Disclaimer: See chapter one, part one.
Chapter sixteen: To Change the Stars.
"What are you thinking about?"
"About…faith"
"Ah yes…the strange thing called destiny, you believe in it?"
"I have little other choice,"
"Oh. So you believe we are doomed to follow our stars that we are no more then puppets in a play by the gods"
"I believe we walk the life written in the stars"
"And who has written the play of our lives?"
"Our ancestors"
"So the action of our ancestors decides what role we play in life."
"Don`t it?"
"Perhaps. But that doesn't mean that you can change the chores and re-write the script"
"And what would happen if we each time re-wrote the script?"
"We would live and control of our own life, we would make our own play"
She sat, kneeling her hands in her lap, at the edge of the cliff, the cliff Gollum had stumbled off only minutes ago. Around her hungry flames licked the walls and thick smoke twirled up from the fiery center of the mountain. The smoke wrapped around her, like wings of a devil.
Feavair sat still; neither the inferiors heat nor the twirling smoke bothered her. She felt her heart, beat, slowly and steadily against her chest and she breathed deep and calm breaths. She had always known she would someday; somehow do this, pay retribution for her mother's unforgivable sin.
She thought about what had happened through her life and how each second had build up to this moment.
She could see Laivindur`s an early summer morning she gave him freshly picked flowers. She remembered the golden autumn's leaves in Lothlòrien, the Lady Galadriel's calm eyes and the stars on the night sky. The times she sat by the riverbank with Haldir and talking for hours about everything and nothing and watched the birds float over the water. She remembered leaving Lothlòrien to learn the world, traveling with Jar`en Ben`al and Fiowyn.
When winter comes without a springThat I shall never see.
Legolas. His skin against hers, they way he touched her, his kisses and the sound of his voice when he murmured her name.
Feavair spoke his name, but the words turned to dust in her mouth.
She felt her head throb with feelings and she clutched her forehead willing the thoughts to disappear. Why did she always have to argue with her thoughts and fight her own emotions?
Closing her eyes, she took one last deep breath and opened them again. There was still nothing but darkness around her; perhaps he had done her a favor shedding her eyes for what she had to see.
The mountain was trembling, she could feel it and knew that outside a wave of panic was washing over the land as fire shot up and rivers of melted stone licked its way down the mountainside. She hoped that Frodo and Sam were okay, that they would get home safely and live to tell their stories. She sent them one last thought, for she knew with out the aid of two, small and brave hobbits she would never have reached the Cracks of Doom.
The world outside was still trembling, but she felt peaceful and at ease. She had just finished her long journey and at last, she was home. She rose slowly and felt her body sway a little. Then she took one step forward and could feel the fire greet her. She stopped again, and closed her eyes willing her strength to return so she could finish it all.
"Tampa" his voice shattered through the silence and she felt her heart leap with fear and pain. She closed her eyes again, and when she opened them, water ran down her cheeks and she could feel the salt taste of tears on her lips.
He had promised.
Why did he come here now, why had he followed her when he had promised, so many years ago, not to do this, why did he want to make things harder for her then it already was. She had tried to spare him for the inevitable, how could she keep him safe now?
Her shoulders tensed but she did not turn around. She took a deep breath and heard that he moved, hesitantly, towards her. She bent her head, and was once again grateful for the darkness around her, that way she would not have to face his eyes.
"Lle vesta" (You promised)
She was surprised with the strength and anger her voice held and she could hear that he stopped. She could almost imagine his face and blank eyes staring at her. She could hear his breath, his breathing synchronized with her, ragged with tears.
"Amin irma uma coi avaene lle" (I can not live without you)
His voice was soft and pleading and she felt her body tremble. She had feared this, beyond everything else she had feared that he could not let her go, that he would follow her and do something thoughtless.
That in the end he would break his promise.
"Tampa, lee vesta, kel!" (Stop, you promised, go!)
"Amin mela lle, Feavair, uma gurth!" ( I love you Feavair, don`t die)
More tears prickled down her cheeks they mixed with the dried blood, dirt, and they ran down her jaw line until her sleeve captured them. She struggled to remain calm, struggled not to turn around and face him.
"Amine mela lle, amin hiraetha" ( I love you, I am sorry)
She took another step closer to the edge and could feel the rocks crumble beneath her feet. Just a few more inches now and it would all be over. Just a few more inches and there would be no more pain in the world.
"No!"
Just as her body swayed forward, somebody grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She
stumbled to the ground, but quickly rose again. Turning her head around she tried to identify the person who had stopped her, for it had not been Legolas.
"There must be another way" his voice was filled with concern and panic. Last time she had heard it was at the bank of a river almost a month ago.
"Boromir?" she asked, trying to hide the fact that she could not see him.
"There must be another way!" he repeated, she could hear Legolas move and in the next moment, Boromir told him to stay out of this.
"No" she said, wondering why they could not see that it was the only way. For his evil to end she had to die.
"Yes, there must, I will not let you do this" his voice was soft, and pleading. Feavair closed her eyes again, trying once again to summon her strength.
"No Boromir, there is not, and you know it," she said calmly.
"Now, would you both please just leave me!" she could hear that her voice was trembling and she felt that her whole body shacking and her heart was racing against her chest.
She could feel Boromir grab her wrist again, softly this time and he turned her face so that he could stare into his eyes.
