Fic: Hesitation
Author: NubianGeek
Bobby Goren had hit rock bottom. An innocent man had just committed suicide, and it was all his fault.
He left work that night feeling really down. He sat in his car and tried to figure out what to do. He loosened his tie and threw it into the backseat. He was hungry, and decided to head to his favorite restaurant, Sal's. He didn't go to Sal's for the veal Parmesan, however, there was a certain waitress there that he came to see.
When he arrived at Sal's, he took a booth near the back, and looked around for his favorite waitress.
Lisa Montgomery was no ordinary waitress. Lisa was working her way through school pursuing a graduate degree in psychology.
Lisa had noticed this tall, dark stranger when he first started coming in for dinner a few months earlier. She had somehow sensed that he wanted to ask her out, but was too shy to do so.
He sat now in the booth and thought of the days events." "Hi, what can I get you?" he looked up to see the beautiful Lisa standing before him. His spirits were lifting.
"What about the veal Parmesan?" he asked cheerfully. He didn't know what it was about her -- maybe it was her smile, or her eyes. Whatever it was, he was drawn to her.
Somehow today was different from the other days he had been there. Something made Lisa want to linger at his table.
"You looked kind of sad when you first came in. Is something wrong?" The smile that had been on Bobby's face quickly faded.
"I guess you didn't see this." Bobby took the newspaper out of his planner and showed it to her. Lisa read quickly, then looked back up at him.
"Oh, is that you?" Bobby nodded slowly.
Lisa didn't know this guy from Adam, but he didn't look like he was capable of such incompetence.
"So, what happened?" she asked.
"Do you have about ten years?" Bobby joked.
"Actually I'm just getting off work." she said as she sat down.
Bobby spent the better part of the next hour explaining what had happened.
Hesitation
(Stacie Orrico)
Why do you spend all your time
Watching life pass you by
Hanging on to your pride
All that you can anticipate
Hoping all your mistakes
Will somehow fade away
What are you to do with this
It's either hit or miss
You know the answer now come on give your heart away
Why the hesitation
I am ever-waiting
Gotta stop procrastinating
Can you feel me
Why the hesitation
You can pick your destination
And the risk is worth the taking
Can you hear me
Your heart will never be the same
Giving up drama's days
Letting go uneasy ways
When will you ever realize
Letting go all your lies
All the pain will subside
Did you know it's so easy
So why'd you say you're too busy
You know you need me, come on give your heart away
Let you know, why are you waiting
You're wasting time, Hesitating
You know you need me, are you ready to believe
He didn't know why he told this woman, who was a virtual stranger, all of these things. He didn't usually open up -- even to his closest friends. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't know him that stirred him to speak.
Lisa listened with interest, and was supportive where needed. She could tell that Bobby wanted to talk. He seemed to be the kind of person who talked through his problems.
Manny, who was the owner, contrary to what the sign said, was giving Lisa the 'evil eye'.
"Hey, we're gonna have to get going." she rose to leave with Bobby following suit.
"I have to get back to relieve the babysitter." Bobby lifted an eyebrow questioningly.
"His name is Teddy, and he's ten. And no, I'm not married -- divorced." Bobby smiled; the relief showing on his face.
"Can I give you a lift?" he asked when he noticed that she was about to walk home.
"Thanks, I'd like that." she flashed him an irresistible smile.
As they sat in the car, there was a comfortable silence. Bobby had been so focused on the events of the day, that he didn't realize that he was talking to the woman of his dreams.
He had watched her for several weeks, wanting to make his move. It was ironic that it took a situation like what happened today to bring them together.
Pretty soon, Bobby had walked her up to her front door. They both knew that a crucial moment had arrived. They suddenly became shy. Bobby could stand it no longer. He took hold of her shoulders and turned her to face him.
"I want to kiss you. . ." he said gruffly. Lisa, who had no objections, was the one who initiated the kiss. As the kiss deepened, Bobby cradled her face. Lisa wrapped her arms around the big man the best she could.
After a few minutes, the two slowly pulled away.
"I need to get inside. . ." Lisa said softly. Neither of them wanted to part, but they knew that they must.
"Can I call you tomorrow?" Bobby asked softly. Lisa just smiled and kissed him on the cheek before turning and heading into the house.
Bobby found that he couldn't sleep that night. Part of it was because of the events of the day, but most of it was Lisa. He smiled as he thought of that kiss. It made him shiver just thinking about it, and it wasn't because he was cold.
It had been a long time since he felt this way. Oh, he had dated and had sexual encounters, but nothing that was ever very serious. He was always afraid that he would turn into his father. A cloud came over his face as he remembered how his father had made it with the babysitter while his mother was sick. He shook his head to clear the image.
She looked at his picture now with hate in her eyes. He was so smug; always trying to be right. He was a show off. Yet, at the same time, she wanted him, and he wanted her. She knew it. She would make him pay.
"What!" Bobby couldn't believe his ears.
"We're getting pressure from upstairs. They, in turn, are getting pressure from the media and the public. You're on suspension while we investigate." Eames, as well, couldn't believe it. She would be the first to say that Bobby might have pushed too far, but he didn't deserve suspension.
Bobby barely had two words to say to Deakins as he grabbed his coat and slammed out of he office. He had been acutely aware of the stares from the other detectives.
Eames ran to try to catch up with him. She didn't want him to think that she had blabbed. If anything, she had defended his actions during this whole ordeal. She finally caught him striding down the street.
"Bobby, where are you going? Wait up." She called.
He finally stopped and glared at her.
"Well, thank you very much." he said angrily. She knew that he would be angry, so she just ignored his comment.
"Bobby, this whole thing is going to blow over soon. You know how these things work."
He did, but these things were usually happening to someone else.
"I know you're right. Look, I need to go and talk to someone." He was looking around nervously looking at his watch as they stood in front of Sal's. It was too early for lunch, but Bobby knew that Lisa came in at ten. Eames could tell that something was up.
