Now you guys have to admit, this was pretty snappy- especially for me! But I couldn't hold this chapter in any longer. Its a strange one and there are parts of it I dislike- almost cut out completely to be honest but I thought they served a purpose, in fact they do, they most definitely do. A lot is happening and you guys are still there, sticking by me and writing those reviews. Once again a lot of love to those who make this all happen and who kept me going whilst I was ready to give up at chapter 13- its scary that I'm now on chapter 36 and still going strong- that's all down to the guys at f4f and channel 4, this is for you.

Remember, as always, to read and REVIEW!

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Chapter 36: A Daze of Empty Days

Susan straightened out her black dress and sighed as she watched her reflected staring back at her. A daze of empty days, full of silence and loneliness had followed Dix's death. She had shut Luka out, suprising herself with her own coldness. Detaching herself from the situation without so much as a backwards glance. She loved him but she couldn't stand him, not this week. Dix was everything to her. Yes he had hurt her, very, very badly but that didn't stop the love. She loved him and whether Luka liked it or not she had to say goodbye.

The past nights he has spent on the sofa, she had spend most of the time working or asleep,avoiding him by changing her shifts without his knowledge or simply going to bed as soon as she had arrived home. The fight has escalated and become a lot worse than she had imagined but after today everything would be okay again.

She gulped as she felt a churning deep in her stomach, resisting the urge to be sick once again. Morning sickness was once more threatening to strike. She gulped once more, shaking her head stiffly and running a hand through her hair once more. She pulled over the black jacket, stepping into her shoes carefully. The speed at which the funeral had been organised had suprised even her but Dix had few relatives or friends and his mother had been keen to get on with things. She had been happy to hear from Susan, who she had regarded almost as a daughter in previous times. APparently she was unaware of her son's wrong doings and Susan planned to keep things this way, after all what harm would telling a few white lies to a saddened old woman do? Luka wouldn't understand, she didn't expect him too, she just needed to be there, to save face. His as much as her own.

She looked over at her suitcase, dreading the forthcoming plane journey more and more as the seconds drew past. Still the funeral was tomorrow and if she wanted to be there she had little other choice. Drawing a breath deeply as she picked it up and headed to the kitchen. Picking up a biro she scribbled the note quickly. She sighed praying that he understood, praying that he forgave her, praying for the strength to carry on. She needed to say goodbye. That was her last thought as she headed for the door, kissing Luka lightly on the forehead and walking carefully away, keeping her footsteps as light as those of a ghost, silent and untraceable. She looked back only to glance at his sleeping form briefly, praying once more.


Luka,

I am in Phoenix as you read this. I have to say goodbye. I need you to understand this and I need you to forgive me.

I love you,

Susan X

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The door opened gently, screeching slightly as it swung slightly open. The light seeped into the room. It illuminated the gloomy shadowed objects, reflecting softly from the windows and shining into wide eyes gracefully.

The soft crushed blue velvet of the box tingled against the rough fingertips, caressingly them sensually. Two pairs of eyes were concentrated on the object, ignoring each others gaze and instead perplexed by the closed box.

Carter looked up finally, stepping forwards into the apartment as he watched the other set of eyes move, turning so he could no longer see them and leading him inside, sending a cool shiver down his already tingling spine.

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I always hated planes. The air hostess smiled politely, handing Susan a hot towel and flashing her pearly white teeth. Susan tapped her hands against her knees, shaking gently as she glanced outside.

They soared past the fluffy clouds, the morning sun shining into the window. She took another deep breath, leaning back into her seat and closing her eyes. She pondered various things as she lay back in her seat, anxiously trying to lull herself to sleep. She wondered once more if this was the right thing to be doing. She had already said her goodbye- or was supposed to have anyway. It just didn't seem final, closed. She needed closure, but she also needed Luka.

That thought scared her, she needed Luka so much and yet here she was walking away from him. Cutting him off, pushing him away. Without logical reasoning or thought. This seemed crazy- completely crazy. But for some unknown reason she was on this plane, and she just had to know.

Excuse me. She opened her eyes quickly, catching glimpse of the blonde young man she had been seated next to. She grimaced, standing up so he could get back into his seat, slightly annoyed to have her thoughts interrupted. Suddenly the plane jerked and she felt, clumsily crashing into his side. He laughed, catching her effortlessly and steadying her.

God, sorry. It caught me off guard. He smiled broadly, once again letting out an infectious laugh. Susan let out a giggle too, looking into his eyes and laughing once more as she blushed slightly. They were a vivid blue and looked almost fake against his tanned skin. She stood for a moment, memorised before coming once again to her senses and sitting back down.

He watched her closely, waiting for her to become once again seated before sitting down himself. He sat, outreaching a hand.

Susan Lewis. He shook her hand tightly, almost as if greeting an old friend. She looked at him again closely, almost recognising him. She shook off the feeling of deja vu, smiling once more at the relative stranger.

Ben Reynolds, pleased to meet you Miss Lewis. She smiled.

Actually it's doctor. He nodded, looking slightly impressed.

Wow, my mistake, I should know one of my own kind. So you from Chicago? She nodded. Me too. Where do you work?

County Cook General.

You're kidding, right?

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