Firstly, I am so very sorry that this took so long! There have been a series of mini-dramas, including losing the file and having to rewrite the chapter and fanfiction not working on several attempts! But, it's here. Once again thank you to everyone at f4f and to everyone at the channel4 forum, the next chapter will also be updated shortly. Anyway, remember to review and of course, enjoy.

Chapter 35: A Tumble of Shifting Dreams


You want a boy or a girl? Luka looked down at where Susan's rest was resting comfortably in his lap and smiled.

I don't mind. He paused, scratching his head. What about you? Susan shrugged, smiling also and laying a hand over her uncovered stomach, where her t-shirt had risen up.

I'm not sure, I just want a pretty baby! Luka laughed, shaking his head.

All babies are beautiful! She shook her head also, a serious expression on her face.

Nooooooooooooooo they are not! She laughed, getting up and walking over to her bag. She pulled out her purse and flicked it open, heading towards Luka as she did so. She smiled, sitting beside her and beckoning at a picture of a smiling baby. Luka laughed at the goofy child. See Chloe was possibly the ugliest child I have ever seen! Luka laughed again, shaking his head.

She's not ugly, just a little... He paused, twisting his mouth awkwardly. Susan threw back her head, laughing loudly as she did so. She watched as Luka laughed also.

Susie was pretty cute though. Susan pointed at another picture, smiling as she gazed at the photo of her and her niece as a baby. Even as a new-born Susie had been gorgeous. She had blonde hair and piercing blue eyes topped off by a mouth etched in a constant smile. Luka nodded.

She looks like you. Susan smiled, taking back the purse and looking closer at the picture. We should visit them. Susan looked over at him, an inquisitive look pressed across her features.

You sure about that? He smiled, still serious as he outreached a hand to touch her hair softly.

Yeah. I don't know enough about you Susan- or your family. She laughed, touching his hand with her own.

You know enough already. SHe smiled gently, her lips sliding in an upwards motion as she did so. You met Chloe- and my mother and father! He smiled.

I liked them. The smile faded as he once more became serious. I like everything to do with you. Susan blushed, pushing the strand of stray fringe behind her ear as he kissed her softly. Susan? She smiled, kissing him gently before allowing him to speak once more. What happened today? She frowned.

What do you mean? He smiled as he gently traced his fingertips across her forehead briefly, before continuing to speak.

With Dix, you didn't really tell me about it. She sighed.

I said good-bye. He looked into her eyes, willing her to continue. I said goodbye and I realised what I had lost. Luka raised his eyebrows.

Doesn't seem like that much of a loss to me. Susan sat up, slightly startled, she got to her feet. Oh come on Susan, don't get mad. Luka shook his head, looking to the floor in disbelief.

He was a good man Luka. Luka laughed.

Sure he was Susan, believe what you want. He stood also, turning to face her. But answer me this, does a good man rape the woman he is supposed to love?

Susan shook away the hand as he placed it softly on her shoulder. She walked to the door, not bothering to look back. Her forehead sting with anger, her head confused and dizzy with the heat that filled it. She was hot with rage, stunned with disbelief and angered by his stupidity. She left, unable to fight any more.

**********

He turned, groaning as he watched Kerry limp towards him on her crutch, he forced a smile, letting his puppy dog eyes shine brightly as he greeting his impending doom.

He nodded, turning back to his locker and placing the velvet covered box inside carefully.

What the hell are you playing at. I'm, already two doctors down, you know that, where the hell have you been!? She sighed. I thought you would have known better, Carter, I though you of all people would understand the shit Susan and Luka had been through, I thought I could depend on you to be here.

Carter smirked, confused by the blame that was suddenly being heaped upon him by the small fiery redhead. Do not try to blame me for their problems. I love Susan very much and I like Luka, he's a good guy, I just took my break it took a little longer than expected. Jesus. Kerry's stare remained hard.

One day Carter, you will grow up. And one day Carter, you will remember that you are no longer a med student, for your sake I hope that its sooner rather than later.

Kerry! I was what, half an hour late?

An hour and a half. She paused. We lost three patients because we did not have the staff. I blame you.

You could have called me. She shook her head.

I did, several times. He shook his head.

I'm sorry, was there really no-one else.

Who did you want me to call, Susan? He threw his hands into the air, letting out a loud grunt of frustration as he watched her head for the door.

Kerry, this is not my fault.

By the way, you're pulling a double.

He watched as she slammed the door.

*************

Luka watched as the rays of light hit his face softly, the undressed window letting bounds of natural light spread across the room easily. He rubbed at his eyes, shifting as he tried to get comfortable on the sticky leather sofa. He sighed to himself, trying to remember what had gone wrong the previous night. Surely she didn't believe Dix was a good man, surely she didn't believe this had been a great loss.

He had spent the night in a tumble of shifting dream like sequences. Every now and again waking in a cold sweat, unable to remember what had brought him into one. He had spend the night listening for her cry, her voice, her movements. He had heard nothing.

Luka sat up, ruffling his hair with his fingers and squinting in the bright light. He missed her. She was in the next room but she seemed so far away, she distant and so untouchable. He had done this before, with Abby. Reaching and grasping at thin air only. He loved Susan, he had loved Abby, just not quite like this, with this burning, unquestionable passion that now fuelled him through his days, that provoked his every thought, that calmed and comforted him, that satisfied his every hunger, quenched his every thirst.

The baby that grew inside her concerned him. He was so scared of letting it slip, of losing it as she seemed to have lost her at this very second. He wanted this so badly that it hurt, that it was all he seemed to want. He missed his children, and his wife, but he was gradually moving on, not forgetting, just moving on. Beginning to ache less deeply, the wound was healing and it no longer seemed entirely hopeless.

You should get dressed. Her voice cut through his and he smiled as the gentle tone of it seeped into his being.

I love you. He turned to face her and noticed her face was unchanged, her expression emotionless. He noticed she was pale, a slightly green tinge to her face and her eyes weary.

You're going to be late. He frowned.

Are you okay? He got up as she pointed towards the bathroom.

The joys of being pregnant, seriously Luka go shower, you are going to be late.

We need to talk. She nodded softly.

He nodded also, heading towards the bathroom with a black cloud hovering firmly above his head.

******************