Disclaimer: (as written by n@talia.) Do I own LOTR? No. Do I own RE? No. Did I wish I did? Yes. All incidents, characters, and locations are purely fictional, and any resemblance to an actual incident, character, and location is purely coincidental. Except for Liz and Jen of course. Those two were based on actual people, the two actual people being Mercies Angel and I. *sigh* I wish that I did own LOTR and/or RE though. If I did, I would buy a huge mansion in Beverly Hills, a penthouse in New York, a vacation home in Hawaii, a Lamborghini, a Ferrari, a Porsche Boxster, two terriers, a private yacht, and a private jet. I would sit on a recliner in the backyard of my vacation home drinking down a bottle of Martinelli's (since alcohol tastes like piss) in elegantly cut crystal glasses with Mercies, talking about stuff while watching the sun set on the ocean and petting my dogs. I would also buy the cast of LOTR and the staff of Capcom's rights as humans and make them my slaves. While the Capcom staff hurries to finish a new Resident Evil for me, Elijah Wood and Sean Astin (who are now my pageboys) would be fanning me with huge fans made with peacock feathers.

Author's note: Hullo again, everyone! I think this is the fastest I ever updated, but I already had this chapter handy. Hope it's not too awkward, or inaccurate, though. . .

Liz's POV

"I was like, 'High-ya!' with a kung-fu chop to the neck and the zombie's all like 'Mooooooaaan' and I was like, 'Take this: High-yaaaaa!' and the zombie was like 'Oooooooooo' I was like 'Kung-Fu Kick of Paralysis' right in the back of the head! Boo-ya!" I told while acting out the scenes of the past several minutes. I had decided it best to first secure a "Save Room," should anything happen. I used Gimli's ax to chop down the door leading to the L-shaped hallway. I expected for the dogs to try and crash through, like in the videogame, though nothing happened, which was, amazingly, creepier than if the doggies really had cracked the window.

I managed to receive the daggers and handgun magazines, but I still had to find the friggin' handgun! Legolas seemed rather jumpy, though I believed he sensed the nasty little zombies behind the door at the end of the hallway. The zombies were even bloodier in real life, though I was still wondering if what we were experiencing was real; not even the Fellowship was real, but who's to say that my own life is real! Though I suppose that then wasn't the time to contemplate, for two hideous zombies were rushing. . .er. . .staggering towards Legolas, the dwarfy guy (what's-his-face), and I! It was then time to pull of some Jackie Chan action. I also received a brown belt in Aikido and Taekwondo, but that really doesn't matter.

Gimli and Legolas were still petrified of the whole zombie idea, though Legolas seemed less shaken. I'm so proud of my little honey-muffin. "Here's the plan," I announced, "We're going to first: find a decent weapon. I love these daggers, but they just won't cut it against these zombies. Orcs, sure, 'cause they're fast and really hard to kill, plus they come in giant groups. Zombies are both slow and slow-witted, and they come only one or two at a time! You could blast them with a hundred shots before they even hit the ground!" I laughed at the last part with distant and fond memories of killing the hundreds of zombies in the Resident Evil series. Such pleasant memories.

"In case you failed to noticed, I shot five arrows into one of those creatures and it hardly wavered!" Legolas pointed out, waving his bow around. "Indeed. And those were good shots, too. Straight into the head. Unfortunately, Leggy, arrows just aren't going to cut it against these zombies. They just don't have the. . .velocity of bullets. You should try a gun! Guns are fun!" I reasoned. He scowled slightly, most likely not knowing what a gun was, though probably insulted at the offense to his arrows.

I went on to demonstrate each move I laid on the undead creatures; with a punch in the stomach, a kick in the groin, and an uppercut to the jaw. My demonstration was cut short when my hand burst through a box at the corner of the room. "What the bloody hell? It's like they put bricks in the damned boxes!" I shouted, pulling my hand out painfully. My hand was rather bloody, to say the least. The pain was lifted when a handgun miraculously fell out of the hole I had made in the box. Ignoring the shearing pain and fire that burst up my arm, I ripped open the rest of the box. Pure rapture.