"Sal doesn't serve breakfast. What are you doing here?" she asked.
Before Bobby could answer, Lisa came walking up.
"Bobby, what are you doing here?" she asked. Eames had a goofy grin on her face while Bobby just looked irritated.
"Alex Eames, this is Lisa. . ." he stopped because he realized that he didn't know Lisa's last name.
"Lisa Montgomery, hi." She reached out to shake Eames' hand. Eames winked at Bobby.
"Well, Bobby, I'll see you later." she called. Bobby thought that she was actually skipping as she left.
I thought you had to work?" Lisa asked as she opened the front door.
"I had to talk to you." Lisa stopped taking down the chairs so that she could give Bobby her full attention.
"I was put on suspension today." Bobby began.
"They're investigating that whole Croyden thing." Lisa came over to him and put her arms around him. The hug took him off guard, and he stiffened. Lisa noticed.
"What's he matter?" she asked. She saw the confusion that washed over him, and wondered what was the cause of it. Bobby simply played it off and took her into his arms. She couldn't put her finger on it, but somehow his actions seemed stiff, as if he were playing a part. Lisa chose to ignore it, for now.
There was nothing for Bobby to do while Lisa was working, so he simply went home. When he opened the door to his apartment, he saw an envelope lying on the floor. It was obvious that someone had slipped it under the door. He opened it slowly fearing what it might say.
What have you done, Bobby? Everything you touch gets ruined. Why is
that, Bobby? Because of you, your father left and your mother went crazy.
Now, a man has died. You should do us all a favor and disappear.
Bobby was surprised, to say the least. After he thought about it, these thoughts had
already gone through his mind. the investigation today didn't help matters much. The whole thing made him angry. He balled up the letter and threw it into the trash.
He went to the TV set and turned it on. He had gotten a beer from the fridge even though it was way too early.
He plopped down in front of the TV set and flicked on the news.
"Detective Robert Goren was suspended today pending an investigation into the death of a prominent scientist. It is alleged that Detective Goren wrongly accused Dr. Croyden of murder. The man was so distraught, that he killed himself."
Bobby stopped mid sip. It had only been a couple of hours since he had been suspended, and it was already on the news. Bobby angrily picked up the phone and called Deakins.
"You just couldn't wait, could you?" He listened to the voice on the other end. He wasn't going to listen to any excuses. He was shouting at Deakins now.
"Bobby, you need to get some help."
Bobby furiously hung up the phone. Deakins immediately called Eames. He had always worried about Bobby.
When Lisa got off work, she called Bobby, but there was no answer. The phone simply rang and rang. She began to worry. She, also, called Eames.
"Hello Detective Eames, this is Lisa Montgomery, I met you this morning" Eames knew who the woman was.
"I'm trying to get in touch with Bobby, but he's not answering his phone. I'm really worried."
Eames had also tried calling Bobby, so she knew that this was true. She offered to pick Lisa up and take her over to Bobby's.
The two women were silent on the ride over; neither of them wanted to speculate what might have happened to Bobby.
They arrived at the door, and Eames knocked. There was no answer. She knocked again and called, "Bobby, come on and open the door. Lisa is here and she's worried."
There was movement inside the apartment, and then the door slowly opened. Bobby looked terrible, and Eames was sure that he had been drinking. Lisa was horrified.
"Bobby . . ."
He opened the door further to let Lisa inside.
"So, I'll leave you two alone." Eames was saying, but her words were lost on the two people who went inside the apartment.
Lisa immediately hugged him and held on to him. He clung to her as well.
They held each other in bed. They ha not made love, but they did sleep together. He was hurting, she could tell. He hadn't opened up yet. It was very unlike their earlier conversation. She wanted to be there when he was ready to talk.
She was watching. She saw the detective and the other woman arrive at his apartment. This was the same woman that she had seen him with before. She was angry, especially when the detective came out and the woman stayed. She had a feeling that the two were not playing checkers.
He watched her sleep. He stroked her hair and face. He couldn't sleep. He slipped quietly out of bed, and went into the living room. He tried not to think about the fact that his career was probably over. He ran his nervous fingers through his hair.
Just then, his cell phone rang. He looked at the clock. It was after midnight. Why would Eames call him so late. He answered the phone.
"Hello, Bobby."
Bobby knew that voice. He tried to hide his shock and horror.
"Nicole, when did you get back in town?"
She laughed.
"Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. . .you've been rather naughty." She hung up.
He suddenly realized that Nicole was somehow connected to everything that was happening to him.
The next day, bobby went in to work even though he was still on suspension. Eames saw him come in, but he barely acknowledged her as he headed straight for Deakins' office. She followed him and got there just in time.
"Nicole is back." he announced as he came through the door.
They were all very familiar with Nicole. They also knew that Bobby was somewhat
obsessed with her, mainly, because she got away.
"What are you talking about now?" Deakins demanded. He hadn't forgotten their little conversation on the phone. He really did feel sorry for Bobby. He now felt that Bobby was going off the deep end.
"Bobby, we put her profile out to every law enforcement agency in the country. If she had entered this country, we would have known about it."
Bobby was frustrated. His hand, again raked through his hair.
"She's here. She's behind this whole Croyden thing. I wouldn't be surprised if she actually killed him herself."
He was getting more and more agitated, and his voice was getting louder. Eames, who was standing in the door way, turned to look out at the squad room before quickly shutting the door. The other detectives all pretty much thought that bobby was crazy. The rumor mill had been working overtime. They had all come to the conclusion that it was just a matter of time before he lost it all together.
"Come on, Bobby why don't you just calm down." She said as she tried to get him to sit down. He shrugged her away.
"She's here and I'm going to find her." he said as he stormed out slamming the door behind him. The glass shook and threatened to break.
"Follow him and make sure he doesn't get into any trouble."
He had no idea how to find her. He knew that Nicole would not make it easy for him. He was also sure that she was bound to contact him again.
