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"It's six a.m., and a good, frosty Monday morning to all of you from Gotham's oldies station, WGHO. I'm Shawna Foxx, getting you up out of your cozy den, and heading into work! So get your paw off that snooze button and pour yourself a cup of your favorite wake-up beverage! I'll be here with you till ten, but now we've got Alex with the early morning traffic report." I yawned, sat up, and stretched, then padded into the bathroom.
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"Good morning, Miss Selina. You're looking smashing this morning!"
"Thank you, Alfred, but I'm running late. I, err, Bruce never realized how much work it takes to look good in the morning, especially with pantyhose!"
"Even so, you still look fabulous. You have twenty minutes to make your train, the station wagon at the far end is ready for you." He gave me a pair of keys, and fished a paper bag out of the refrigerator.
"Thank you, Alfred!" I looked at the bag, and he offered, "Your lunch, Miss Selina."
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I hurried through the revolving doors of WayneCorp at 8:13, and waited for the desk guard to finish dealing with the fellow in front of me. He moved away, and I said, "Hello. I'm Selina Kyle. I have ...
The burly black guard said with a smile, "An appointment. Running a bit late, aren't we?" I opened my mouth, and he grinned, and said, "Don't worry about it. This weather's got the Metro even later than normal." He handed me a clipboard and pass, and said, "Sign in, please, with the tag number."
I handed him back the clipboard, then pulled the pass's chain over my head. With a smile, I fluffed my hair, and said, "Thanks. Is there a ladies' room ... "
He pointed, and said, "Right over there, Ms. Kyle."
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I walked out of the ladies' room, and saw a tall, skinny black man in an expensive suit browbeating the guard. I wasn't able to hear what was being said, but the look the guard shot at the suit's retreating back was pure rage. I stopped at the desk, and whispered, "I'm sorry, Mr. Mulligan."
"He will be, Jonas. My word on it." Tee said. I glanced at her.
"Thank you, Colonel Misawa." Mulligan said. "And you, Ms. Kyle." Jonas took a deep breath, and said, "I'll pray for Mr. Waverly's soul tonight, along with my own."
"You're a good man, Jonas Mulligan." Tee said.
"Not good enough to keep the anger from my heart." Jonas said. "I'm working on it, though." He took another breath, and said, "Colonel, Ms. Kyle here has an appointment upstairs. Could you escort her to Information Systems, please?"
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Tee pushed the up arrow, and said, "Stef and I came up with a few revisions last night." Other people walked up to wait for the elevator. We entered, and Tee slid her access card through the pass-slot, then pushed the button for the 21st floor. As the elevator rose, we waited in silence until the car stopped. We entered a small lobby, and Tee waved at the redheaded girl behind the glass. She swiped her card through the reader again, and held the gate for me as it buzzed. She walked down a short corridor, then turned right, where the sign on the wall stated "Security", instead of left, toward "Information Systems". She punched buttons on door locks, blocking my view with her body, then held the door again, and said, "Welcome to my home away from home, Ms. Kyle. By the way, your bag is leaking."
"Ah ... fudge." I said. Tee chuckled as she led me into an office. She passed me a wastebasket; I extracted Alfred's lunch from the bottom of my purse, where I had stashed it. Extracting the can of tea, I dropped the leaky mess into the plastic can, then said, "Where can I ..."
"Ladies' room is down the hall and to the right. You've also got a stain on your skirt. If you hurry, it won't show." Tee said. "Give me your purse, and go clean up. I'll call Stef and have her meet us."
"Great. This is starting out to be ... " I said.
"It's Monday. What did you expect?" Tee smiled, and said, "Go. I'll clean up your purse and see you in a minute." I sighed, and passed it over.
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I was leaning awkwardly forward, trying to reach the stain, when a strawberry blonde came in. She looked at me, and said, "Ooh. Nasty stain. What's it from?"
"It was lunch. Now ... " I replied, dabbing at the stain.
"Well, you're not going to get at it properly like that. Step out of your skirt, and let me have a crack at it." I blinked at her, but she had turned away to wet a paper towel, and was working hand soap into it. I reached behind me, and undid the snap, and pulled the zipper down. Stepping out of it, I handed it to her. She examined it, rubbing the material between her fingers briefly and nodding, before flipping it over and laying it on the sink. She bent over it, and I saw the holstered gun at the small of her back. I saw myself in the mirror, cream-colored bodysuit and pale rose sweater under a dark gray jacket, black pantyhose and boots beneath. I looked at her, dressed in a checked shirt, jeans, denim jacket, and sensible boots, with her hair pulled into a ponytail.
