Try this, see if it's okay. I'm testing the water, trying to write slightly differently and trying to think desperately of where to take this story, please review with any ideas! It was difficult to write but I've written chapter 32 as well, its just not wuite ready to go up just yet. More Jing-Mei and Kerry at the moment... see what you think...

Chapter 31: A Whole New Can of Worms

Susan nodded slightly, joining her hands with his as they took the first step towards the door. She watched intensely as he reached forwards for the handle, his warm skin colliding with the cold metal as a million thoughts ran through her mind.

The words were loud and solemn. She had no idea how or why they had escaped from her mouth at that very moment but she did know that they had to be said. Opening the door meant opening a whole new can of worms. Knowing Dix was out there was one thing, knowing he was lying in the ER on a gurney was quite another.

Luka had flinched at the sound of her voice but his clasp on her hand had remained tight. He cocked his head slightly, catching a glimpse of her through the corner of his eye. He sighed silently, no sound escaping from his mouth at all as he turned his body fully, bringing himself closer to her shaking form.

Whatever happens, I will be here. Susan smiled, clutching his face in her hands as she shook her head.

I have to do this on my own Luka.

No. No you don't. Susan watched as Luka shook his head decisively, taking her waist in his hands as he did so. She watched him closely wondering what he was thinking right at this very moment. She loved Luka, but she couldn't help thinking that she didn't really know him at all. On the outside he seemed he wonderfully strong, so together but she knew inside he was weaker than most. That he was a broken man, and that she wasn't so sure if she could fix him. His ambition to tell others endeared him to her. She liked the way he tended to her, cared for her, tried to protect her. But this, this was different. This was her battle, not his.

She smiled softly and at that moment Luka realised that he had to let her do this on her own. She was going to come back. Danjela was gone, but Susan was still here. He couldn't wrap her up, as much as he would have liked too.

I know. She nodded, capturing his lips briefly in her own as she walked out of the door, glancing backwards briefly to shoot him a fleeting good-bye. She headed for the admit desk.

She turned to face a tired looking Jing-Mei. She smiled, watching the pretty oriental doctor struggle to regain her composure.

What did you do? Run a marathon? Jing-Mei let out a friendly laugh as she finally managed to catch her breath.

I have been searching for you, I even went to Doc's! Susan smiled again, a bemused look appearing on her face. Weaver wants you, she's in the lounge, she said it was important.

You did all this for Weaver? Susan laughed again, shaking her head slightly as she watched Jing-Mei shrug.

I've just killed a patient, I wanted to keep my job. She smiled, walking off towards the admit. desk. If I was you I'd go and see her, she seemed kind of anxious to see you.

The thought ran through her mind and made her want to scream. To scream at the top of her voice and make as much noise as she possibly could. He was dead, gone forever and now she could never let him suffer. She could never let him know the pain that he had caused her and he would never get to see that she had moved on. That she was having a baby and that she had a man that loved her more than anything. Dix would never get to see that he didn't break her. He dented the surface sure, but he didn't break her. She didn't shatter. Susan Lewis was stronger than he could ever had imagined and she was still willing to fight.

But he was gone. Gone forever and he would never know. She would never get to stand in court and watch him be sentenced to life imprisonment. She would be left with the reality that he had the easy way out, that he didn't have to fight, that he never faced his punishment. Not his real one. He had hurt her more than anything else in the world, and he had got away with it.

Kerry watched Susan from across the room. She was stood perfectly still, not an ounce of movement in her pale form. Her eyes had glazed over and they were permanently transfixed, staring hard down at the floor.

She took a step closer, standing still for a moment and leaning her weight against her crutch before continuing. Susan remained motionless as she approached, her golden blonde hair swaying softly back and forth in the draft as it swept in from outside.

Kerry didn't like the way her voice sounded. It sounded cold, unusually harsh. She had never been a compassionate woman, she had never showed much love towards anyone, especially not her co-workers. But nevertheless Kerry didn't like to think of herself as cold. She cared, she was a doctor after all. Susan was someone she really did have feelings for. They went back a long way and although they had never been the best of friends they had always shared a mutual respect that had seemed to grown of late, particularly since Susan's attack.

Can I see him. The body I mean. Can I see it. Kerry nodded gently, placing a hand on the small of Susan's back as she ushered her towards the lounge.

Are you sure. Kerry signalled towards the table but Susan shook her head defiantly, scared that sitting would change her mind. This was her battle. She needed to fight this, for her own piece of mind if nothing else. Dix was gone, but she hadn't said her good-bye just yet.

I want to see him Kerry. Kerry nodded.

He's in a bad way. Susan nodded, heading for the door. You don't want Luka to be there?

I have to do this on my own. Kerry watched as the blonde doctor stood outside the lounge, waiting for here to lead the way. The ER seemed unusually quiet as they passed through it. The colour and life seemed to have faded. They was little sound and almost complete silence had fallen over her surrounding, the colour in the area had turned to grey, her vision blurred and fuzzy as she lead Susan into the room.