Irina brushed off her best gray dress, removing the lint and as many stains as she would work out. Today, she was graduating from school and she wanted to look her best. She snuck into her parents room and borrowed a splash of her Baba's (grandmother) perfume and ran it trough her hair. Papa had to work and Momma had died three years prior, so today only her Baba would see her receive her certificate and see her win the medal for the highest cumulative score.
Today, she was an adult and she was uncharacteristically unsure of her next step in life. Irina could go to University if she found enough money to pay for her books and supplies. She had already received entrance into the Engineering Program at Leningrad University, but didn't find that option very appealing. She had tired of schooling and was looking for a challenge.
She would love to have the chance to travel everywhere and anywhere. She longed to leave the grayness of daily life in Leningrad, of food rations and dirty public transportation. She wanted hot water anytime she wished and new clothes. She hated the weekly stint in the bread lines and longed for a time when she could walk through a market and buy all types of fruits and vegetables.
The ceremony was predicable and lengthy. She received her award with feign humility and gave the standard gracious acceptance. Baba cried and hugged her profusely and introduced Irina to anyone that would listen. Irina tolerated the attention for only so long and persuaded Baba to leave. As they were leaving the building, two men approached Irina.
"Ms. Derevko, could we speak with you for a moment? We work for the government and wish to make you an offer."
"May I see your papers please?" she asked. Irina wanted to double-check their credentials. Their papers confirmed their identities and Irina sat Baba on the bench next to the fountain and followed the two men over to another bench on the edge of the park.
"Ms. Derevko, I am Agent Smilokoff and this is Agent Ivanic of the KGB. The KGB has been watching you for several years now and we would like you to attend our 6 month training program near Simferopol."
"Why was the KGB watching me?"
"You first came to our attention based on scores on your tests in your 10th year. We have several questions on those tests that have proven to be good indicators for identifying potential agents. You scored well on all the questions."
"What kind of training would be I undergo?"
"You would undergo physical training and martial arts training. You would learn to use various weapons. You would be trained in a variety of surveillance methods and would undergo a variety of psychological tests. At the end of the six months, your supervisors would determine if you should continue with the program or not. If you are asked to continue, then there will be another year of intense training."
"If I decide not to pursue the training after the six months, what will be my options?" Irina was leery of accepting the offer.
"You will still be eligible to enter the Engineering program at University, if you choose. Also, your family will be compensated for the time you remain in training. You will be living in a government dormitory with several other trainees and you will be fed and clothed at the government's expense. You need not bring anything with you; you will be supplied with everything you need.
Please consider our offer and we will contact you in two days for your decision. Thank you for your time." Smilokoff and Ivanic stood, nodded and walked away leaving Irina deep in thought. After a few moments, she got up and collected Baba and they headed to catch the bus to their apartment.
***
The decision to accept the offer for training was ultimately an easy one. Her father, for once, didn't even voice an opinion. He sat at the table, reading the paper and refused to make eye contact with her. Baba, on the other hand, wailed and moaned and wouldn't speak to Irina for days when she announced her decision; which made Irina more certain that the decision was correct.
"I really feel this is my best option for now Baba." She held the older woman's calloused hand and hoped she looked convincing. "And just think of the extra money I can send home. I won't need much more than some pocket money because the government is housing and feeding us during the duration of the training."
"I am worried for you, Irina. Once the KGB has their hands on you, they will never let you go. Your friends will never trust you again." Baba shook her head, the worry lines on her face getting ever deeper.
"I was told that once I completed the six month training, it would be my supervisor's and my decision on whether to continue or not. If I choose not to continue, I was promised that my spot at University would be waiting. I cannot see a particularly bad side to this opportunity. And as for my friends, I really don't have many that are close. Once they leave for University, they will forget about me. Sasha is to be married soon and will be too occupied with her new husband and babies and her mother-in-law to give me a second thought. No, I'm going to do this." Irina rose and looked quite adamant about her decision.
Baba continued to mutter under her breath and shake her head slowly. It was no use to change Irina's mind once it was made and Baba knew from years of experience. Father had listened to the entire conversation without contributing, pretending to hide behind the newspaper. Only a final resigned sigh gave him away.
So Irina packed up her few belongings, being careful to minimize the wrinkles and maximize what she could fit into the worn secondhand suitcase. She kissed and hugged both her father and grandmother, holding on tightly to the older woman for a few moments longer. Then she walked out the door and silently shut it behind her.
Neither Father nor Baba saw her to the train station, as she had requested. She stood on the platform with one battered bag at her feet. The steam rose up from the sewer grate and the entire station smelled of coal, unwashed people and rotting food. However, this place marked a transition from dependency to independence and Irina was savoring the moment. Her right knee began to shake and she shifted her weight to the right to stop the tremors.
Boarding began and Irina climbed into the nearest car and claimed a comfortable sleeping chair for the overnight journey. Her bags were stowed above her head and she leaned into the window, staring at the steam rising from the stack of the train. She dozed off to the rocking motion of the train and was woken up sometime later by the ticket collector. She handed him her ticket, which he stared at and then at her, and then stamped. He gave the ticket back to her with a pronounced "hrmpf".
"Enjoy your trip to Simferopol, miss," he stated sarcastically.
"Thank you," she questioned. She wondered if he knew of her reason for going to Simferopol and if he was already resenting her for working for the KGB. She has received similar reactions from her friends.
She brushed the negative thoughts from her mind and settled back to watch the countryside roll by. She had never really traveled out of Leningrad, so this trip to the south was her first real adventure and she planned on savoring it as much as possible. She bought a sandwich and a bottle of tepid water from the food vendor and slowly ate as the sun set in the distance. She again fell asleep, satiated with the food and rocked by the train, only to wake up again in the middle of the night.
The lights on the trained had been dimmed to allow for sleep and the entire car was bathed in an eerie yellow glow. Irina stared out the window into the gray night and watched as the shadows of the trees and houses passed by.
Then, the images morphed into beastly and menacing images, reminding her of the monsters she used to see as a child in the shadows created by the candles in the kitchen of the apartment. The shapes would shift and change from bears to wolves to trolls. The bears arched and raised and reached for her. The wolves sneered and growled, ready to bite. The blanket gave Irina the protection she needed and she rubbed the medal around her neck for luck.
Now, many years later Irina did not believe in luck and she was no longer afraid of the shadows. She no longer wore the medal around her neck. She took comfort in their every changing appearance, and hoped that her life would soon change as the result of her decision. One of the main reasons she chose this path was to avoid the becoming part of the mundane and ordinary. Irina had always felt that her life was meant to be extraordinary, special and blinding and this was how she was going to achieve her dreams. The train pulled into the station at Simferopol as the sun crested the horizon. She rubbed her eyes, stretched and smiled.