Bobby decided to look up one of his snitches, Lonny Nuvo, to see if he had heard of her. He met Lonny at a little out of the way café. Lonny was a little skittish. Bobby only used Lonny when he really needed him, which meant, when things were really dangerous.
"Lonny, I need to know what you've heard about Nicole." Lonny knew all about Bobby and the Nicole problem.
"I saw her the other day. She was at the Carleton."
Bobby thanked him and paid him. Lonny went on his way.
Bobby headed over to the Carleton Hotel. He didn't know what he would do when he got there, remembering that he was on suspension. He would try to squelch any urges he had to squeeze the life out of her. But, when he got there, the concierge, if you could call it that in a dump like this, told him that Nicole wasn't there. The man threatened to call the police when Bobby wanted to search every room.
"Hello, Lonny." He turned to find the very woman that bobby had just asked about . He didn't know why, but he was scared. He had a reason to be scared.
Lisa walked to work that morning thinking about Bobby. She wanted to help him, but she didn't know what to do.
As she crossed the street to Sal's, a car sped around the corner. She never saw it coming.
When Bobby came out of the Carleton, he was furious. He almost ran into Eames, who had followed him there.
"What, are you following me now?" he asked angrily.
"Bobby, you've got to calm down."
Bobby was pacing up and down the street and people were starting to stare.
"Don't tell me what to do." he yelled back. In the next moment, Bobby's cell phone rang. It was Sid.
"What?"All of the color drained from Bobby's face. Eames noticed the change. He headed for the car.
"What's going on?" she asked as she ran with him.
"Lisa's been hit by a car. I have to get to the hospital."
"Get in, I'll drive."
Bobby burst through the hospital doors with Eames right behind. He headed for the reception area.
"I'm looking for a Lisa Montgomery." The nurse at the desk checked her computer.
"She's in surgery right now. If you'd like to wait over there, the doctor will be out as soon as it's over."
He turned around and Eames could see the panicked look on his face. He looked like a lost little boy.
"Come on and sit down, Bobby. I'll get you some coffee."
Bobby didn't touch his coffee. He was silent for a long time. Then he said, "I can't lose her, Eames." The tears began to flow. He was scared, really scared.
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, the doctor came out. Bobby immediately stood up and went over to him.
"Are you family?" he asked.
Bobby answered this by holding up his badge.
"She's out of danger now, and is resting." The doctor told them the room number, and Bobby went there immediately.
He opened the door quietly, and went inside. He wasn't prepared for what he saw. Lisa's body was battered and bruised. Her face was swollen with yellow and purple splotches all over it. He stroked her face lovingly.
"This I, somehow, my fault." he said with tears in his eyes. His anger burned as he thought of Nicole. He was more determined than ever to get Nicole. Bobby kissed Lisa and got up to leave. Eames saw him leave and rushed to follow him.
Bobby was looking for Lonny. He went to the flophouse where Lonny lived. He wanted some answers.
The clerk barely noticed Bobby as he bolted up the stairs. When he arrived at Lonny's door, the door was ajar.
Bobby instinctively pulled out his gun. He slowly opened the door and peered around it. He moved slowly into the room. As he did, he saw feet at the foot of the bed. His eyes slowly traveled upward where he saw Lonny's bloody body. Bobby turned when there was a scream a the doorway.
The police were there within minutes, and the first thing that they did was inquire as to who Bobby was and why he was there. His answer, as usual, was to flash his badge. Even still, the patrolman looked somewhat suspicious. He took Bobby outside to question him. As they were leaving, Eames was coming in.
"Bobby, what's going on?" She looked past the men to see the dead body on the floor. Eames recognized the man as being one of Bobby's snitches. She pulled Bobby aside.
"Bobby, we found the car that hit Lisa. Lonny's fingerprints were all over it."
Apparently, the officers had just received the same information.
"Detective, we'd like you to come down and answer some more questions at the station." Bobby rolled his eyes, but he complied. Eames accompanied him.
For the next hour, Bobby underwent intense interrogation. He was irritated because he wanted to get to the hospital to see Lisa.
"So, are you saying that you didn't know that Lonny had run over your girlfriend when you went over to his apartment? You expect us to believe that?"
Bobby was trying very hard not to get mad.
"Look, I went over there to talk to Lonny because he lied about Nicole being at the Carleton."
"So, you were mad at him?" They pushed.
Bobby shook his head.
"Not mad enough to kill him. He was just a two-bit snitch."
The officers found Bobby's insensitivity annoying. When they finally finished with him, he went to Eames, who really felt sorry for him.
"Will you take me to the hospital?" he asked. He looked exhausted.
She nodded, and they headed for the car. As they drove, Eames stole glances at him. She didn't want to ask. Part of her knew that he didn't kill Lonny, but she still wondered if he knew about Lonny before she told him.
"I didn't kill him." he said, as if he knew what she was thinking.
"Look Bobby, I. . . " she tried to backtrack.
"I know what you're thinking It's what everybody thinks, that I'm crazy."
He had faced it all of his life. It was mainly due to the people who knew his mother. They figured that because she had a mental illness that it must be hereditary. Bobby had often thought that he were going crazy as well.
"Do you believe that Nicole is back?" he asked.
"I believe that you think she's back. Look, with everything that's happening, the Croyden thing, you're under a lot of pressure."
This was the last straw. His own partner didn't believe him. He felt so alone.
They arrived at the hospital, and Bobby jumped out and headed for the building with Eames on his heels.
He went straight to Lisa's room. He expected to see her lying helplessly in the bed, but she was awake.
"Hi you. . ." she said as he came through the door. He went over to her and kissed her deeply.
"I missed you." Bobby said softly. He looked so tired, she thought. She wondered if he had been getting any sleep. He guessed what she was thinking and smiled.
"I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you." he said.
She stroked his cheek.
