A/N I propably have a poor grammar but English isn't my first language after all. And sorry for the lack of update, it took almost a year from the original and now I have rather updated my other story, Blind Trust. However, there have been some demands ;) to continue this so here you are. Now I wonder if I should leave it here (being just a short alternative) or continue to summer, for which I have a few ideas.
Disclaimer: These are not mine and all of that. Thanks for the nice playthings anyway ;)
Trust and truth
He didn't have to wait long. "You really wanted so badly to join your mutt of a godfather that you attacked unarmed against three fairly skilful wizards. How on Earth have you managed to stay alive against Voldemort those times you have faced him? It can certainly have nothing to do with your ability to think." Snape said all this with a low mocking tone. He had almost hoped there had been some better reason but this was ridiculous.
He remembered the words Malfoy had said. "It's more like the problem that he even exists.." They had hit too close and he wanted something to differentiate himself from that insufferable boy so he continued, "but of course a worshipped celebrity like yourself can't imagine that anything would be impossible to you, now can you?" This was quite enough for Harry who was anything but worshipped and treated like a celebrity. The way Snape had treated him from the day one was just boiling over his already nervous mind.
"'Celebrity'", he repeated with a quiet voice. "It's almost funny that you used that term, it being the same way you called me on my first potions lesson. You have conveniently hated me because my father and back then I didn't even know that reason. For me you were the teacher who seemed to hate me without any visible reason. You blamed me for having fame but not knowledge. Did you pay attention to the fact I hadn't known I was wizard, or even that they existed, until about a week earlier?" Harry had started to let all this out and he wasn't going to quit anytime soon. Snape had noticed that and he had to admit that he was interested what this boy was going to say. He had to admit he had been quite cruel back then but that didn't excuse this boy's other faults.
"After that," Harry continued, "you have never been fair when judging me in the class which had made it quite impossible to learn there anything and for that you also blame my insolence. That's not even logical." This was straight attack to Snape's person and he had to answer "You haven't excelled in your summer works either and you can't say that's my reason too?" He asked voice dripping sarcasm. He almost wondered if he really did want to hear this brat's story so badly that he had to stand this.
"No, that's not your reason, but if my relatives don't let me do my 'magic works' and lock my 'magic stuff' away it doesn't leave much time to do them in the Hogwarts Express," Harry answered with the same sarcasm Snape had used. "And why is that?" Snape managed to ask keeping his composure. He had to admit himself this had surprised him. He had never taken in account a possibility that Potter's relatives weren't the worshipping family he had thought they would be.
Snape's attitude annoyed Harry but he decided he just wanted to explain. After all Snape was having conversation with him and that was more that had ever been possible, more so after that pensieve incident. "They hate magic," he simply stated and continued, "and they fear magic. Before I knew I was wizard they always punished me from showing my magical abilities and after I came to Hogwarts they have always made sure I know that I'm just a freak. I had even bars in my window. Although I suppose you know this already from our occlumency lessons. I apologise for seeing your worst memory but I know you have seen quite many of mine." The end came with some bitterness in his voice. He knew he was moving on a dangerous ground but he had a suggestion to make.
"I dare you to see what kind of life I had before Hogwarts. I voluntarily let you cast a legilimens on me and I trust you not to look other than those past memories." Harry knew this was dangerous as he didn't have any proof for his trust but this could solve so much. Snape admitted this option was intriguing as he knew very well what he had sawn on those brief flashes but he hadn't paid attention to ponder what they might mean. "Why should you trust me as I know I can't trust you?" he asked dryly. "Because Dumbledore trusts you," was the short answer. That made it. He wanted to know and for some odd reason he decided not to pry on anything else.
"You know the procedure," he said and cast the legilimens at Harry who just sat on the chair watching straight to Snape's eyes. 'I might as well to do this easy on him' he thought before the memories of his childhood flooded his mind as clear as they had been from yesterday. Snape saw it all, lonely child, bullying cousin, neglecting relatives, cupboard as a room and house works from the age of five. After a while he ended it released Harry from the spell.
Harry stood up and started walking towards the door of Snape's office. "If you'll excuse me, I'll leave. I have a summer to be with my worshipping relatives." With saying that he left the room. Snape didn't bother to answer to the last comment. He was repeating everything he had seen in his mind. Potter's life had been quite different than he had thought and it was quite clear that with his background he could not be more different from his intolerable father. That also explained why Black had been so close to him, he had had no one else. Without thinking he awarded Gryffindor some points for the bravery of confronting himself. Potter was quite an interesting boy after all but much too much like himself. He hated to notice this but decided that he might review his attitude towards the Potter boy a little.