It mattered not for she could not see his brown eyes filled with concern and love.
"I know there is another way… you can bind the dark spirit to me and save your self!"
He let her arm loose and took a step back, as if he was studying her.
She could hear Legolas gasp and a few seconds later she could feel his palm touch her arm and fire shot up through it. It was a long time ago, they had touched and she had missed his warmth ,all those cold and lonely nights.
"No Boromir….I will do it" he said calmly. Feavair shook her head.
"No I will not see you die," she whispered.
His trembling hand reached out and gently wiped some hair away from her face and brushed away some tears, blood and dirt. She felt her whole body, quiver, as he touched her with his featherlike touches.
"It matters not, for if you die today so will I"
"You promised," she whispered trying to fight away the warmness that spread through her body like a swarm of wild birds.
"Then I break my promise," he said calmly. She closed her eyes and turned her head away, unable to let him stare into her eyes.
Why did he have to make this more difficult that in it already was, did he not see the rages of emotions that struggled through her. Why could he not let her die, why did he love her so much that he was willing to sacrifice his own life. She did not deserve this.
"Amin uma irma lle ai` gurth" (I do not want you to die)
"Amin irma uma coi avaene lle" (I can not live without you)
Boromir stood at a distance watching them, the feelings those too shared made his heart yearn for somebody he could share his with. He had never felt connected to anybody in his life, not the way those two were.
It was these thoughts that drove him to do what he had planned. There was nothing in his life he felt proud of accomplishing. If there had to be one, he wanted it to spare those two for the pain that would follow if he did nothing
He walked towards her again, and pushed Legolas out of the way.
"You saved my life, let me save yours" he could see the traces of tears on her face and her eyes stared at him blank and distance. It was then he realized that she could not see them. A wave of pain and anger flickered through him as he grew more determined, she had suffered enough, he would not let her endure any more.
"I can not let you do it" she whispered and then took a step closer to the edge. Twice they had stopped her from falling, and one more time he had to stop her.
"No! If you do not bind the spirit to me, I will kill him!"
Before the elf prince even had time to think of defending him self, Boromir withdrew his sword and charged at Legolas. With one hand, he grabbed his arm and twisted it around his back, and then he put his knee in the elf's back forcing him to fall to his knees and then rested the knife against his throat.
"I have my sword against his throat. You do not want to see him die, then you better do as I tell you!" Boromir yelled. Legolas struggled to get free, but then he felt the edge of the sword against his skin.
Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now. She did nothing to hide them. She closed her eyes briefly and then let her sleeve comb away the water from her eyes.
"Do it!" Boromir yelled and saw her body jolt as she moved unsteadily towards them. She walked slowly, as if she was trying to prolong time, to find a way to escape. She sobbed and stumbled her way towards them.
"If you do not want to see him die then do it!" he yelled again, and she tensed once again. More tears escaped her sleeve as she stopped only inches from him. Not able to meet Legolas` eyes she placed a trembling hand on Boromir`s arm, and in the next moment felt her body drawn into the whiteness again.
The blue light was glowing brightly and it hummed lightly as it floated towards her. She stood still and watched the light appear before her.
"Why?" she whispered with dry lips.
"You said you saw the light inside me. Now let me find the light inside me"
"There is no light inside me, it is all corrupted"
"Your love for him, his love for you. It burns, it breaks the darkness"
"I can not let you die like this. You will not go to the Halls of Mandos, your spirit will be forever restless and forever roaming"
"You do not know that for sure"
"What about your brother"
"Do not try to change my mind, for it is already made up. Feavair you need to live, you want to live. Please, do it for me. If not, do it for him"
"This is not your sin…."
She trailed off and his voice sighed deeply and wearily as if it had walked on a long journey and had finally reached home.
"Gandalf said there is a reason for everything. The reason you saved my life, was so that I could save yours. You showed me mercy when already my spirit had been darkened by the presence of the Ring. I betrayed the Company, I tried to take the Ring, and still you saw something good in me. Let me do this one thing, let me prove my self to you that I am worthy of a life!"
"How will you prove your self worthy of a life if you die"
"Is there a better way?"
She did not answer.
"Then do what must be done"
She could feel the dark snakes move around inside her, and she closed her eyes willing them to escape. She could hear the dark shadow hiss at her, calling her name and luring her away from the blue light.
As the serpents jolted out of her, she felt an almost unbearable relief. She was not able to hold her body up and she felt her self grow limp. Her vision blurred, and she saw the blue light consume the spirits.
Boromir let Legolas go as Feavair fell and he just managed to grab her before she tumbled to the ground. Boromir stood for a moment and swayed feeling dizziness and nausea running through him. He felt so unbelievable cold and wondered how she could have managed living with the spirit inside her for so long.
He took a deep ragged breath and then slowly started to move towards the edge. He stopped and stared down at the flames below him. He could feel the earth tremble and hear rocks falling around them outside.
"Boromir…" Legolas called, still holding her lifeless body in his arms. Boromir turned around and stared at the elves intense blue eyes as he held the valuable burden in his arms.
He knew then he had done the right thing.
"She is so cold, so afraid of the dark. You keep her warm and you keep the light inside her"
He smiled and then hummed "I sit beside the fire and think of how the world will be"
Then he allowed him self to fall backwards.
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