"You need to get some sleep." Lisa said. She was worried about him.
"You're the one in here and you're worried about me?" he asked softly.
"I care about you." she answered.
Bobby wanted to cry. He really cared about this woman, but he was under so much stress. She could see it in his eyes.
Bobby, this woman, Nicole, have you found her yet?" Bobby shook his head.
"My partner doesn't believe that she's here." He said simply.
"Don't be so hard on her. This Nicole person is deliberately trying to send you over the edge. You can't let her do this to you."
"Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Too bad your little whore didn't die. I guess I'll need to do something else to get your attention."
This would put him over the top for sure, she laughed.
Bobby went in the next day to see how things were going. He had a good night's sleep, and he was feeling much better. When he walked into the squad room, there was still a lot of tension, but, essentially, everything was back to normal. The homicide detectives were still investigating Lonny's death, and Bobby was still the prime suspect.
Eames was walking on eggshells, but Bobby remembered what Lisa had told him.
"Uh, Eames, Alex, can I talk to you?" She nodded.
"I'm sorry about yesterday. I'm under a lot of stress. . ." She understood.
Bobby's cell phone rang.
"Goren."
Eames paid no attention, at first, thinking that it was a personal call. But, after a bit, when Bobby didn't speak, she became concerned.
"What's wrong, Bobby?"
Bobby slowly brought the phone down and closed it.
"It was Nicole. . . she asked about my mother."
Bobby was very close to his mother. They had shared a very special bond. When he was little, they would play together. She was part of all of his games, and she showed him the world of make-believe.
She had always been different. When he was little, having a mother that was a little different was fun. But, as Bobby got older, and problems with his father began to surface, Bobby found it hard to retreat to that make-believe world that he and his mother had created. The other kids began to pick on him as well.
In order to survive, he told the other kids that he hated his mother, and that she was crazy. He felt guilty for betraying her. He felt even more guilty when they took her away.
They made their way to Carmel Ridge. Eames wanted to believe that Nicole was on the other end of the line, but after Bobby's erratic behavior the last couple of days, she didn't know what to think.
When they arrived at Carmel Ridge, Bobby went straight to the main desk. When the nurse saw Bobby
when somebody loved me everything was beautiful every hour we spent together lives within my heart and when she was sad I was there to dry her tears and when she was happy so was I when she loved me through the summer and the fall we had each other that was all just she and I together like it was meant to be and when she was lonely I was there to comfort her and I knew that she loved me so the years went by I stayed the same but she began to drift away I was left alone still I waited for the day when she'd say I will always love you lonely and forgotten I never thought she'd look my way when she smiled at me and held me just like she used to do like she loved me when she loved me when somebody loved me everything was beautiful every hour we spent together lives within my heart when she loved me.
When they arrived at Carmel Ridge, they headed straight for the nurses' station.
"Please tell me that my mother is here."
The nurse looked surprised.
"Yes, she's here. Your girlfriend came over and took her out for ice cream and brought her back. She's such a nice young lady."
Goren flew past the nurse and headed for his mother's room. He wanted to see for himself that his mother was okay.
"Bobby, is that you?"
Bobby stood in the doorway with tears spilling over his cheeks. He was very happy that his mother was all right.
Bobby looked like he was about to jump out of his skin when he arrived at Lisa's apartment. She had been released earlier that day. He had started to tell Lisa about Nicole's latest ploy. They had placed officers at the home to keep and eye on Bobby's mother. He stayed and made sure that they were in place before he left.
Now, he paced back and forth across Lisa's livingroom as he ranted and raved. Lisa didn't try to engage him in conversation, she just listened. Finally, when he seemed to be about finished, she asked, "Is your mother safe now?"
Bobby took a deep breath. He knew that she was trying to get him to focus on what was important.
"Yeah, there are uniforms there keeping an eye on her." Lisa nodded.
Bobby was grateful that he had someone to share this with. He took her into his arms and held her tightly. God she felt good.
"I'm falling in love with you." Bobby said in her hair. Her breath caught. She didn't know how long she had waited to hear those words.
"I love you, too." Lisa said.
"Isn't this cozy?"
Lisa and bobby froze. Nicole stepped from the shadows slowly with her gun pointed directly at them. Bobby held Lisa tightly. He would protect her with his life if need be.
"Nicole, what are you doing here?" Bobby asked icily.
"I'm here to check out you and your new lady love."
"Let Lisa go. This is between you and me."
A smile spread across Nicole's face. Bobby noted that she looked much like a crocodile.
"You don't want her to miss all of the fun, do you?"
Lisa was whimpering softly now. Bobby tried his best to calm her, but he knew that he had to take on Nicole.
"Why are you doing this, Nicole? You had won. Why did you come back?" Bobby knew the answer, he just wanted to keep her talking.
Nicole seemed to stumble over her answer. She didn't want to tell him why she had come back. Then, Bobby noticed a change come over Nicole.
"I came back for you, Bobby."
Both Bobby and Lisa looked at her strangely. Nicole caught this.
"He didn't tell you. Bobby and I have been - -intimate." Lisa couldn't have been more surprised than Bobby, but he tried not to show it.
"Now Nicole, you know that's not true."
Lisa didn't believe a word of it, but it just went to show how crazy Nicole really was.
"Surely you've told your little tart that we're in love."
If the situation were not so grave, Bobby might have thought it was funny.
"There's no way I would even touch you." Bobby hissed at her. Before she could stop herself, Nicole reached up and slapped Bobby. That one indulgence of anger gave bobby the opportunity that he needed to subdue her.
"Lisa, call 911 please." Bobby said calmly.
"I hate you." Nicole screamed.
"Oh, now you hate me." Bobby said sarcastically.
As Bobby walked Lisa out after her shift, he got an idea.
"I was thinking, can you get a couple of days off? I'd like to go away with you someplace."
She was so happy she couldn't contain it. She reached up and hugged him. Ahh, he said to himself, this makes up for everything.
