May Change
Chapter 1: Reaching Out
It had been months since Mark died - almost a year in fact and things were getting slowly back to normal, in the ER things have to move on. You lose people, lots of people, everyday, but you move on. You move on because you also save people, and saving life brings hope. Hope is all you have in the end. So I had moved on - starting to get over him as best I could. I hadn't forgotten but I guess you could say I was coping.
Abby and Carter had moved on too. Since the Lockdown they had become inseparable. They were cute but it didn't stop me being alone. I was so lonely these days, more lonely than I could ever remember being in my whole life. I had few friends in Chicago and I missed Chloe and Susie. The weather got me down, continuous snow and temperatures on the wrong side of zero aren't all their cracked up to be.
Things in the ER had changed drastically since the first time I worked there and not all for the better. The unfamiliar, unfriendly faces still got me down. Kerry Weaver was as hostile as ever and now thanks to hormonal treatment she had terrible mood swings as well. Jing - Mei and I had never been close and she was all hooked up with Gregory Pratt anyway - that guy is so well suited to his name, so that left me pretty much alone. Except for Luka but we were hardly friends - in fact I couldn't even remember having a conversation with the guy before.
The first time I noticed his change in behaviour was towards October / November time. Christmas was approaching, most of the ER were in love and everyone's spirit's were high - even Elizabeth's. Luka seemed to be in a permanent daze. He dated a string of women and I caught him in a compromising position more than once. He screwed up more and more as the days went on and seriously neglected his duties as a doctor. I was worried to say the least. I mean, I hardly knew the guy but even I noticed something wasn't right. Then the accident came. Him and Erin Harkins - the new Med. Student that he had been dating, were involved in a car crash. Everybody involved was okay but Erin sustained quite serious injuries and it emerged Luka hadn't exactly been driving the Viper at the correctspeed limit. I treated his injuries and I noticed a tear forming in his eye. He refused to talk about it - blocked me out. He wouldn't even let me treat him. He rushed of in a panic, practically running out of the ER. Abby wanted to chase him but she was called into a trauma and from the looks Carter was sending her way, I guessed he wasn't too happy about it and so I volunteered - I really had no idea what I was letting myself in for.
"Luka," he was sitting down now, having finally run out of energy.
"Dr Lewis with all due respect I'd rather be left alone," Susan let out a sigh, taking a seat beside him.
"I think you need some help Luka, and it's Susan by the way."
"Look, Susan, please leave me alone?"
"At least let me look at your head, please?"
He sighed, seemingly giving in to her demand.
She took his head in her hands and strained to see in the poor light, "No good I can't see a thing."
"It's okay, really."
"It's bleeding again, please it will only take a minute, it looks like you'll need stitches."
"I can't go back to the hospital, not with them all there - looking at me."
Tears once again began to form in Luka's eye and he wiped his face, hoping to push them away.
"Look, my place is just around the corner - we can walk, I have all the right stuff there," she smiled, hoping desperately he would agree.
"It's really not that bad..."
"It's this way."
The clouds began to cover the ever - darkening sky as they approached Susan's apartment block. It had taken them minutes only, however the small space of time had seemed like hours to Susan. A single word had not been spoken yet there were a million things she had to ask. She climbed the stairs and he followed closely behind, never being more than two steps away from her. As she scrambled with her keys she could feel his breath on the back of her neck and his warmth surrounding her. She finally got the door opened and they both
stepped inside.
"One minute, I'll go get what I need- take a seat," Susan motioned towards the couch and went off in search of her first aid box, as Luka took a seat. He scanned the unfamiliar surrounding, taking note of the pictures along her windowsill. He stood and walked over to them, to get a better view. He noticed there were various different photos, some of a young girl, she looked 4 or 5 in the photo, there were also photos of an older woman who looked very like Susan, he guessed it was her sister or perhaps a cousin. The other photos were of members of the ER, Carter and Mark smiling at the camera, Luka noticed the cast on Carter's leg. One of Carol beaming at the camera, accompanied by a good - looking young man he presumed to be Doug. There was one of a whole group of doctors he didn't really recognise. The last photo was larger than the rest. It was in the middle in a black wooden frame. It was Mark and Susan, and looked to have been taken some time ago. They were in
lab. coats, outside the ER. They were wrapped up together and Luka noticed how happy they both seemed to be.
Just then Susan entered the room again, she noticed Luka staring at the photos and walked over beside him. She put her hand on his shoulder and he turned to face her, smiling.
"Jeez, that was a long time ago," she pointed at the photo of her and Mark.
"You knew him for a long time?"
"Yeah, a long time..." Luka noticed her change in mood and the tear forming in her eye. He leaned closer to her and touched her arm gently with his hand, she brushed him away quickly and proceeded towards the sofa. "Right, lets get this over with..."
Susan smiled as she finally moved away from Luka's head. He softly touched the bandaging with the fingertips of his right hand before smiling also.
"Thank you, you really didn't have to do that."
"It's okay, do you want something to drink - a coffee?"
"A coffee would be great," Susan headed towards the kitchen, returning a few minuets later clutching a mug in each hand, Luka took one and thanked her, moving up along the sofa so she had room to sit down.
Susan sat next to him and took a sip of her coffee. She waited for a moment, took a deep breath and asked the question she had been waiting almost an hour to ask.
"What happened?" She rushed it and it came out rather more loudly than she had anticipated. He sighed and she felt her cheeks heat up slightly.
"I don't know."
"It's okay - you don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry - I shouldn't have asked."
"No-no, it's okay. It's just -" he paused for a moment, lost in thought, "It's just I really don't remember... I remember getting into the car. Erin and me have been um, dating, for a while now. She had just finished her shift, so had I, and we were heading back to my place. I remember getting into the car, she was laughing, over something, something stupid, my hair, or, or something like that. I was annoyed, agitated, I was looking for the right moment to break things off to be honest. We got into the car, I was tired, it had been a long day. And we got in and I began to drive, she put up the music, this terrible, hip - hop stuff, it was so loud, I had a headache. Then she started speaking about something, jabbering on and on and I was losing concentration. I remember speeding up. I was getting fast, faster than I think I knew. She started saying something, she was scared, I think scared, she was telling me to slow down and then, then this car, it, it came out of no where. I didn't see it Susan, I didn't see it..." Luka began to sob, his tears coming thick and fast down the side of his face. Susan took his head in her hands and stroked his hair, smoothing it down gently.
"You don't have to tell me, I believe you..." he sat up straight, pulling away from her embrace. Gaining his composure once again he started to speak.
"Then, then I remember getting out. Out of the car, going to the other car. The boy was screaming, his dad was asleep he was saying. His dad was asleep and he couldn't wake him up and I went to help him. I got him out and I don't remember the rest, it was a blur a daze, I just remember you being there, and touching my head and asking me if I was okay, and Kerry, Kerry was there, saying Erin was okay, she was okay. The little boy was okay too and so was his dad, his daddy woke up..."
"Luka, its okay, really its okay." She held him close again and there they sat, completely still, completely silent, for hours, which seemed like minutes.