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Between Becki and Renato, I was running about twenty minutes late by the time I got out of the salon. Renato claimed, "Great artistry takes time!" but nevertheless pointed me in the direction of the food court. I tried to hurry through the crowd, but the long coat and heels I wore meant that I was almost forty-five minutes late by the time I arrived. I looked around, and finally saw Dick waving to me. I struggled over to him, and he smiled.
"Take off your coat and rest a minute, Selina." Dick said. "Lucius isn't here yet, either. Traffic is horrendous. Want something to eat?"
"Oh, gods, yes! I could eat a whole cow!" I said.
"Dick, get her some chicken and rice from the Chinese place, with a cup of coffee." Barbara said. Dick turned, and I said, "Dick? Hot tea instead, please?" He nodded, and vanished into the crowds. Barbara said, "You'll have to watch your diet. No more eating like a big man, Selina."
I nodded. "I've noticed that. My appetite seems to have shrunk." I sighed, and then asked, "Well, how did Renato do?"
"Pretty good, I think." Barbara said.
A heavyset black man stopped at our table, and asked, "Ms. Gordon? Ms. Kyle?" We nodded, and he continued, "I'm Lucius Fox. Bruce Wayne asked me to meet you here. Dick said I'd find you over here."
I held out my hand, and said, "Hello, Mr. Fox. I'm Selina Kyle. Did Bruce tell you about what he'd like me to do?"
"Yes, he did, Ms. Kyle. Ah..." He glanced at Barbara, and I said, "I think that we can trust Commissioner Gordon's daughter to keep a secret or two."
He smiled faintly, and said, "I would think so. In any case, I've run into one of our people that would help us out tremendously. Two of the offices involved in this possible scam are HR and Finance, so... Ah, here she is!" He stood up, and waved to someone. A figure shoved through the crowd, the same tall black girl I had seen in the ladies' room. Lucius stood, and said, "Ms. Kyle, Ms. Gordon, I'd like you to meet Ms. Stephanie Miller, the head of Information Systems for WayneCorp."
"Call me Stef." She said. She sat down next to Lucius, and added, "I saw Tee earlier. I think she'll be useful in this, Lucius."
Barbara said, "Call me Babs. You look very familiar, Stef. I remember seeing something about you a few years ago..."
Stef sighed, and said, "Yes, that was the Miss Gotham contest. I took the prize money and got my degree, instead of buying clothes with it. I was tired of people looking at me like a big-breasted bimbo." She looked around, and then stood up and waved. A tiny Asian girl stopped and set down a large bag from Shreck's department store. Stef said, "Tee, this is Babs Gordon and Selina Kyle. Ladies, this is WayneCorp's head of security, Tamara Misawa."
Barbara raised her eyebrow, and Lucius said, "Ms. Misawa, or former Lt. Colonel Misawa of the US Marine Corps. We are fortunate to have her."
"I'm sure." Barbara said. Stef chuckled, and added, "Tee here can kick just about anyone's butt. I'd lay even odds on her against the Bat." Barbara took another look at the diminutive girl, then looked at me.
"The Bat's not someone I'd like to tangle with." Tee said. She sat down, and took a cup of coffee from Dick, who had finally re-appeared. "I understand that Mr. Wayne wants you to help us with our internal theft ring. What are your qualifications, Ms. Kyle?"
"Well ... " I said with a smile, "I've had a rather lucrative part-time job. You may have heard of my alias, the Catwoman?"
Tee coughed, spewing coffee. "You want me to clear..."
"Mr. Wayne does. I agree with his reasons, Ms. Misawa." Lucius said as Dick handed her a stack of napkins.
"Besides, I'm a good kitty now." I said with a smile as I pulled off my gloves and picked up a hot cup of tea. Tee glared at me, then told Lucius, "This is over my protests."
Lucius nodded. "So noted. Mr. Wayne's thoughts were to integrate Ms. Kyle into the pool secretary group. This will give her a reasonable cover while still letting her see what's going on."
Stef said, "Ever work as a secretary, Ms. Kyle?"
"No, but how hard can it be? Typing, filing, answering the phone..." I replied. "By the way, please call me Selina."
"Well, SELINA, you have no idea." Stef said. "I worked my way through school as a secretary. The prize money was nice, but it didn't pay for all of it. Be ready for abusive bosses, backstabbing, and morons who want you to give them a roll in the hay in order to get what you want."