Author: NubianGeek
Bobby Goren had hit rock bottom. An innocent man had just committed suicide, and it was all his fault.
He left work that night feeling really down. He sat in his car and tried to figure out what to do. He loosened his tie and threw it into the backseat. He was hungry, and decided to head to his favorite restaurant, Sal's. He didn't go to Sal's for the veal Parmesan, however, there was a certain waitress there that he came to see.
When he arrived at Sal's, he took a booth near the back, and looked around for his favorite waitress.
Lisa Montgomery was no ordinary waitress. Lisa was working her way through school pursuing a graduate degree in psychology.
Lisa had noticed this tall, dark stranger when he first started coming in for dinner a few months earlier. She had somehow sensed that he wanted to ask her out, but was too shy to do so.
He sat now in the booth and thought of the days events." "Hi, what can I get you?" he looked up to see the beautiful Lisa standing before him. His spirits were lifting.
"What about the veal Parmesan?" he asked cheerfully. He didn't know what it was about her -- maybe it was her smile, or her eyes. Whatever it was, he was drawn to her.
Somehow today was different from the other days he had been there. Something made Lisa want to linger at his table.
"You looked kind of sad when you first came in. Is something wrong?" The smile that had been on Bobby's face quickly faded.
"I guess you didn't see this." Bobby took the newspaper out of his planner and showed it to her. Lisa read quickly, then looked back up at him.
"Oh, is that you?" Bobby nodded slowly.
Lisa didn't know this guy from Adam, but he didn't look like he was capable of such incompetence.
"So, what happened?" she asked.
"Do you have about ten years?" Bobby joked.
"Actually I'm just getting off work." she said as she sat down.
Bobby spent the better part of the next hour explaining what had happened.
Hesitation
(Stacie Orrico)
Why do you spend all your time
Watching life pass you by
Hanging on to your pride
All that you can anticipate
Hoping all your mistakes
Will somehow fade away
What are you to do with this
It's either hit or miss
You know the answer now come on give your heart away
Why the hesitation
I am ever-waiting
Gotta stop procrastinating
Can you feel me
Why the hesitation
You can pick your destination
And the risk is worth the taking
Can you hear me
Your heart will never be the same
Giving up drama's days
Letting go uneasy ways
When will you ever realize
Letting go all your lies
All the pain will subside
Did you know it's so easy
So why'd you say you're too busy
You know you need me, come on give your heart away
Let you know, why are you waiting
You're wasting time, Hesitating
You know you need me, are you ready to believe
He didn't know why he told this woman, who was a virtual stranger, all of these things. He didn't usually open up -- even to his closest friends. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't know him that stirred him to speak.
Lisa listened with interest, and was supportive where needed. She could tell that Bobby wanted to talk. He seemed to be the kind of person who talked through his problems.
Manny, who was the owner, contrary to what the sign said, was giving Lisa the 'evil eye'.
"Hey, we're gonna have to get going." she rose to leave with Bobby following suit.
"I have to get back to relieve the babysitter." Bobby lifted an eyebrow questioningly.
"His name is Teddy, and he's ten. And no, I'm not married -- divorced." Bobby smiled; the relief showing on his face.
"Can I give you a lift?" he asked when he noticed that she was about to walk home.
"Thanks, I'd like that." she flashed him an irresistible smile.
As they sat in the car, there was a comfortable silence. Bobby had been so focused on the events of the day, that he didn't realize that he was talking to the woman of his dreams.
He had watched her for several weeks, wanting to make his move. It was ironic that it took a situation like what happened today to bring them together.
Pretty soon, Bobby had walked her up to her front door. They both knew that a crucial moment had arrived. They suddenly became shy. Bobby could stand it no longer. He took hold of her shoulders and turned her to face him.
"I want to kiss you. . ." he said gruffly. Lisa, who had no objections, was the one who initiated the kiss. As the kiss deepened, Bobby cradled her face. Lisa wrapped her arms around the big man the best she could.
After a few minutes, the two slowly pulled away.
"I need to get inside. . ." Lisa said softly. Neither of them wanted to part, but they knew that they must.
"Can I call you tomorrow?" Bobby asked softly. Lisa just smiled and kissed him on the cheek before turning and heading into the house.
Bobby found that he couldn't sleep that night. Part of it was because of the events of the day, but most of it was Lisa. He smiled as he thought of that kiss. It made him shiver just thinking about it, and it wasn't because he was cold.
It had been a long time since he felt this way. Oh, he had dated and had sexual encounters, but nothing that was ever very serious. He was always afraid that he would turn into his father. A cloud came over his face as he remembered how his father had made it with the babysitter while his mother was sick. He shook his head to clear the image.
She looked at his picture now with hate in her eyes. He was so smug; always trying to be right. He was a show off. Yet, at the same time, she wanted him, and he wanted her. She knew it. She would make him pay.
"What!" Bobby couldn't believe his ears.
"We're getting pressure from upstairs. They, in turn, are getting pressure from the media and the public. You're on suspension while we investigate." Eames, as well, couldn't believe it. She would be the first to say that Bobby might have pushed too far, but he didn't deserve suspension.
Bobby barely had two words to say to Deakins as he grabbed his coat and slammed out of he office. He had been acutely aware of the stares from the other detectives.
Eames ran to try to catch up with him. She didn't want him to think that she had blabbed. If anything, she had defended his actions during this whole ordeal. She finally caught him striding down the street.
"Bobby, where are you going? Wait up." She called.
He finally stopped and glared at her.
"Well, thank you very much." he said angrily. She knew that he would be angry, so she just ignored his comment.
"Bobby, this whole thing is going to blow over soon. You know how these things work."
He did, but these things were usually happening to someone else.
"I know you're right. Look, I need to go and talk to someone." He was looking around nervously looking at his watch as they stood in front of Sal's. It was too early for lunch, but Bobby knew that Lisa came in at ten. Eames could tell that something was up.