Two Berettas and chock loads of ammunition spread across the floor. "Dear Lord, I love thee," I whispered, loading both Berettas and stuffing them into my belt. I practiced pulling the weapons in and out off my makeshift holsters and aiming. Aiming at the glorious head of my dear Legolas, he backed away slightly and shifted. "Do you have any idea what these magnificent inventions are, my darling?" I asked in the most dangerous voice I could manage. "I'm assuming those are the 'gu-uns' that you fancy. Am I right?" he said in a somewhat weak voice. Guns have the power to take away life and nobility. "You are such a smart little elf, aren't you? Yes, these are my precious little guns, though they are no match to a Magnum: my true preciousssss," I whispered. I pulled my new beauties away from the beautiful face before me and placed them back in my belt.

"Let's go," I commanded, making for the door. "But, your hand," Legolas pointed out. I then remembered the splintered gash across my knuckles and the back of my hand. "Gah! That's right. Ooooo. . .the horrific pain. . .must. . .receive. . .green. . .herb. . ." I gasped, clawing the wall. The elf sighed in frustration and grabbed my arm. He pulled out one of his daggers and pressed it against the flesh of the top of my hand. "Whoa! W-what a minute! Amputation is a bit rash, don't you think?" I stammered nervously. He merely scowled and scraped the surface of the skin with the blade. He repeated the action about five times, getting all the splinters out of the way, before smearing the same , gooey, tar-like stuff Aragorn placed on Jen's arm {see ch. 11, Two Girls and a Fellowship} and realized how badly it hurt.

I squeaked in pain and struggled, but he warned against any movement and continued to bandage my hand. I stared at my now numb hand and smiled. "Wow, Leggy, you really do care!" I grinned. "Think nothing of it. Your demonstration of knowledge and skill against these new foes is valuable," he informed, turning around to open the door. Gimli intersected, holding out his hands as a roadblock. "Are you sure you wish to go back out there? Do you not remember what was out there a few minutes ago? Those things could still be out there!" he barked, scowling ferociously. Legolas froze, seemingly pondering the choices.

"It is decided then. We shall remain here," he reasoned. "What?! Last time I checked, you weren't the boss of me, Legolas. You're so. . .so. . .controlling in this relationship!" I cried, "It's like you don't even care about me anymore!" I turned my back, placed my face in my hands, and used every acting lesson I took to work: I pretended to cry. It wasn't much of "crying" as it was sobbing. Stopping suddenly, I turned sharply and saw perhaps the cutest expression ever to cross Legolas' face. It was a face of pure bewilderment and, if I may add, some frustration. Gimli's scowl expressed the same emotion.

"Hahaha! I fooled ya, didn't I? You must have really though I was crying! Hahaha!" I laughed, pointing at the warriors. Gimli's face contorted with what appeared to be anger, while Legolas merely furrowed his brow, frowned, and turned. "Aw, don't feel bad, Leggy. I know my acting skills are just too hard to decipher from the real thing. I fooled myself, once," I comforted. "I still believe it would be best to remain here until someone may rescue us," he said quietly. "Really? Hmph. What about you dwarf? Do you feel the same way?" I asked, turned towards the stout figure.

"Well, those things are rather difficult to defeat, and this room has plenty of supplies," he responded. "But no food," I added. "We could send you to forage for food, considering you know of this place more than any of us, and you seem more than willing to go out there," Legolas reasoned. I mostly ignored my beloved, as hard as it was on my heart, and turned once again back to the dwarf. "And what about J-your. . .uh. . .beloved? Are you not worried that she will be out there, alone and defenseless, while you remain here, waiting for someone to find us? Let me remind you that no one knows where we are."

