TO ELVEN SWORD, CALI VANYA, REGEANE AND ARLEEN: I really have no idea who Nat is going to meet either! Let's see where this goes, shall we?
TO PLASMOLYSED CELL MEMBRANE: Can't imagine eating raw food. Bleh. Which is why Smeágol has to be educated back to the state of eating normal food. It's not that he can't eat cooked food. It's that he's been eating raw food for sooooo long that he can't really remember the taste of cooked food anymore, and therefore isn't very keen on trying it.
ONE MORE TO ARLEEN: I did kinda touch on Sméagol's reaction. If he was totally upset and angry with it, I'm sure Kathy (and Patrick) would not have woken up the next day; probably they would have already been strangled. And Sméagol's beginning his road to recovery!
*&*
GOSH, WHERE THE HELL AM I?
To scream, or not to scream? Yes, that was definitely the question. As well as about as much Shakespeare reference Nat could ever make in her life.
She looked around her, and decided not to scream. She didn't know if anyone was watching, and if she would be shot and skewered and eaten by cannibals. She didn't even know where she was. Well, I suppose I must be in Middle Earth, she thought to herself. Then again, logically, I should be in the Pit of Doom, being burned to a crisp.
Then she noticed a guy walking towards her. He was all in black. He stopped before her, and said in a deep, deep voice, "Natalie, I am your father."
Holy crap.
To scream, or not to scream?
She screamed…
…And so did this bearded person in front of her. Realising that it wasn't Darth Vader, Nat cut off her scream and gasped, "I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry, sir…"
"Sir? I am no man! I'm a woman!" came the indignant reply from the bearded person.
Oh my God not the circus please not the circus. I hate clowns. She then forced herself to take a closer look, and realised that the bearded person was wearing a kind of dress-like thingy, and was rather… short and stocky. And then it hit her. Oh my God this might be worse than being at the circus. But she forced herself to be polite. Really polite. "Excuse me, I am sorry. Might I enquire after my location?" Great, Nat, you sound like a seventeenth century lady who wears balloons for skirts. Enquire after my location indeedy doody.
The bearded person drew herself up to her full height (which really wasn't that much). "You are in the Glittering Caves, under the rule of Lord Gimli. I am Lura, and I found you outside the caves about… an hour ago."
"And you carried me here all by yourself?" Nat forgot all about courtesy.
Lura snorted (or something like that, anyway). "Of course not. I had help from my brother Mali." Lura leaned towards Nat, examining her. "Are you from Gondor? Did the King send you? Do you have a message for Lord Gimli?"
Nat shook her head. "No. In fact, I'm not even from Middle Earth. I don't know… don't know what happened."
"NOT FROM MIDDLE EARTH???!!!" Lura screeched, obviously scandalised by such a thought. "Where do you come from then?"
"I don't know… I'm… I'm not kidding, I… I really… really don't know," Nat stuttered. That screech had really gotten to her. Now she knew how Gollum felt when he first plopped into Earth. "I don't know how I got to Middle Earth… I'm from this planet called Earth… but I'm pretty sure it's not the same Earth as this one…"
Lura's eyes were now as big as they could possibly go for dwarves, and finally she just shook her head, as if resigning herself to the fact that she was speaking to a retard. "Perhaps you should come and meet Lord Gimli… he might know what to do. Come with me." Turning, she left the room, leaving Nat with no choice but to scurry along behind, gawking at the huge amount of bearded people around outside, and feeling very strange in her T-shirt and jeans.
*&*
Steamed fish wasn't so bad after all, Sméagol decided after his second time eating it. In fact, it was rather good. And familiar. He could vaguely remember having steamed fish, oh, about half a century ago, if not more.
*&*
Kathy watched with satisfaction as Sméagol ate his steamed fish. He refused to use cutlery, but that was all right, she was willing to take things one step at a time. They were making good progress. In fact, she was actually having fun, something she never thought she'd get from being in the company of Sméagol. The next thing she aimed for him to do was to walk on two legs like he did before, instead of crawling about on all fours.
After breakfast, Kathy put on her bathing suit, grabbed her beach stuff and the cordless phone, and signalled to Sméagol to go outside. Well, this holiday had definitely not turned out as she thought, but that didn't mean she couldn't work on her tan anyway.
Sméagol loved the water. Kathy looked up and down the beach. No one was looking; this was not exactly a vacation period, and there was no one staying in the other beach houses. So it was definitely safe to let him swim. Sighing with satisfaction, she slathered herself with suntan lotion and lay back on her blanket. And let the tanning begin. This was good.
Her wonderful peace was interrupted by the shrill ringing of the phone. She groaned. She had took the phone out, yes, but she had definitely not been expecting anyone to call. Jabbing the button, she stuck the phone to her ear. "Hello?"
"Hello? Kathy?"
Kathy groaned again. "What is it, Patrick?"
"Erm… erm… so what is HE doing." It was really very obvious who 'HE' was.
Kathy glanced over at Sméagol, who had discovered that diving in seas was about the same thing as diving in pools and lakes and rivers, only on a bigger scale. "Finding Nemo," she said sarcastically. "What do you care, anyway?"
Patrick's voice took on a defensive tone. "Nothing, nothing! I was just… I don't know. Never mind. Anyway. Nat's gone."
"What do you mean, gone?"
"I mean, gone gone. She vamoosed. And I'm not joking with you and so maybe you should vamoose your butt back home and help figure stuff out."
Aw, man. "All right, all right, I'll try to get home as soon as possible." Hanging up, Kathy stood up and yelled out to Sméagol, "Hey Sméagol, we have to go now!" Sighing and picking up her beach blanket, she began to walk back to the house to begin her "vamoosing".
*&*
NOTE: Hope you liked this chapter! I actually have no idea how to describe Dwarf women, does anyone have any ideas?