SOLDIER boy,
Oh, my little SOLDIER boy
I'll be true to you.
I watch him staring out at the water, hugging myself. He cannot see me standing behind him, and he does not see the trees and grass and burning sunset that stretch before him. He sees her. I think maybe if I move he will notice me, yet I am not sure whether or not I want him to notice me, gazing at him.
He sighs, and I hold my breath, waiting. His pain is obvious to us all, but I believe maybe it is amplified in my eyes. I do not recognize any other emotions behind those brilliant cerulean blues, and I don't know if I want to try and ignore it.
Is she watching him...us? I think maybe not—surely it would break her fragile angel heart to witness such remorse and guilt in one person. The prospect is unthinkable—knowing that this pain exists, and you are the cause, yet you cannot do anything about it.
I know. It is a terrible reality.
You were my first love,
And you'll be my last love.
I will never make you blue,
I'll be true to you.
I remember him as a small boy, the dirty blonde rattail flying behind him as he tried desperately to keep up with me and my friends, trying to be invisible and unnoticeable to us. I could always spot him, regardless of where he hid. As the years pass, I give my own effort to solve the puzzle of him, with little results. It seems she has accomplished in a month what I have been attempting my entire life.
It makes me angry, almost, resentful, to think of her as the source of his sadness. I think it is not that alone, and I know it was not her fault; she wouldn't want this. I am sure she didn't want to die. But no one is sure as to whether she had a choice in the matter or not.
I cough, absently, and he turns, giving me an expression that is very close to a glare, but not quite. I force a smile, despite the tingling in my eyes, and the countenance softens. It is now my duty to deliver what sparse beatitude he is willing to receive. I have to be there, to cover the gap of her. Because she is not here to fill the whole she has created.
In this whole world,
If you can love just one girl,
Let me be that one girl,
For I'll be true to you.
I pad up to next to him, and take in the dusk. I want to wrap my arms around his waist and give him a tight hug, the biggest embrace my arms will allow. To show him that I still do live. To show him that I do care.
I stand, and I remain silent. I mask my face, because the tears are pressing, and I must be strong.
I want to say 'I love you.' I want say that I am here. I know he wishes to be alone now (I hadn't meant to cough), and he doesn't know his own kindness. He will not say anything. I think he wants to push me away, but he won't. He, as I do, stays motionless and quiet. I want him to know that I will always be here, awaiting the arrival of him. I want him to be aware of my heart, because it is breaking. His heart is crumbs, and I will tear mine apart to replace the missing pieces. I want him to hear my sobs in the night, and know that I cry for him. I want him to feel the world, to come back to me.
Wherever you go,
My heart will follow.
I love you so.
I'll be true to you.
Yet the fighting is over, and he does not care what happens to himself. We are the last ones to depart, and I have long since begun to weep. I do not want him to see my weakness, because it will hurt him further. But as the layers of my family shred away, as the closest to me is all that is left and leaving, I do not have the strength to keep my barricade up any longer.
I wave to him, slowly, as his figure disappears as the distance between us grows. I bite my lip to keep from screaming at him to return, and hold my tongue as I stand alone. He does not know that he is the only one I want, and he is the only one I will ever want. He is ignorant of this, because I could not show him.
The day closes, and he does not know that I will always be with him. He will never have to be alone; I will be there being best friend. I will be there, still loving him.
Take my love with you,
To any point or foreign shore.
Darling you must feel for sure,
I'll be true to you
He wanders as I wander, always searching for that something, that someone to complete him. He does not know that regardless of where he roams, he can take me with him. He can cradle me in the night, and whisper sweet nothings in my ear when the isolation threatens to consume him. I will not mind. He can protect me when danger attacks, and he can deliver constant assurances, to help him feel strong and important when all he wants is to accede.
He can do these things, because I will be there.
I stand and I watch him, gazing out into the water of the endless ocean. I watch him climb mountains and sleep in fields when towns are few and far between. I watch him when he fights, and I see it when he dreams. He can clutch me like a stuffed bear and shiver and cry and I won't care. I do not fear it when he shouts or when he fumes. He can do as he pleases, and I will follow. I will love and I will comfort and I will support. I will be there.
SOLDIER boy,
Oh, my little SOLDIER boy
I'll be true to you.
My first song fic...been debating whether or not to post, then figured I give it a shot. The song is by the Shirelles, from the nineteen fifties or sixities...something like that (of course, 'soldier' wasn't capitalized, but you get the point). Anyway, thanks for reading! Please review! Raine
Disclaimer - Final Fantasy VII belongs to Square, and the song to the Shirelles.