"What do you mean by that?" Lucius asked. "There have been no reports of that kind of sexual harassment."
"No, Lucius. The policy is good, and fair, but my techs have heard, seen, and experienced it and they tell me. People report it to HR, but it gets buried in middle management. One reason I'm on board this little conspiracy is to try to get rid of some of the dead wood there." Stef grimaced, then added, "There's been a couple of middle managers that have even tried to get me demoted and fired. I've held them off because I know where all the bodies are buried, but blackmail can only go so far. I haven't gone to you before because there is no hard evidence, only allegations that wouldn't stand up in court."
"Joy." Lucius put his head in his hands, sighed, then scrubbed his face and said, "Selina, if you can also come up with any evidence on this, I'd appreciate it. I can just see the lawsuits now."
"Sure. Any ideas as to how we can do this?" I asked.
"Her cover would be better if she'd been with the company a while." Dick offered.
"No way that's gonna fly with HR. They're part of our target group." Lucius said.
Stef glanced at Lucius, then at Tee, and sighed. "Lucius, Tee, you didn't hear this, you don't know this, total deniability, ok?" They nodded, and she continued, "I can sneak her into both Finance and HR's databases."
"How? Those are both secure systems!" Tee exclaimed.
Stef sighed, and said, "Tee, don't ask, and I won't have to lie. You know how I've been harping on securing our systems? Well, some divisions don't see the need. They'd rather it be easy to use, instead of secure. The only way they'll agree is if I pay for it out of my budget, instead of theirs." Stef sighed again, and said, "Lucius, I'd like to add to my wish list an outside audit of Finance."
"Why?" He asked.
Stef said, "Let me give you an example. I'll give you three guesses what the Administrator password is for their main server."
"Um. Money?"
"Got it in one. Same one that they've had for the last 18 months, ever since Waverly went in as head of Finance. He's king of his kingdom, and makes sure that there are no uppity serfs around. Especially one tall, black bitch. But that same uppity bitch, she had better come a' running when he wants something done, now, in person, and no excuses, either."
"Joy. But he's always so polite at the board meetings." Lucius objected.
"I'm not a member of the board. You are. I'm pond scum to him." Stef said.
Tee nodded, and said, "He treats my troops like that too. You know Mulligan, first shift at the front desk?" Lucius nodded, and Tee continued, "I've offered him shift command, but he doesn't want it. He likes that slot. Anyway, he was a SEAL in Vietnam, won the Silver Star, the Bronze Star with clusters, the Navy Cross, a couple of Purple Hearts, and the CMOH, but Waverly's treated him like a knuckle-dragger."
Barbara asked, "CMOH?"
"Congressional Medal of Honor." Tee replied.
"Look, we can't turn this into a crusade just because you have personality conflicts." Lucius objected.
"I'm not. If it were just a personality conflict, I could live with it. Waverly's whole attitude just stokes my paranoia, though. It just screams to me 'scam!' I don't have any proof, which is why I want an audit." Stef said, and Tee nodded.
"Okay. Tomorrow, Selina come by the main offices, and tell the guard at the front desk that you have an appointment with me. We'll get the ball rolling." Lucius said.
"Hold on. I think that still looks suspicious." Dick said. "Unless she's interviewing for an executive slot, she wouldn't see you, Lucius. Selina, why don't you ask for Stef here instead?"
Stef nodded. "That works. Tee, ask Mulligan to keep an eye out for her, and he'll give you a shout when Selina arrives, and you can take her to your office. You do her passes, and then I'll change what I need to. About eight tomorrow morning ok for everyone?"
I nodded, and Lucius was about to say something, when I heard a scream, "My purse! He stole my purse!" A young black male shoved through the crowd, a black purse in his hand and a small automatic in the other. Babs twitched her chair into his path, causing him to trip and land on her lap. Babs grabbed the purse, while I yanked the gun out of his hand, flipping the safety and then tossing it onto the table. Tee grabbed it while drawing her own. I held him in a judo hold until Dick got there. He pulled the youth off Barbara's lap onto the floor, and slapped cuffs on him. Dick asked him, "Son, I'm going to tell you your rights, now. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say ... "
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"Awright, alright, lemme through, lemme through! Gotham PD, let me through!" Officer Malone broke through the crowd, only to find his perp already at gunpoint. He shoved a woman behind him, and drew his.