"Sal doesn't serve breakfast. What are you doing here?" she asked.
Before Bobby could answer, Lisa came walking up.
"Bobby, what are you doing here?" she asked. Eames had a goofy grin on her face while Bobby just looked irritated.
"Alex Eames, this is Lisa. . ." he stopped because he realized that he didn't know Lisa's last name.
"Lisa Montgomery, hi." She reached out to shake Eames' hand. Eames winked at Bobby.
"Well, Bobby, I'll see you later." she called. Bobby thought that she was actually skipping as she left.
I thought you had to work?" Lisa asked as she opened the front door.
"I had to talk to you." Lisa stopped taking down the chairs so that she could give Bobby her full attention.
"I was put on suspension today." Bobby began.
"They're investigating that whole Croyden thing." Lisa came over to him and put her arms around him. The hug took him off guard, and he stiffened. Lisa noticed.
"What's he matter?" she asked. She saw the confusion that washed over him, and wondered what was the cause of it. Bobby simply played it off and took her into his arms. She couldn't put her finger on it, but somehow his actions seemed stiff, as if he were playing a part. Lisa chose to ignore it, for now.
There was nothing for Bobby to do while Lisa was working, so he simply went home. When he opened the door to his apartment, he saw an envelope lying on the floor. It was obvious that someone had slipped it under the door. He opened it slowly fearing what it might say.
What have you done, Bobby? Everything you touch gets ruined. Why is
that, Bobby? Because of you, your father left and your mother went crazy.
Now, a man has died. You should do us all a favor and disappear.
Bobby was surprised, to say the least. After he thought about it, these thoughts had
already gone through his mind. the investigation today didn't help matters much. The whole thing made him angry. He balled up the letter and threw it into the trash.
He went to the TV set and turned it on. He had gotten a beer from the fridge even though it was way too early.
He plopped down in front of the TV set and flicked on the news.
"Detective Robert Goren was suspended today pending an investigation into the death of a prominent scientist. It is alleged that Detective Goren wrongly accused Dr. Croyden of murder. The man was so distraught, that he killed himself."
Bobby stopped mid sip. It had only been a couple of hours since he had been suspended, and it was already on the news. Bobby angrily picked up the phone and called Deakins.
"You just couldn't wait, could you?" He listened to the voice on the other end. He wasn't going to listen to any excuses. He was shouting at Deakins now.
"Bobby, you need to get some help."
Bobby furiously hung up the phone. Deakins immediately called Eames. He had always worried about Bobby.
When Lisa got off work, she called Bobby, but there was no answer. The phone simply rang and rang. She began to worry. She, also, called Eames.
"Hello Detective Eames, this is Lisa Montgomery, I met you this morning" Eames knew who the woman was.
"I'm trying to get in touch with Bobby, but he's not answering his phone. I'm really worried."
Eames had also tried calling Bobby, so she knew that this was true. She offered to pick Lisa up and take her over to Bobby's.
The two women were silent on the ride over; neither of them wanted to speculate what might have happened to Bobby.
They arrived at the door, and Eames knocked. There was no answer. She knocked again and called, "Bobby, come on and open the door. Lisa is here and she's worried."
There was movement inside the apartment, and then the door slowly opened. Bobby looked terrible, and Eames was sure that he had been drinking. Lisa was horrified.
"Bobby . . ."
He opened the door further to let Lisa inside.
"So, I'll leave you two alone." Eames was saying, but her words were lost on the two people who went inside the apartment.
Lisa immediately hugged him and held on to him. He clung to her as well.
They held each other in bed. They ha not made love, but they did sleep together. He was hurting, she could tell. He hadn't opened up yet. It was very unlike their earlier conversation. She wanted to be there when he was ready to talk.
She was watching. She saw the detective and the other woman arrive at his apartment. This was the same woman that she had seen him with before. She was angry, especially when the detective came out and the woman stayed. She had a feeling that the two were not playing checkers.
He watched her sleep. He stroked her hair and face. He couldn't sleep. He slipped quietly out of bed, and went into the living room. He tried not to think about the fact that his career was probably over. He ran his nervous fingers through his hair.
Just then, his cell phone rang. He looked at the clock. It was after midnight. Why would Eames call him so late. He answered the phone.
"Hello, Bobby."
Bobby knew that voice. He tried to hide his shock and horror.
"Nicole, when did you get back in town?"
She laughed.
"Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. . .you've been rather naughty." She hung up.
He suddenly realized that Nicole was somehow connected to everything that was happening to him.
The next day, bobby went in to work even though he was still on suspension. Eames saw him come in, but he barely acknowledged her as he headed straight for Deakins' office. She followed him and got there just in time.
"Nicole is back." he announced as he came through the door.
They were all very familiar with Nicole. They also knew that Bobby was somewhat
obsessed with her, mainly, because she got away.
"What are you talking about now?" Deakins demanded. He hadn't forgotten their little conversation on the phone. He really did feel sorry for Bobby. He now felt that Bobby was going off the deep end.
"Bobby, we put her profile out to every law enforcement agency in the country. If she had entered this country, we would have known about it."
Bobby was frustrated. His hand, again raked through his hair.
"She's here. She's behind this whole Croyden thing. I wouldn't be surprised if she actually killed him herself."
He was getting more and more agitated, and his voice was getting louder. Eames, who was standing in the door way, turned to look out at the squad room before quickly shutting the door. The other detectives all pretty much thought that bobby was crazy. The rumor mill had been working overtime. They had all come to the conclusion that it was just a matter of time before he lost it all together.
"Come on, Bobby why don't you just calm down." She said as she tried to get him to sit down. He shrugged her away.
"She's here and I'm going to find her." he said as he stormed out slamming the door behind him. The glass shook and threatened to break.
"Follow him and make sure he doesn't get into any trouble."
He had no idea how to find her. He knew that Nicole would not make it easy for him. He was also sure that she was bound to contact him again.
