord. I swear to be loyal to you."
"Absolutely NOT!" Before Ranma could answer, Soun Tendo's demon head assault erupted from the doorway. "Ranma, I cannot afford to have another freeloading houseguest!"
"It's not my fault!" Frustrated the black haired youth in question lept to his feet and yelled back to the ones present in the room. "It's not like I ASKED Herb and Saffron to set me up with their people!"
"But it's your fault that they are here though, ne Ranma?" Nabiki's almost mocking voice flitted across Ranma's ears.
"What?" Ranma slowly turned his head to the source of his frustration.
"Well, both of their 'bosses' are friends of yours right?" To this Ranma gave a reluctant nod, "Then therefore they are your fault no matter what you say."
"Well, when you put it that way...."
"Therefore it only makes sense that you be the one to pay for the expenses that come up for them living here." Nabiki put on her best cheshire cat grin as she mentally began to calculate the total amounts that would soon be lining her family's bank account.
Ranma's thoughts began to crack and splinter as he too began seeing the amount of yen soon to be leaving his pockets.
"Ummmm," attention turned to the newest guest of the Tendo home. "Why should he have to pay at all? Saotome-sama and I could just conquer this house and make it our new castle couldn't we?"
The reactions around the room were almost comical to see as even Kasumi raised an eyebrow at Parsley's suggestion. Nabiki coughed into her fist.
"You don't get out much do you?"
"I leave the palace all the time!" He said as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Prince Herb insists."
"I think that I am beginning to understand why you were sent here," Nabiki turned her smile to Ranma. "Apparently your friend sent him to get him out of his hair."
"Hey! What are you..."
"YOU!" All eyes turned to the back porch to the very angry, if diminutive, grand master of the Anything Goes school. "You're the one who made all the pretty ladies angry at me!"
All eyes turned to Parsley who sat and stared at the shriveled gnome before him.
"Spring of Drowned Mummy?" Happosai's head began to turn red with rage.
"I am not a mummy! I am the Grand-Master of Anything Goes Martial Arts and you have made me very mad! Take this!" With that the old man reached into his clothes and pulled out a bomb. The bomb was true to its target and landed in the young Musk's lap. Unfortunately for Happosai in his rush to punish Parsley he had tossed one of his bombs with a longer fuse then normal. It was one of the ones he normally kept on hand when he needed to get far away from the center of the blast.
"Here Ranma-sama, all I have belongs to you," as a dutiful vassal should Parsley knelt and presented the bomb he was 'given' to Ranma.
What followed was a very rushed game of hot potato. Ranma tossed the bomb to his father who tossed it to Akane. Akane passed it to Kiima who quickly dropped it back on Genma. Juggling it between hands a moment later was Soun who placed it in Parseley's hands who dutifully returned it to his lord who was promptly tossed out the door just before it exploded.
A slightly charred female Ranma reentered the room to find Happosai bounding after a nimble Parsley while Kiima and Akane engaged in a deadlocked argument over Akane's disposal of the bomb. Kasumi sat to the side consoling her father who sat and watched the damage growing in his home, while Nabiki and Genma huddled on opposite corners of the room avoiding the chaos.
"Kasumi-chan, I've finished...dinner...for...you?" Nadoka, Saotome knew of her son's chaotic life, she had seen it first hand, which was one reason why her son kept his distance from his family home.
Yet ironically enough it was these words that brought peace to the Tendo household. The offering of food by Nadoka had four immediate reactions: Happosai and Parsley abandoned their fight to sit at the table in the blink of an eye, Kiima and Akane downgraded their screaming match to simple glares to avoid upsetting Ranma's mother, Ranma abandoned his imitation of charcoal to grab a section of the table to join in, and Nabiki and Genma, seeing that fighting had stopped moved to their respective points at the table.
Later that Evening
"Saotome-sama, you are not going to consent to that barbarian's presence are you?" Kiima's opinion on Parsley was quite clear to Ranma.
"This is all your fault Ranma so you had better deal with it!" Akane's too.
"Well what do you want me to do?" Ranma, however, was at wit's end. As far as he knew Herb owed him a debt, at least in Herb's eyes, and this was Herb's way of beginning to make amends. If Ranma refused Parsley Herb may try to send Mint or Lime which would be even less appealing.
"Son, you must take a stand and tell this boy that he absolutely cannot.."
"He stays." All eyes turned and then looked down as the grandmaster of the school spoke, cutting off Soun's comment.
"Eh?" The collective confusion of the room was summed up in one easy to pronounce syllable.
"Why do you care you old goat?" Happosai simply crossed his arms and gave a smug look at his young student.
"Because, I like him. He has good moves, youthful energy and shows proper respect for his elders." Everyone simply stared at him as he bowed his head in a serious manner. Behind him the door slid open.
"Master Happosai, I brought some more for your collection." There stood Parsley arms filled with all different types of lingerie.
"So that's it," Ranma's tone was very deliberate as the calm words forced their way through his building rage.
"You only want him to stay..." Kiima's emotions were also apparent from her voice.
"So he can steal panties for you!" Akane's rage was not so contained, mostly due to the fact that she noticed several of her panties in Parsley's pile.