Disclaimer: I don't own, never will

Neven: Well I don't know if this explains adequately what drove him to it, but we all do things we don't understand at some point:-)

Consent

What are you doing here, you ask yourself. You have come, sought him out and even asked that he meet you, but it seemed to make more sense then somehow than it does now. Or maybe it is only that you can see more clearly at the moment, satisfied, freed for the moment of those feelings of need and the craving for his touch. You can see now in the strangely lucid state the aftermath of your last union has left in your head, that in fact you have chained yourself even closer to him by giving in to your need and to you who doesn't like to be dependent on anyone this is a terrible realization. And still even realizing this you can't seem to turn away, lying instead on the bed, motionless, eyes closed to avoid facing the inevitable.

What will happen after this? Will he tire of you now that you have given in to him? Will he be bored when there's no struggle and leave you to deal with the shattered remainders of your conscience in painful solitude? It would hurt, you have to confess to yourself, to be cast away after making this concession, after revealing so much of your vulnerability. Why did you do it anyway? Why did you let him come so close, knowing perfectly well that he probably does not care all that much what happens to you.

"You still have not made peace with yourself."

And he can read you far to well! As usual the single, short statement is enough to disrupt any sense of calm which might still have been left somewhere in your mind.

"Why does this concern you so?" You ask tiredly weary of this kind of talk, but unable to let it pass. "You have what you've always wanted, why care about my peace of mind?"

A warm body shifting next to you, distracting contact of skin against skin, but not enough to make you loose your train of thought. Not yet.

"Don't you think I'd want for you to stay sane? Accept it fully and it'll be better for both of us, because while I may enjoy watching you suffer, I still know that you need some measure of inner balance to be able to live with yourself."

A hand gliding up over your abdomen, grazing one nipple, lightly, but hard enough to elicit a soft gasp from you.

"And you?" You ask him, more to say something, than out of interest, half trying to distract him from his activities, but at the same time hoping that he won't stop. "Do you regret what happened?"

An amused laugh, like silver bells in spring.

"No." It sounds final. He really means it then. "Sometimes I do miss the wonderful view though. Ah well you can't have everything I guess."

Another one of his strange statements. You are slowly beginning to wonder what you actually are to him. Loosing the position as one of Silvery Moon's higher mages to work for some nameless merchant is quite a drop after all and yet he doesn't seem to mind very much, content to have this instead. Does he place more importance on your meetings than on the prestigious position? Maybe he'll not cast you aside when all is said and done. Maybe you are of some significance to him. Does he need you like you seem to need him?

You've never dared to think in that direction during all those months you spent agonizing about the situation, but what if you are right? Would you be willing to try and create a new existence based on this?

You are surprised at the lack of resentment you feel at the notion. Your old life lies in shards and even if you went back to your friends, things could never be the same you are sure of it. Trust has been damaged too much on both sides. You are also becoming increasingly sure now that unlike them he would not only take you knowing who you are, how you are, but rather because of it, would he not? Why else would he take the risk of banishment, even death?  

Only time will show you decide, melting into a kiss, suddenly and unexpectedly content with this new approach, a strange feeling after such a long period of upheaval. Time will show.  

THE END

A/N: Ok I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I did with the writing! Feel free to review even if this has been finished for a year, I'll still appreciate it:-)

Thanks for the encouragement you all gave me during the actual process, it kept me writing. Really, it's funny what one short sentence in your mailbox can do to you:-)

Don't know if I'll do a sequel… haven't got any ideas yet.

We'll see