"Calm down, Officer." Dick said. "I'm Grayson of the Bludhaven PD, and this is Tamara Misawa, head of WayneCorp security. I did a citizen's arrest. We've got your perp, the evidence, and his weapon. Armed robbery, and battery, if this is the victim. He's been Mirandized in front of witnesses."
"Okay." Malone said as he relaxed a bit. "You got some paper on those weapons?"
"Sure." Dick and Tee holstered their weapons, then Tee passed over her permit and ID, and Dick passed Malone his badge. Malone glanced at them, then holstered his weapon, and said, "Thanks. You were all witnesses? Where's his piece?"
"Here." Tee said. She handed it to him, and he asked, "Anyone else handle this?"
"Um. I did, officer. For about five seconds, when I grabbed it from him, to when I passed it to Tee." I said.
"Okay. What's your name, miss?" He asked.
"Um, officer? As a professional courtesy, I'd really rather you ... overlook that bit in your report." Dick asked.
"So would I, Officer ... what did you say your name was?" Barbara said. Malone turned and looked at her, and his eyes widened.
"Well, if I can get the names of the rest of you fine, upstanding citizens, I can see how Ms. Misawa wrestled the weapon away from the suspect." Malone allowed.
"Yes, she's worth every penny of her salary, and more!" Lucius allowed.
"Gee, thanks, boss! I could use a raise." Tee said with a laugh.
While they talked, I walked over to the perp, and knelt next to him. "Know what this means?" I whispered to him, as I showed him a tattoo on my wrist. His eyes widened, he swallowed, and nodded. "Good. I was never here, and you never saw me." He squeezed his eyes shut, and nodded frantically. I patted his head, then strolled back to my seat, and sipped at my now cool tea. Malone finished collecting and distributing business cards, and then knocked a cup of cold coffee onto the receiver and barrel of the perp's gun. "Oops! Sorry about that!" He grabbed a stack of napkins, and quickly dried the gun, then slid it into an evidence bag.
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As I pushed Barbara's chair through the mall, she commented, "Things are interesting with you around, Selina."
"Thanks. I'm just glad the shopping is over."
"Over? Girl, stop thinking like a man! The fun's just starting!" Barbara laughed. I just groaned theatrically in reply.
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We pulled up to the security gate, and Babs rolled down her window to punch the code. With a grunt, she pulled herself back in, and said, "That could be about six inches closer."
"Sorry. I'll call someone Monday morning."
"No, SELINA, Alfred will call someone Monday morning. You're going to be at work, remember? Why do you think we've spent the last several hours shopping? Why do you think I've dragged you, fussing all the time, from store to store?" She didn't wait for my reply, but said, "Shopping is FUN, girl! Think of it as ... detective work! It's a challenge to find the best combinations! What's great is that you've got to have several, unless you want to wear that cat suit to work every day." I gave her a look, and she asked as she pulled into the garage, "By the way, whatever happened to the tail on the suit?"
She pulled up to the door, and leaned forward, looking through the window. Throwing the van into park, she quickly killed the engine, then rolled her chair backward, pounding on the door release, mumbling, "C'mon, C'mon ... " The lift finally deposited her on the driveway. She gazed with awe at the wooden ramps leading from the driveway to the curb and then through some hastily - torn out shrubbery back and forth to reach the doorway. The ramps didn't look like they'd been professionally done, but rather, built by an enthusiastic home handyman.
"Like it?" Dick called as he came out the door.
"I love it! Dick, you're the greatest!" Babs said, adding, "Stay there and let me try them out!" As she maneuvered up the ramp, her rubber tires had trouble gripping the surface. She eventually grabbed the wooden handrails, and used them to propel herself up. As Dick walked the last few feet, she reached up and hugged him.
"Merry Christmas, Babs." Dick told her quietly. Her response was to pull him down for a kiss.
"We shall improve on the design for Ms. Gordon." Alfred quietly said as he appeared behind me.
I said, "It was still a wonderful thing to do. Did you ...?"
"Master Bruce designed it, and together he and I purchased the materials whilst Master Dick removed the shrubbery. We only finished about an hour ago. We shall need to call someone to install a powered door for Ms. Gordon."
"Not only that, but have someone raise the access keypad for the gates about six inches or so. It's a stretch for Barbara to reach it." Alfred nodded, and said, "I shall see to it, Miss Selina. Did you enjoy your shopping trip?"
I sighed and touched my head. "The Selina part of me did. The Bruce part thought it was incredibly boring. I'm surprised that Barbara put up with me."
### Chapter 7: Of Colonels and Cops