"There we are!" She held up the skirt, and added, "You don't want a nice skirt like that ruined by mayo and mustard. That outfit must have cost you two, three hundred bucks." She turned back to dry the counter, and then laid the skirt back on it. She started to wave one of the hairdryers plugged into the wall over it, and casually asked, "Just starting today?"
"Um. Yes. How did you know?" I asked.
"Well, a couple of things." She turned to meet my eyes, and said, "All new employees go through here to get their pictures and prints for their access badges. You weren't with the last herd, though, and today's crowd doesn't start until one. Second, I recognized your tat. Very few people have a cat on their wrist. Especially women about your height and build, and with your hair." She switched off her hair dryer, and moved her hand back toward the gun.
"May I?" I nodded toward the skirt, and she took a couple steps away from it, still with her hand on the butt of the gun. I took a step toward it, looked at the area of the stain, and felt it. It was almost dry, so I stepped into it, smoothing my skirt over the bodysuit, then pulling the end of the sweater into position. I looked at her, and said, "Thanks."
"You're welcome, Ms. Catwoman. If you're finished, I think you'd better meet the Colonel. I'm sure she's going to want to say hello to you."
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The girl took my elbow in a familiar 'come along' grip, and walked me back up the corridor to Tee's office. She knocked, then waited a minute until she heard "Come in." Opening the door, she motioned me in.
Tee looked up, with Stef sitting in a visitor's chair. She smiled, and said, "What can I do for you, Melinda?"
"Colonel, I met this young lady in a secured area, and I thought that you should know about it. I've identified her as the Catwoman."
Stef grinned, and Tee said, "You're right, she is. However, she's also working for us right now, on a rather delicate assignment. I'd appreciate you're not saying anything about this to anyone." Melinda opened her mouth, surprise on her face, then closed her mouth and nodded. She turned to go, and Tee added, "Melinda? Good job." A smile crossed her face, she nodded to me, and left me inside, closing the door behind her. Tee smiled, and said, "She's a good troop." Looking at me, she asked, "How did she identify you?"
"My height and build, my hair, and the tattoo on my wrist." I answered. I held my wrist up, and Tee grunted and nodded. Stef asked, "I assume that you don't want it removed?"
"I'd rather not."
"I agree. It gives us more options." Tee said. She shoved back in her chair and put her feet up, and said, "I assume that you've never worked for WayneCorp before, Ms. Kyle?" I shook my head, and she said, "I thought so. We searched a few databases last night, and although we came up with a half dozen close matches, none were you. In kicking the problem around, Stef and I think it would be best for you to go through the usual in processing that any new hire gets. Lucius didn't indicate any immediacy to this, so this will give you a chance to get accustomed to our corporate culture, you can get used to working as a secretary for a month or so, then we can quietly shift you into the pool secretary group."
"It will also give you a chance to do more digging on me." I said with a smile. "Find anything interesting in my purse, Colonel?"
"I would have figured you for Chanel instead of Elizabeth Arden, Ms. Kyle." Tee reached down and pulled my purse off the floor, tossing it on her desk. "No guns, no poison gas, not even a romance novel. Boring, Ms. Kyle, very boring."
"Sorry to disappoint you. Tomorrow I'll bring in an atomic bomb." I smiled.
Stef chuckled and said, "Tee, remember about a year or so ago, the research intern?"
"Oh, yeah. He was seriously pissed when we confiscated his bomb. What was he gonna do, carry it on the train?" Tee replied.
I blinked, and said, "You're joking, right?"
"Nope. He was a junior physics major out at Gotham U. Built it out of common household parts, really nice job of it too. Fit in a backpack. Couldn't afford the current street price of uranium, though. Good thing he left his notes on the system. I hope it's the last A-bomb I run across. We did write his professor a nice letter, though. I understand he passed that course." Tee said. She stood up, and said, "Let me get your picture and prints for the ID, then you can fill out the usual paperwork, and we can sneak you into the system."
