Chapter 2: October Sky

Work seemed to become once again normal quickly and almost immediately Luka's accident was forgotten. There were whispers for a few weeks after but eventually people came to except that Luka had really done no harm. The threat of prosecution was always there but after the other driver calmed down, realized his son was fine and remembered he wasn't exactly driving safely either, he had decided not to press charges. Luka gave a major sigh of relief to say the least.

Over the weeks we hardly saw each other, it was like that one night of friendship had been forgotten on his part almost completely. Now and again he would flash me a small smile or a cheeky wink but there was certainly no deep and meaningful. He had begun to sleep around again according to my various sources of hospital gossip and to me he didn't seem happy. But then again it wasn't exactly any of my business, as Abby warned me on several occasions. I didn't now what had gone on between those two but it sure didn't seem pretty…

So I got on with my life, still lonely for the most part, but I threw myself into work, working more shifts and harder than every before. I got praise from various sources, Romano and Weaver included, but I still couldn't help feeling like I wanted more. I saw Abby and Carter every day, very much happy and very much in love. And I guess I was jealous, green with envy in fact. I wanted what they had, perhaps not the relationship but the friendship, the closeness. I wanted to be close to someone, be able to tell them everything, be able to rely on them.

That Thursday was like every other Thursday. I had returned home after a hard day in the ER. It had been extremely busy and for once I was grateful for having the next day off- I needed to catch up on my sleep after all.

Suddenly the buzzer went, I wrapped up my wet hair in a towel and covered my body with a large dressing gown. I pressed the intercom and waited for a voice to come out.

"Susan, It's Luka." I wondered why he was here, why he was knocking on my door, why now, why so suddenly? Then I realized I had been stood still for almost two minutes, without replying to him.

"Hey, uh come on up" I pressed the button and allowed him to enter the apartment block. I thought for a minute, desperately wondering why he was here, exploring every possible situation with my mind.

Finally he reached the door and slowly he knocked, waiting for a reply. He sighed heavily as Susan opened the door and let out the biggest smile he could muster as she greeted him with a puzzled expression, he began to wonder if this had been the right choice.

Luka was in turmoil. He had worked until 6 o'clock that evening and let shortly after. He was in a surprisingly good mood, he was seeing an attractive young blonde the following evening and he was looking forward to it. Work had been surprisingly easy that day and the gossip seemed to have finally died down. Thankfully Abby hadn't been working and although Dr. Carter was on, he had seemed to avoid Luka all day.

Shortly after leaving the hospital he had gotten a call from Abby. Surprised to see her number flash on his screen, he answered the phone. She spoke quickly and nervously but they agreed to meet at Doc's.

He had arrived to find her already there and took a seat next to her. He had noticed how tired she had looked, yet still strikingly beautiful. She was swishing her coffee around in the mug, not quite able to face him. He asked her what was wrong and she insisted there was noting. Luka had leant forward and smiled, trying to reassure her. Finally he took her hands in his, cupping his distinctively larger fingers around hers. That's when he noticed.

The rock was huge and cold against Luka's skin, he had felt it immediately. He dropped Abby's hands from his own and looked at her briefly before running out at a great pace. Her face had been sorry, guilty, sad… full of regret. He hadn't been able to face her. She had really done it this time, finally broken his heart. Her and Carter were finally together, forever. Luka suddenly realized why Carter had avoided him today. She had asked him; told him, told him she needed time. Time to convince Luka that it was what she wanted, time to convince Luka he could get over her. He couldn't.

And so here he was, he had ran to the only person he could think of. Susan had helped him last time- why not this time? He liked her, really liked her. She was the first woman he hadn't, well, hadn't just wanted sex from, since Abby at least. She gave him friendship and kindness and she listened- really listened. Sure he was attracted to her- who wouldn't be? She was pretty, sexy even, intelligent and funny and kind and she cared and she well she was a good friend- his only chance of a friend right now…

Luka sat on Susan's sofa as she went to get them coffee. He once again remembered the first time he was here, the same photos, the same books the same smell… It was nice, cosy, and familiar. In fact he really liked Susan's apartment. He wished his own were more like it. But he lived in a tiny, cramped and cold apartment. It was 'funky' as Abby had put it but everything reminded him of her.

"A penny for them"

"Huh?" Luka screwed up his face in confusion as Susan laughed.

"Your thoughts" she laughed again realizing he had probably never head the expression in his life, "don't worry, it' an American thing."

"Oh right, look Susan, I'm sorry about all this"

"It's okay, but if you don't mind me asking- why are you here?" she blushed realising she had been brutally blunt, "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. It's just, I wondered why you have suddenly turned up on my doorstep?" He smiled, and then sighed.

"Abby" Susan smiled and let out a gentle 'ah', suddenly it all made sense to her.

"Right, and Carter?"

"You got it." Luka paused, "They got engaged"

"Wow- they did?" Luka noted how shocked Susan was; apparently he wasn't the last person in the ER to know.

"Yeah- you didn't know?"

"No- is it common knowledge then?"

"Uh- I'm not sure, Abby told me, well she tried to. I saw the ring before she had chance"

"Jeez- it's that big!" Luka laughed for the first time in weeks, he was beginning to like Susan more and more.

"Yeah- it's that big. I'm pretty sure the Carter family trust fund took a bit of a knock the day h bought that"

"I sure hope so" Luka smiled, but it soon faded as he began to wonder what exactly Susan's comment had meant. Was she simply trying to make him feel better or was there more too it? After all her and Carter had been together for a while and from what he had heard their break-up had been down to Abby.

"Do you still have feelings for Carter?"

"No, no- definitely not" She picked up her mug from the table and took a sip, "It's just, it's strange, I don't like Carter but I can't help being…"

"Jealous?" She nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, what about you and Abby?" He leaned back in his chair, searching for the right words.

"I don't know. Some days I'm madly in love with her, others I'm, well, not. I don't if it's because she's with Carter and I can't have her or because… because I actually love her."

The two sat in silence for a minute or two, thinking over what they had just said, trying to make sense of it all. Luka sighed heavily and leaned down further into the sofa.

"You know this is a REALLY uncomfortable sofa, Susan"

"Hey don't diss my sofa, if it's that bad why are you sitting on it!?"

"Well fine, I won't sit on it then." Luka moved to the floor and stretched out, grinning broadly as he did so.

"You're such a drama queen. It Isn't THAT bad. Anyway I've had it a long time, it has…memories."

"Sometimes you have to let go of the past."

"Did you do it? I mean after…"

"Dajela? Yeah I did that, I hung on to things for years until they stopped working and even then, I still held on. Eventually I had to let go, get rid of it all. Make a clean start." Susan nodded slightly.

"Well maybe I'll get a new sofa then, for my new life?"

"Why the question?"

"Well really, is my life so new? It's exactly what I was doing ten years ago, except I'm lonelier now…"

"You're lonely?"

"Yeah…" Luka sat up and entwined his fingers with hers, trying desperately to provide her with some kind of support.

"Me too."