Falling into…Earth?
By ElveNDestiNy
5-9-04
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.
Notes: Twisted humor. Companion piece to "The Clumsy Orc," another parody on the clumsy people who just seem to fall into Middle-Earth every hour or so. Story inspired by the sheer amount of 'falling into M-E' stories in which the girl falls in love with Legolas, of course.
He was hunting. Legolas stood silent and unmoving in the woods, hard to distinguish from his surroundings. He was clad in brown and green, and the sunlight streaming through the forest canopy threw dappled shadows. Although his fair hair glinted in the light, the gold was just another part of the special enchantment of the forest.
There…his sharp eyes could make out the outline of a pheasant hidden in the brush. Legolas slowly reached behind him and drew an indigo-fletched arrow out of his quiver, and then nocked the arrow. Taking careful aim, he loosed the arrow and ran forward. The other pheasants in the nest exploded out in a flurry of wings even as he reached the nest. Legolas drew out the arrow from the bird and checked the tip for damage, finding none.
He bent to scoop up his now-dead quarry, and experienced the strangest sensation. The ground was pulling at him, forcing him forward and down. Before he realized it, he had tripped over something invisible.
Falling…
He never hit the floor. His eyes were closed but Legolas remained unafraid. Suddenly, he splashed into water. When he opened his eyes, they stung and he could only see that the water was a queer light blue, the bottom and the sides of the lake pure white. His nose registered an unknown scent. Legolas swam to the side and climbed out onto a rough grey surface, some stone that he had never seen before. He looked at the lake that he had fallen into but realized that it was only a large rectangular well in the ground filled with that unpleasantly scented water. His sapphire eyes widened as he realized he had just landed in some unfamiliar world. His clothes as well as weapons were sodden, so he stripped off some of his apparel, exposing his fair Elvish skin.
An abrupt noise alerted him and he realized that he might not be alone. Drawing his silver-white knives, he crossed them as he watched a figure approach him from behind a door with glass panes.
The door opened, and he was there in a flash, trapping the person's vulnerable throat between the crossed knives. When he saw her, Legolas struggled not to show his surprise. By the Valar, she was beautiful! Tall, more curvaceous that most female Elves, with full pouting lips and smoky, come-hither eyes. He had never seen anything like her in Middle-Earth. Maybe falling into this world is not so bad, after all…
Angelina stared at the apparition before her. Heavens, that bare-chested body was glorious! It could have rivaled any marble statue of a Greek God, let alone any of her male co-stars. She was so distracted she nearly forgot all about the knives poised to slice her throat. Yet by the time she had noticed, the knives had been lowered and sheathed.
"My lady," he said in a breathtakingly melodious voice. "I am Legolas of the Woodland Realm." The man bowed and then looked into her eyes, and she gasped as she finally saw him. Brilliant sapphire eyes, long golden hair with delicate braids, and exquisitely pointed ears. Woodland Realm? More like a fantasy come true. He was waiting expectantly and she realized that he knew nothing of her.
"My name is Angelina," she heard herself say shakily. I'm a movie star, she was on the verge of blurting out, but clearly that would have meant nothing to this enchanting creature from her dreams. The Elf smiled and they were lost in each other's eyes.
Love, indeed.
- Finis -
A/N: I don't think you really need to guess who "Angelina" is, but I didn't want any problems with real-person-fics or anything of the sort.If you understand the humor, well done. Please review!
- E.D.