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"Oh, jeez. My wrist is sore." I said as I knocked on Tee's doorframe. She chuckled, and said, "The HR people do love their forms." She held out her hand, and riffled through the forms. She pulled out a legal pad, and made some notes. Looking at me, she said, "I'm giving you a fairly clean bill of health. You've had two speeding tickets in the last three years, and of course no arrests or jail time. Get some glasses to disguise your face, someone might recognize you from the TV of your release from jail last week. You're divorced, bad breakup, you don't want to talk about it. That's why you're late entering the workforce, you've been a stay at home mom until he ran off with his secretary. One daughter, he got custody. Some of this I can do; some of it Stef's going to have to work her digital magic on. If you wait a minute, I'll go scan these in, then you can walk these over to Stef." I nodded, and settled into a chair.
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Tee came back with Melinda. She handed me an interoffice envelope, and a photo ID with my picture on it. I handed the guest pass to her, and she said, "Melinda, please show our guest to Stef's office in the IS department. Of course, she was never here."
Melinda said, "Of course, Colonel." She looked at me, and said, "C'mon, Ms. 'person who was never here'." I grabbed my purse, and said, "After you."
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We pushed through some double doors, and into a room with a short ramp going up to an elevated floor. The girl at the desk glanced at us, and Melinda said, "We need to see Ms. Miller." She nodded, and raised one finger in a 'wait one' gesture. She said into her headset mike, "WayneCorp Information Systems, please hold." She touched a button on her phone, and said, "Stef, two people to see you." She nodded, and gestured to a pair of worn chairs. "WayneCorp Information Systems, thanks for holding, how can I help you?"
I heard the click of heels, and Stef came walking down the ramp, wearing a tan suit. She nodded to Melinda, who left us. She waved at the receptionist, then escorted me up the ramp. As we walked, I noticed the elevated temperature. Stef saw the fine beads of perspiration, and said, "We've gotten used to the heat. It's worse when the air conditioning fails in the summer. We get away with it because of the mainframe, but it's scheduled to be retired, and the bean counters don't realize it's liquid cooled, anyway."
"What will you be replacing it with?" I asked as I fanned myself with the envelope.
"We've got a Beowulf cluster that we're testing now. It's in beta, only six hundred nodes so far; we're moving some of the research to it, cross-referenced to the IBM. It also makes a helluva game server!" Stef said with a grin. She moved toward a window, and I saw racks of black and white boxes with blinking lights, thin orange cables strung between them. A monitor sat on a desk, the Windows symbol with the 'not allowed' over it as a screensaver bouncing around.
"Beowulf?" I asked.
"Sure. Don't know why it's called that, but it gives the performance of a supercomputer for about a ten thousandth of the cost. Of course, we had a religious war between the BSD demons and the Linux heathens, but that worked out." Stef said. She started to walk, and added, "We got the hardware for about a grand per box, so all those nodes in there cost about the same as a few months of coolant for old Bessie there." She gestured through a window at a massive collection of gray boxes. Someone opened a door to a room, I could hear shouting, and make out on it a laser-printed sign in a gothic font, "Helldesk. Abandon hope, ye who enter!"
"C'mon." Stef moved off, and I followed her. I passed a wide open door with another laser-printed sign, this one proclaiming it 'Miller's body & fender shop'. I heard a 'zap', and saw a tech with an open monitor, others behind him. Across from him, a computer was being lifted onto a bench. Rock music competed with jazz and country.
"My office is in with the programmers. It's relatively quiet there." Stef commented. I nodded to myself. This place was well-organized chaos. I followed her through another door, and into a warren of cubicles. I entered a door, and Stef smoothed her skirt and sat down, waving me to a battered couch. I gave her the envelope, smoothed my skirt, and sat down.
"Okay. Let's see what Tee's done. Goody, she's got the file number here. Makes it much easier. Hmm." Stef read silently for a few minutes, then said, "In order to give you the access that Lucius needs, I'm going to have to make you god." I looked at her, and she clarified herself. "I mean that you're going to be in the 'wheel' group, in addition to being an ordinary user. You'll have the same access to files that I do. I don't care who you are, God help you if you screw up my systems, and I WILL know. You'll be able to, with this level of access. Bruce Wayne himself doesn't have this access, even though he thinks he does. Now then, what kind of Unix experience do you have?"
### Chapter 8: Of Security and Beowulf