Disclaimer: Drizzt and Catti-brie don't belong to me and nobody gives me any money for playing with them.

Bellebonbon: thanks.

Nariel: Zu Befehl Oberin Mutter! Bitte schlag mich nicht*g*

Nauta: Artemis? Oh, never crossed my mind, but sounds interesting. I'm not sure I could write Artemis though.

Beth: Thank you soooo much for investing all that time and thought into the most wonderful review I ever got! I nearly fell off my chair when I read it *g* (and I have still no idea what "verbose" means 'cos I have a crappy dictionary) You said Rashiel doesn't think much about morality. I think you're right, therefore I wrote something to explain his previous actions a bit. So, in a sense this is actually your very own personal chapter. I hope you like it (took me long enough).

Unexpected encounter

I wait for a few minutes before I make my way down the tower. To run into him now would only complicate matters. The important questions have been addressed and are settled. There is nothing more to say. Even though he has never explicitly agreed I know he will come when I call. I could see it in his eyes, the resigned acceptance paired with powerless resentment and the knowledge that there is no escape.

I have nearly reached my chambers when someone comes around a corner and runs into me at full speed. Suddenly I find myself lying on my back for the second time this night. My previous good mood evaporates when I see who caused this collision. It is Burash.

"Rashiel! Sorry for that. Are you hurt? I was looking for you."

He blurts it all out in one big rush, while simultaneously pulling me on my feet and quickly dusting off my robe. Burash has always been like that, as long as I have known him, talking non-stop and unable to stand still for more than a second. Some people have been known to compare him to a small tornado and they are not exactly wrong. Before he can start talking again, which would probably result in him going off topic and forgetting why he came here in the first place I say: "Why did you want to see me?"

"Oh yes, there was something. I saw Sandrine on my way here and she said you'd probably know what to do. Because I can't think of anything and you know how it is, once you see a problem it needs to be addressed or…"

"Burash!" I cut in. "I'm tired. Just tell me as short as possible please."

Without interruption he could take some time and I don't have the patience to wait for the hour he usually takes until he gets to the point.

"Oh, well. Ok sorry." He is used to me doing this. We went to the same school for years and I had to interrupt him frequently, in order to preserve what precious free time I was granted. He never seems to mind though and stays almost frighteningly polite and cheerful. I have no idea how he does it, how he manages to be so terribly nice all the time when I would have been snapping at everybody long ago, were I in his position. Usually I like his company, because despite his strong inclination to gossip Burash is quite intelligent and witty under his shallow surface, but what he says next makes me want to strangle him.

"Drizzt Do'Urden ran past me just now and he seemed very distressed. Do you know what could have upset him? Maybe we should do something about this. Talk to him and find out if we can help."

Why can't he mind his own damn business? What do I tell him now? I need to prevent any further interference on his part, for I'm sure he would be less than understanding if he ever found out about the role I play in this affair. Burash has always had a very distinct view of what is good and what isn't, which I envied at times when trying to find my own way through all the shades of grey that life presented me with. I have never had this instinct, which most people seem to posses, that tells you to ignore certain destructive impulses. At the moment I wish he'd just go away and leave me alone, so I wouldn't have to think about the black spots on my conscience. I've grown quite adept at ignoring them over the years, but I don't like the idea of lying to him. He has done nothing to deserve deception. It seems though that I have no other choice. Damn you Do'Urden for existing, for being so irresistible and forcing me to lie to one of my oldest friends.

"I don't think that would do any good Burash. He's always been very private and I'm not sure if he'd appreciate you questioning him. Besides, Catti-brie is here. If there is anything wrong he'll probably go and talk to her."

Good, lie a bit, but stay close to the truth and make it sound more believable.

"Yes, but…wait Catti-brie is here? Since when?"

It is a risk to tell him about her presence and thereby reveal my contact with her, but by tomorrow he'll probably know anyway.

"She arrived today."

"Well, that's good. You could go and talk to her then, find out if she knows what happened. If you don't mind that is. You know her better than I do, so you'd be the best person to ask her. Maybe I was wrong and nothing is amiss. That reminds me, did you hear that Sandrine and Anthony have announced their engagement? Those two really are such a beautiful couple, you should…"

Wonderful, he's given the solution before I could even start to suggest anything. I nod briefly in consent and feel relieved when he starts talking about other things. Because I don't want to disrupt his good mood I pretend to listen for a few minutes and then I begin to yawn discreetly, hoping he will catch the hint and let me go to bed.

If Burash knew what I'm capable of, would he still talk to me? I would be exactly the same person I am now, only without the mask of innocence I've been wearing all my life.

It occurs to me that Do'Urden must have had his own mask, but where mine is used to cover my ruthlessness, his must have been there to do the opposite, to project an image of evil and malice. How else could he have survived in a city full of scheming murdering Drow? Remembering the predator-like expression he had when he held the knife to my throat I wonder how much of his present persona is pretence and just how much of his real self he is hiding or denying?

When you realize you are different from those who surround you, this is a most disturbing experience and naturally you will try to hide and suppress what you perceive as a fault in your personality. When I realized that some of my desires were not in accord with the accepted rules of society, I did the same thing. It can be very exhausting to constantly have to keep up a certain image when in reality you sometimes feel something else entirely, but it is better than the prospect of discovery and exile. By now the pretence has become almost normal, for me it is a necessity of life, but it took a long time to let go of my lingering doubts and accept myself like I am. I no longer feel ashamed since I have decided just to do whatever I want to do and harbour no regrets.

Don't get caught, that is all that counts.