Bobby decided to look up one of his snitches, Lonny Nuvo, to see if he had heard of her. He met Lonny at a little out of the way café. Lonny was a little skittish. Bobby only used Lonny when he really needed him, which meant, when things were really dangerous.
"Lonny, I need to know what you've heard about Nicole." Lonny knew all about Bobby and the Nicole problem.
"I saw her the other day. She was at the Carleton."
Bobby thanked him and paid him. Lonny went on his way.
Bobby headed over to the Carleton Hotel. He didn't know what he would do when he got there, remembering that he was on suspension. He would try to squelch any urges he had to squeeze the life out of her. But, when he got there, the concierge, if you could call it that in a dump like this, told him that Nicole wasn't there. The man threatened to call the police when Bobby wanted to search every room.
"Hello, Lonny." He turned to find the very woman that bobby had just asked about . He didn't know why, but he was scared. He had a reason to be scared.
Lisa walked to work that morning thinking about Bobby. She wanted to help him, but she didn't know what to do.
As she crossed the street to Sal's, a car sped around the corner. She never saw it coming.
When Bobby came out of the Carleton, he was furious. He almost ran into Eames, who had followed him there.
"What, are you following me now?" he asked angrily.
"Bobby, you've got to calm down."
Bobby was pacing up and down the street and people were starting to stare.
"Don't tell me what to do." he yelled back. In the next moment, Bobby's cell phone rang. It was Sid.
"What?"All of the color drained from Bobby's face. Eames noticed the change. He headed for the car.
"What's going on?" she asked as she ran with him.
"Lisa's been hit by a car. I have to get to the hospital."
"Get in, I'll drive."
Bobby burst through the hospital doors with Eames right behind. He headed for the reception area.
"I'm looking for a Lisa Montgomery." The nurse at the desk checked her computer.
"She's in surgery right now. If you'd like to wait over there, the doctor will be out as soon as it's over."
He turned around and Eames could see the panicked look on his face. He looked like a lost little boy.
"Come on and sit down, Bobby. I'll get you some coffee."
Bobby didn't touch his coffee. He was silent for a long time. Then he said, "I can't lose her, Eames." The tears began to flow. He was scared, really scared.
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, the doctor came out. Bobby immediately stood up and went over to him.
"Are you family?" he asked.
Bobby answered this by holding up his badge.
"She's out of danger now, and is resting." The doctor told them the room number, and Bobby went there immediately.
He opened the door quietly, and went inside. He wasn't prepared for what he saw. Lisa's body was battered and bruised. Her face was swollen with yellow and purple splotches all over it. He stroked her face lovingly.
"This I, somehow, my fault." he said with tears in his eyes. His anger burned as he thought of Nicole. He was more determined than ever to get Nicole. Bobby kissed Lisa and got up to leave. Eames saw him leave and rushed to follow him.
Bobby was looking for Lonny. He went to the flophouse where Lonny lived. He wanted some answers.
The clerk barely noticed Bobby as he bolted up the stairs. When he arrived at Lonny's door, the door was ajar.
Bobby instinctively pulled out his gun. He slowly opened the door and peered around it. He moved slowly into the room. As he did, he saw feet at the foot of the bed. His eyes slowly traveled upward where he saw Lonny's bloody body. Bobby turned when there was a scream a the doorway.
The police were there within minutes, and the first thing that they did was inquire as to who Bobby was and why he was there. His answer, as usual, was to flash his badge. Even still, the patrolman looked somewhat suspicious. He took Bobby outside to question him. As they were leaving, Eames was coming in.
"Bobby, what's going on?" She looked past the men to see the dead body on the floor. Eames recognized the man as being one of Bobby's snitches. She pulled Bobby aside.
"Bobby, we found the car that hit Lisa. Lonny's fingerprints were all over it."
Apparently, the officers had just received the same information.
"Detective, we'd like you to come down and answer some more questions at the station." Bobby rolled his eyes, but he complied. Eames accompanied him.
For the next hour, Bobby underwent intense interrogation. He was irritated because he wanted to get to the hospital to see Lisa.
"So, are you saying that you didn't know that Lonny had run over your girlfriend when you went over to his apartment? You expect us to believe that?"
Bobby was trying very hard not to get mad.
"Look, I went over there to talk to Lonny because he lied about Nicole being at the Carleton."
"So, you were mad at him?" They pushed.
Bobby shook his head.
"Not mad enough to kill him. He was just a two-bit snitch."
The officers found Bobby's insensitivity annoying. When they finally finished with him, he went to Eames, who really felt sorry for him.
"Will you take me to the hospital?" he asked. He looked exhausted.
She nodded, and they headed for the car. As they drove, Eames stole glances at him. She didn't want to ask. Part of her knew that he didn't kill Lonny, but she still wondered if he knew about Lonny before she told him.
"I didn't kill him." he said, as if he knew what she was thinking.
"Look Bobby, I. . . " she tried to backtrack.
"I know what you're thinking It's what everybody thinks, that I'm crazy."
He had faced it all of his life. It was mainly due to the people who knew his mother. They figured that because she had a mental illness that it must be hereditary. Bobby had often thought that he were going crazy as well.
"Do you believe that Nicole is back?" he asked.
"I believe that you think she's back. Look, with everything that's happening, the Croyden thing, you're under a lot of pressure."
This was the last straw. His own partner didn't believe him. He felt so alone.
They arrived at the hospital, and Bobby jumped out and headed for the building with Eames on his heels.
He went straight to Lisa's room. He expected to see her lying helplessly in the bed, but she was awake.
"Hi you. . ." she said as he came through the door. He went over to her and kissed her deeply.
"I missed you." Bobby said softly. He looked so tired, she thought. She wondered if he had been getting any sleep. He guessed what she was thinking and smiled.
"I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you." he said.
She stroked his cheek.
"You need to get some sleep." Lisa said. She was worried about him.