TBC?
Again, thanks to all reviewers. I have to admit it's easier to write knowing there is somene who wants to read it :)
Disclaimer: These are not mine and all of that. Thanks for the nice playthings anyway ;)
Trust and truth
He didn't have to wait long. "You really wanted so badly to join your mutt of a godfather that you attacked unarmed against three fairly skilful wizards. How on Earth have you managed to stay alive against Voldemort those times you have faced him? It can certainly have nothing to do with your ability to think." Snape said all this with a low mocking tone. He had almost hoped there had been some better reason but this was ridiculous.
He remembered the words Malfoy had said. "It's more like the problem that he even exists.." They had hit too close and he wanted something to differentiate himself from that insufferable boy so he continued, "but of course a worshipped celebrity like yourself can't imagine that anything would be impossible to you, now can you?" This was quite enough for Harry who was anything but worshipped and treated like a celebrity. The way Snape had treated him from the day one was just boiling over his already nervous mind.
"'Celebrity'", he repeated with a quiet voice. "It's almost funny that you used that term, it being the same way you called me on my first potions lesson. You have conveniently hated me because my father and back then I didn't even know that reason. For me you were the teacher who seemed to hate me without any visible reason. You blamed me for having fame but not knowledge. Did you pay attention to the fact I hadn't known I was wizard, or even that they existed, until about a week earlier?" Harry had started to let all this out and he wasn't going to quit anytime soon. Snape had noticed that and he had to admit that he was interested what this boy was going to say. He had to admit he had been quite cruel back then but that didn't excuse this boy's other faults.
"After that," Harry continued, "you have never been fair when judging me in the class which had made it quite impossible to learn there anything and for that you also blame my insolence. That's not even logical." This was straight attack to Snape's person and he had to answer "You haven't excelled in your summer works either and you can't say that's my reason too?" He asked voice dripping sarcasm. He almost wondered if he really did want to hear this brat's story so badly that he had to stand this.
"No, that's not your reason, but if my relatives don't let me do my 'magic works' and lock my 'magic stuff' away it doesn't leave much time to do them in the Hogwarts Express," Harry answered with the same sarcasm Snape had used. "And why is that?" Snape managed to ask keeping his composure. He had to admit himself this had surprised him. He had never taken in account a possibility that Potter's relatives weren't the worshipping family he had thought they would be.
Snape's attitude annoyed Harry but he decided he just wanted to explain. After all Snape was having conversation with him and that was more that had ever been possible, more so after that pensieve incident. "They hate magic," he simply stated and continued, "and they fear magic. Before I knew I was wizard they always punished me from showing my magical abilities and after I came to Hogwarts they have always made sure I know that I'm just a freak. I had even bars in my window. Although I suppose you know this already from our occlumency lessons. I apologise for seeing your worst memory but I know you have seen quite many of mine." The end came with some bitterness in his voice. He knew he was moving on a dangerous ground but he had a suggestion to make.
"I dare you to see what kind of life I had before Hogwarts. I voluntarily let you cast a legilimens on me and I trust you not to look other than those past memories." Harry knew this was dangerous as he didn't have any proof for his trust but this could solve so much. Snape admitted this option was intriguing as he knew very well what he had sawn on those brief flashes but he hadn't paid attention to ponder what they might mean. "Why should you trust me as I know I can't trust you?" he asked dryly. "Because Dumbledore trusts you," was the short answer. That made it. He wanted to know and for some odd reason he decided not to pry on anything else.
"You know the procedure," he said and cast the legilimens at Harry who just sat on the chair watching straight to Snape's eyes. 'I might as well to do this easy on him' he thought before the memories of his childhood flooded his mind as clear as they had been from yesterday. Snape saw it all, lonely child, bullying cousin, neglecting relatives, cupboard as a room and house works from the age of five. After a while he ended it released Harry from the spell.
Harry stood up and started walking towards the door of Snape's office. "If you'll excuse me, I'll leave. I have a summer to be with my worshipping relatives." With saying that he left the room. Snape didn't bother to answer to the last comment. He was repeating everything he had seen in his mind. Potter's life had been quite different than he had thought and it was quite clear that with his background he could not be more different from his intolerable father. That also explained why Black had been so close to him, he had had no one else. Without thinking he awarded Gryffindor some points for the bravery of confronting himself. Potter was quite an interesting boy after all but much too much like himself. He hated to notice this but decided that he might review his attitude towards the Potter boy a little.
TBC?
Again, thanks to all reviewers. I have to admit it's easier to write knowing there is somene who wants to read it :)