A light of realization shown across the face of the dwarf, and he reached for the hilt of his ax. "My beloved needs my protection! She is alone and defenseless!" he roared. Legolas flinched slightly as Gimli reached for the doorknob. "We must stay together! If we separate, our force grows weaker!" he informed. "Please come with us Leggy?" I pleaded, hoping he would cave in, "We need someone of such great skill with the bow and arrow as you," I said with a huge, saccharine smile planted on my face. He paused, unsure. "And everyone knows you can match anyone with those deadly blades of yours!" I continued. He didn't move a single muscle, but the look in his eyes showed the brewing of thoughts within his mind.

"Leave him! Every minute we waste is only the amount of time in which my only love can perish!" the dwarf snarled. I paid no attention to the dwarf and continued to put my negotiation skills to the test. "You said yourself that we shouldn't separate. Come with Gimli and I and we won't be separated! Otherwise, you're the odd man out," I notified. Gimli was already out the door, but quickly shut it after the zombie upstairs groaned loudly. The elf frowned deeper and pushed past me and the dwarf. "Let us go," he said in a violent, yet incredibly sexy, voice. I "hurrahed" and made my way past the elf and dwarf.

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Sighing, I flopped down on the couch. Legolas and Gimli still begged to be able to go back down stairs, but every time they ventured off on their own, they continued to run back to me with their tails between their legs. "And you are sure that no creatures can reach us?" Gimli asked nervously. "Well, technically, they can, but I already killed every zombie in our vicinity, which, I may add, is about a fifty-yard radius. I'm just waiting for the zombies to turn into Crimson Heads, then I can slaughter them. . .again!" I informed, kicking the edge of the couch causing dust to lift and blend into the air.

I decided to rest in the "Fireplace Room," for it was the only one known to have a good couch. Legolas was having a fine time examining the green and red herbs at the corner of the room, though Gimli really had nothing to do but worry. "And this Crimson head you speak of is. . .?" Gimli asked, glancing about. "Oh, they're just the greatest addition to any game remake! They're just like zombies, but redder, faster, and much more deadly!" I explained.

"Then why would you wish to have them upon us?! Is there no way to stop them?!" he growled. "Erk. . .uh. . .no. Yeah, no way to stop them. Yeah," I lied. "Are you sure of this," the dwarf growled, glancing suspiciously in my direction. "O-of course I'm sure! What would make you think I'm not. . .'sure' that is. I am sure, just to let you know," I stammered. "Then why do you lie?" Legolas asked from the unlit fireplace. My heart jumped into my throat, for I still thought him "examining" the plants in the corner. I'd curse the elf for his stealthy walking, but he's too damn HOT to curse! I jumpstarted my mind to quickly think of a comeback. "I didn't lie. Of course I'm not lying! Don't you dare think I'm lying, 'cause I'm not lying. You're lying for saying that I'm lying, liar. I'm not a liar!" I defended.

Legolas sighed and echoed the dwarf as to the prevention of the Crimson heads. "No, there is no way. . .that is possible. . .right now. . .so there," I answered. A huge flash of lightning followed by a thunderous boom racked the room. "Let's go get some zombies!" I shouted, leaping up and walking out the door. "And what of these 'Crimson Heads?'" Legolas called out. "Well, it's too late for that now, hon. As a creepy little girl once said: 'There heeeereee,'" I answered, reaching for the doorknob. "Who is here? What is here?" Legolas demanded, grabbing my shoulders and spinning me around.

"The Crimson Heads, silly-head. We've already stayed here for about half an hour, and it took a long time to run about this entire area and wiping out every zombie, so those zombies we killed when we first came here should be ready for more killing," I replied, pushing past the distressed elf. He gaped, unsure of what to say. I merely opened the door and walked out. Turning, I found that neither the elf nor the dwarf had moved.

"Oh, come on. If you don't go after them, they'll come after you," I lied. . .again. They still refused to move. "Believe me. That's a bad thing. I'll show you what they're like and how to kill them if you follow me. Please?" I begged, beckoning with my hand. Hesitantly, Legolas walked slowly towards me. I grinned and glanced towards dwarf. He looked at the elf for a few seconds and, most likely protecting his pride, walked over as well. "Alrighty, let's go," I commanded, leading the new crew out into the hallway.

