Chapter 32: A Single Tear

There he lay, dead. Very dead. More dead than Susan had imagined. She watched as Kerry stood aside, avoiding eye contact as she stepped away. Susan sighed deeply, trying to gain a little strength from the stale oxygen she breathed in.

Dix lay ahead of her. The man she despised so much, the man that once upon a time she had also loved so much. Her feelings were currently in a state of limbo, merged into a larger, more powerful feeling. She couldn't describe the pain or hurting that she felt at that very moment, all she knew was that this couldn't be it. She wouldn't let this be the way she felt forever, not hate nor love, just... just impassiveness.

His face was bruised and almost ugly. His features had become distorted, even more so than the last time she had clamped eyes on him in the ambulance bay. The funniest thing was a part of her missed him. Not the man that lay dead in front of her but the man she once knew. The man that existed a long time ago. The man who had a laugh that could melt the coldest of hearts, the man who had the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen, the man who she had loved with all her heart. The man the vile creature in front of her wasn't. Someone he never knew, someone this monster could never be.

A memory swept over her, making her gasp for breath as she recalled the day she had fallen for him completely. It had been a hot day, an extraordinarily hot day. Everyone day is hot in Phoenix but this was the hottest she had ever experienced. Dix had been out, tending to the cows. She had been bored out of her mind, unable to do anything in the sweltering heat and so had decided to visit him. She could remember every detail of the scene when she had entered the ranch. The hot sun on her bare shoulders, the single breeze that she had been so eternally grateful for and that smile. The smile that had captured her heart as she had strolled into the field. He was on his horse, buttercup, when he had spotted her. The smile he had given her was unimaginable to anyone who hadn't been there in the moment, hadn't been able to capture the smile for themselves. It glistened in the sun, his perfect white teeth gleaming. Then he had laughed. The laugh that had melted her insides. The laugh that had made her fall in love with him. The moment was something she would remember forever. His eyes had been the bluest she had ever seen, his hair blonder from the sun, his skin glowing and tanned.... everything about him had seemed so perfect.

A single tear dripped from her chin as she wondered how it had got to this. How this hate had filled her body, her being. How the love had disappeared. How Dix had changed into a monster, someone she didn't recognise.

His skin was grey, his body lifeless. Slowly reaching out her hand she touched him, her body jumping as she felt the coldness of his arm. He looked so bitter, so angry. But most of all he looked so miserable, so lonely and most of all so lost. She had always liked the fact that Dix had always known what he wanted, he had wanted her that night and he had got her. Now he looked so lost it pained her. It pained her even more that this man could make her so lost, that even through his death he could make her shiver, make her so very scared.

This was good-bye. As the words gently clicked off her tongue and pronounced themselves into the cool air quietly she shivered, allowing another tear to pass silently down her face. She reached forward once more, touching his face softly as she whispered the word again.

Good bye.

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