"You're the one in here and you're worried about me?" he asked softly.
"I care about you." she answered.
Bobby wanted to cry. He really cared about this woman, but he was under so much stress. She could see it in his eyes.
Bobby, this woman, Nicole, have you found her yet?" Bobby shook his head.
"My partner doesn't believe that she's here." He said simply.
"Don't be so hard on her. This Nicole person is deliberately trying to send you over the edge. You can't let her do this to you."
"Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Too bad your little whore didn't die. I guess I'll need to do something else to get your attention."
This would put him over the top for sure, she laughed.
Bobby went in the next day to see how things were going. He had a good night's sleep, and he was feeling much better. When he walked into the squad room, there was still a lot of tension, but, essentially, everything was back to normal. The homicide detectives were still investigating Lonny's death, and Bobby was still the prime suspect.
Eames was walking on eggshells, but Bobby remembered what Lisa had told him.
"Uh, Eames, Alex, can I talk to you?" She nodded.
"I'm sorry about yesterday. I'm under a lot of stress. . ." She understood.
Bobby's cell phone rang.
"Goren."
Eames paid no attention, at first, thinking that it was a personal call. But, after a bit, when Bobby didn't speak, she became concerned.
"What's wrong, Bobby?"
Bobby slowly brought the phone down and closed it.
"It was Nicole. . . she asked about my mother."
Bobby was very close to his mother. They had shared a very special bond. When he was little, they would play together. She was part of all of his games, and she showed him the world of make-believe.
She had always been different. When he was little, having a mother that was a little different was fun. But, as Bobby got older, and problems with his father began to surface, Bobby found it hard to retreat to that make-believe world that he and his mother had created. The other kids began to pick on him as well.
In order to survive, he told the other kids that he hated his mother, and that she was crazy. He felt guilty for betraying her. He felt even more guilty when they took her away.
They made their way to Carmel Ridge. Eames wanted to believe that Nicole was on the other end of the line, but after Bobby's erratic behavior the last couple of days, she didn't know what to think.
When they arrived at Carmel Ridge, Bobby went straight to the main desk. When the nurse saw Bobby
when somebody loved me everything was beautiful every hour we spent together lives within my heart and when she was sad I was there to dry her tears and when she was happy so was I when she loved me through the summer and the fall we had each other that was all just she and I together like it was meant to be and when she was lonely I was there to comfort her and I knew that she loved me so the years went by I stayed the same but she began to drift away I was left alone still I waited for the day when she'd say I will always love you lonely and forgotten I never thought she'd look my way when she smiled at me and held me just like she used to do like she loved me when she loved me when somebody loved me everything was beautiful every hour we spent together lives within my heart when she loved me.
When they arrived at Carmel Ridge, they headed straight for the nurses' station.
"Please tell me that my mother is here."
The nurse looked surprised.
"Yes, she's here. Your girlfriend came over and took her out for ice cream and brought her back. She's such a nice young lady."
Goren flew past the nurse and headed for his mother's room. He wanted to see for himself that his mother was okay.
"Bobby, is that you?"
Bobby stood in the doorway with tears spilling over his cheeks. He was very happy that his mother was all right.
Bobby looked like he was about to jump out of his skin when he arrived at Lisa's apartment. She had been released earlier that day. He had started to tell Lisa about Nicole's latest ploy. They had placed officers at the home to keep and eye on Bobby's mother. He stayed and made sure that they were in place before he left.
Now, he paced back and forth across Lisa's livingroom as he ranted and raved. Lisa didn't try to engage him in conversation, she just listened. Finally, when he seemed to be about finished, she asked, "Is your mother safe now?"
Bobby took a deep breath. He knew that she was trying to get him to focus on what was important.
"Yeah, there are uniforms there keeping an eye on her." Lisa nodded.
Bobby was grateful that he had someone to share this with. He took her into his arms and held her tightly. God she felt good.
"I'm falling in love with you." Bobby said in her hair. Her breath caught. She didn't know how long she had waited to hear those words.
"I love you, too." Lisa said.
"Isn't this cozy?"
Lisa and bobby froze. Nicole stepped from the shadows slowly with her gun pointed directly at them. Bobby held Lisa tightly. He would protect her with his life if need be.
"Nicole, what are you doing here?" Bobby asked icily.
"I'm here to check out you and your new lady love."
"Let Lisa go. This is between you and me."
A smile spread across Nicole's face. Bobby noted that she looked much like a crocodile.
"You don't want her to miss all of the fun, do you?"
Lisa was whimpering softly now. Bobby tried his best to calm her, but he knew that he had to take on Nicole.
"Why are you doing this, Nicole? You had won. Why did you come back?" Bobby knew the answer, he just wanted to keep her talking.
Nicole seemed to stumble over her answer. She didn't want to tell him why she had come back. Then, Bobby noticed a change come over Nicole.
"I came back for you, Bobby."
Both Bobby and Lisa looked at her strangely. Nicole caught this.
"He didn't tell you. Bobby and I have been - -intimate." Lisa couldn't have been more surprised than Bobby, but he tried not to show it.
"Now Nicole, you know that's not true."
Lisa didn't believe a word of it, but it just went to show how crazy Nicole really was.
"Surely you've told your little tart that we're in love."
If the situation were not so grave, Bobby might have thought it was funny.
"There's no way I would even touch you." Bobby hissed at her. Before she could stop herself, Nicole reached up and slapped Bobby. That one indulgence of anger gave bobby the opportunity that he needed to subdue her.
"Lisa, call 911 please." Bobby said calmly.
"I hate you." Nicole screamed.
"Oh, now you hate me." Bobby said sarcastically.
As Bobby walked Lisa out after her shift, he got an idea.
"I was thinking, can you get a couple of days off? I'd like to go away with you someplace."
She was so happy she couldn't contain it. She reached up and hugged him. Ahh, he said to himself, this makes up for everything.