"Well, he's coming along nicely," I said, stepping over the zombie near a door. Its skin was peeling over, revealing scarlet tissue. Yummy. "And you are sure that-"

"Yes, I'm sure that there's no way to stop it. Believe me," I sighed, exaggerated. These guys won't believe anything. A sharp cry split through the air behind me. I turned, Berettas brandished. Gimli had wielded his ax and was preparing to attack the supposed "dead" (if that's what you could call them) zombie that lay on the ground. Before I could stop him, the ax fell and hit the zombie. Or, at least he was supposed to. The weapon deflected, sliding off and away from the zombie and hitting the floor. We all stood, dumbfounded. "What the hell?" I whispered, poking the zombie with my gun. I stepped back as Gimli prepared to try again.

The same thing happened, as if some sort of force field prevented the blade from penetrating. I unsheathed my knives and tried to stab the body. The hilt twisted in my grasp as the blade turned away from the zombie and finished its momentum by going through the wooden floor. "This is crazy," I said. "I used my knives before on that other zombie, right?" I wondered. "Legolas, get over-" I would have finished my sentence had Legolas not already been kneeling next to Gimli. He, too, tried his knives, but they had the same effect as my own. He took an arrow out of his quiver and prepared to stab the undead creature. He seemed surprised, for the most part, that the arrow penetrated the rotting flesh of the zombie. I was surprised as well, and by the look on his face, Gimli was as shocked as Legolas and I.

I gathered my thoughts and searched for a reason. "Well, the arrows probably go through this invisible force-field 'cause it's just like a bow-gun. I'm not really sure why the blades of our weapons refuse to harm the-ah!" I couldn't finish my sentence, for a hand reached up and tried to grab my throat. It was cut short when Legolas jabbed the arrow in his hand into the zombie's arm. Legolas' hand quivered as he tried to hold down the hand of the newly risen Crimson Head. The creature screeched and thrashed, but the two warriors managed to hold the freak down.

"Quickly!" Legolas cried, "Use your magic!"

'Magic?' I questioned. I didn't know any magic, but I quickly whipped out my Berettas and began pumping the zombie with lead. I stopped only when both guns clicked from lack of ammunition. The body lay still. Legolas and Gimli rose from their places, breathless. Legolas wavered, glancing down at his right arm. I grew nauseous at the gruesome sight. Four, dreadfully deep gashes tore their way through the inside of his forearm. Blood oozed from the arm as Legolas clasped his arm in an attempt to stop the blood.

Legolas stumbled back, his eyes glazed. A huge pool of blood flooded over the floor and dripped down to the floor underneath; mostly from the poor elf. Legolas smashed into railing. He tried to tear his cloak to make some sort of bandage to tie his wound, but his hand shook too badly. He growled something in Elvish at this and tried to tear the cloth with his teeth. I stepped forward slightly, unsure of what to do. I may do more harm than good, for I knew nothing in First-Aid. The dwarf tried to crawl forward, but slipped on the floor from the dirty leg of the zombie.

A crack sounded through the air. At first, I had no idea what it truly was. I looked around, still dazed from the whole situation. Legolas turned as well. Another crack, louder this time. Legolas shifted, crying out in alarm. Suddenly, the railing that the elf had been leaning on shattered, causing Legolas to fall backwards. He tried to grasp something, but gravity won and I watched, horrified, as Legolas fell backwards to the floor below.

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You like? Yes, I was rather mean to the poor, unsuspecting elf in this chapter. For some unknown reason. I don't know why. Please don't flame! I promise not to kill him! Anyways, whatever. And if you don't know of the "magic" Legolas was talking about, it's the pretty little guns, which seemed too hard to comprehend earlier for the primitive, Iron-Aged minds of the warriors.