Chapter 23: Back In The Day

You know I'll be here, always. Susan smiled at Carter's downcast face. His eyes were bright, as always, but he looked weary. His skin was dull and his hair greasy. She looked closely at him, wondering why the two of them hadn't worked. Watching him stare back at him she realised why. Her and Carter didn't have what her and Luka had. That jolt, that spark... that electricity.

I know. She sighed, wondering when Luka would be back, she missed him, so much it hurt.

What ever happened to the old days, Susan. She looked up. Carter was staring down into his now cold cup of coffee, swishing it round and round in the mug.

What do you mean? She smiled, perplexed by his sudden statement.

I mean the old days. Me, you, Doug, Carol, Benton and...

He nodded, outstretching his hand to join it with hers.

It all seemed so easy back then, as if nothing ever went wrong. The ER used to be fun, right? Life used to be fun. She shook her head, suddenly becoming acutely aware of how much Carter had grown up. He did nothing but suprise her these days with his maturity.

Maybe you should be answering that question. She sighed again, staring down at her feet. I went away for 5 years and when I came back everything seemed to have changed. I was stupid to expect it to all be the same.

I wish you hadn't have gone. She smiled, realising that maybe Carter wasn't all that grown up after all.

Me too.

I was thinking maybe I could give Doug and Carol a ring. I haven't seen them in so long and the girls must be getting big by now. Susan nodded.

That would be nice, I forget what good friends we all used to be sometimes.

We had some good times, huh? Susan laughed, caught up in a private memory.

You remember the cast we put on your leg! Carter grimaced, before finally giving into laughter.

The mutt and jeff of emergency medicine strike again! Susan smiled, the memories flooding back. Carter was right, things had seemed so much easier back then.

I miss him. Carter nodded, pulling Susan into a hug as tears began to fall down her face. She laughed slightly, stunned by how much she had cried over the last few days, but thankful to finally have her mind on something else for a while. To have some memories worth remembering, some tears that deserved to be shed. It was a welcome relief but the memories reminded her of how old she was getting, of how much she had grown up in the last few years. You think that when you become a grown-up you stop growing, stop learning, stop becoming a bigger person, a better person. But it's exactly the opposite. Childhood is just a nice, easy introduction, a slow growth into the place where you grow the most. Adulthood is where everyone changes the most, where you really become moulded into the person you end up.

Remember the wedding? Susan smiled, remembering the disgusting bridesmaids dress she had worn, pink definitely wasn't her colour. She nodded before shaking her head.

How could I forget that dress! Carter smiled.

You would have looked gorgeous in a bin liner and you know it. Susan half smiled before looking down at her feet, embarrassed by his comment.

Is Abby okay? Carter winced at her name, annoyed that Susan had reminded him about her yet again, wanting to let himself forget her for a day, or a few hours at least.

Do we have to talk about her.

Yes Carter, we do. He shook his head.

Look I'm going, I can't. No scratch that- I won't. He sighed, heading for the door. I'm so sick of everything being about Abby. Susan stayed sat on the sofa as he headed towards the exit, reaching the door quickly.

Please Carter, don't go. Her voice was small and Carter winced at the pain in it. He cursed himself for even thinking about leaving, returning immediately to sit beside her. The tears were once again beginning to fall down her face and he gathered her up into his arms, hushing her sobs once more.

It's okay Susan, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to leave you alone again, I promise. Her sobs continued but they eased gradually, slowing slightly. I'm not going to leave, you hear me? I'm not going to leave.

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Abby rubbed her head as she awoke, the pain waking her sharply. She stared at the empty bottle next to her on the coffee table and groaned. One sip, just one sip. She had promised herself. She didn't know who to call. These days she had no-one to turn to, no-one at all.

Her first instinct was to find relief for her headache, cursing she clambering up onto the counter, pushing her arm past the various jars and tins, finally her hand reaching the back of the particular cupboard she had been searching. Her hand clasped the packet, pulling it out from its hiding place. She cursed again, more loudly his time as she discovered it was empty. Unable to muster the strength to go to the pharmacy she slumped onto the floor, staring at the phone as she wondered who to call.

Carter wouldn't come, he would be too busy with Susan and she didn't feel much like disturbing their cosy chat. Susan, for the same reasons, was off limits. Chen? Abby recalled a visit to somewhere across state this weekend. She racked her brains, desperately thinking of who to call. Yet there was only one name she could think of- only one name that mattered.

Luka.

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